Saturday, June 28, 2014

Matt and Jay All-Americans

Matt’s rockets glare red, Jay’s bombs burst in mid-air, You swell with patriotic pride.

Matt: GOD BLESS AMERICA!
Jay: AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL!
Matt: I’M PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN!
Jay: Damn, you’re really fired up about Team USA and the World Cup!
Matt: The World Whatsittowhosit?
Jay: The World Cup! The big soccer tournament thingy down in Brazil.
Matt: I believe they call it “Futbol”
Jay: No, I’m pretty sure it’s Brazil.
Matt: Noooooo … They call “soccer” “futbol” in other countries.
Jay: Well who cares. This is AMERICA DAMMIT!
Matt: Good point. Soccer it is!!
Jay: Right! So, are you watching it?
Matt: Nooooooooooooooo
Jay: Me too.
Matt: No, I said I’m NOT watching it.
Jay: Right. Me too. I’m not watching it too.
Matt: But, you ARE watching it.
Jay: Exactly.
Matt: GO USA!
Jay: Woooooooooooo!! MURICA! FUCK YEAH!


Jay: Anyway …. Warm out today.
Matt: Yup. Warmer than yesterday.
Jay: Mmm-Hmm Gonna be even warmer tomorrow.
Matt: Could get dangerously hot soon.
Jay: People should be sure to take precautions.
Matt: Bring in old people and check on their pets.
Jay: Kirk Douglas should be on top of this.
Matt: Umm … about Kirk.
Jay: Did he retire?
Matt: Kind of. He died.
Jay: WHAT????
Matt: Kidding! He’s alive. More or less.
Jay: So he retired?
Matt: Yeah.
Jay: We need a new weather guy?
Matt: Maybe one who brings a little more energy?
Jay: And doesn’t slobber so much?
Matt: And doesn’t need his diaper changed every three hours?
Jay: I’ll check Craigslist.
Matt: Pick a few candidates and interview them.
Jay: On the casting couch?
Matt: Don’t get us sued though.
Jay: Damn.


Matt: You know what we should do?
Jay: Lay down the boogie and play that funky music ‘til we die?
Matt: Noooooooooooooooo
Jay: Feel the rhythm getting stronger and do the conga beat?
Matt: Oh hell no!
Jay: Then what?
Matt: Celebrate the 4th of July this Sunday and take next week off.
Jay: That’s way better than get down, turn around, go to town, boot scoot boogie.
Matt: Ummm … Only slightly.  I do love to line dance.
Jay:  We could talk about our love for America!
Matt: And play some great patriotic music.
Jay: Talk about our favorite Americans
Matt: And make some foreigners honorary Americans.
Jay: Nice! Little known facts about American history?
Matt: That was my next suggestion!
Jay: We are an educational show.
Matt: Yes we are!
Jay: There’s tons of stuff we can do for this show.
Matt: Hell yes. OH! Don’t forget we can make fun of the British.
Jay: Boy can we do that!
Matt: We don’t really even need a special occasion for that.
Jay: I’m feeling incredibly patriotic right now.
Matt: My love for America is growing as we speak.
Jay: Ew
Matt: Yeah that was getting awkward.
Jay: Anyway, let’s celebrate America!
Matt: Let’s do IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!



Be sure to tune into “4th of July 2014: America’s238th Anniversary of Snubbing the Brits” on IWS Radio this Sunday at 12 Noon ET!


2 comments:

I'm With Stupid said...

Ha...Gonna be an awesomely patriotic show!! Cheers Jayman!!

Matt

Katy Anders said...

The girl in the first picture seems nice. if you're friends with her, you should pass her along my contact information...

(Is that the saddest comment ever? It could be worse, I guess: I could have said that about Ke$ha...)