Drunk in Camelot...The Lost Kennedy

Hello, and I must say…

It’s finally good to meet you diligent readers of the IWS Radio website, and the rest of the world as well.

I know that you know my brothers, Joe Jr., John, Robert, and Teddy, but I bet you don’t know me.

Of course you don’t, because for years, I have been heaped into a burlap sack of obscurity, and thrown into the shadows of life like a bag of dirty potatoes with too many eyes.

I have struggled for years as to whether or not to open up, but, I have decided that I should, after Matt-Man asked me…

“Jesus Christ, dude?  Do you want to be forever known as the guy who outside of Nick Varano’s Famous Deli, screams day, by sad day…

Could you throw me a blintz, or a piece of pastrami; I’m a Fucking Kennedy for God Sakes?”

That’s right…I am a fucking Kennedy.

Sure, much has been made about my brother JFK’s robust womanizing, but my dad Joe?  Holy Cow!!

While unfounded rumors were swirling about Joe’s affair with Gloria Swanson, I was very much founded, and swirling around in Gloria Swanson’s uterus!!  And let me tell ya, that wasn’t so bad, but anyhoo…

Gloria gave birth to me, and yet?  I was looked down upon by the Kennedy clan, and seriously, I was taken aback.

So, that led me to thinkin’…

“Y’know…Teddy drowns girls in his car…Jack fucks anything that moves, and lobotomy girl hasn't a brain with which to think since she was 23, so why are they ignoring me?”

Well it became all too apparent in 2007, when Barack Obama decided to run for President.

My family, rather than acknowledge me, and send me on the path toward Presidential power, decided that maybe it was time for some low-down, low-key misanthrope to become President, because as we know, the Kennedys have that power.

All they really wanted to do, was to make sure that at some point. my bitchy cousin Caroline would become ambassador to Japan.  Well I guess that via de profundis, they fucking made that happen, those, Happy as Hell in Camelot fuckers!!

They’re all mostly fucking dead now, and yet, I still can’t get a break.

Jesus Christ, if I could resurrect, and then shoot John and Bobby, and then make certain that it was Teddy who drowned, I would.  I'd go Hyannis Port crazy in  order to get a mere inkling of public acknowledgement and/or praise!!

Fuck it…They don’t care…Kennedys don’t like the Swansons…and that’s okay, however…

Keep in mind Caroline…Just like the French love Jerry Lewis, the Japs love Gloria Swanson, or if not now, they soon will.

Uh-huh,

Durwood Kennedy

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

President Obama and Hillary Clinton Do Lunch, and IWS is There

Holaaaaaaaaa y’all! As you might have heard President Obama and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton had lunch today at the White House. Well, as always, Matt-Man and I were there to snoop around and find out what they talked about. Because we are White Ninjas we were able to get pretty close and listen in.

Who needs drones and NSA data mining and shit like that when you’ve got a lot creep to ya? Anyway, he’s a rough transcript of their conversation …

Barack Obama: So nice to see you again Hillary!
Hillary Clinton: Thanks so much for inviting me to lunch!
BO: You and Ruth Bader Ginsburg are the only women Michelle will let me have lunch with.
HC: I should have had a similar rule with Bill.
BO: Oh well, live and learn I guess.
HC: Of course, I didn’t care enough to even bother.
BO: Are things going to get awkward?
HC: Nooooooooooo …. Not at all.
BO: Good because it always does with Bill.
HC: I know how he wears his emotions on his sleeve.
BO: And leaves his “emotions” on blue dresses! Hey-OOOOOO!
HC: HA! Good one!
BO: 15 years later and Clinton jokes are still hilarious.
HC: Yeah, that’s great isn’t it?
BO: Okay, enough of that. Let’s have lunch.

HC: Great idea! I’ll have a large pizza.
BO: Okay, I’ll have a HUGE chili cheese hot dog!
HC: Damn, you go wild when Michelle isn’t around.
BO: Hey now! I wear pants in this family.
HC: Yeah, tell me another one!
BO: No really! If Michelle were here I’d have the same thing.
HC: You sure talk big. Too bad you never back it up.
BO: I don’t think that was necessary.
HC: You’re right. I’m sorry.
BO: And it’s not true either.
HC: Okay, if you say so.
BO: *stares* I do say so.
HC: *rolls eyes* Let’s just move on, shall we.

