Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Life Has Ups and Downs

Hola! How y’all doin’? Good. Man, there isn’t much going on these days. Oh sure, there’s lots happening in the world, but sometimes I just don’t give a shit. You know what I mean? Yeah, I figured you did. So, once again I’ll just meander a bit.

Last week I was at the store buying a few necessities. I got a green pepper, an onion, a can of crushed tomatoes, a can of red kidney beans and some kielbasa. After scanning each of the items, the lady running the register looked at me and said “Red Beans and Rice?” I told her “Oh yeah!” and she replied that she “luuuuuuuuuuuuvs” red beans and rice.

Of course, I immediately proposed to her. Any chick that loves red beans and rice is alright with me. But, she says she isn’t into commitment and has no desire to marry anyone. I can totally respect that and appreciate her honesty. You don’t find that too often these days. Not in this economy.* Anyway, I guess I’m back to my current plan of dying alone.

Earlier today, while I was minding my own business trying to do some guerrilla marketing to push I’m With Stupid podcast I heard a golf ball bang off my neighbor’s door and then mine and then theirs again. This type of thing happens a few times a year. It’s the risks of living on a golf course here at the palatial estates.

So, I took a look out the window and saw a guy on the third tee box hitting and he had the absolute worst swing I’ve ever seen. So, while he was getting another ball out of his bag (he shanked the shot into the water) I ran and got my camera. I turned it on and was just about to video tape his hilarious swing and my camera shut off and said “change batteries.”

Man, story of my life. I go from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows.

Oh look! There’s that ridiculous Buick commercial starring Shaquille O’Neal? I hate that commercial. Do they really think we’re gonna believe he drives a Buick. Actually, they probably do. And, now that I think about it there probably are a bunch of people who do believe it. What a bunch of stupid idiots.

Aren’t all idiots stupid? I guess they are. I could look it up, but I’m just going to assume that an idiot is also stupid, which probably means I’m a stupid idiot too since I said it. This is actually one of my biggest fears. I make fun of people for being so stupid so much mostly because I’m afraid I’m one of ‘em. Kind of like how most men who think calling another guy “gay” is the ultimate insult are probably closet cases. Or something like that.

Damn, I’m almost at 500 words and I just now started getting deep and shit. Oh well, I’ll have to worry about that stuff some other time. Gotta keep blog posts short. I know how busy you guys all are.

*I know that didn’t really make any sense, but I’m trying to use “not in this economy” to explain people’s actions as often as I can.


I'm With Stupid said...

Y'know? Sometimes you are so damn deep and sublime, that your genius is lost on most people. Cheers Jayman!!


Anonymous said...

LOVED IT!! :) Missy!

Mike said...

You should have quite a catch of golf balls. Are they for sale?

Beth said...

Mmmm...red beans and rice.

Gnetch said...

Worst feeling in the world is to see that your camera needs to be recharged when you need it most. I know the feeling. Go and get some beer. I will make you feel better.

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: Hell, it's even lost on me!


I'm With Stupid said...

Missy: Thanks babe!


I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: Whenever I find a golf ball I toss it on the green and try to hit the pin or get it in the hole. I've gotten pretty close a few times.


I'm With Stupid said...

Beth: Mmmmm .... Schmoop. ;-)


I'm With Stupid said...

Gnetch: Now, the question here is did you mean to say "IT will make you feel better" or "I will make you feel better."

I'm going to pretend that you really did mean "I will make you feel better" cause that's soooo sweet. And kinda hawt! ;-p ;-p ;-p ;-p ;-p


Jo said...

I love red beans & rice with sausage. Without the meat, it's kind of bleh. I made dirty rice last night.

You should start wearing a helmet outside. Death by golfball would really suck.

I've been missing you lately <3

Betty said...

By "busy" you are actually referring to our short attention spans, aren't you? Well, aren't you?

I'm With Stupid said...

Jo: Maybe I'll get to make my version of red beans and rice for you guys sometime. I miss you too!


I'm With Stupid said...

Betty: Huh? Uh yeah! Totally. Wait, what were we talking about?