Let the Mighty Eagle Soar!

You won’t find a better, more respectful or hilarious Memorial Day Extravaganza anywhere on the internet than IWS Radio’s “Make it a Memorial Day to Remember” kids! What did we discuss? Well ….

Guys wearing overalls with no shirt are very dangerous people. They get whatever they want.

Lloyd at the Walmart Deli in Redneckville is gonna have some chick snitch on his ass.

Jayman taped up his leaky sunroof with Gorilla Outdoor Clear Tape.

Grilling safety tips from the Beavercreek Ohio Fire Department.

Buddy Acapella got things off to a rousing start with a beautiful rendition of the National Anthem.

Mike Huckabee gave a stirring defense of Josh Duggar. Kind of.

Why won’t republicans condemn child molesters?

We came up with brutally bad patriotic songs by really terrible people this week!

G-Square called in and is gonna do some grilling when he feels physically and emotionally capable.

Paul Piatt with a special Memorial Day poem.

Gay … er … Guy Ahnurdyck live from Ireland!

Bobby Kraft tells us about the Battle of Pea Ridge

Drew Peacock grossed everyone out AGAIN by finding the sexy in Memorial Day. 

War movies are great! We especially love “Midway!”

Visit your local battlefield and learn a little history!

We’re devastated by the loss of David Letterman and are going to miss him immensely.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand so much more! Check it!

                             

Maggie Gyllenhaal is NOT too Old for IWS Radio!

Hey everyone! Maggie Gyllenhaal here to remind everyone to listen to IWS Radio this week! As you may know I was recently insulted by a typical left-wing Hollywood elitist prick. I was told that at 37 I’m too old to play the lover of a 55 year old man. Very hurtful! After I cried about this for a while I cheered myself up by listening to IWS Radio. Matt and Jay always put a smile on my face. Just check out what they’re up to this week ….

It's Memorial Day weekend y'all and it's time to get all somber and reflect on all those who gave all for this great country. They are the best America has to offer and IWS Radio truly thanks them for their sacrifice. Unlike the NFL we don't even have to get paid by the Pentagon celebrate America's veterans.

Memorial Day is also a great time to get some good deals on mattresses, sofas, cars, summer clothes and all kinds of other items you didn't even know you needed. What better way to honor America's fallen soldiers than by going out and buying stuff probably made in Asia and putting it on your credit card or financing it? We can't think of any either. That's what America is all about!

And it's the unofficial kickoff to summer! So get those grills out and clean 'em up so you can cook your hot dogs, brats and hamburgers. Matt and Jay might have some grilling tips for patriotic Americans looking to honor veterans who died in defense of this great country by getting drunk and chowing down on fatty foods.

Canadian Bureau Chief Jamie Mapleleaf and the IWS Players will be here too. No telling what they've been up to this week, but we're sure it's something brilliant and appropriate for the occasion. Plus we lost David Letterman this week and Matt and Jay are devastated. They'll talk about their favorite memories of their friend and colleague and his life. All this plus YOUR CALLS at 661.244.9852! Do it for America!!!

WOW! What a show that’s gonna be. And the best part is that age is just a number to Matt and Jay. Everyone is welcome at IWS Radio. That makes me so happy! So, be sure to tune into “Make it a Memorial Day to Remember” this Sunday at 12 Noon! See you there!

Lafayette, We Are Here; So Let's Cook-Out!!

Bon Matin, Accueil, and Hello!!

I am the official French griller and cooker-outer for IWS Radio, Char'coal Bri'quet here for IWS Radio on this very fine, pre-Independence Day Eve..

Allow my Gallic self to tell you in your own boorish language…

My rocks are hot, and I can’t wait to flame up an American Independence Day soiree for you.  Viva la Lafayette; here’s to the defeat of Cornwallis at Yorktown, and the smiting of his culinary penchant for gruel and haggis!!

Which on its face, was very troubling in itself, but even more so, because of instead of serving red wine with swine innards, Cornwallis served mead.

Sérieusement?  Oui, and Sérieusement…Oh, the gaucheness of it all!!  Anyhoo…

Let me, or should I say, “allow” me to say, while you enjoy your, “chien chaud” upon the grill, do it in such a way that the processed skin and fillers of said, “chien chaud” crisp up, and maximize their potential artificial juices.

I know that you Americans love your Hot Dogs, but in order to be kind to dogs, be they hot or any other breed, allow them to be all that they can be.

The hot dogs that you are so fond of will live for minutes beyond their shelf life, and you will enjoy a nice crisp bite, while at the same time, savor their genetically-altered juices.

