Even MORE People Who Need to STFU!

Holaaaaaaa! Yesterday Matt-Man posted a list of people who need to Shut the Fuck Up! And, while it was a good list, I thought that today I would continue this theme with a list of people I also wish would STFU!

ESPN’s Skip Bayless: Skip is everything that’s wrong with sports, ESPN and America. He’s a rude, arrogant gas bag who pissed away would could have been a highly respected career as a writer to be a carnival barker for ESPN’s First Take. He sits there each morning with that ass-clown Stephen A. Smith and they “argue” about sports. Mostly Skip talks about how Tim Tebow is the best QB in all of football and isn’t being given a fair chance. Ugh!

David Brooks: If you want to know what the truly elite are thinking, just read Brooks’ NYT column. He, even more than Maureen Dowd is the embodiment of the superior class who write only about “big picture issues” and then puts on a tuxedo at 6 pm to attend drinks and dinner with friends. And what does he write about? Mostly things like “we don’t have a leadership problem, we have a follower problem” where he complains that Americans aren’t blindly following their betters enough. Or perhaps he might write about how much harder he has to work than the average American and it would be so nice if blue collar workers would carry their own weight and help out a little. What a puke!

Vegans: Look guys. I have friends who are vegans, but if one more pale, hollow-eyed, bone-thin, looks like death warmed over vegan tells me that I eat “disgusting” things or that I should try tofu hot dogs because they’re sooooo healthy I’m just gonna stomp them into the dirt. Actually, I’ll just give them one poke in the sternum and watch them collapse in pain.

Marathon Runners: Okay, we get it, you run … A LOT. Thanks for updating us every single day how far you ran and in what time. Good for you. You run six to ten miles a day and burn 8,422 calories. You’re thinner than a vegan. You’re soooooooooo fucking healthy. Great, you’re gonna make a really great looking corpse. Congrats.

Piers Morgan: What a pretentious prick this guy is. If the Brits want to get rid of the image that they’re all smarmy, snooty, arrogant pricks, they need to stop sending people like Piers (if that’s his REAL name) over here. Every single thing this guy writes, says or even thinks is all about telling everyone “I’m better than you.” Dude, you couldn’t carry Larry King’s suspenders.

Atheists: Hey, did you guys know that atheists are, just by nature of being atheists, much smarter than the rest of us? Oh they are. If you didn’t know that, just fucking ask one of them and they’ll tell you. In fact, you don’t have to ask, they’ll offer it up anyway. And if they suspect that you are a “believer” they will really turn it on by quoting Penn Teller at you. Why? Because since they’re so much more intelligent than you, they must scream at you and shout you down and bully you until you just give up and walk away.

People who have quit smoking or drinking: I’m proud of you if you have done either of these things. And, quitting smoking is without a doubt the number one thing anyone can do to improve their health immediately. And, by quitting smoking people will suddenly have a lot of extra money each week because cigarettes are expensive as hell. But, do you HAVE to constantly tell me how much better you feel since you stopped drinking and/or smoking? Do you have to start every sentence with “Back when I drank …” Do you have to tell me how much better your dinner tastes and smells EVERY SINGLE DAY? No, no you don’t.

Oh hell, we could probably do this every day for a month! The list goes on and on and on. But, it’s important to keep blog posts short, so I’ll end it here.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS 

Brock Lee...Sexy Vegan Man

Hello friends of I’m With Stupid.

Brock Lee here for I’m With Stupid and I am the new IWS Vegan Correspondent.

Allow me to tell you…even though Jayman and Matt-Man are set in their carnivorous ways to the nth degree, they are proving their openness to all lifestyles and life choices, by hiring me.

They met me at a market in Chinatown as I was feeling up the Bok Choy, and asked me…

“Do you really like that shit, or are you trying to be trendy and ergo, pick up hippie chicks?”

I told those two beefeaters, as I chuckled in a devil-may-care way…“Hee, oh my”…I can’t believe my non-lizard-like tongue said that, but I continued…

“While I am not averse to laying artificially and superficially with hippie chicks, I eat nothing that contains animal or animal by-products.  I like my food raw and animal-free, you nutsy guys, you.”

And yes…I truly said that to Jay and Matt, and for some reason I was jubilant when I uttered that.  Hee!! Anywhey…

After a bit of small talk about legumes, they asked me to hop aboard the I’m With Stupid train because even though they may over indulge once I awhile, they want, and want you as well, to live a healthy lifestyle, because, as they say…

“Two dead radio hosts with an audience chock full of dead listeners, leads to one thing and one thing only…myocardial ratings infarction.”

