Team Miley or Team Nicki? How 'Bout Team IWS!!

Season Six of IWS Radio got off to a wild and sniffy start. Matt-Man had to work the whole weekend because OTHER people like to take vacations and Jayman was suffering through an early fall allergy attack. Jay did his best to not let his sniffing, hacking and wheezing distract from the hilarity of the show though. So what all happened? Well ….

Matt-Man gave the big guy upstairs (God, not his upstairs neighbor) credit for intervening and making a customer choose beer instead of wine. The Beer Mine (conveniently located at the corner of Burnett and Elmore Roads in Bagwine, Ohio) isn’t allowed to legally sell wine on Sundays and Matt forgot!

Jayman has a pretty slow week and scoured his notes hoping to find something that happened that he could share with IWS’ vast and diverse worldwide audience, but it was no use. He felt like he let the fans down, but didn’t want to make anything up. IWS listeners are way to intelligent to fall for that!

Jayman announced that IWS was NOT renewing the contracts of Dusty Sandman and the Alarmist Weatherman for Season Six.

Matt-Man announced that Stubby Stonehenge had been let go. He might be dead. We don’t know.

Dick Berns made his triumphant return to IWS Radio though with a rousing report from New Orleans commemorating the 10 year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina.!

There was some baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad music played!

Jayman lamented the fact that doing the show in prime time meant he wouldn’t be able to watch the first hour of Miley Cyrus hosting the MTV Video Music Awards.

Jeb Bush and Jeb Bush’s badly Photoshopped black hand did a Direct TV ad that was hilarious!

Jeb Bush also had a little  problem saying that Asians are the biggest “anchor babies” in America.

Hillary made a really pathetic attempt at using humor to deflect her little email problem.

Matt and Jay wondered if both Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush should just drop out of the race. They agreed that both Hillary and Jeb have been running truly horrible campaigns.

Canadian Bureau Chief Jamie Mapleleaf updated us on the Canadian elections and how things are shaping up in America’s Attic.

IWS World Media News Division broke the news that Obama will allow Mt. McKinley to be renamed “Denali” which was its original name. Plus Matt and Jay predicted the whiny crybaby fit republicans would throw over this decision.

Matt and Jay discussed possible new segment ideas or guest ideas for Season Six.

You definitely need to check this prime time gem out! Seriously! 

                              

A Couple of Delicious Smoothies

Dang y’all! It doesn’t get much smoother than this week’s episode of IWS Radio! Matt and Jay showed everyone what a couple of smooth dudes can do with internet radio. I hope radio wannabes were taking notes this week! What did we cover? Welllllll …..

Matt dang near got killed by a massive tree that feel on the Bagwine Digs last week!

Then Jay almost got mauled to death by a couple of vicious wild dogs!

Nicki Minaj almost got mauled to death by History’s Greatest Monster, Taylor Swift!

Colin Cowherd says that baseball isn’t a game that takes any intellectual power as evidenced by the fact that 1/3 of the league is Dominican.

Bobby Kraft interviewed the Dwarf Planet Pluto and it didn’t go well.

Wes Clark thinks internment camps for Muslims living in America might be a good idea.

“Turn the” Paige Weeks called in, but apparently technology is too complicated for her.

There are certain songs and certain bands you should NEVER play at a wedding.

The Special Olympics started this week and Matt and Jay noticed something “off” about the game’s theme music.

Brian Kilmeade and Elisabeth Hasslebeck are both extremely stupid.

Robert the Taylor thinks … Well, we’re not sure. You’ll have to listen and see if you can figure out what he was saying yourself.

Jamie Mapleleaf makes everything alright and is smooth and soft! Awwwww yeahhhhhh baby!

Drew Peacock is a real freak.

Aaaaaaaaaaaand sooooo much more!

                                

Hollywood's Hottest Boobs...

The IWS Person(s) of the Week are Hollywood's best boobies. I mean, why not?

Kaley Cuoco ...

Katy Perry ... 

Nicki Minaj ... 

Kate Upton 

And ... Who says boobs have be huge to be awesome? Natalie Portman ...

Wooooooooo! Boobies!!! Also, we'll be talking boobies along with Valentine's Day recap, 50 Shades of Grey garbage and other important things on "Pathetic People, Presidents and Boobies" on IWS Radio Sunday at 12 Noon ET!!

Jayman is so Damn Unpredictable

Holaaaaaaaaaaa y’all! You know, I bet you guys think you can predict what I’m doing just about every hour the day. You probably think you can predict what I’m eating for dinner or breakfast or what I’m drinking each night. Well, sometimes you can, but every once in a while I like to throw you guys a curveball. Heck, sometimes I’m down right unpredictable.

Just this morning Matt-Man  replied to my mentioning that I had a significant amount of sinus drainage by saying “Don’t get any on your Pop Tarts.” See? Matt thought he could confidently predict that I would be having Frosted Chocolate Pop Tarts for breakfast. Well, he was WRONNNNNNNG! I had cinnamon raisin toast! Take that!

So, I started thinking about other times people have gotten overconfident in trying to predict my actions. Like, whose music do you think I’m listening to while writing this? Go on … guess! Miley Cyrus? Nope. Taylor Swift? Noooooooooo. CCR? Queen? Elvis? The Ramones? Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Oh so very wrong! I’m cranking some Nicki Minaj! Didn’t see that coming at all, did you?

“And when I pop dat pussy, I pop it on his Suzuki
I pop it so crazy cookie
I’m rockin them daisy dukies (oh)

I be shakin it for daddy, He want more more more
Got that Bently, Got that Caddy, And theyre all 4 door
If I pull him by the collar, Boy he gonna holla
I be shakin it for daddy, He want more more more”

Awwwww yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Love that girl! What a sweetheart.  Even when she does use some unfortunate Nazi imagery in her videos.

So what else have we got? Oh here’s a good one. Everyone knows that Wednesday night is hamburger night at Chez Jay’s. Well, what I like to do is cruise along having a hamburger patty and mashed taters and lull everyone into a false sense of security and when they ask me how my patty and mashed taters where I’ll say “HA! Got ya! I had steak sandwich and fries!” BOO-YAAAAAAAAA!

And I bet you thought I would just love Steel Reserve Spiked Punch didn’t you? Welllllll…..

                                 

I bet you think that while I was out and about doing important things today I was yelling at Colin Cowherd who was on ESPN Radio saying stupid stuff. Once again, you are so very wrong. The radio in my car crapped out so I wasn’t listening to anything. TAKE THAT! You can’t figure me out! You should just quit trying. What song was I singing to myself since I didn’t have a radio? I bet you’ll NEVER get this one.

Give up? Of course you do! I was singing …

“I love you oh so madly

I need your love so badly

But I don't stand a

Ghost of a chance with you

I thought at last I had found you

But other arms surround you

And I don't stand a

Ghost of a chance with you”

Yeah, I’m one eclectic dude! You just never know what I’ll be up to. Heck you probably think that when I got my haircut today I just had the barber cut it exactly the same way I’ve been getting it done since I cut the mullet in high school, don’t you? Well … uh …. Okay, you got me on that one. I do have a fine head of hair though.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
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My Freaky Neighbor

Hola freaks and weirdos  After months of involuntarily listening in on my upstairs neighbor’s activities I have suddenly put all together. Well, it wasn’t so sudden really. It actually took several nights of lying awake in my bed while listening to a rhythmic squeaking and banging noises going on above me.

My neighbor gets a lot of action. I always figured that he was either a really charming guy or had access to great drugs that girls were willing to do anything for. But, the more action he got, the more things didn’t seem to add up.

See, it sounded like my neighbor had an air mattress that he used as his “sex bed” because it wasn’t bed springs or a bed frame type squeaking. If you've ever slept on an air bed you’ll know what I mean. It sounds like squeezing a beach ball.

Here’s the weird part. I've never hear any HUMAN noises up there. No moaning or screaming or cooing or anything. No talking beforehand or afterwards. Also, after he’s through he jumps out of bed and runs to the bathroom. But, nobody else does. In fact, there’s only one person walking around up there EVER.

Hell, three minutes before he’s in bed getting bizz-ay he’s outside talking on his cellphone. Next thing you know he’s squeezing the beach ball for ten minutes and that’s it. Then, after a trip to the bathroom, he goes into the other bedroom, gets into a bed that has a real squeaky frame and goes to sleep.

So, I think we all know where this is going, right? Yup … My upstairs neighbor has a girl drugged and chained to an air mattress in his apartment.

Wait … No, that’s not it. I hope. His girlfriend is a blow up doll.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. And I’m certainly not one to judge, but it’s just one of those things that seems odd and one feels they must share on their blog with the whole world.

Has anyone out there ever tried a blow up doll? I guess maybe some people just need a little help when it comes to masturbating. If this dude was in the blogosphere or twitter he would meet more than enough hot babes to fantasize about and maybe he wouldn't need something like that and wouldn't have worry about hiding his “girlfriend” in case maintenance came into his apt when he was gone. And that’s exactly what’s going to happen if I can talk the maintenance dude into to. I’m totally going to try to get him to go in there and look. Just for confirmation, not so I can mock him again. I would never do something like that. But, just so I’ll know if my months of detective work were worth it.

If there is no blow up girlfriend up there, I will have to ask him where he finds all these deaf and mute girls. Unless he’s good at finding girls who don’t mind having duct tape over their mouths during sex. That would be kinda hot.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS 


Also, on Wednesday we had a great show talking about the Presidential Debate, Nicki Minaj vs Mariah Carey, speaking Canadian and Drive-By Mikey called in to update us all on the Great Mouse Hunt of 2012. All that and so much more! Check it out!

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