BO: You’re flying pretty high in the polls these days.
HC: I’m looking pretty good.
BO: Of course what goes up must come down.
HC: Just ask Anthony Weiner!
BO: HEY-OOOOOOOOOOO!!!
HC: That poor dumb bastard.
BO: I’m just glad I told the NSA not to open an attachment sent by him.
HC: I did … uuuch! No warning at all.
BO: He sent you a dick pic?
HC: Subject was “Standing tall in support of you!”
BO: That’s not all that creative.
HC: It wasn’t standing that tall either!
BO: HEY-OOOOOOOO! You’re on fire today!
HC: It’s low-hanging fruit! Hahahahahahahaha
BO: Ha! Damn Hillary! I don’t know why nobody thinks you’re funny.
HC: Me either.
BO: So what are you going to talk to Joe Biden about in the morning?
HC: I’m gonna tell him that if he runs in ’16 I’ll cut his balls off.
BO: Oh. That might be why people don’t think you’re funny.
HC: *shrugs shoulders*

The rest of the lunch was boring policy talk and something about using the NSA data mining technology to help Hillary in her campaign in 2016. I didn’t really understand it. Anyway, that’s all I could write down before a couple of Secret Service assholes made us leave. I guess the 1^st Amendment doesn’t apply at the White House!

Jayman@gmail.com
Facebook.com/Jayman68
@Jayman_IWS

Cable TV...Parade of Stupid

Cheers Chuckleheads!!

Yesterday, after broadcasting along with Jayman yet another award winning episode of I’m With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio which revolved around all the sexting scandals and bad behavior that is transpiring in our society, I took a nap.

Okay…I ate a humongous double fish sandwich lovingly prepared by my friends at Rally’s, and then took a nap, but nonetheless…

When I awoke, I was thinking more seriously about Weinergate, Sanfordgate, Geraldogate, and said to myself…

“You know Matt-Man…Old men texting pics of themselves and speaking illicitly to young women, and knowing that old women do the same thing with younger men.  That‘s funny shit right there.”

And then I remembered something that Noel Paul Stookey, the Paul of Peter, Paul, and Dead Mary fame, said years ago; something to the effect…

“As far as magazines go, we used to have LIFE, and then…we had People…after that, came Us…before you know it, we will have a magazine called, Me.  It will be a magazine cover with a mirror on it.”

Good ol’ Paul was not too far off.

We do have a magazine called Me, but instead of it being constucted of paper, print, and staples, it comes in the form of the internet…in the form of Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, 24/7 Cable News, radio, and to the chagrin of the masses who listen to our radio show, in the form of Blog Talk Radio, and a myriad of other social media outlets.

Oh Dear God…

MSNBC’s Melissa Harris-Perry puts a syllabus up on her Facebook page before her show that nobody watches.  And why would they?  Who wants to watch a show anchored by a somewhat black chick pretentious professor of color who talks and talks, says nothing, and wears tampon earrings?

Rachel Maddow is one who digs deep into the facts, yet, she only reports the facts that agree with her own sensibilities.

And of course there is Chris Matthews and Al Sharpton…Chris wants to make love to the President and Sharpton wants more from the President.

On the other hand…

Over at FOX NEWS and the right wing media circus.

Every morning as the rooster crows, Steve Doocy, Brian Kilmeade, and avant-garde MENSA President Gretchen Carlson level words of vitriol against President Obama for things like not paying for the penicillin to treat the gonorrhea of one, Lance Corporal Joe Middle America which he contracted during a stay in a Dhaka hotel with a Bangledeshi hooker.

Herman Cain has a radio show and he talks about repealing “Obamacare.”  He doesn’t talk solutions, but he does talk repealing.

Rush Limbaugh talks about how Obama is the worst President in history, and that the morals of this country have gone down hill.  And then? He goes home to his third wife, and smacks his nanny/drug mule on the ass and berates her for being too slow with the goods.

Sean Hannity may be the best of all.  For three weeks he has talked about the travesty of the Trayvon Martn case, Obama’s socialism, and how white people are looked upon funny, and yet?

He cries a sparrow’s cry and weeps because our country is so divided, and he doesn’t understand why.

Here’s the thing…

Just like Weiner, Geraldo, and Sanford who immersed themselves into their own egos, lusts, and fully exposed themselves for the world to see, the people who cover these people and their stories, do it on a daily basis.

Lispy Girl, Maddow, Limbaugh, and Hannity…none of them give a fuck about making a difference, they just as does Anthony Weiner, want their numbers to shoot up.

Those media clowns are no different than the legislators that we elect, and the legislators that when indifferent to their agenda, they rail against on air.

Just as a, I’m going to change the world, bright-eyed politician wins his first seat, over time, he or she  makes it about him or herself, and so do broadcasters.

After all, politicians aren’t there to help you out.  They’re there to get re-elected.  And broadcasters?

They aren't there to inform you.  They are there to get renewed.

But....If you want to hear great journalism and funny stuff...Listen to I'm With Stupid which aired LIVE yesterday and we talked SEXTING!!

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
Matt’s Facebook Page

Alex Rodriguez: IWS Person of the Week!

IWS would like to congratulate Alex Rodriguez for being named our Person of the Week! That’s right, A-Rod has had a pretty eventful week and has earned the admiration of the folks here at IWS!

Alex started the week pretending that he wasn’t facing a HUGE suspension for yet another involvement with steroids or HGH or whatever by DEMANDING the Yankees bring him back onto the roster after his rehab stint. Then he tweaked his quad and the Yankees decided to put him back on the DL.

That wasn’t good enough for the biggest ego in baseball sing Reggie Jackson though. Oh no, he sent his MRI to some doctor somewhere and had him review it and declare A-Rod fit to play. Then he sent this doctor onto Mike Francesa’s radio show. This all after GM Brian Cashman had told A-Rod to “shut the fuck up” just a couple of weeks ago.

What a soap opera! And the best part of it Yankees fan are pretending that A-Rod doesn’t belong to them. Sorry folks, he’s going to be the “face” of the Steroid Era and he will be wearing a Yankees uniform. Deal with it.

So, for being a cheat, an asshole and a bigger narcissist then Anthony Weiner, YOU, Alex Rodriguez are the IWS “Person of the Week!!

Be sure to catch us on IWS Radio Sunday at 12 Noon ET for our Sexy Sexting Show!!! 

Matt Said, Jay Said...8"

Matt sextings.  Jay sextings.  You feel uncomfortable.

Matt:  You have reached Matty-Boy, state your business.
Jay:  What are you wearing?
Matt:  Nothing but the see-through veneer of a thousand regrets.
Jay:  Thaaaaaat…issssssssss…HOT!!
Matt:  IKR?

Jay:  It’s a line that Anthony Weiner only dreams that he could come up with.
Matt:  Pffffffft.  Amateur.
Jay:  So…I guess there really isn’t any way around it, is there?
Matt:  Nope.

Jay and Matt:  Hmmmmm?

Jay:  Nope.

Matt and Jay:  This Sunday is going to be the Sexy Sexting Show on IWS Radio!!

Matt:  We can talk about Weinergate.
Jay:  Talk about famous people in the past and what they would have been sexting.
Matt:  Describe how you and I have NO idea what sexting, cyber sex, and, peni---
Jay:  Or what stalking is all about!!
Matt:  Word.

Jay:  I bet Rev. Moneymaker has a few negative thoughts on this sexting thing.
Matt:  Oh I bet he does, and I am certain that Paul Piatt feels esoteric about it.
Jay:  Isn’t he always esoteric about everything?
Matt:  Maybe.

Jay:  Alright then…Sexy Sexting it is.
Matt:  We are getting so good at this.
Jay:  IKR?  We could just phone this shit in.
Matt:  Well we do.
Jay:  Ah…Yeah I guess we do.

