Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Cold Jokes are as Dry as They are Weary

Happy Hump Day ladies and gentlemen…Matt-Man here with some not so funny stand-up comedic type jokes for ya…

Unless you live in the desert southwest and/or the fucking tip of Florida, you know that of late, it has been colder than Ann Coulter’s pussy.

Yeah, I said that…so in honor of the Polar Vortex that has gripped the nation, here are some, “It’s so cold outside…” jokes…

From Tiffany…“It’s so cold outside, I should wear socks.”  Ha Ha…Floridians are so damn funny.

From my wake-up buddy Amy…“It’s so cold outside, I peed an icicle.”  As Amy lives in Alabama, I understand that she pees outside as most Alabamians do.

Now our wonderful friend Jeff, imparted one that wasn’t half-bad…

“It’s colder than a room full of ex-wives.”

Not bad, but I have no idea why his reference dealt with plural ex-wives.  We may have to talk to him about that.

And then I heard this…

“It's so cold that the local flasher was caught *describing* himself 
to women.”

And then there is this…

 “It’s so cold that you have to open the fridge to heat the house.”

The only reason that I find this one funny, is because when working at the Beer Mine Drive-Thru during the winter?

It’s a constant 38 degrees sans wind in the beer cooler, and yeah, THAT big ass beer refrigerator keeps one warm relative to the actual outside.

Lastly, I got this one on Facebook last night…

“It's so cold outside that my sac feels like two peas in a mail mans leather bag.”

I have no idea what that means….I don’t know why a mailman/mail woman would be delivering pea pods, but I liked it because somebody participated in my shout out for jokes.

And that’s good enough for me.

Oh sure, this post could be longer and much more scintillating, but damn, it’s cold outside!!

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

matmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
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2 comments:

I'm With Stupid said...

It's so cold that a hooker's tongue stuck to my pole.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Jay: Ha!! Nice. Cheers Jayman!!

Matt