Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Jay's Imaginary Friend Returns

Hola! It’s time once again for a conversation between Jayman and his Invisible Friend, better known as “IF.”

IF: You look to be deep in thought.
Jay: Oh great, it’s YOU again.
IF: I missed you too.
Jay: Whatever
IF: So what are you doing?
Jay: Thinking about something.
IF: I’m gonna be sorry I did this, but what are you thinking about?
Jay: I need a new bad habit.
IF: I knew better than to ask. What habit do you want to take up?
Jay: I should start smoking pot.
IF: Good Lord.

Jay: What? It might help me.
IF: With what?
Jay: Life.
IF: Oh holy shit, this is gonna be a long conversation.
Jay: We don’t HAVE to have it. You can leave.
IF: No way I miss this.
Jay: I really don’t like you.

IF: Remember when you and that Mexican chick with the perfect rack were gonna smoke some pot on her birthday?
Jay: Yeah, that didn’t work out so well.
IF: Because neither of you knew where to get any pot.
Jay: It’s harder than it seems.
IF: Only if you’re stupid.
Jay: Hey now!
IF: Dude, you lived in the hood. There was a hooker living in your apt. complex.
Jay: She was sweet. I didn’t want her think badly of me.
IF: *stares* What? It’s not like you were going to ask her for free sex.
Jay: Anyway, I didn’t think the person I bought from should know where I lived.

IF: Okay what about whatshername?
Jay: Anna. She had even less access to it than me.
IF: Um, what did she do for a living?
Jay: Schoolteacher, why?
IF: Idiot. She probably could have bought from 70% of her students.
Jay: We were afraid they would blackmail her.
IF: What?
Jay: 7th graders are ruthless.

Jay: Maybe I should just go with Meth.
IF: Thaaaaaat’s probably a bad idea.
Jay: I could make my own.
IF: Why?
Jay: So I wouldn’t have to talk to people to find a dealer.
IF: That’s insane. Not for you though, I guess.
Jay: It can’t be that hard to make.
IF: I think it’s dangerous to make.
Jay: Have you ever seen those dumb asses on COPS who make it?
IF: Well, that’s true.

Jay: *Googles “How to make meth”*
IF: Okay, this is the whitest thing you’ve done in a while.
Jay: Oh shit. It makes A LOT.
IF: You could give it away as birthday and Christmas gifts!
Jay: I guess I could just cut the recipe down. Cut each ingredient by 80%.
IF: What could possibly go wrong?
Jay: The ingredients are kind of expensive.
IF: The explosion is going to be spectacular.

Jay: Aww … Fuck it.
IF: That’s the spirit!
Jay: I guess I’ll just watch some HBO Go for a while.
IF: Good idea. Let this whole drugs idea pass.
Jay: I would screw it all up anyway. Or it would screw me up.
IF: Ha! You’re already pretty screwed up.
Jay: I’m going to hurt you.
IF: You’re pretty sensitive. Smoking pot would probably just make you sit here and cry.
Jay: I’m getting ready to make you cry.
IF: I think I’ll leave now.
Jay: Good plan.
IF: What are you going to watch?
Jay: Girls
IF: Ugh. A guy needs to be high to enjoy that show.



I'm With Stupid said...

Make sure you make your own illegal fireworks next to your meth lab. No harm could come from that. Cheers Jayman!!


Mike said...

I'm sure as soon as pot becomes legal, your county, in the state of Arkansas, will be the first to open a state run pot store.

Mike said...

With a convient drive through! Like a car wash. With a guy that will run out to your car with your product.

Gnetch said...

Hahaha! Are you sure you're not smoking pot already?

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: Nothing goes together better than meth and fireworks!


I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: I'm sure there will be. Hell, there might even be a delivery service.


I'm With Stupid said...

Gnetch: If I did drugs I would be SOOOOOOOO weird! haha ;-p


Jo said...

I thought I left a comment yesterday but it's not here, and I'm not getting notifications. My savages are probably to blame.

Thanks for being my #1 fan, Jay! You squeezed 3 links into those 2 sentences!

Drugs aren't sexy. But the meth thing was really funny. If you're feeling like flirting with disaster, you could always help me with my street art. Or we could make a movie.

Knight said...

This is just another reason to come visit me. I can find you anything.

Did you really run out of so many bad habit options you had to jump to meth?

I'm With Stupid said...

Jo: Or we could make a movie about your street art! That would actually be fun.

You rock babe!


I'm With Stupid said...

Knight: I'm pretty sure you've got everything I could ever need. ;-)

I jumped over a lot of the more mundane bad habits to get to something a little more exciting.


Wine~Gurl said...

Your a mess! Love this..your invisi friend is a Debbie downer! LOL. Lets leave the Meth alone and we can make phone sex a new bad habit...LOL.

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