Matt:  Well my good man we are ready.  Enjoy your baked chicken this evening.
Jay:  I will and enjoy your hot dogs, or…should I call them weiners?
Matt:  You should.
Jay:  I just did.
Matt:  I guess you did, in that case...Good Night!!
Jay:  Nightie Night!!

Catch Jay, Matt, and the entire IWS Radio crew LIVE this Sunday from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio.

To listen LIVE you can click below and/or call-in LIVE at 661.244.9852

Sexy Sexting on IWS Radio

Immigration, PEDs and Sex Scandals: I Don't Care

Holaaaaaaaa y’all! You know, there’s been a lot going on this week that has been covered pretty heavily in the news and on social media and this afternoon something suddenly hit me. I don’t really give a shit about most of it. I know some of this stuff is pretty important and shit, and maybe I should care on some level, but I just can’t.

PED Use in Sports: Don’t really care. I know, I know, “Kids look up to these pro athletes and want to be like them and will use PED’s if their favorite player does!” Don’t care. I know it’s always “Think of the cheeeeeeeeldren!” but, I just can’t get worked up over it.

I know that steroids are dangerous (probably) but it’s not like people are forcing Ryan Braun or A-Rod or anyone else to take HGH or steroids. They’re doing it on their own. If steroids cause their nuts to shrink or mess their minds up or make them shoot blanks then so what? It’s just like smoking, drinking and eating too much, we all know the risks.

The only thing the PED discussion does is give sanctimonious sportswriters the opportunity to wag the finger of indignation at everyone which is their favorite activity, of course.

Immigration: Come one, come all I say! Well, maybe not but pretty close. I know people who start talking about immigration and their faces turn red and I think they’re gonna have a heart attack within like five minutes. And while they’re doing that I’m sitting there shrugging my shoulders and saying “Yeah, I guess. Whatever.”

Want to build a fence? Go ahead. I don’t give a shit. Want to pass a “path to citizenship?” Okay, that’s probably a good idea. Want to round up all 11 million illegal immigrants up, stick them in the Astrodome and then “process them” and send “back where they came from?” Get real.

Basically the immigration debate is just a way for people to just go off on rants about brown people using all kinds of racist code words.

Political Sex Scandal: Oh sure these always start out fun. Anthony Weiner sent pics of his wee-wee to some chick? Hilarious! He used the online moniker “Carlos Danger?” Lacks creativity, but still pretty funny. Mark Sanford simply walks off the job as governor and goes to Argentina to spend a week with his mistress? Way cool!

The problem is that it never takes long before the discussion about these sex and sexting scandals become nothing more than partisan politics. All the conservatives who are “disgusted” by Anthony Weiner never had a word to say about Mark Sanford, David Vitter or even Larry Craig. And, everyone who was up in arms about Sanford think Weiner is getting the shaft. (Hey-OOOO)

The worst are the people out there who say “It’s just not right to make fun of Anthony Weiner because he has an addiction and addiction isn’t funny.” Oh bullshit! Addiction is hilarious. These are just people who basically support Weiner, but are embarrassed to admit so they come up with silly shit like that. Kind of like all the people who claim to be a Libertarian who are really just too embarrassed by the idiocy of the Republican Party to admit they’re a member.

Basically, the only thing the Weiner Sexting Scandal serves it to give sanctimonious political writers the chance to wag the finger of indignation at Weiner and anyone who might try to defend him, which is THEIR favorite activity, of course.

So now you’re probably wondering what I do give a shit about. Well, I tell ya, this story about NBA player and former Dukie J.J. Redick having an “Abortion and Relationship Contract” with some chick? Now THAT’S freaking awesome! I guess you have to sprinkle a little schadenfreude on my Scandal Burger to make it interesting to  me.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
Facebook.com/Jayman68
Jayman_IWS

Anthony Weiner, Huma Abedin, and Sydney Leathers Sexting Scandal...Collateral Damage

Greetings my friends and thank you for reading, for this may be the most important thing I have ever written, and thankfully Jay and Matt have opened the IWS Radio website up for my own personal news ticker as it were, today.

The last day and a half, many news outlets have been reporting on the burgeoning and continuing sexting scandal of former NY Congressman and NYC Mayoral candidate, Anthony Weiner.

Anthony Weiner and his wife Huma Abedin were on television Tuesday afternoon holding a press conference in response to various news outlets discovering Weiner’s continued sexting habits with among others, one Sydney Leathers.

Huma Abedin gave an emotional outcry to the press, the public, and to you and I, to leave them alone.

She caterwauled that it’s a private matter….respect their privacy, and let our marital and familial wounds heal, as the Mayor’s race heats up.  Both Anthony Weiner and his wife Huma Abedin say that they will deal with, and overcome the hurt in a private manner.

Well…

That’s just fine for those two, and their kid Jordan, but what about me?

Who the hell am I you ask?

I am THE Carlos Danger™, and that Weiner jerk has not only hurt his wife, his child, and his career, but he has destroyed the sexting, cyber sex, and chat room reputation that took me years to develop and hone.

Evidently after the first discovery of his sexting capers and his subsequent apology, he still felt the need for speed of internet love yet again, and assumed my online name, Carlos Danger™.

When he was getting his virtual dork on with Sydney Leathers couldn’t he have used a more representative moniker like Hebrewlicious64, or Big Maccabee, or simply, Big Apple Tony?

Noooooo…He had to assume the phony yet belonging to me name of, Carlos Danger™.

That skinny assed hymie has some real chutzpah!!  What the hell right does he have to assume my online pseudonym?  None, and I tell you what…

Ever since this story broke, I have received emails from Babs69, Trollin’For Daddy, and MakeMeYour Widow telling me that I am no longer to contact them as my name, Carlos Danger™ is too high profile, and their husbands may find out that they are playin’!!

Oy Vey!!

Why does Weiner need to be such a shiksa hunter?  Why can’t he enjoy sexting with his own kind?  I know why…because Jewish girls would charge him for it, and at the end of the chat, he would hear and/or read…

“That was most unsatisfying; could you send me to Palm Beach to make up for it?”

Jesus Christ (who your guys killed by the way), could you just man up, state your name, and have online sex? Hell use your real name, because no one with whom you were to screw with online would assume that your real name is Anthony WEINER!!

Hell, if you want to live in a virtual world of perversion, have a couple of daughters, go into a chat room called Sodom and Gomorrah, and send sexy tweets to your daughters.

Just leave me, and my good name, Carlos Danger™ alone from now on.

Thanks Weiner-Mobile, and tell your wife to, “hit me up.”

Carlos Danger™

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
Matt’s Facebook Page

Setting the Record Straight

Holaaaaaaaaaaa y’all! Over the last few days there has been a considerable amount of confusion over what IWS World Media has been up to the last week or so. Well, more than usual. So, I thought I would take a few minutes here today to clear everything up for you folks. Okay?

First, I want to make sure that everyone knows that Ryan Braun’s Matt-Man’s 65 game suspension from Major League Baseball for using performance enhancing drugs WILL NOT affect his appearance on IWS Radio or here on the website.

The main reason for this is that IWS doesn’t have any rules about PED use. Hell, we encourage it. Well, kinda. I mean, whatever makes for a good show or blog post, right? We’re a results oriented organization.

There has also been some misinformation going around about the Royal Baby. Yesterday, some outlets reported yesterday that THIS was the new heir to the British Throne …

Well, it turns out that isn’t him. In fact, the folks down at Windsor Castle are in damage control mode because when people get a look at the baby there will be a worldwide scandal …

That’s right folks! Welcome Prince Vladimir! Oh man this is gonna be fun. I guess during Duchess Kate’s world travels she and Vladimir Putin’s paths crossed and that smooth sexy bastard did with one shot what Prince William couldn’t do with 100.

There is rumor out there that is true though. It is true that IWS World Media is branching out into the publishing world. Yes, we know that publishing is dying, but we believe there are still niche markets out there where one can make a living in publishing. Memoirs is one of those areas. The world’s obsession with celebrities and hot babes means that people WILL buy their autobiographies and we’re gonna corner that market. We even have one ready to go already …

That’s right! Supermodel Chrissy Teigen will be our first book published. Oh sure, she doesn’t really know about this yet, but she will soon and I’m sure she’ll be VERY excited!

