Jay's Imaginary Friend

Hola weirdoes! I struggled to come up with a blog topic for today, but can’t come up with anything. So, I’m simply going to post some of the conversations I’ve had with my imaginary friend who will be referred to as “IF” from here out.

Jay: “Why don’t you have a name? Shouldn’t my invisible friend have a name?”
IF: “I dunno. Give me a name if you want.”
Jay: “How bout …. Wait. Are you male or female?”
IF: “I’m whatever you want me to be. Also, I saw that you originally wrote “mail” instead of “male.” What a dumb ass.”
Jay: “You’re female”
IF: “Oh that’s rude.”
Jay: “I’m gonna pretend you have a great ass then.”
IF: “I hate being objectified like that.”
Jay: “Hey! If my imaginary friend is female, does that make me gay?”
IF: “No, it makes you lonely in addition to crazy.”
Jay: “Oh, okay.”
IF: “And kind of pathetic.”
Jay: “That’s enough, thanks.”
IF: “And sensitive.”
Jay: “Oh look! posted a pic of her ice cream!” 
IF: “Nice! I’d let her lick my fudgsicle.”
Jay: Me t… What the fuck does that mean?”
IF: “You know, my …. ‘fudgsicle’”
Jay: “But you’re female. You don’t have a ‘fudgsicle.’”
IF: “Okay, I’d let her lick my banana split!”
Jay: “What. The. Fuck?”

Jay: “You know what I need?”
IF: “A life?”
Jay: “Well, that and something else.”
IF: “To lose weight?”
Jay: “Totally uncalled for!”
IF: “A personality?”
Jay: “You’re the worst fucking Imaginary Friend ever!”
IF: “Hey, you created me.”
Jay: “I wish I hadn’t.”
IF: “That’s another thing you need.”
Jay: “What?”
IF: “A better imagination.”
Jay: “You know what? Fuck you.”
IF: “Well, somebody is a little touchy.”
Jay: “Cunt.”
IF: “Damn! You went right for the C-Word?”

IF: “You know calling me the C-Word is really mean.”
Jay: “You deserved it.”
IF: “Did not.”
Jay: “You’ve been nothing but mean to me all night.”
IF: “I didn’t know you were so touchy.”
Jay: “I’m the only person who has an imaginary friend who is a meanie.”
IF: “Ha! You suck.”
Jay: “I think I’m going to create a better Imaginary Friend.”
IF: “Oh really?”
Jay: “Another chick, but a nice one. A ½ Asian and ½ Latina babe.”
IF: “Hey now! That’s actually kind of creative.”
Jay: “Yeah it is … Bye!”
IF: “Asshole.”

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

In other news, on I’m With Stupid we celebrated Matt-Man’s 25th Wedding Anniversary today. Matt talked about his wedding and some of the early days of marriage, we took calls from a couple of goofballs, and then we talked about some of the keys to a long and loving relationship. It was deep, thoughtful and humorous all at once. Check it out!

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Matt Said, Jay Said XIV

Matt hitzaldiak, Jay hitzaldiak, You entzun.

Matt: “I’m an extremely busy man so make it quick.”
Jay: “Oh, got a lot going on this morning.”
Matt: “My imaginary social calendar is full.”
Jay: “I know the feeling. All my imaginary friends came over last night.”
Matt: “I’m sure those thoughtless bastards made a mess.”
Jay: “They always do. The fucking slobs.”

Jay: “Hey, you know what I picked up at the new VIP Wines and Sprits here in town?”
Matt: “Wine and spirits?”
Jay: “Damn right. Specifically some Concord Grape Manischewitz.”
Matt: “Oh really? Is it tasty?”
Jay: “It’s freaking delicious. Tastes like grape juice with a kick.”
Matt: “I’m glad they’re ready to serve Redneckville’s big Jewish community.”
Jay: “You’d be surprised. I know 2 of ‘em here in town.”
Matt: “Well that’s 2 more than I thought.”
Jay: “Hell, I even converted for a while.”
Matt: “For a while?”
Jay: “Yeah, on reconverted to Christianity cause there were just so may rules.”
Matt: “I can understand not wanting to live with those restrictions.”

Matt: “I’m on Facebook, I should look at some of *name redacted’s* pics.
Jay: “I do that sometimes myself.”
Matt: “It’s very enjoyable.”
Jay: “I’d really like to touch her ass.”
Matt: “ANOTHER enjoyable experience.”
Jay: “I’d like to kiss it too. She wouldn’t even have to take her pants off. Is that creepy?”
Matt: “Well, a little. I’m not gonna lie.”
Jay: “You’d think you would be used to it by now.”
Matt: “Some things I just can’t get used to.”
Jay: “Yeah, I’m the same way. Like Jello, that’s weird shit.”
Matt: “What the hell are you talking about?”
Jay: “I don’t know really.”
Matt: “Now THAT I’ve gotten used to.”

Jay: “So the big Super Bowl Extravaganza this week?”
Matt: “Oh yeah! Lots to talk about there.”
Jay: “We might even get around to the game itself.”
Matt: “If we run out of interesting stuff.”
Jay: “There’s plenty. Prop bets, food, exciting and exotic Indianapolis.”
Matt: “Oh, and we might be getting a live, local and latebraking report from Indy.”
Jay: “From a correspondent.”
Matt: “Better. From a real live Indy resident!”
Jay: “That actually exist?!”
Matt: “Hell yes! And I know one of them.”
Jay: “That’s pretty wild. I can’t wait to hear from him.”
Matt: “It’s gonna be awesome.”

Well, there you go, another brilliant isngight into the inner workings of the IWS Media World Empire again. It never stops being fascinating, does it? Aslo, don’t forget to check out our Super Bowl Extravaganza this Saturday night LIVE at 11 pm ET or catch it in the archives anytime.