Thursday, November 13, 2014

Jayman is so Damn Unpredictable

Holaaaaaaaaaaa y’all! You know, I bet you guys think you can predict what I’m doing just about every hour the day. You probably think you can predict what I’m eating for dinner or breakfast or what I’m drinking each night. Well, sometimes you can, but every once in a while I like to throw you guys a curveball. Heck, sometimes I’m down right unpredictable.

Just this morning Matt-Man  replied to my mentioning that I had a significant amount of sinus drainage by saying “Don’t get any on your Pop Tarts.” See? Matt thought he could confidently predict that I would be having Frosted Chocolate Pop Tarts for breakfast. Well, he was WRONNNNNNNG! I had cinnamon raisin toast! Take that!

So, I started thinking about other times people have gotten overconfident in trying to predict my actions. Like, whose music do you think I’m listening to while writing this? Go on … guess! Miley Cyrus? Nope. Taylor Swift? Noooooooooo. CCR? Queen? Elvis? The Ramones? Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Oh so very wrong! I’m cranking some Nicki Minaj! Didn’t see that coming at all, did you?

“And when I pop dat pussy, I pop it on his Suzuki
I pop it so crazy cookie
I’m rockin them daisy dukies (oh)

I be shakin it for daddy, He want more more more
Got that Bently, Got that Caddy, And theyre all 4 door
If I pull him by the collar, Boy he gonna holla
I be shakin it for daddy, He want more more more”

Awwwww yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Love that girl! What a sweetheart.  Even when she does use some unfortunate Nazi imagery in her videos.

So what else have we got? Oh here’s a good one. Everyone knows that Wednesday night is hamburger night at Chez Jay’s. Well, what I like to do is cruise along having a hamburger patty and mashed taters and lull everyone into a false sense of security and when they ask me how my patty and mashed taters where I’ll say “HA! Got ya! I had steak sandwich and fries!” BOO-YAAAAAAAAA!

And I bet you thought I would just love Steel Reserve Spiked Punch didn’t you? Welllllll…..


I bet you think that while I was out and about doing important things today I was yelling at Colin Cowherd who was on ESPN Radio saying stupid stuff. Once again, you are so very wrong. The radio in my car crapped out so I wasn’t listening to anything. TAKE THAT! You can’t figure me out! You should just quit trying. What song was I singing to myself since I didn’t have a radio? I bet you’ll NEVER get this one.

Give up? Of course you do! I was singing …

“I love you oh so madly
I need your love so badly
But I don't stand a
Ghost of a chance with you

I thought at last I had found you
But other arms surround you
And I don't stand a
Ghost of a chance with you”

Yeah, I’m one eclectic dude! You just never know what I’ll be up to. Heck you probably think that when I got my haircut today I just had the barber cut it exactly the same way I’ve been getting it done since I cut the mullet in high school, don’t you? Well … uh …. Okay, you got me on that one. I do have a fine head of hair though.


I'm With Stupid said...

You are fucking amazing. You are the only man I know who is more unpredictable than Andy Dick. Cheers Jayman!!

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt: True, but his unpredictability comes from heavy drug use. I'm just naturally unpredictable.


Katy Anders said...

Minaj doesn't have a very good body, but her lyrics are fantastic.

I'm betting the same person wrote those two sets of lyrics. I see a lot of similarities...

I'm With Stupid said...

Katy: Nicki is a very talented person. Very sweet and caring too.