Monday, April 30, 2012

Not So Hot for Teacher

Hola y’all! On Sunday’s show, or was it LAST Sunday’s show? Hell, I don’t remember. Anyway, for some reason we talked a little bit about “hot teachers.” Oh, it was this most recent Sunday show, cause I also talked about the Van Halen cover band named “Hot for Teacher.” They could only cover songs VH did with David Lee Roth though, I guess. I hadn’t really thought of that.

Anyway, I decided that today I will tell you about the, uh “colorful” of teachers I had in high school. The names have been changed to protect the insane. And, so I don't have to worry about being sued.

1. Rose Bush: Rose Bush got her name from my sister, who once said that Mrs. "teacher" always smells like a Rose ........ BUSH! That was not a compliment. Anyway, Rose won the national teacher of the year award my sophomore year of high school. She got to go to Washington D.C. and was presented her award by President Reagan. Needless to say she was pretty sure this meant she was the greatest teacher in the history of the world. She put the picture of her an Reagan up in her classroom and referred to her "NTY" award on almost a daily basis.

2. Bimbo: Bimbo was the captain of the cheerleading squad when she was in school and she married the captain of the football team. She started out teaching English in junior high and got moved up to high school in time for my senior year. Lucky me! I had a crush on her in junior high, but by the time I was a senior had nothing but contempt for her and the feeling was mutual. She ended her teaching career by leaving her husband for one of her students two years after I graduated.

3. Bidness Man: Bidness Man taught an Intro to Business and Business Law class. He was quite possibly the worst teacher I have ever had in my entire life and this includes some of the moron grad assistants that I had in college. He basically read the book to us and then gave us fill in the blank and multiple choice tests.

He also didn't think that any girls should be taking his classes. He didn't believe that women should be allowed in the corporate worlds, so they should just all be taking Home Economics or typing class instead. Both of which were much more challenging than his class.

4. Sticky Fingerz: Sticky taught writing composition, so if you looking for someone to blame for my general lack of writing skills, then she's the one. Now, I have to admit that Sticky was one of the nicest teachers I ever had. She was very nice to everyone and genuinely cared about her students. She didn't like me, she LOVED me. She just thought I was the greatest person on the face of the earth. And, she was right of course! She was also totally, and completely bat-shit crazy.
Sticky got arrested during my senior year for shoplifting at Wal-Mart. Talk about scandals! The whole school and town were gossiping about it. I actually felt sorry for the poor woman. She didn't have to go to jail because she was clearly not mentally competent. So, they sent her back to teaching.

5. The Patriot: The Patriot was actually quite famous in these parts. Not for his teaching, but for something else he did. The Patriot was one of the few people ever to defeat the United States gov't in Federal Court in an eminent domain case … Pro Se.

The Patriot taught American History. But, he supplemented the class with discussions that he called "TRUTHS" like the truth of love or sex or GOD and a few others. I can't remember all of them. Anyway, they really were fascinating and as long as you gave him the answer he was looking for and didn't argue with him you were sure to do well in his class.

So, if you’re wondering how I turned out the way I did, these people are mostly to blame.


I'm With Stupid said...

At least your 9th Grade Geometry teacher wasn't a midget who said, "Mr. Mahoney, you can be brilliant at times, but are an asshole." Cheers Jayman!!


Gnetch said...

What would you call a high school English teacher who would say, "It's raining aren't they?"

Because that teacher got offended when an innocent petite girly student repeated her sentence while trying to stop herself from laughing. And in the softest voice ever.

I'm asking for a friend.

Mike said...

' I turned out the way I did..'

Are you sure your done 'turning out'? I think you're a work in progress.

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: I so wish I had a teacher who was a midget. Not even in college did I get that lucky.


I'm With Stupid said...

Gnetch: Oh I totally would have been laughing along with you ... er ... I mean, that sweet, innocent petite girly student. ;-p


I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: I'm probably done turning out. I think this is it.


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