Hi all…The late great Bert Convy here for IWS Radio…
When I was alive, I was an average guy who could do a lot of things in an average way. I was an average game show host…an average singer, and an average actor if it was a part that contained whimsy and self-deprecation.
I was in a sense, a jack-of-all entertainment trades. Nothing fancy, but as is typical with white guys, very workman-like. I was all about nothing and at the same time all about everything.
And LIVE tomorrow from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio, the IWS Radio Show will broadcast an episode that is very much like me…very…Convy-esque.
They will cover everything from terrorism to football, from bad music to bad weather, from the goings on up during their winter retreat at Hodgepodge Lodge to the unsuccessful unseating of the orange man himself, John Boehner. In fact, their press release person summed up tomorrow’s show this way…
The holidays are over and the bitter polar air of January has its icy grip upon the country. Hot topics come to a stall at this time of year, and it often seems as though there is nothing to talk about. Well…nothing in particular to talk about, but plenty of things to talk about in general, and that is why Jay, Matt, and the IWS Radio team are meeting at Hodgepodge Lodge outside of Bemidji, MN. for a winter retreat. IWS Radio is celebrating winter activities, the NFL Playoffs, the NCAA Football National Championship, and discussing the terrorist attack in Paris, as well as John Boehner’s orange skin, the flaccid Tea Party attempt to unseat him, and shocking headlines and anecdotes from Redneckville, AR. and Bagwine, OH. Anything goes at Hodgepodge Lodge, and this week is no exception as laughter, bad music, and satirical shenanigans ensue as IWS Radio breaks the ice with biting wit and a warm smile for all. So, join them and call-in at 661-244-9852.
I hope you all listen live and call-intomorrow between Noon and 2 PM ET. You’ll be doing yourself a favor and will realize that average and shallow coverage of many events done by professionals such as Jay and Matt can be nearly as sexy and uproariously funny as me.
Dear President Goodluck Jonathan (if that’s your real name…frankly it sounds made up, but anyhoo),
It appears that you are having problems tracking down, killing, and otherwise bringing to justice a Muslim terrorist group known as Boko Haram who have kidnapped some 300 young, innocent girls and forcing them into doing unspeakable things, like getting married, but…
I know. No, really…I understand your difficulties.
It is difficult to track down Boko Haram and the young desperate victims because Nigeria is a huge country. Nigeria is as big as California, Nevada, and Arizona combined, or as they call it out west here in the United States, the tri-state area.
I understand how you command one of the more sophisticated armed forces in Africa, and cringe at the thought of accepting old style “colonial” help from U.K. and the U.S. because it would make Nigeria look feeble, but seriously?
If these actions took place in the United States within the tri-state area? If it did happen at all, a group such as Boko Haram would have been sliced, diced, and every each way been julienned as we returned the girls to their families.
I understand that Nigeria is a noveau riche state of Africa due to oil, and we have quite a few rich oil barons ourselves, but we also have something that you don’t and are sorely lacking…
A nation, as currently politically dysfunctional as it is, that when confronted with something of this nature, the kidnapping of 300 young girls, would stick together, formulate a plan, and carry out infinite justice upon those preying upon the weak and the voiceless who have had their adolescence stolen.
Boko Haram is a terrorist group…Boko Haram is comprised of fanatical cowards like Abubakar Shekau who burns down churches and whisks away defenseless little girls who once had a future and now who do not.
Boko Haram is an easy target of which to rid your nation and the world, but you stand idly by, and wring your hands President Jonathan.
Perhaps, if you showed some leadership rather than walking the tightrope between foreign oil companies and forcing groups such as Boko Haram “out of sight” and confined to the nether and lesser regions of Nigeria, you could one day, make Nigeria a wealthy place for all of her citizens.
But, instead…
You choose to deny the problem and prefer to allow the canal boat captains of Nigeria be pulled down the Niger River by mules, ass chapped by big oil, and insurgent groups who wag their finger at you if dare you lift your own at them.
Sad.
Your name shouldn’t be Goodluck Jonathan. It should be Goodnight Jonathan, because by either acting too late or not at all, you won’t be helping to #bringbackourgirls .
GoodNight Jonathan, may you sleep well one last night. The worth of a country is how they treat the young, the old, and the weak, so when karma comes in the form of an overthrow, an ostracization by the world community, or an uprising by the Nigerian people, may you, along with Abubakar Shekau burn in hell.
Cheeeeeeeers Chuckleheads and a Happy 9/11 to you all!!
Today marks the 12th Anniversary of the attacks by Al-Qaeda upon the World Trade Center towers, the Pentagon, and an additional, yet thwarted terrorist mission, that in all, left over 3,000 innocent people dead.
In order for you to better enjoy and make a social splash while observing this tragic date, I have a few tips for you.
First of all…For those of you who follow traditional anniversary etiquette, keep in mind that the 12th Anniversary, is the Silk Anniversary.
So if you plan to surprise someone with a Happy 9/11 Anniversary present, a silk robe for your hot patriotic man would be great, and for that star-spangled lady in your life, silk pajamas make an excellent gift idea.
