January if Full of Sickness, Sadness and Shutdowns

Are you suffering from the Winter Blues? Feeling a little blah? January is the most boring and saddest month of the year. People are having emotional let-downs after the holidays and suffering through the long, gloomy, snowy nights. Plus the Flu is ravaging the country keeping people home and shutting down schools. On top of all that we're staring yet another government shutdown in the face. On top of that the Patriots are up to their old tricks. Is Tom Brady REALLY injured? We'll discuss this silliness. Things look pretty gloomy y'all! Good thing Matt-Man and Jayman are here to lift your spirits and turn that frown upside down! We'll put a smile on your face and help you through the bad times and fill your hearts with love. Or something.

As always Canadian Bureau Chief Jamie Mapleleaf will be here along with the IWS Players to keep the party going. We'll have some witty banter, good and bad songs and do a booze taste test plus who knows what other shenanigans we'll get into. All this and, as always, a bunch of wacky calls from HI-larious trolls! You gotta check this one out!

Some Coloradans Are Just Not NIce

Let me ask you all a question.  When you see this woman, what is the first thought that pops into your head?

When I saw a picture of this woman, I thought, “She is digging her Shoney’s.”

But then…

Miss Someone said to the effect, “She is a bib wearing woman who is probably sane and happy.”

When I first saw this picture I went…Eh?  And then when I read Miss Someone’s quote, I said to myself and I acutely and accurately paraphrase here…

“What the hell is wrong with the picture of a chick trying to stay clean?”

And…I asked and commented as to the same on Miss Someone’s FB page stating that I don’t see anything wrong with the chick’s bib look.

Her reply…

“Maybe YOU don’t.”  (Capitalized on Miss Someone's Part.)

This RAGING and rapacious retort came courtesy of some ego-centric chick in Colorado.  COLORADO!! Listen…

If this “hemp-approved” chick wants to give some average woman chick crap about wearing a bib in a restaurant because it’s, “not we do in pot-smoking Colorado” she can go fuck herself, and half of America too can go fuck itself too.

See, honey?  Some of the finest and seemingly well-bred folks have become a caricature of the average American, you included.

While you are a somewhat pleasant looking woman, you are unpleasant in general, and lack the grace to think about others…outside of that, you are fine human being and can delight in the joy of the hemp industry
.

And don’t get me wrong…

There are many of you progressives and libertarians out there, that are annoyed by common people who don’t fill your cup of Starbucks lifestyle.  I mean, you love folks who shop at Target, Wal*Mart, and Kroger, but…you just don’t want to be associated with them on a personal level.

Yes…I know that sometimes you go to Target, but when you are done, it was always because of an emergency, and you feel the need to explain your venture to such a pedestrian shopping outlet on Facebook.

That’s fine, but let me tell ya…When you go to Target; Target posts the following on Facebook…

“That condescending, holier-than-thou bitch was here again, and after she made fun of Mabel with her bib on, we charged her triple for her Depends.”

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

Jay's Imaginary Friend Returns

Hola! It’s time once again for a conversation between Jayman and his Invisible Friend, better known as “IF.”

IF: You look to be deep in thought.
Jay: Oh great, it’s YOU again.
IF: I missed you too.
Jay: Whatever
IF: So what are you doing?
Jay: Thinking about something.
IF: I’m gonna be sorry I did this, but what are you thinking about?
Jay: I need a new bad habit.
IF: I knew better than to ask. What habit do you want to take up?
Jay: I should start smoking pot.
IF: Good Lord.

Jay: What? It might help me.
IF: With what?
Jay: Life.
IF: Oh holy shit, this is gonna be a long conversation.
Jay: We don’t HAVE to have it. You can leave.
IF: No way I miss this.
Jay: I really don’t like you.


IF: Remember when you and that Mexican chick with the perfect rack were gonna smoke some pot on her birthday?
Jay: Yeah, that didn’t work out so well.
IF: Because neither of you knew where to get any pot.
Jay: It’s harder than it seems.
IF: Only if you’re stupid.
Jay: Hey now!
IF: Dude, you lived in the hood. There was a hooker living in your apt. complex.
Jay: She was sweet. I didn’t want her think badly of me.
IF: *stares* What? It’s not like you were going to ask her for free sex.
Jay: Anyway, I didn’t think the person I bought from should know where I lived.

IF: Okay what about whatshername?
Jay: Anna. She had even less access to it than me.
IF: Um, what did she do for a living?
Jay: Schoolteacher, why?
IF: Idiot. She probably could have bought from 70% of her students.
Jay: We were afraid they would blackmail her.
IF: What?
Jay: 7th graders are ruthless.

Jay: Maybe I should just go with Meth.
IF: Thaaaaaat’s probably a bad idea.
Jay: I could make my own.
IF: Why?
Jay: So I wouldn’t have to talk to people to find a dealer.
IF: That’s insane. Not for you though, I guess.
Jay: It can’t be that hard to make.
IF: I think it’s dangerous to make.
Jay: Have you ever seen those dumb asses on COPS who make it?
IF: Well, that’s true.

Jay: *Googles “How to make meth”*
IF: Okay, this is the whitest thing you’ve done in a while.
Jay: Oh shit. It makes A LOT.
IF: You could give it away as birthday and Christmas gifts!
Jay: I guess I could just cut the recipe down. Cut each ingredient by 80%.
IF: What could possibly go wrong?
Jay: The ingredients are kind of expensive.
IF: The explosion is going to be spectacular.

Jay: Aww … Fuck it.
IF: That’s the spirit!
Jay: I guess I’ll just watch some HBO Go for a while.
IF: Good idea. Let this whole drugs idea pass.
Jay: I would screw it all up anyway. Or it would screw me up.
IF: Ha! You’re already pretty screwed up.
Jay: I’m going to hurt you.
IF: You’re pretty sensitive. Smoking pot would probably just make you sit here and cry.
Jay: I’m getting ready to make you cry.
IF: I think I’ll leave now.
Jay: Good plan.
IF: What are you going to watch?
Jay: Girls
IF: Ugh. A guy needs to be high to enjoy that show.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS