Robert The Taylor Loves Gay Marriage and IWS Radio

Top o' the mornin' all...Robert the Taylor here for IWS Radio...

Y'know? Some IWS Radio shows are better than others, and well, the IWS Radio show I listened to
yesterday was beyond the realm of creative genius.

Being Scottish, sometimes you Americans are hard to understand, but let me tell ya lads and lassies, during yesterday's show..?

Jay and Matt's comedy shone through the tubes of the internet in a fashion that was more visible and palatable than the stench floating over the waters of Loch Ness.

After Jay and Matt engaged in some some witty banter about the weather, the Beer Mine, and some grocery store rudeness, a man named Buddy Acapella sang your upstart American National Anthem.

Topical as IWS Radio always is, they had their reprehensible Dutch whore/newsman interview THE Confederate flag. Who knew that Guy could sound halfway sober and a flag of all people could be so damn articulate and sensitive?

There's was plenty of good American patriotic music played as well. Even though I am unwillingly a part of the losing side of your revolution, me toes were a tappin'. The bad songs that they played moved me even more.

And by moved me me more, I mean that the bad music moved me to the kitchen in order to pour meself another dram of hooch!!

The climax of the show involved a lesbian and as well all know no matter in which country we reside, a climaxing lesbian is a very hot thing. Anyhoo...

The angelic and happily married lesbianetically married Angie spoke on her joy and the disdain of others that resulted from Friday's SCROTUS Gay Marriage ruling in the states. She was awesome, and indeed, if I was a lesbian, I would be looking her up.

And my American friends, believe it or not I, Robert the Taylor called in as well. That's right lad and lassies. They gave me a bit of shit about my heritage and my accent, but that is only because they are jealous that we Scots have a lakefront prehistoric monster swimming about and their self-serving American ears can only understand their own voices.

Anyhoo...the two blokes did a fine job of celebrating America and making fun of it at the same time, so give em' a listen, but make certain to pour yeself a strong drink prior to doing so...

My Name Is Thanksgiving...Remember Me?

Hi all…Thanksgiving here for I’m With Stupid. Yeah…That’s right, I’m Thanksgiving.

An actual entity called Thanksgiving, talking to you from the pages of I'm With Stupid. Well, not an actual entity…perhaps more of a spiritual entity. And sadly…

Be I spiritual, or corporeal, an entity that has now grown old and hackneyed in the eyes, minds, and souls of many Americans.

I used to matter. Yep, it’s true.

Hell, for nearly 150 years I was a big deal. Ever since Lincoln called for a national day of Thanksgiving, families across America would once a year, gather ‘round their tables, break bread, repair old friendships, and once in awhile, begin new ones.

It was a day that the entire nation took a deep breath, reflected on its heritage, and showed appreciation for those who through immigration, religious persecution, or just plain luck, ultimately allowed those of us here today, to enjoy the fruits of this nation.

And now?

I Thanksgiving, have become but an oxymoron in that I am both an afterthought and noted precursor to the commercial hegemony that is Christmas.

I deserve more than that.

Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on the courage of those who offered America her chance at greatness when they landed on Plymouth Rock and elsewhere, in hopes of building a brighter future in the face of hunger, sickness, and more than a few pissed off Indians.

And…while it’s true that July 4, 1776 marks the birth of this great nation and we celebrate it magnanimously, the stubborn and fertile seed that was planted in order to make that happen, was sown when the brave and oppressed from Europe landed here some 150 years prior to that.

And on Thanksgivings prior, we as a nation, as neighborhoods, and as families, would celebrate the struggles of the Pilgrims and the arduous task of colonizing this country.

We would give thanks to those gone before us and more importantly to those with us, because just as the Pilgrims had to rely upon each other, we would recognize the fact that we rely upon our families and friends as well.

And then, just somewhat recently…the national camaraderie muted, the familial bonds loosened, and the hour glass speed at which we celebrated Thanksgiving and each other, turned into the break neck pace of a stopwatch counting down to the Christmas season.

I today, am but a shell of my former self. I get six hours tops.