If you are going to feign reflection, remorse, and a bit of outrage on this day, you may as well feign away while ensconced in the comfort of cool, comfortable, and finely woven Chinese silk, especially during this unusual September heat wave!!
Secondly…in order to begin your day of remembrance off to a good, healthy, my country right or wrong start, you need to put something up on Facebook to pronounce to the world and to your “friends”, that you have not forgotten.
A picture of the Twin Towers along with a quote that says, “Never Forget” is always nice, but if you want to be an amber waves of grain show stopper…Simply post “Proud to be An American” by Lee Greenwood or “Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue” by Toby Keith.
Once you have done your rise-and-shine, pre-requisite posting on Facebook, and have spent four hours at work, it’s time to exhale some of that emotional distress that has been building inside of you. So, here’s a thought…
Getting together for lunch with colleagues with you whom work, would be great way to celebrate as well, and rid yourself, for a brief moment anyway, of that post-9/11 angst.
You could meet up at a good and wholesome American eatery such as Appleby’s, Pizza Hut, or P.F. Chang’s and reminisce about where you were and what you were doing when the attacks went down.
Misery loves company, and it loves it even more while eating Crab Rangoon, and grazing upon an All-You-Can-Eat salad bar. And make certain to tip your waiter or waitress well today, because he or she is probably as reflective and sullen as you, but being the customer service professional that he or she is? Is not permitted to “let it out.”
Now when you get home today and want to make a special, Happy 9/11 dinner for your introspective family, I have a suggestion.
In honor of all of the airline passengers who died on 9/11, serve your family an airline meal…
Of course, a great meal needs to finish with a great dessert (especially if you have kids), so why not a special 9/11 cake..?
And to mark the end of your special anniversary day, you can listen to and dance along to Sean Hannity blessing our troops, and putting you and all of America on guard saying that this will happen again as long as Barack Obama is President.
A perfect ending to a perfect day of celebration.
I hope I have helped you out, and I hope you enjoy your Happy 9/11 Day as much as the marketers, the pundits, and the politicians do every year.
I watched TV and listened on the radio Monday, as the great tragedy at the Boston Marathon unfolded, and I was shocked.
Some nut job had the audacity to strike the American people once again in the form of terrorism…or was it terrorism, because as you know, that Kenyan Born President of ours did NOT say terrorism quickly enough.
He was probably lazily, as black people are accustomed, sauntering around the White House in his dashiki saying, “What the Hell? Why some Al-Qaeda dude or white guy gotta be harshing my poll numbers?”
To which Press Secretary Jay Carney probably said, “Because you are THE man and we will sliiiiiide over questions of that sort. Amirite, Mr. President?”
Seriously? This Boston Massacre thing has sent me to the moon, Alice!!
You know which groups have been the most ridiculous during this awful event? The Media (specifically talk radio and Cable TV) and, well…Americans themselves.
Let me tell ya…When I first heard abut the bombings at the Boston Marathon, I didn’t realize that it was the work of a terrorist, because President Obama was measured in his initial statement.
ONLY did I know that it was terrorism when Sean Hannity, Mark “My Testimony Helped to Set OJ Free” Fuhrman, and the gaggle of geese of goofiness at FOX News said, “It’s God Damn Terrorism!!”
Annnnnnnnd to piggy back on that, Sean Hannity had Rudy Guiliani on his show Tuesday night in order to allow Rudy to give his anti-terror insight, which is great, because…well…wait…
Didn’t the World Trade Center Towers get taken down by zealot, IQ challenged foreigners under Giuliani’s watch, and yet? He’s Lionized!! Screw that, and screw Rudy “9-11” Giuliani!!
There is something very sad about this incident in Boston, which is far more sad than the lost of precious life.
There were many people, long before the dead were cold, and the amputees were de-limbed, who were blaming Obama, blaming Muslims, blaming everyone except the coward who detonated the bombs.
That’s sad.
Americans have become a populous of right here, right now…
Many have become…
“I need to know which side I fall upon, and I need to know right now, so I have patriotic talking points to disperse at work, or at a church, or at my family’s house so I can look righteous and informed, even though I hate others who do not think, look, or act like me.”
Sadly…I know people like that, in fact, I felt compelled to ultimately unfriend a lifelong friend over this incident yesterday on Facebook.
Uuch…While he has always been somewhat of a Tea Party-type nut, he implied that when the GOVERNMENT came out with their report on the Boston bombing, it would be a cover-up!!
Yeah…It’s just like the United States government to cover up a bomb blast that killed three and injured hundreds, especially when thousands of personal cameras and 24 hour cable TV is around recording it all.
I have my theory about this brutal lunacy, and I think it’s homegrown, but from this, I have also developed another theory based upon the comments that I have read after the tragedy.
While my life is not the resplendent amusement park that I would have hoped it would be at this point, I am happy, however…
I think there are many 5’7 or shorter white guys out there who blame their lack of getting laid on Muslim, Black President Kenyans, who have sequestered the hell out of police protection, which resulted in the bombing of an event which is host to many foreigners, whom they hate to begin with.
