Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Jay's Imaginary Friend Returns


Hola! It’s time once again for a conversation between Jayman and his Invisible Friend, better known as “IF.”

IF: You look to be deep in thought.
Jay: Oh great, it’s YOU again.
IF: I missed you too.
Jay: Whatever
IF: So what are you doing?
Jay: Thinking about something.
IF: I’m gonna be sorry I did this, but what are you thinking about?
Jay: I need a new bad habit.
IF: I knew better than to ask. What habit do you want to take up?
Jay: I should start smoking pot.
IF: Good Lord.

Jay: What? It might help me.
IF: With what?
Jay: Life.
IF: Oh holy shit, this is gonna be a long conversation.
Jay: We don’t HAVE to have it. You can leave.
IF: No way I miss this.
Jay: I really don’t like you.


IF: Remember when you and that Mexican chick with the perfect rack were gonna smoke some pot on her birthday?
Jay: Yeah, that didn’t work out so well.
IF: Because neither of you knew where to get any pot.
Jay: It’s harder than it seems.
IF: Only if you’re stupid.
Jay: Hey now!
IF: Dude, you lived in the hood. There was a hooker living in your apt. complex.
Jay: She was sweet. I didn’t want her think badly of me.
IF: *stares* What? It’s not like you were going to ask her for free sex.
Jay: Anyway, I didn’t think the person I bought from should know where I lived.

IF: Okay what about whatshername?
Jay: Anna. She had even less access to it than me.
IF: Um, what did she do for a living?
Jay: Schoolteacher, why?
IF: Idiot. She probably could have bought from 70% of her students.
Jay: We were afraid they would blackmail her.
IF: What?
Jay: 7th graders are ruthless.

Jay: Maybe I should just go with Meth.
IF: Thaaaaaat’s probably a bad idea.
Jay: I could make my own.
IF: Why?
Jay: So I wouldn’t have to talk to people to find a dealer.
IF: That’s insane. Not for you though, I guess.
Jay: It can’t be that hard to make.
IF: I think it’s dangerous to make.
Jay: Have you ever seen those dumb asses on COPS who make it?
IF: Well, that’s true.

Jay: *Googles “How to make meth”*
IF: Okay, this is the whitest thing you’ve done in a while.
Jay: Oh shit. It makes A LOT.
IF: You could give it away as birthday and Christmas gifts!
Jay: I guess I could just cut the recipe down. Cut each ingredient by 80%.
IF: What could possibly go wrong?
Jay: The ingredients are kind of expensive.
IF: The explosion is going to be spectacular.

Jay: Aww … Fuck it.
IF: That’s the spirit!
Jay: I guess I’ll just watch some HBO Go for a while.
IF: Good idea. Let this whole drugs idea pass.
Jay: I would screw it all up anyway. Or it would screw me up.
IF: Ha! You’re already pretty screwed up.
Jay: I’m going to hurt you.
IF: You’re pretty sensitive. Smoking pot would probably just make you sit here and cry.
Jay: I’m getting ready to make you cry.
IF: I think I’ll leave now.
Jay: Good plan.
IF: What are you going to watch?
Jay: Girls
IF: Ugh. A guy needs to be high to enjoy that show.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS



13 comments:

I'm With Stupid said...

Make sure you make your own illegal fireworks next to your meth lab. No harm could come from that. Cheers Jayman!!

Matt-Man

Mike said...

I'm sure as soon as pot becomes legal, your county, in the state of Arkansas, will be the first to open a state run pot store.

Mike said...

With a convient drive through! Like a car wash. With a guy that will run out to your car with your product.

Gnetch said...

Hahaha! Are you sure you're not smoking pot already?

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: Nothing goes together better than meth and fireworks!

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: I'm sure there will be. Hell, there might even be a delivery service.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Gnetch: If I did drugs I would be SOOOOOOOO weird! haha ;-p

Jay

Jo said...

I thought I left a comment yesterday but it's not here, and I'm not getting notifications. My savages are probably to blame.

Thanks for being my #1 fan, Jay! You squeezed 3 links into those 2 sentences!

Drugs aren't sexy. But the meth thing was really funny. If you're feeling like flirting with disaster, you could always help me with my street art. Or we could make a movie.

Knight said...

This is just another reason to come visit me. I can find you anything.

Did you really run out of so many bad habit options you had to jump to meth?

I'm With Stupid said...

Jo: Or we could make a movie about your street art! That would actually be fun.

You rock babe!

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Knight: I'm pretty sure you've got everything I could ever need. ;-)

I jumped over a lot of the more mundane bad habits to get to something a little more exciting.

Jay

Wine~Gurl said...

Your a mess! Love this..your invisi friend is a Debbie downer! LOL. Lets leave the Meth alone and we can make phone sex a new bad habit...LOL.

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