People eat at one or so, make small talk, exchange Christmas wish lists, and then, after a post-tryptophan nap, hit the stores for Black Friday sales, in the name of celebrating Jesus, the Maccabees, and whomever or whatever.

I today, in this world of 24/7 Cable News, big box store sales, and instant messaging, have become an anachronism…nothing more than a Norman Rockwell painting that embodies the “quaint” times which define, Americana.

I’m saddened, but have a word or two of hope for you on the day which honors me…

For those of you who are taking the time to celebrate Thanksgiving with friends and family, God bless you, and may you delight in the warmth of good food, good wine, and good company for hours upon end.

For those of you who look at me but nothing more than a prologue to Christmas, God bless you as well and I hope you soon rediscover what Cicero said many centuries ago:

“A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all the other virtues.” 

Sincerely,

Thanksgiving

mattmaniws@ymail.com
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Matt and Jay All-Americans

Matt’s rockets glare red, Jay’s bombs burst in mid-air, You swell with patriotic pride.

Matt: GOD BLESS AMERICA!
Jay: AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL!
Matt: I’M PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN!
Jay: Damn, you’re really fired up about Team USA and the World Cup!
Matt: The World Whatsittowhosit?
Jay: The World Cup! The big soccer tournament thingy down in Brazil.
Matt: I believe they call it “Futbol”
Jay: No, I’m pretty sure it’s Brazil.
Matt: Noooooo … They call “soccer” “futbol” in other countries.
Jay: Well who cares. This is AMERICA DAMMIT!
Matt: Good point. Soccer it is!!
Jay: Right! So, are you watching it?
Matt: Nooooooooooooooo
Jay: Me too.
Matt: No, I said I’m NOT watching it.
Jay: Right. Me too. I’m not watching it too.
Matt: But, you ARE watching it.
Jay: Exactly.
Matt: GO USA!
Jay: Woooooooooooo!! MURICA! FUCK YEAH!

Jay: Anyway …. Warm out today.
Matt: Yup. Warmer than yesterday.
Jay: Mmm-Hmm Gonna be even warmer tomorrow.
Matt: Could get dangerously hot soon.
Jay: People should be sure to take precautions.
Matt: Bring in old people and check on their pets.
Jay: Kirk Douglas should be on top of this.
Matt: Umm … about Kirk.
Jay: Did he retire?
Matt: Kind of. He died.
Jay: WHAT????
Matt: Kidding! He’s alive. More or less.
Jay: So he retired?
Matt: Yeah.
Jay: We need a new weather guy?
Matt: Maybe one who brings a little more energy?
Jay: And doesn’t slobber so much?
Matt: And doesn’t need his diaper changed every three hours?
Jay: I’ll check Craigslist.
Matt: Pick a few candidates and interview them.
Jay: On the casting couch?
Matt: Don’t get us sued though.
Jay: Damn.

Matt: You know what we should do?
Jay: Lay down the boogie and play that funky music ‘til we die?
Matt: Noooooooooooooooo
Jay: Feel the rhythm getting stronger and do the conga beat?
Matt: Oh hell no!
Jay: Then what?
Matt: Celebrate the 4^th of July this Sunday and take next week off.
Jay: That’s way better than get down, turn around, go to town, boot scoot boogie.
Matt: Ummm … Only slightly.  I do love to line dance.
Jay:  We could talk about our love for America!
Matt: And play some great patriotic music.
Jay: Talk about our favorite Americans
Matt: And make some foreigners honorary Americans.
Jay: Nice! Little known facts about American history?
Matt: That was my next suggestion!
Jay: We are an educational show.
Matt: Yes we are!
Jay: There’s tons of stuff we can do for this show.
Matt: Hell yes. OH! Don’t forget we can make fun of the British.
Jay: Boy can we do that!
Matt: We don’t really even need a special occasion for that.
Jay: I’m feeling incredibly patriotic right now.
Matt: My love for America is growing as we speak.
Jay: Ew
Matt: Yeah that was getting awkward.
Jay: Anyway, let’s celebrate America!
Matt: Let’s do IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!

Be sure to tune into “4th of July 2014: America’s238th Anniversary of Snubbing the Brits” on IWS Radio this Sunday at 12 Noon ET!

Cut the Crap...It's Time To Celebrate America!!

So, today begins a IWS celebration of our nation’s 238th year of independence.

As he was Ben Franklin’s press secretary, I tried to get Larry King to sit down with me for an eyewitness account of what went down during our nation’s birth.

Unfortunately, Larry King was tied up announcing his retirement from CNN...yet again, which he had done years ago..

Anyhoo, the Fourth of July is fast approaching…

A time to celebrate our country’s origins through backyard barbeques, illegal fireworks, and pissing in one’s own backyard while the burgers cook.

It’s a time for drinking too much beer, and getting a domestic violence assault charge leveled against you as a result of the wife not buying enough Johnsonville Brats.

It is also a time when normally motionless mannequins everywhere, shudder at the thought that they may be used in the latest fireworks safety video.

I do, so love America!!

I spent my day at work yesterday, thinking about something…The Declaration of Independence.

Jefferson, Franklin, and Adams (John, not Maud) were the main writers.

Jefferson did the draft. Penis envy laden Adams whined about being one-upped, and Franklin offered revisions while in a drunken, but brilliant stupor.

TJ originally had written that Americans should have, “Life, Liberty, and Property.”

Ben Franklin suggested the famous, “Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.”

That suggestion was accepted after Jefferson initially shot down Franklin’s original idea of having the document read:

“Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of air baths, rum, and drunken, buxom wenches between dusk and dawn.”

Ben rocked.

Another little known fact is that while Patrick Henry was not a signer of the Declaration of Independence, the stern, fire and brimstone orator and patriot, had offered up an alternative declaration to King George III.

It read as follows…

“Yo, G-Man, sally forth, and go fuck thyself, you wig wearin‘ bitch. You‘re no King. You‘re a Princess, you girly man, you.”

Sadly, it wasn’t adopted by the Second Continental Congress…Pussies.

Funny thing about Patrick Henry. His quote, “Give me liberty or give me death.” has been edited over the years.

His actual quote was, “Give me liberty, or give me death…and veal. Yeah, give me veal too. It’s so tender.”

Patrick Henry could help topple governments AND appreciate a fine meal. So American!!

It’s all about our independence, baby!!  And….USA advancing in the World Cup of Soccer, is the dessert of putting Piers Morgan and his self-aggrandizing brethren in their place.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

@mattmaniws@ymail.com
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Memorial Day 2014...Let's Party Somberly

This weekend in Bagwine, Ohio as well as throughout this great nation of ours…

Memorial Day Weekend will be giving birth to the long awaited season of warm sunny days, starlit nights, and profound reverence for America.

The sidewalks of Main Street USA will be lined with Chinese-made American flags, bemused children, hung-over parents, and patriotic lookers on-ers, as America celebrates her fallen soldiers, sailors, and Marines with dignity and honor in the form of out of tune H.S. marching bands, glad handing political hacks, and old men in fezzes driving clown cars, because…

Nothing says, “here’s to those who gave all on the beaches of Normandy”, quite like old, mothball smelling men wearing Devo hats, while driving shiny, happy Go-Karts!!  And then…

After Taps has been played and the “Amens” have all been said...

Mom will be off to the Memorial Day Sale at Macy‘s, and Dad will educate his son in the art of the deal, as he attempts to strike a good price on a new car by negotiating with a guy on stilts dressed as Uncle Sam at the local Buick dealership.

After that...The somber events of the mourning and reflection, must of course be balanced with a little fun.

Private and public swimming pools everywhere will be littered with splashing children and older pedophile types as the chlorine and pool filter systems work overtime in order to keep the urine and E. coli within acceptable levels.

As the day turns into early evening, a rebel family in Kansas will be having a blast playing with the last known set of "dangerous" illegal JARTS, while elsewhere in suburban America...

The beers will be popped open, the grills fired up, and kids will play croquet wearing chest protectors and bike helmets.

As the sun wanes, and the adults are left to their own devices…

A guy named Hank will pork his new neighbor Leon’s comely wife Ashanti, as Leon lies face down, passed out on a grill of hot coals, as he drank too much while grilling steaks in order to impress his new white friends in a neighborhood that was once “off limits” to “his kind”.

As dusk turns to night, the memories of the fallen laid to rest, and the DUI Checkpoints closed down, America will sleep well knowing that it is fucking amazing that we have somehow managed to last this long as a nation.

But then again…You know what the most amazingly patriotic thing to do for Memorial Day Weekend would be?

Listen to Jay, me, and the IWS Radio Players LIVE this Sunday from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio as IWS Radio presents, Grillin’ and Chillin’ With Controversial Ingredients.

In addition to honoring our fallen soldiers, we will somberly and soberly be talking about beer, summertime fun, and the most important thing about Memorial Day…cooking-out, and what are the best things to grill and chill with.

So there you have it America.  Honor the fallen and listen to IWS Radio this weekend, because if you do not?

You hate America, hate Macy’s, and hate the American automobile industry.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
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How Vladimir Putin Can End the Shutdown and Restore America to Her Greatness

Cheeeeeers Chuckleheads and a Happy Weekend Eve Eve to one and all, especially to you Federal worker types whose weekend started this past Monday when you were furloughed.

It’s a sad state of affairs when y’all are sitting idle and without pay while all 535 members of the United States Congress are collecting their paychecks while making a mockery of statesmanship, common sense, and what it means to think beyond their next election.

But, and I hate to say this to any and all Americans who are reading this…

We are a representative democracy and we elected these people.  So…um, well…we have the government, or the lack thereof, that we deserve, and that is why government workers can’t go to the grocery for awhile.

However my friends, I do not pen upon this sacred IWS Radio page today to merely cast aspersions upon America and her people.  Nooooooo…You see?

Unlike the United States Congress, I am here to identify the problem with the state of our once great nation, and offer a solution.

So…To wit, heretofore, and with a hearty, here’s ya goes…Allow me to identify the problem, and offer my solution.

America is a great nation and with amber waves of great people but to be perfectly honest, Americans are also a populous stricken with a collective case of Anti-Attention Deficit Disorder.  It’s true.

Americans are all about instant gratification, a solid trusting in a monolithic set of “facts”, and a comfortable life within a bubble that contains a backyard grill, an ice cold Bud, and being left alone during football season.

A vast amount of Americans, want to pay attention to one thing, and one thing only…themselves.  And my friends, that is why, to that point, Americans are so duly, and well-represented within the no longer hallowed halls of Congress, but...

All is not lost, and there is a way to end this current government shutdown, and restore American greatness.

Remember the halcyon days of America from post-World War II 1946 through December of 1991?  I do…well some of it, but anyhoo…

There was a common thread of unity that ran red, white, and blue throughout every city, hamlet and burg of this great land.  It was a unifying thread of hate so strong, that even in the midst of racial inequality, gender inequality, and wire tapping skills over equality that upon which Americans could agree.

Our hate of Communism, and more specifically for that Great Godless Vodka Drinking Nosferatu of Two Continents, the Soviet Union.

We HATED the Soviets.

The Soviets were wicked and if they had a chance, they would convert your children to Stalinism and then eat them. We had a space race.  We had a nuclear weapons race.  We had a miracle on ice that brought all Americans together.

We wanted to beat them and we did, but then?

When we won the Cold War on December 26, 1991 when the Soviet Union officially dissolved, sadly, our national bond was dissolved as well.

Sure the 1990’s were a post-Cold War honeymoon full of peace dividend rewards, but then on September 11, 2001...The honeymoon was over and the booming U.S. economy was torn down with it.

America was perplexed.  You know why?

Many Americans can’t focus and agree or disagree with more than one thing at a time.  To hear that we were and continue to be attacked by groups like Al-Qaida, the Taliban, Syrian, Iranian, Left-Wing, and Right-Wing terrorists makes no sense.

That’s why many Americans today, Americans who are either rather far-left or far-right, focus on fellow Americans with polar ideologies.

Far Left Loonies line-up and blitz Rush, Sean Hannity and Ted Cruz…Simple enough.

Far Right Tea Drinkers get into a huddle and hate on Rachel Maddow, Chris Matthews, and President Obama.

In order to fix the logjam of hate that is cast upon our own, buy our own, we should build a Mount Rushmore of Soviet leaders with the heads of Stalin, Brezhnev, and Andropov in stone, so we can cast potatoes at them, so we never forget.

And then we can ask of, and turn a blind eye to, Vladimir Puitn re-establishing the former Soviet Union, and, if that happens?

We will all be OUTRAGED, and Congress will say…

“Obamacare?  Sure, why not…have all the fun you want with that.  But in addition, we need to immediately pass a comprehensive budget, and I don’t care what’s in it, as long as it includes funding for nukes.”

Nearly all Americans would rejoice and say...

"To Hell with Moscow!!  Fuck the Sputnik!!  Let Them Eat Taters!! Mike Eruzione Lives!!"

Unity once again!!  IKR!?  I am freaking brilliant!!

That my friends, is both my break-down as to what is happening, and my solution, but…I have one last thing to add.

Vladimir Putin?  America wants you on that wall.  We need you on that wall…We want you to rebuild that wall!!

And so does Sylvester Stallone, because if you restored the Soviet Union, downloads and subsequent royalties of Rocky IV would go through the roof!!

 здоровье!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

When Rachel Maddow and Sean Hannity Speak, A Third Person Cries

Yesterday, IWS’ beloved Jayman wrote about his sadness.  He waxed poetically, about how social media sites such as Twitter and Facebook break Jayman’s heart.

Well folks, let me tell ya.  Matt-Man too, has suffered some of the same virtual slings and arrows that have pierced the pride, self-esteem, and psyche of Matt-Man’s friend, the Jayman.

And, much like Jayman…when Matt-Man gets annoyed and/or on rare occasions, angered, he too, begins to speak and write in the overly annoying third person style.

Matt-Man hates it, but he can do nothing about it.  The third person takes over the Matt-Man, and Matt-Man simply has to allow it to run its course.

And to underscore this theme…Matt-Man, much like his buddy Jayman is pissed about some of your actions on Twitter and Facebook.

That’s right, Matt-Man has problems with some people.

Take for instance, one Allison Dickson…Oh my Lordy!!

Matt-Man and her have been friends for years, until?

Matt-Man asked on Facebook…

“Why do networks like NBC have Rachel Maddow on to talk about birth control?  It’s like asking Oscar Wilde about the benefits of vasectomies.”

Holy Cow, instead of responding with a good reason for NBC putting on a non-sperm loving lesbian like Maddow to spout why contraceptives should remain legal and accessible, the Dickson chick, shouted down the Matt-Man by saying something insignificant and defriending him AND, IWS on Facebook.

Hell NBC would have been more on target by bringing on the only man on Cable TV who has a vagina to discuss birth control, one, Cavorter of Catholicism, Sean Hannity

Matt-Man says virtually, and posthumously, (not because he died, but because it sounds good), “Grow Up.”

Matt-Man can’t help it…He loathes the agenda rich Maddow, and hates far left loons and much as far right loons.  Matt-Man wants to find an acceptable center…

A center where the personal privacy of peoples is respected.  Where people can do what ever the hell they feel like, if it doesn’t affect anyone else.  A center where…

Lifestyles, social mores, and tenets of faith or no faith, are kept out of government, and confined to one’s heart and soul where they belong.

Folks…Yesterday, we had an official Congressional Committee hearing on contraception…The entire panel of people being questioned were, clergyMEN.

Hell…While Matt-Man is a Liberal, yet a registered Independent, Matt-Man is pissed off by MSNBC firing Pat Buchanan.  In his newest book, Pat derided the guilt of whites and says that we as a nation are sucked in by Israel, so MSNBC defrocked Pat from being a continuing contributor.

That's Bullshit.

Y’know what Matt-Man thinks about all this hoy-paloy?