Place them so that they may receive the maximum grill marks.  Allow them to cook perching perpendicular upon either the Y or X-Axis of the grill!!  Do this not, and you will rue the day that you ate a limp hot dog with no cool burn marks worthy of Avignon!!

As for the Dachau-Like, hand-beaten, Nazi-Jack Booted, kicked in the ass, lump of meat that you call hamburgers?

Fry em’!!  Fry them hard, fast and nasty.  It is cow meat, a stupid animal that just sits there, grazes, and says to itself…

“I better eat some more hay, so I will become a better burger.”

Who the Hell does that!?  Cows…American Cows, that’s who…er…Cows…any cow…American, or otherwise.  Hell, they don’t know their fate growing up…They’re stupid, and well, they’re cows, so that explains it, but as a Frenchman, I have to say…

Even though the hamburger (uuch) is round, it stills needs to be cooked perpendicularly.  If not?  The grill marks will be straight, and the burger will look like…well…

A round piece of meat with straight lines upon it.

And you know what?  When I think of that, I can only think of the way my great-grandfather described the look on Mussolini’s face when he was hung in 1943.

Saint Enfant Jésus, and Oy Vay!!

Anyway…Keep your grill hot and haute, and always, sprinkle it with oil…This is your Number One Summertime French Guy saying…

Bon Voyage and Happy Grill'age!!

Char'coal Bri'quet

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
Matt’s Facebook Page

Analysis: Summer Sucks

Holaaaaaaaaaa y’all! Well, we might have had a mild spring down here, but it looks like summer is going to be a scorcher! Temperatures here in the Greater Redneckville Metropolitan Area have already skyrocketed into the mid-nineties and humidity seems to have set in for the next few months at least. Of course, for many people this is good news. People love to get out and be active in the summertime and let me tell ya, there are lots of great places for that around here.

Some people like to go up to Bull Shoals Lake and go fishing, boating and swimming. I’m good with the

fishing and boating thing, but I don’t know about swimming. I mean, have you gotten a whiff of the lake water lately? It’s pretty stank. Besides, fish poop in there and I’m not a fan of swimming in fish poop. Also, please practice catch and release because there’s no way I’m eating anything that comes out of that cesspool. My fish comes frozen and breaded from the store thank you very much.

A lot of people also like to go down to the Buffalo River and go canoeing, tubing and swimming down there. The problem with that is that the further you canoe or tube down the river, the further you have to have to haul that shit back to your car. Oh sure, you can hire folks to do that for you, but that’s expensive. I think spending that money on a beachfront condo in Ft. Walton Beach sounds like a much better idea.

As for swimming in the Buffalo? No thanks. Again, fish poop all over the place. Plus, people always want to jump off cliffs or swing off the cliff on a rope and then into the water. Sounds like a great way to bang your head off some rock and get knocked to stupid, so I’ll pass. It also just looks snakey to me down there.

There are also many great hiking trails all around the Ozarks. Boy what fun that is, huh? Getting out there during the heat of the day walking along some trail deep into the woods in the American South? What could possibly go wrong? 

Oh gee, I don’t know! Maybe you could get mauled by a black bear? Or bitten by one the handful of poisonous snakes in this area? Or maybe a big old Elk will take a dislike to you and trample you without warning? Those things have been known to be pretty unpredictable, ya know! Or maybe you’ll just get lost and wander onto someone’s property and get blown up by a booby trap they have set up around their marijuana fields?  Sounds like so much fun huh? Yeah, no.

Another option would be to just to the pool here at my apartment complex. This isn’t too bad of an idea. I enjoy lounging around the pool and swimming. It’s good to get out there and just lay back and catch some rays to get that “healthy glow.” A bonus is all the Cougars and MILF’s running around in bikinis. That definitely makes things more enjoyable. Of course you can’t spell MILF without the “M” and that means kids. Obnoxious, screaming, crying, pissing in the pool kids! *sigh* So much for hanging out at the pool.

The only thing left is cooking out. This is something I can totally support. Cooking hot dogs, brats, burgers, chicken, pork chops, potatoes, veggies and all kinds of other stuff on the grill is one of the great summer traditions that we can all enjoy. What’s really great about grilling is that you can drink beer while doing it and when the food is done you put it on a platter and go back inside where the air conditioning is blasting away and there is comfortable seating. 

Now THAT’S how you enjoy summer folks!

Jayman3768@gmail.com
Facebook.com/Jayman_68
@Jayman_IWS