Matt Said, Jay Said XVII

Matt sgyrsiau, Jay sgyrsiau, You gwrando.

Matt: “Look, Tyra I told you it’s over. You gotta stop calling me.”
Jay: “Wha?”
Matt: “Oh it’s you.”
Jay: “Who did you expect?”
Matt: “Tyra Banks. Every couple of months she calls me begging me to take her back.”
Jay: “Poor Tyra.”
Matt: “I used to feel sorry for her, but she so needy.”
Jay: “Oh man. I hate that.”
Matt: “It’s just part of the struggle that is my life.”
Jay: “It ain’t easy being Matt.”
Matt: “True dat. True dat.”
Jay: “Mmmm-Hmmm”
Matt: “Yup”

Jay: “So how ya doing?”
Matt: “Awful. Just awful.”
Jay: “Awww. That sucks.”
Matt: “Yeah it does. This cold is kicking my ass.”
Jay: “It’s Al Gore’s fault.”
Matt: “How?”
Jay: “He created Global Warming. Warm winter means worse cold & flu season.”
Matt: “That fucking bastard.”
Jay: “I KNOW RIGHT? He totally caused this. I read it on the internet.”
Matt: “Well, I’d like to kick him in the balls.”
Jay: “He deserves it.”

Jay: “How’s the no bread thing going so far.”
Matt: “Not too bad. It’s early still though.”
Jay: “It’ll get old fast though.”
Matt: “True. How’s the walking and stuff going?”
Jay: “Not bad. Shoulders and arms are sore from the weights.”
Matt: “It’ll get better.”
Jay: “Hope so, I can barely type.”
Matt: “Do you listen to the theme from Rocky?”
Jay: “No, I listen to this: *plays “You make me feel like dancing” by Leo Sayer”
Matt: “Ha! Of course. And now I have to play that for Schmoop.”
Jay: “Folow it up with: *plays “Boogie Shoes” K.C & the Sunshine Band.”
Matt: “Okay, stop.”
Jay: “You don’t want to lay down the boogie and play that funky music White Boy?”
Matt: “Not at this time, no.”
Jay: “Okay, I guess.”

Matt: “So, we doing an 80’s Extravaganza this week?”
Jay: “Sounds like a great idea.”
Matt: “The 80’s so ruled.”
Jay: “Totally. Great memories!”
Matt: “Oh yeah. Great music, movies, hell, everything.”
Jay: “Wonderful time to be a live.”
Matt: “It was!”
Jay: “Okay, I’ll be so rad!”
Matt: “Totally awesome!”
Jay: “I’m stoked!”

So there you go. True genius as it happened in real time. More or less. And don’t forget to listen to our “80s Extravaganza” on Saturday at 11 PM ET on I’m With Stupid. It’s gonna be so awesome. Even more so if you’re there.

And, to get you into the mood, here is our Kick Ash Wednesday show that was really pretty freaking fun. We talked Ash Wednesday, Lent, Atheism, Veganism and all kinds of other stuff all while battling colds. We are true professionals and we do it all for YOU! 

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Christians Dumping Jesus for Tim Tebow

Many Christian Americans say Jesus just doesn’t do it for them anymore. So, they’ve dumped the son of God for Denver Bronco’s QB Tim Tebow. Turns out people are finding Tebow to be more reliable and more responsive to their prayers. Now that the Broncos have won six in a row and seven of their last eight games since installing Tebow as their QB, people are starting to become true believers.

“There’s something special about him,” said George McMartin of Arvada, Colorado, “he’s not winning these games with luck or skill. He’s doing with … well … something else.” That “something else” seems is an uncanny knack for sucking worse than any QB in the history of the NFL in the first three quarters of games and then suddenly being John Elway, Joe Montana and Johnny Unitas all rolled into one in the fourth quarter and crunch time.

He’s also benefited from some pretty strange happenings like opponents inexplicably running out of bound to stop the clock, dropping open passes and fumbling at critical moments. But, for many out there, there’s nothing strange about it at all. According to Tiffany Walters of Spartanburg, South Carolina it’s pretty obvious what is going on here. “These things happening once or twice could be just a coincidence, but every week? There’s something else going on. And that something else is God’s will.”

For most people though, their reasons for dumping Jesus for Tim Terrific are much more practical. “I’ve been praying to Jesus ever since I was a little boy,” says Willard Parsons of Blue Ball, Pennsylvania “and he hasn’t answered me yet. I’m tired of waiting. I get answers from Tim Tebow every Sunday afternoon.”

Others, like Amanda Ferrari of Pocahontas, Arkansas, Tebow is just more believable. “I’ve read the bible and I know all about Jesus turning water to wine and walking on water, but there’s no proof. I mean, there aren’t any YouTube videos of it or anything like that. I’ve seen the miracles Tim Tebow has performed. They’re real and I can actually relate to them. Plus, Jesus was a long haired-hippie looking foreign dude while Tim is a clean cut, all-American white boy. I can relate to him better.”

But, according to Carlos Garza of Del Rio, Texas, it’s clear that Tim Tebow is the real son of God. “I like Hey-Zuss berry mucho, but Teem Tebow, he performing miracles right before our very eyes. I not want to believe at first, but now? I no can deny it.”

The faithful aren’t the only ones who have taken notice of Mr. Tebow either. Paul Smudders, a leader in the World Atheist Society says his group is keeping a close eye on the Mile High Messiah. “Obviously, we’re prepared to discredit any claims people might make that Tebow is some kind of spiritual being worthy of being worshiped. The things that have happened that have led to the Broncos’ recent dramatic victories are easily explained. The opponents have simply sucked worse than Tebow does. And that’s something we’re about to start pointing out; that Tim Tebow really does suck.”

Smulders went on to add that he’s not impressed with Tebow and doesn’t think you should be either. “He has a string of bullshit wins and anyone who can actually think for himself knows that. We can’t control weak-minded uneducated cult followers out there though. All we can do is state the facts. State them in as loud, obnoxious and rude a way as possible. And while doing that we need to remember to be smug and condescending dick bags. It’s a style we’ve used for years with great success.”

So it looks like a new front has been opened in the great religion war going on in America. The only question now is: Will Jesus come back to stop all this ‘Tim Tebow is the new Messiah’ talk or is he happy to have the attention on someone else for a while, giving him a bit of a break?

Jayman
jayman3768@gmail.com
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS