Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Presidential Debate 2012...Barack Obama vs. Mitt Romney

Tonight at 9 P.M. ET, Jim Lehrer will moderate the first of the 2012 Presidential Debates live from Denver, CO.

Tonight’s questions will focus on fiscal and domestic policy.  Subsequent Presidential debates will focus on foreign policy and social issues.

So, in the meantime and on the precipice of tonight’s debate…

We brought both President Obama and Gov. Mitt Romney into the Bagwine Studios of IWS in order to have a tête-à-tête type summit in order to discover what makes the hearts and souls of President Barry and Governor Willard beat.

Matt:  Gov. Romney…Let’s begin with you.  If you had been born a black man rather than a pasty white type of guy…what type of black man would you be?

Romney:  Hmmmm?  That pre-supposes that my father would have been a negro as well, and since as a white man living in Detroit he ran Ford Motor Company…um…as a successful negro living in Detroit, he would have run Motown Records. So I guess I would have become the cat’s pajamas in some Section 8 mogul form or fashion. Or I’d have taken over Motown Records and be known today as, Quincy Gordy and/or Berry Jones.

Matt:  Likewise President Obama…If you had been born truly white, rather than an awkwardly DNA’ed mufaletta, where do you think you’d be today?

Obama:  Hell I’d still be residing in Hawaii.  And as a white man I would actually be able to enjoy the surf.  I could swim in the ocean.  Ride a surfboard, and just hang out getting a tan.  You can’t do any of that type of thing when you’re a black man.  Hawaii isn’t paradise when you’re a black man; it’s just a Zip Code.

Matt:  Let’s move to religion…President Obama?  If you were a Mormon, how do you think you would react?

Obama:  Well…First I would say unto myself…Why your mommy and daddy belong to a church that considered us folks of color lesser folk until 1980 or so?  But then?  I’d be all over that polygamy thing and marry Tyra Banks, Shakira, Eva Longoria, Michelle, produce 8,000 kids, and be the first Democrat Presidential candidate to ever win the State of Utah.

Matt:  And Governor Romney?  What if you had been raised a Muslim like President Obama?

Romney:  That’s a bazaar question.  Ha Ha Ha, get it?  Bazaar?  Anyhoo…The word bazaar is a portend as to what I’d do.  I’d probably ingratiate myself to the Muslim community and make millions off of selling spices and tea leaves produced in China and Laos to my Muslim brethren in the kitschy markets of the Middle East.

Matt:  Gov. Romney.  Soft Drinks…Pop…Soda…They can help to define a person.  What is your favorite?

Romney:  Well as a Mormon I don’t consume caffeine, but as a drinker of soda, I do once in awhile enjoy an ice cold bottle of Coca-Cola.

Matt:  Coke does contain caffeine.

Romney:  Pepsi?

Matt:  Pepsi does as well.

Romney:  Well, I do enjoy being in the bubbly presence of the CEOs of both companies.  Ha Ha Ha.

Matt:  President Obama?  You favorite soft drink, pop, soda?

Obama:  Hee Hee…I see you smiling Matt-Man, because as you worked in fast food in High School and work at the Beer Mine now, you know what us bruthas like.

Matt:  Ha…And what would that be?

Obama:  We like Orange Pop, Grape Pop, and Tahitian Treat.

Matt:  Word…And even though you are Hawaiian, you’ll have none of that Hawaiian Punch shit.

Obama:  Fuck that shit.

Romney:  Can I say fuck that shit too?  I mean, if it’ll help me be hip?

Matt: You just did, Governor.

Romney:  Yo, Canine.  Woot Woot.

Obama and Matt:  Uh-huh.

And that concludes our debate and if you’d like, Jayman and I will be broadcasting LIVE Today at 11 AM ET on Blog Talk Radio so catch us LIVE by clicking right HERE.



Mike said...

Since Obama is a Muslim from Indonesia and he has two kids would that make him a Tahitian pop?

I'm With Stupid said...

As a fan of Hawaiian Punch, I'm afraid this debate has left a bad taste in my mouth. And I'm outraged that Gary Johnson was prohibited form participating.


I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: He would like to be known as the Tahitian Pop, but Michelle forbids that kind of sugary drink in their household. Such a killjoy. Cheer Mike!!


I'm With Stupid said...

Jayman: I invited Gary Johnson, but being the Libertarian that he is, he wanted to write and answer his own questions. Cheers Jayman!!


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