And seriously, who wants that on their hands?  NOT THIS GUY!!  Hee.

So…I am going to be here every so often…or is that, ever so often, I don’t know…I know vegan, not English. Hee!!

Anywhey…

I will be here once in awhile in order to help Jay, Matt, and you, the beloved readers and listeners of IWS, choose healthy alternatives to your meat eating, colon-disintegrating lifestyles.

Likey for instance…did you know that you can make a delicious hamburger out of black beans and mushrooms?

You can taste the magic of a Sunday morning brunch using egg beaters and popsicle sticks.

You can in fact, sample the meaty delights of a Tuscan dinner by substituting the ground beef or sausage in your spaghetti with wheat germ and asbestos.

In fact, I call my asbestos pasta dish, MesotheliomaGAWD!!  Yes, it’s that good.

Some people give asbestos a bad name, but its better for you than eating Elsie and/or Piglet.

Anywhey, I feel blessed by God All Her Mighty that I have this forum on which to speak, so that I may give you tips that will prolong your life and make you a fortress against germs and….excuse me, I am feeling faint, I don’t know what it is, but I am sure its not a lack of protein…so hush.

Okay, I just ingested a rose petal and I am fine now.  See?  The healing power of the vegan lifestyle in action.

Anywhey, I hope that I can one day convince you that we should one day live as God intended.

To live in a garden wearing nothing but our pale skin, while eating nothing but "good for you" fruit full of temptation and molted snake skin.

Until we do that, how can we ever hope to be free and find eternal peace?

Yours in a World That Eats Nothing with Eyes,

Brock

neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattmaniws

Matt Said, Jay Said XVII

Matt sgyrsiau, Jay sgyrsiau, You gwrando.

Matt: “Look, Tyra I told you it’s over. You gotta stop calling me.”
Jay: “Wha?”
Matt: “Oh it’s you.”
Jay: “Who did you expect?”
Matt: “Tyra Banks. Every couple of months she calls me begging me to take her back.”
Jay: “Poor Tyra.”
Matt: “I used to feel sorry for her, but she so needy.”
Jay: “Oh man. I hate that.”
Matt: “It’s just part of the struggle that is my life.”
Jay: “It ain’t easy being Matt.”
Matt: “True dat. True dat.”
Jay: “Mmmm-Hmmm”
Matt: “Yup”

Jay: “So how ya doing?”
Matt: “Awful. Just awful.”
Jay: “Awww. That sucks.”
Matt: “Yeah it does. This cold is kicking my ass.”
Jay: “It’s Al Gore’s fault.”
Matt: “How?”
Jay: “He created Global Warming. Warm winter means worse cold & flu season.”
Matt: “That fucking bastard.”
Jay: “I KNOW RIGHT? He totally caused this. I read it on the internet.”
Matt: “Well, I’d like to kick him in the balls.”
Jay: “He deserves it.”

Jay: “How’s the no bread thing going so far.”
Matt: “Not too bad. It’s early still though.”
Jay: “It’ll get old fast though.”
Matt: “True. How’s the walking and stuff going?”
Jay: “Not bad. Shoulders and arms are sore from the weights.”
Matt: “It’ll get better.”
Jay: “Hope so, I can barely type.”
Matt: “Do you listen to the theme from Rocky?”
Jay: “No, I listen to this: *plays “You make me feel like dancing” by Leo Sayer”
Matt: “Ha! Of course. And now I have to play that for Schmoop.”
Jay: “Folow it up with: *plays “Boogie Shoes” K.C & the Sunshine Band.”
Matt: “Okay, stop.”
Jay: “You don’t want to lay down the boogie and play that funky music White Boy?”
Matt: “Not at this time, no.”
Jay: “Okay, I guess.”

Matt: “So, we doing an 80’s Extravaganza this week?”
Jay: “Sounds like a great idea.”
Matt: “The 80’s so ruled.”
Jay: “Totally. Great memories!”
Matt: “Oh yeah. Great music, movies, hell, everything.”
Jay: “Wonderful time to be a live.”
Matt: “It was!”
Jay: “Okay, I’ll be so rad!”
Matt: “Totally awesome!”
Jay: “I’m stoked!”

So there you go. True genius as it happened in real time. More or less. And don’t forget to listen to our “80s Extravaganza” on Saturday at 11 PM ET on I’m With Stupid. It’s gonna be so awesome. Even more so if you’re there.

And, to get you into the mood, here is our Kick Ash Wednesday show that was really pretty freaking fun. We talked Ash Wednesday, Lent, Atheism, Veganism and all kinds of other stuff all while battling colds. We are true professionals and we do it all for YOU! 

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio