Thursday, May 31, 2012

Jay's Imaginary Friend


Hola weirdoes! I struggled to come up with a blog topic for today, but can’t come up with anything. So, I’m simply going to post some of the conversations I’ve had with my imaginary friend who will be referred to as “IF” from here out.

Jay: “Why don’t you have a name? Shouldn’t my invisible friend have a name?”
IF: “I dunno. Give me a name if you want.”
Jay: “How bout …. Wait. Are you male or female?”
IF: “I’m whatever you want me to be. Also, I saw that you originally wrote “mail” instead of “male.” What a dumb ass.”
Jay: “You’re female”
IF: “Oh that’s rude.”
Jay: “I’m gonna pretend you have a great ass then.”
IF: “I hate being objectified like that.”
Jay: “Hey! If my imaginary friend is female, does that make me gay?”
IF: “No, it makes you lonely in addition to crazy.”
Jay: “Oh, okay.”
IF: “And kind of pathetic.”
Jay: “That’s enough, thanks.”
IF: “And sensitive.”
Jay: “Oh look! posted a pic of her ice cream!” 
IF: “Nice! I’d let her lick my fudgsicle.”
Jay: Me t… What the fuck does that mean?”
IF: “You know, my …. ‘fudgsicle’”
Jay: “But you’re female. You don’t have a ‘fudgsicle.’”
IF: “Okay, I’d let her lick my banana split!”
Jay: “What. The. Fuck?”

Jay: “You know what I need?”
IF: “A life?”
Jay: “Well, that and something else.”
IF: “To lose weight?”
Jay: “Totally uncalled for!”
IF: “A personality?”
Jay: “You’re the worst fucking Imaginary Friend ever!”
IF: “Hey, you created me.”
Jay: “I wish I hadn’t.”
IF: “That’s another thing you need.”
Jay: “What?”
IF: “A better imagination.”
Jay: “You know what? Fuck you.”
IF: “Well, somebody is a little touchy.”
Jay: “Cunt.”
IF: “Damn! You went right for the C-Word?”

IF: “You know calling me the C-Word is really mean.”
Jay: “You deserved it.”
IF: “Did not.”
Jay: “You’ve been nothing but mean to me all night.”
IF: “I didn’t know you were so touchy.”
Jay: “I’m the only person who has an imaginary friend who is a meanie.”
IF: “Ha! You suck.”
Jay: “I think I’m going to create a better Imaginary Friend.”
IF: “Oh really?”
Jay: “Another chick, but a nice one. A ½ Asian and ½ Latina babe.”
IF: “Hey now! That’s actually kind of creative.”
Jay: “Yeah it is … Bye!”
IF: “Asshole.”

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

In other news, on I’m With Stupid we celebrated Matt-Man’s 25th Wedding Anniversary today. Matt talked about his wedding and some of the early days of marriage, we took calls from a couple of goofballs, and then we talked about some of the keys to a long and loving relationship. It was deep, thoughtful and humorous all at once. Check it out!


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24 comments:

I'm With Stupid said...

That's the most fucked up thing you have written in awhile. I LOVE IT!! Cheers to you and your mean ass Imaginary Friend!!

Matt-Man

Anonymous said...

Jay, get a dog!! ( they can't talk back!) hahahaa! That was funny!!!!! :) ~Miss

Mike said...

Jays' frie.. acquaintance 1 - Who's he talking to?

Jays' acquaintance 2 - I don't know but if we slowly move towards the door he might not notice.

Mai Yang said...

since I found out about your blog, I always wonder why "I'm with stupid"

..now I know. HAHA! you're a gifted humorist..(does this word even exist?) HAHA

Beth said...

Ha! I just spit coffee on my keyboard;)

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: It is pretty messed up, isn't it? ha

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Missy: And if they do talk back I'll KNOW I need professional help!

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: Most people just wait until I have to go pee and then escape.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Beth: Do you have a drinking problem? ;-)

Jay

DirkStar said...

You might want to consider an imaginary restraining order. This chick seems a bit psycho...

L-Kat said...

Ha! Your imaginary friend is a total bitch. Good work and good luck creating a better one. I love how crazy this post is!

I'm With Stupid said...

Dirk Star: No kidding! I think she might have problems.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

L-Kat: I'm hoping my next one will be a lot more supportive.

Jay

Gnetch said...

IF is harsh! Haha!

I'm With Stupid said...

Gnetch: IKR?! I hope nobody else has an imaginary friend as hurtful as IF.

Jay

Jo said...

That was awesome.

I'm With Stupid said...

Jo: Thanks babe!

Jay

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