Happy St. Patrick's Day From IWS Radio

Happy St. Patrick’s Day from Jay, IWS Radio, and yours truly, Matt-Man.

Lemme ask you something…What the hell were you doing yesterday?

I thought so…nothing.  You know what you should have been doing?  Listening to me and Jay on IWS Radio.

Yeah, I know my grammar was incorrect, but dammit…if you missed our show, you really need a swat upside the head for Godssakes.

But it’s okay, because you can always catch us in archives…

This show was full of Irish music, food, fun, and an Irish Ark full of Jay and Matt,

Online Comedy Radio at Blog Talk Radio with IWS Radio on BlogTalkRadio

We had Party Marty on live and some music from his band The Dreamboats.

Bobby Kraft stopped by and lamented St. Pat’s Day.  Tammy Tibbles was her creepily happy self, and Guy Ahnyurdyck was on hand to break the news on Malaysian Air Flight MH370.

Our St. Patrick’s Day show was full of heartwarming Irish laughter as well, provided by Phil Diller.

Seriously…

If you don’t listen to the IWS St. Patrick’s Day Show, you pretty much suck and well, are either British or Scottish.

Miss this show and you miss a lot…of course if you miss it, you probably don’t care, because you suck.

Cold Jokes are as Dry as They are Weary

Happy Hump Day ladies and gentlemen…Matt-Man here with some not so funny stand-up comedic type jokes for ya…

Unless you live in the desert southwest and/or the fucking tip of Florida, you know that of late, it has been colder than Ann Coulter’s pussy.

Yeah, I said that…so in honor of the Polar Vortex that has gripped the nation, here are some, “It’s so cold outside…” jokes…

From Tiffany…“It’s so cold outside, I should wear socks.”  Ha Ha…Floridians are so damn funny.

From my wake-up buddy Amy…“It’s so cold outside, I peed an icicle.”  As Amy lives in Alabama, I understand that she pees outside as most Alabamians do.

Now our wonderful friend Jeff, imparted one that wasn’t half-bad…

“It’s colder than a room full of ex-wives.”

Not bad, but I have no idea why his reference dealt with plural ex-wives.  We may have to talk to him about that.

And then I heard this…

“It's so cold that the local flasher was caught *describing* himself 
to women.”

And then there is this…

 “It’s so cold that you have to open the fridge to heat the house.”

The only reason that I find this one funny, is because when working at the Beer Mine Drive-Thru during the winter?

It’s a constant 38 degrees sans wind in the beer cooler, and yeah, THAT big ass beer refrigerator keeps one warm relative to the actual outside.

Lastly, I got this one on Facebook last night…

“It's so cold outside that my sac feels like two peas in a mail mans leather bag.”

I have no idea what that means….I don’t know why a mailman/mail woman would be delivering pea pods, but I liked it because somebody participated in my shout out for jokes.

And that’s good enough for me.

Oh sure, this post could be longer and much more scintillating, but damn, it’s cold outside!!

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

matmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

IWS Person of the Week...Jay, Matt, and the Team IWS Radio

We here at IWS Radio feel the need to honor ourselves today for two reasons.

1.  Because we make our jump into PRIMETIME radio tonight from 8-10 PM ET, and...

2.  Because we can.

So c'mon folks join the fun and frivolity LIVE tonight from 8-10 PM ET as Jay and Matt look back at 2013 and look ahead to 2014 as IWS Radio presents 2014: Bigger and Stoopider.

It's going to be a barrel of laughs and remember as Phil Robertson says... 

"If  you don't listen to IWS Radio, you're going straight to hell."

So join us LIVE TONIGHT from 8-10 PM ET

To listen and catch all of the IWS Radio magic LIVE,

CLICK HERE.

IWS Person of the Week...Jayman

He's Steamy and infected...

He's Adventurous and yet, he has bugs...

He's downright pissed when his computer pukes, although maybe HE should be throwing up...

And then....Sometimes he's just downright creepy...

But that's okay, because authorities have picked up upon that...

It's good to know that Jayman is on antibiotics, and on the watchful eye of the government.  If we didn't have that, we would have Arkansans running amok.

And it 's even better knowing that Jayman is the IWS Person of the Week.  Because...

In spite of his pee-pee vaginitis, that boy did double time on today's radio show as he clicked out and then came back in!!

So, here's to Jayman, our IWS Person of the Week!!

The Beatles...Help!!

Cheeeeeeeeers Chuckleheads!!

Today’s post?  Well, it’s not really funny.  I mean, most of the IWS posts do present a modicum of humor, but this one?

Not so much.

This post is, as we say in the blog and radio business, a “housekeeping” post, and well, a note to the BTR shows out there that think they can usurp our Number One standing…that it ain’t gonna happen too often.

Read me now and acknowledge it later, Jay and I have dedicated ourselves to becoming even more creative than we already are.

I know what you’re thinking, but no, it’s true!!  We can actually be funnier and more creative than we already are.

However, there is one thing that we need from you in order to carry out our successful trek down the path of creative nirvana.

YOU!!

That’s right…

Jayman and I have brought you Drew Peacock, Slyder Balzcock, Martin, Stubby Stonehenge, Bobby Craft, Guy Ahnyurdyck, and other great, well-informed IWS characters, but we want more.  And doggone it, YOU deserve more.

Jay and I are well on our way to transforming IWS Radio from a devil-may-care internet hangout, into a bastion of must listen to radio, with a roundtable discussion much like the McLaughlin Group and an entertaining and electrifying Halloween dramedy, much akin to Orson Welles’, War of the Worlds.

Can we do it?  Yes we can!!  Can we do it?  We’re the Man!!  Er…men…whatever, and however…

We need your help.  Y’know?  Next month NPR stations will be kicking off their Fall Pledge Drives, and well, so are we here today.  However…

We aren’t asking for money, although that would be nice; we are asking for talent.

It takes a lot of time to talk back and forth with our many IWS correspondents, so perhaps, you would like to become one yourself.

We love what we do, but let me tell ya…

Jay and I aren’t no young dudes, and even with the uber-lovely Schmoop and hot as hell Jamie helpin’ out, it ain’t no Ferris Wheel ride.

So c’mon…Write a post for us.  Tell us something funny.  Record a new character who we could bring into our show.

It’s free and easy, just like your hosts. (Take that Doc Thompson)

If you have an idea for a show, a new character, would like to record something, or tell us to fuck off, let us know.

We would love to hear from you, well…not so much the fucking off part, if that’s your shtick.

So that’s it for now, but let me tell you…

Our newish correspondents, Drew Peacock and Malcolm Eckstein lit the world on fire yesterday on IWS Radio.  Thousands laughed, and thousands were offended.  A perfect mix.

And folks, to listen to all of that frivolity that you missed, you can click on the player below.  Paul Piatt, Drew Peacock, Dusty Sandman, and Malcolm Eckstein rocked the house.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattmaniws
My Facebook Page

Jayman Can Suck It

Cheers and allow me to say pedantically, “Hola.”  Ohhh, that's clever!!

Hola?  Really?  A white guy from Arkansas introduces and salutates to all by saying, “Hola?”

That’s like Adolf Hitler greeting Castro by saying, “Здравствуйте"

Anyway…My name is Sally Susman and I am the VP of policy, external affairs, and communications for Pfizer®, which is of course….

THE Big Pharma company that manufactures that magical man drug called, Viagra®.

As one who monitors and controls our communications, let me tell you.  We were so close to offering IWS Radio a 150K/year sponsorship, and then yesterday?

It seems that Jayman talked of what he would do as a benevolent dictator of this country, and you know what?

Jayman said he would kill all TV advertising of male erection medicines because those ads are “creepy.”

Well, we here at Pfizer® are largely proud of Viagra® and at this time have more than a bit of hard-on over Jayman’s comments.

It was as though he was sticking his disdain for our right to free speech up our ass, which he could never do, unless of course, he used Viagara® manufactured by us, Pfizer®.

We would like to partner with IWS Radio, however as our disclaimer states, “Those having an erection for more than fours hours, should seek medical attention…” which prevents us from doing so, because Jay and Matt have had erections for four years, and still can find anyone to relieve the pressure.

Sad, but the truth be known…

I am so glad that my company, Pfizer® has created Viagra®, because well…look at me.

I am not the most attractive person in the world, but well, I am smart, and guys dig smart chicks, right?

Ha…Yeah, on paper.  Dudes in their forties and fifties want nothing but a young looking piece of ass, and if they are going to get it up for someone like me, they need some Viagra® produced by Pfizer®.

Tell you what…I am going to ask both Jay and Matt to screw me.  And screw me without the aid of Viagra® which is lovingly and inexpensively produced by Pfizer®.

I think Jayman could do it and that would heal the wounds of his post from yesterday.

As for Matt?

He might be able to do it, but let me tell ya.  He may have imbibed some Wild Irish Rose which would crush his pecker strength, and seriously folks…As good as Viagra® is, there are some things that Pfizer® can’t fix.

Here’s to a Manufactured Hard-On,

Sally Susman

Cheers!!

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws

I Miss My Friend

Ho ohhhhhhhhh, let me tell you something right now, and with anger.

My beloved Schmoop went into the hospital yesterday and you know what the diagnosis was?

Matt is a no-good, lousy ass, lying jerk who has no need for a car!!

I kid you not!!

Schmoop is not doing well, so I, at 7:15 AM walked her down to the car so she could drive to her brother’s house and he could take her to the ER.

He did…However, I guess he had enough at 4 PM or so, and after failing to call me as to her condition, went through the Beer Mine and did noting but get me in trouble.

You see, I had called in sick, should I get to go to the hospital, however, Drive-By Mike saw it merely as a ruse to get a day off and fuck up his farming.

After his chastisement, and me saying,  “Fuck Him.”, I kinda cried

I was thinking…my best friend was in the hospital, Schmoop’s brother will call and/or drop the car off..

And yet, her brother didn't call me, he merely went through the Beer Mine and drove the car to his home.

My boss was pissed at me.

And I’m thinking…My Schmoop’s brother is an idiot and Drive-By Mikey has no soul, and….I used to like them both.

Monday has left a bad taste in my mouth and you know what is the worst taste?

I still don’t know what is wrong with Schmoop, and that’s all I care about.

Well, other than the fact that I still have no car, and that Mike and Dave need to burn in Hell.

I do want to thank Jayman and Missalicious for talking to me today…Their words were quite helpful; they kept me from going over the edge.

Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@MattMan_IWS

What's in Jay's Wallet?

Hola curious bitches! I bet you lose sleep every night just lying there wondering "What the hell does Jay have in his wallet?" Well, wonder no more my friends cause I'm getting ready to show ya! And, I'm doing it Vlogging style. Woo-Hoooo!

The video isn't all that great. I look stupid and the audio sucks balls. But, it was like the 87th try so screw it, I'm posting it the same way I sold that 1992 Plymouth Sundance two door: "As Is Bitches!"