Matt-Man thinks that 24/7 news people who rail against politics on Capitol Hill never being more divided along partisan lines, fail to realize that people in America have never been more divided…and perhaps, while not more stupid than the media…just as intellectually lazy.

And…Matt-Man thinks often, especially these days, about the quote once uttered long ago by H.L. Mencken (among others in various forms)…

“People deserve the government they get, and they deserve to get it good and hard.”

If you look at social outlets like Facebook and Twitter today…Americans are as much angry as they are sensitive, and yet…

They refuse to listen to the opinions of others with whom they disagree, and will block them, defriend them, or unfollow them…Matt-Man finds that funny.  However…

That also makes Matt-Man very sad, because…

Matt-Man knows that the people in Congress are there because voters of like-mind put them there, and that Matt-Man’s friends are why we are in our current fuck-up-ness as a nation.

Too many are too far Left.  Too many are too far Right.  Yet…

In between the fringes of moronic thought...lie you, Matt-Man, and common sense.

Don’t allow idiots like Rachel Maddow and Sean Hannity to squeeze us out of the nation’s dialogue.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
email:  neshobadude@yahoo.com
twitter:  @mattmaniws 

State of the Union Address 2012: Why Bother?

Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States…

And the joint Congress and American public go, “Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.”

Sad.

But the sadness…disinterest…malaise…or just plain, “What the fuck ever”, feeling is not without an understandable reason.

Tonight, during the State of the Union Address President Obama will say in some form or fashion as all President’s before him have said…

“The State of the Union is strong.”

Well, in my opinion, the State of the Union is far from strong, in fact, it sucks. And, I’m not talking about our economy, or our stature in the eyes of the world. I’m talking about us.

I’m talking about us as a nation of people who over the years have defeated an empire, have come together like none other, and now, after nearly 236 years of this great nation’s existence…

We argue over whether a woman has private and personal control over her own body, if a spouse has the right to let his spouse die in a dignified way, or if we should attack a country such as Iran whose military prowess is along the lines of the paper tiger that was Hussein’s Iraq.

Our nation has so many problems…from our debt, to reliance on foreign oil, to unemployment, to trying to find our markets and international place in the 21st Century.

And yet, when looking for a President and leader in our 2012 election cycle, what do many Americans look toward to guide their choice?

American History? The Constitution? Or perhaps, Common Sense? Noooooooo…

Many Americans find their safe harbors via the lighthouse of the media beacons that are MSNBC, FOX News, and some whacked out manchicks named Rachel Maddow and/or Sean Hannity among others.

Unfortunately, they seem to be the catalytic minority, and…they are what fuel the misfiring engine that is the do nothing government that we seem to have these days. Politicians want one thing, and that one thing is not to help America, it is to get reelected.

And in order to secure that end game, legislators agree with tiny minded folks, and no matter what, feed the electorate with what they want to hear in order to accomplish their unending, monetarily satisfying tenure within the once great halls of Congress.

Seriously, Mr. and/or Mrs. American Voter…you suck.

Choosing a President, taking the ten minutes it takes to vote, and actually researching who and why you want to vote for him or her has become such a chore. Because? Thinking takes time.

Millions of Americans listen to Limbaugh, Hannity, Maddow, and Olbermann because they would rather not think for themselves. They are too busy ordering pizza , texting a friend about how their spouse hates them, or playing Farmville on Facebook as they experience the virtual birth of a calf…

Gimme a break. It’s because of the laziness of the American voter that we in 2012, are left with a field of Presidential candidates of Romney, Gingrich, Santorum, Paul, and Obama.

In 1800 and 1804, John Adams and Thomas Jefferson went head to head in the Presidential election, and in 2012..?

We will have either Romney or Gingrich up against Obama.

Adams and Jefferson debated over the future course this country would take in order to make our then nascent nation more successful, and 200 and some years later?

No matter who the GOP picks to represent their party, the General Election debate will center on not who will make this country greater, but rather who will make this nation less than it already has become.

Ironically, it is our forefathers who set us upon this path with the birth of herd mentality political parties. However...

