My Freaky Neighbor

Hola freaks and weirdos  After months of involuntarily listening in on my upstairs neighbor’s activities I have suddenly put all together. Well, it wasn’t so sudden really. It actually took several nights of lying awake in my bed while listening to a rhythmic squeaking and banging noises going on above me.

My neighbor gets a lot of action. I always figured that he was either a really charming guy or had access to great drugs that girls were willing to do anything for. But, the more action he got, the more things didn’t seem to add up.

See, it sounded like my neighbor had an air mattress that he used as his “sex bed” because it wasn’t bed springs or a bed frame type squeaking. If you've ever slept on an air bed you’ll know what I mean. It sounds like squeezing a beach ball.

Here’s the weird part. I've never hear any HUMAN noises up there. No moaning or screaming or cooing or anything. No talking beforehand or afterwards. Also, after he’s through he jumps out of bed and runs to the bathroom. But, nobody else does. In fact, there’s only one person walking around up there EVER.

Hell, three minutes before he’s in bed getting bizz-ay he’s outside talking on his cellphone. Next thing you know he’s squeezing the beach ball for ten minutes and that’s it. Then, after a trip to the bathroom, he goes into the other bedroom, gets into a bed that has a real squeaky frame and goes to sleep.

So, I think we all know where this is going, right? Yup … My upstairs neighbor has a girl drugged and chained to an air mattress in his apartment.

Wait … No, that’s not it. I hope. His girlfriend is a blow up doll.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. And I’m certainly not one to judge, but it’s just one of those things that seems odd and one feels they must share on their blog with the whole world.

Has anyone out there ever tried a blow up doll? I guess maybe some people just need a little help when it comes to masturbating. If this dude was in the blogosphere or twitter he would meet more than enough hot babes to fantasize about and maybe he wouldn't need something like that and wouldn't have worry about hiding his “girlfriend” in case maintenance came into his apt when he was gone. And that’s exactly what’s going to happen if I can talk the maintenance dude into to. I’m totally going to try to get him to go in there and look. Just for confirmation, not so I can mock him again. I would never do something like that. But, just so I’ll know if my months of detective work were worth it.

If there is no blow up girlfriend up there, I will have to ask him where he finds all these deaf and mute girls. Unless he’s good at finding girls who don’t mind having duct tape over their mouths during sex. That would be kinda hot.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS 


Also, on Wednesday we had a great show talking about the Presidential Debate, Nicki Minaj vs Mariah Carey, speaking Canadian and Drive-By Mikey called in to update us all on the Great Mouse Hunt of 2012. All that and so much more! Check it out!

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