Some Coloradans Are Just Not NIce

Let me ask you all a question.  When you see this woman, what is the first thought that pops into your head?

When I saw a picture of this woman, I thought, “She is digging her Shoney’s.”

But then…

Miss Someone said to the effect, “She is a bib wearing woman who is probably sane and happy.”

When I first saw this picture I went…Eh?  And then when I read Miss Someone’s quote, I said to myself and I acutely and accurately paraphrase here…

“What the hell is wrong with the picture of a chick trying to stay clean?”

And…I asked and commented as to the same on Miss Someone’s FB page stating that I don’t see anything wrong with the chick’s bib look.

Her reply…

“Maybe YOU don’t.”  (Capitalized on Miss Someone's Part.)

This RAGING and rapacious retort came courtesy of some ego-centric chick in Colorado.  COLORADO!! Listen…

If this “hemp-approved” chick wants to give some average woman chick crap about wearing a bib in a restaurant because it’s, “not we do in pot-smoking Colorado” she can go fuck herself, and half of America too can go fuck itself too.

See, honey?  Some of the finest and seemingly well-bred folks have become a caricature of the average American, you included.

While you are a somewhat pleasant looking woman, you are unpleasant in general, and lack the grace to think about others…outside of that, you are fine human being and can delight in the joy of the hemp industry
.

And don’t get me wrong…

There are many of you progressives and libertarians out there, that are annoyed by common people who don’t fill your cup of Starbucks lifestyle.  I mean, you love folks who shop at Target, Wal*Mart, and Kroger, but…you just don’t want to be associated with them on a personal level.

Yes…I know that sometimes you go to Target, but when you are done, it was always because of an emergency, and you feel the need to explain your venture to such a pedestrian shopping outlet on Facebook.

That’s fine, but let me tell ya…When you go to Target; Target posts the following on Facebook…

“That condescending, holier-than-thou bitch was here again, and after she made fun of Mabel with her bib on, we charged her triple for her Depends.”

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

What's Up With That?

Cheers and Happy and/or Observant Memorial Day to you all, especially those of you who are going to
spend the day testing out mattresses during the Serta sale in between beers and brats in honor of our fallen soldiers.

My Memorial Day experience culminated last night as I was thinking philosophically and introspectively.

And let me tell ya, I can’t believe that MS Word didn’t just red underline in my face and auto-correct.  I just spelled everything correctly…wow, and anyhoo…

As today we observe Memorial Day for our fallen soldiers, allow me as well, to honor my self.  For while I am not dead, I am pretty damn close…both nearly literally, and definitely, very much figuratively.

Oh Hooooooooooo, such a fancy braggadocio kinda guy you say…No, not really, you say?

Well I say…”What’s Up With That?”

As much as I am a dreamer and creative kinda guy, I am also unfortunately, very logical, very statistical, and unlike with others, very cynical when it comes to me, so I want my limited years left on this Earth to be enjoyable and so…I ask myself and you, “What‘s Up With That?”

To proceed…

My computer chair will not recline as I type this.  Why, you ask?  Oh no reason…and yet tomorrow?  My computer chair, with no warning nor announcement, may decide to recline like a muthafuckah.  “What’s Up With That?”

Yesterday afternoon after a tiny spat, I walked into the bedroom and asked Schmoop if she wanted to have make up sex.  She said, “Can we do it while I sleep; if not, no.”  “What’s Up With That?”

And after Ryno graduates this Saturday, I am going to ask myself, “Why I am still giving his mom money after she kept me away from him all these years?”  “What’s Up With That?”

Today, I will work at the Beer Mine from 12-9, and upon, and after, listening to the owner and a customer with a couple of kids give me shit, I will think, “What’s Up With That?”

My sister sent me a graduation notice of her kid’s Open House, yet won’t come over while I do her taxes at no cost.  Hmmmmm?  “What’s Up With That?”

I love people, and yet at the same time, HATE them…“What’s Up With That?”

This chair not reclining while I type this, is really fucking pissing me off…”What’s Up With That?”

Doc Thompson is doing morning radio on The Blaze network for Glenn Beck (but I doubt for long.)… “What’s Up With That?”

I appear to be bitching and acting like an old Jewish woman who hasn’t heard from her Shiksa-Marrying son in three years…“What’s Up With That?”

Y’know…

Someday maybe some of these people will ask…

“Hey?  Where’s Mahoney?  He’s Always Here, and Always Funny…What’s Up With That?”

Cheers!!

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws

Annnnnnnd Ladies and Gentlemen, and I use the terms loosely, we had one helluva Memorial Day Show yesterday...We were funny, charming, "solemn", and the lovely Canadian Jamie chimed in.  If you missed it live, you can catch it all right here:

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Jay's Imaginary Friend

Hola weirdoes! I struggled to come up with a blog topic for today, but can’t come up with anything. So, I’m simply going to post some of the conversations I’ve had with my imaginary friend who will be referred to as “IF” from here out.

Jay: “Why don’t you have a name? Shouldn’t my invisible friend have a name?”
IF: “I dunno. Give me a name if you want.”
Jay: “How bout …. Wait. Are you male or female?”
IF: “I’m whatever you want me to be. Also, I saw that you originally wrote “mail” instead of “male.” What a dumb ass.”
Jay: “You’re female”
IF: “Oh that’s rude.”
Jay: “I’m gonna pretend you have a great ass then.”
IF: “I hate being objectified like that.”
Jay: “Hey! If my imaginary friend is female, does that make me gay?”
IF: “No, it makes you lonely in addition to crazy.”
Jay: “Oh, okay.”
IF: “And kind of pathetic.”
Jay: “That’s enough, thanks.”
IF: “And sensitive.”
Jay: “Oh look! posted a pic of her ice cream!” 
IF: “Nice! I’d let her lick my fudgsicle.”
Jay: Me t… What the fuck does that mean?”
IF: “You know, my …. ‘fudgsicle’”
Jay: “But you’re female. You don’t have a ‘fudgsicle.’”
IF: “Okay, I’d let her lick my banana split!”
Jay: “What. The. Fuck?”

Jay: “You know what I need?”
IF: “A life?”
Jay: “Well, that and something else.”
IF: “To lose weight?”
Jay: “Totally uncalled for!”
IF: “A personality?”
Jay: “You’re the worst fucking Imaginary Friend ever!”
IF: “Hey, you created me.”
Jay: “I wish I hadn’t.”
IF: “That’s another thing you need.”
Jay: “What?”
IF: “A better imagination.”
Jay: “You know what? Fuck you.”
IF: “Well, somebody is a little touchy.”
Jay: “Cunt.”
IF: “Damn! You went right for the C-Word?”

IF: “You know calling me the C-Word is really mean.”
Jay: “You deserved it.”
IF: “Did not.”
Jay: “You’ve been nothing but mean to me all night.”
IF: “I didn’t know you were so touchy.”
Jay: “I’m the only person who has an imaginary friend who is a meanie.”
IF: “Ha! You suck.”
Jay: “I think I’m going to create a better Imaginary Friend.”
IF: “Oh really?”
Jay: “Another chick, but a nice one. A ½ Asian and ½ Latina babe.”
IF: “Hey now! That’s actually kind of creative.”
Jay: “Yeah it is … Bye!”
IF: “Asshole.”

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

In other news, on I’m With Stupid we celebrated Matt-Man’s 25th Wedding Anniversary today. Matt talked about his wedding and some of the early days of marriage, we took calls from a couple of goofballs, and then we talked about some of the keys to a long and loving relationship. It was deep, thoughtful and humorous all at once. Check it out!

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