While they saw political parties merely as schools of thought, Americans today see them as political Cliff Notes, and comfortable, totalitarian schools of non-thought.

Americans today don’t have time to read the entire virtual biography that a candidate may put forth; they merely want to gaze, and listen to it briefly upon 24/7 cable news, and then like Pavlov’s dogs, obediently nod their heads, and wag their tails to what they know, and agree…or bark at the screen when they don’t.

After all, thinking takes time, and there are X-Box games to be played, spouses to cheat upon, and other who are unlike you and I to mock.

I wonder about our country, and when I do , I wonder about Ben Franklin.

He drank…He loooved the ladies…He smoked…He, like an idiot, stood out in the lightning…He hung out with pigeons as he trained them, and today?

Because of all of that, he couldn’t get elected as a City Commissioner of Bagwine, Ohio.

Americans today do not like thinkers…they do not like great people…Americans like a world that is homogenous…that thinks as they do…that is uncomplicated.

And that is exactly why America, the former bastion of innovation and great ideas, is becoming second-rate as a nation, and a nation whose State of the Union is not strong.

Matt-Man

Email: neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter: @mattmaniws


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America: It was Nice While it Lasted

Hola Bitches!

Well, America? It was fun ride. Too bad it all has to come to such a sad and disappointing end. We made so much progress for so long there too. I mean, we really did almost make it.

But, our time has passed now. Our chance to be the country we could have been, and should have been, is over. Our only hope now, and it’s a slim one, is to be able to manage our decline and avoid falling all the way to becoming a third world authoritarian shit hole.

We have a government that is fully owned and controled by corporate interests. Our elected officials are so corrupt that we wouldn’t even know where to begin if we were going to prosecute them. Hell, most the outrageous shit they do, including take outright bribes, isn’t even illegal anymore.

Our electorate is, by design, uneducated, uninformed and focused almost exclusively on process and worried that someone, somewhere might be getting something they don’t deserve to notice how fucked we all are. And we’re far more concerned about Kim Kardashian’s marriage, gays getting married, Tim Tebow and whether someone is saying “Merry Christmas” rather than “Happy Holidays” to us when we’re buying cheap crap made by slave labor in third world countries on credit than just about anything else.

We celebrate and encourage the absolute worst of our culture by putting them on TV and making them rich while reveling in their disgusting immorality and crudeness. Then, we give them a higher status in society and tell our kids to look up to them. Hell, we tell our kids to look up to anyone we can. We’d much prefer to have our entertainers keep our kids preoccupied than to raise them ourselves. Just don’t let them see any gays. Rape, murder, war and the glorification of drugs and alcohol is perfectly okay though.

We’ve made virtually anything we do from just hanging out on a street corner to daring to question our government in the form of an organized protest illegal. To enforce those laws local, poorly trained police have the freedom to essentially make up their own laws on the spot and harass citizens with impunity. Not to mention giving police the freedom to lie under oath as much as needed to keep prosecutor’s conviction rates high and judges the “tough on crime” image needed to get reelected and appointed to higher positions.

So, while we’re all busy watching the Real Housewives of WhereTheFuckEver and whatever other mindless lowbrow crap we’re being fed by the corporate entertainment industry and those same corporations direct their “news” divisions to focus on personalities and pop culture, old white men are meeting behind closed doors to discuss how they can fuck us all even harder. And, people in our government are meeting behind closed doors discussing how to protect the corporations even more than they already are. And our government is busy passing laws that censor in the internet in a way that will limit the free flow of information and to allow authorities to detain American citizens indefinitely on any charges they can dream up at the moment of arrest.

Sleep well America. Don’t worry your pretty little heads one bit.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS

Life Lessons with Billy Ray Chambers

Hi all you morons. Billy Ray Chambers here for I’m With Stupid and those two morons who run this freak show.

I don’t like where this country is headed, and I got a few things to say about it. You don’t have to listen, but you will, because you think I am old enough to die any second and you’re being polite. Well…

As polite as your young, punk ass face can be…Anyways…

Where is the respect for your country and yourselves? Why are there so many assholes like you pitty-pattying, here and there, with no direction in life, bums.

When I was growing up, I had direction. Every morning at five, my Pa would wake my ass up and send me to the barn to milk the goats.

Sure, the rich kids in the township would make fun of uzzins because we had goats and they had cows, but let me tell ya…Goat milk is sweeter, because they beat the shit out of ya when you milk ‘em. Makes it that much more worthwhile.

You didn’t even know that goats made milk did ya? That’s my point here…on top of being lazy, you’re stupid.

If I was to ask ya where corn comes from, you’d probably say, “A can.” Idiots.

Y’all think you’re so smart cuz you have your J-Pods and your Googles, or whatever the hell you call them, but you’re not.

You are nothing but a bunch of modern day wannabe hippies without the sex, drugs, and rock n roll those crazy bastards had at Woodstock in the 60’s.

You’re boring. In fact…You’re so boring you talk on your fancy, portable phones in public so people will think you are important.

Let me tell you…telling your baby daddy to bring home bread from the store along with his 40 of King Cobra does not make you important. The only thing it makes you is pregnant yet again the next day.

Where was I? Hell, I don’t know. I’m so stirred up about these end times that I can’t think straight, and speaking of straight, I have a question to all of you lesbanese women out there.

If you’re a woman who likes women, why the hell do you pick one that looks like a goddamn guy? Don’t make no sense atall.

And you “men” out there…

When did it become unacceptable to have a pitcher throw a baseball at your head? What? You make 80 thousand million dollars a year and you can’t take a little imprint of rawhide and catgut to the head?

Pussies. Hell if Ty Cobb were alive today, he’d beat the shit out of you sissies even if you were white. I dunno…makes no sense to me.

Anyways…I have to get on outta here for now. I buy and remodel houses and rent them out to dips shits like you, and I got a few fixer uppers I need to attend to.

I just hope half of the young, meth heads I rent to, pay me this month.

Bye…

Liberty Is In the Eye of the Beholder

It’s almost the Fourth of July, kids.

The day on which we Americans celebrate our greatness as a nation with cookouts, parades, and fireworks.

 

And look how far we have evolved in these past 235 years after rolling back the oppression initially placed upon by British rule...

In 1773, the British felt our wrath after they taxed our tea. Today? Coca-Cola, Pepsi, and others of their obesity inducing ilk feel our wrath as we tax the hell out of sugary drinks.

Years after slavery had been abolished in other western nations including Britain, founding father John Quincy Adams lay down the law and a mere thirty years later, his echoes helped to abolish slavery in this nation.

While European countries were violently and greedily colonizing Africa and Asia, America stood firm in her dedication to individualism and liberty by helping ill-informed and less knowledgeable Native American groups find their footing in our great society.

In the 1900’s we helped to defeat the Kaiser and his Jerrys. We built skyscrapers, railroads, and automobiles. We were not only defining the future…we were shaping it, and making it.

During World War II, while Hitler was busy gassing Jews, we as Americans, treated our Japanese citizens with respectful silence, as we fed them three squares a day in well-apportioned and well-secured housing.

During the 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s while the Soviet Union and China were attempting to spread their vile form of godless authority, we were defending freedom by bombing Cambodia, propping up well-meaning dictators in Latin America, the Middle East, and southwest Asia.

Democracy is a hard road to hoe, but it comes with distinct definitions which only we as Americans can understand and navigate.

Today in America our government is no less bold nor courageous than when Patrick Henry thunderously pounded upon an old oak table and demanded his liberty, or when Nathan Hale regretted that he had but one live to give to this country.

No indeed…

America is guided by individuals who continue her greatness by debating such issues as, can rape victims have an abortion…can two guys or two women marry…is it legal to burn Chinese made American flags?

Heady stuff my friends, and this 4^th of July, after I watch the explosions of celebratory colors in the skies, I will rest assured that our greatness and liberties are in good hands…

As I navigate my way home through the DUI Checkpoints that the government has set up.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
neshobadude@yahoo.com
MattManTwitter