However, it is NOT TRUE that this is MY first book …

I’m hoping to do something a little lighter and a lot less creepy for my first published work, I just haven’t decided what it might be yet.

Okay, so I hope this clears things up for y’all and there won’t be any more confusion.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
Facebook.com/Jayman68
@Jayman_IWS

So Matt-Man Has Some Random Thoughts

So yesterday…

Jayman had some random thoughts, and I thought to myself, in a less than random manner, that maybe today, I would do the same.

So, heres goes…

I wonder if at some point while Trayvon Martin was on top of George Zimmerman allegedly wailing away upon Zimmerman, if he asked Mr. Zimmerman…

“Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

What?  Too soon? Anyhoo…

Prince William and the Duchess of Cambridge Kate Middleton, had a baby boy yesterday.  I hope that their son in honor of, and in solidarity with his grandfather Prince Charles, grows up to marry a man named Camilla.

I get off at 5 PM today, so you know what that means.  That’s right…I’ll be drunk by 7 PM.  Getting old does have its benefits.  Beer Buzzes come much more inexpensively.

I see that we are picking up a few more “likes” on our IWS Facebook page of late.  If you don’t like our Facebook page, you are a Communist and will spend the eternal afterlife in Hell being fondled by a bare-chested Vladimir Putin.  Uuch.

I had Johnsonville Cheddar Wurst last night.  They were delicious.  You know why?  Because what’s not delicious about cooked pig meat with cheese inside?  Nothing.  Yeah, it’s that simple.

Two of my favorite words are, “shenanigans” and “interloper.”  Is there a problem with that?  For your sake, I hope not.

In order to soothe racial tensions within this country, President Obama is spending a family vacation in Martha’s Vineyard.  The next stop along his, “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner Tour” will be spent hosting, “A Week of Skeet Shooting and Cocktails with Wayne LaPierre” in Roanoke, VA.

My right hamstring is killing me!!

My BFF Schmoop went to the Doctor for what appears to be the last time yesterday.  Her insides are fine, but looking at the rosy glow on her face, I think she may be pregnant…by HIM!!

If I was going be a fish of some sort, I would be a Killer Whale.  Even though they are menacing looking, they are friendly, and adorable…and no one messes with them, because they have “Killer” in their name.

If I wasn’t having brats last night, I would have had SPAM, but I wouldn’t have had it, because unfortunately, we have none on hand.  Mores the pity.

Yesterday, Jayman mentioned that he should have his penis post on here at some point.  When he mentioned that I thought I could do the same, however…

How’s my penis gonna do a sincere and articulate post when he can’t remember more than half of the places he has been?

I’ll just let my penis slumber in its old age and…Oh damn…I left a cigarette burning as I typed this.  Talk to you all later.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

Jay's Got Some Random Thoughts

Holaaaaaaaaaaaa y’all! I don’t have any real topic for today so I’m just gonna type out my thoughts as they come to me for a while. I’m sure you’ll find them fascinating.

- These black bean fajitas were pretty damn spicy this time. Maybe I should have had some sour cream on with them to tone it down. Oh well, too late now. I’m gonna pay for this later though, I just know it.

- I better check my phone to see if anyone has texted me today.

- Nope

- I wish I could get a box full of grape Popsicles. Or cherry. Nothing wrong with the orange, blue or green, but I just prefer the cherry and grape. I better put “special order box of 200 grape Popsicles” on my “After I win the lottery” bucket list.

- Someday I should do a blog post from my penis. That would be hilarious. “Hi, I’m Jay’s Penis! I sure wish Jay would leave me the hell alone for a little while. He’s a terrible penis owner. You wouldn’t believe the places he has put me or tried to put me. *SHUDDER*”  Ha! Yeah, that would be funny.

- It’s a good thing I wasn’t around back in the late 1800’s in the Wild West. I probably wouldn’t have lived past my late teens. I’m sure I would have been gunned down by some asshole, which would have been okay since living in the South with no air conditioning would have sucked anyway.

- Welp. There went another Facebook “friend.” I don’t care about all the crazy-ass political crap people post all the time. I just scroll on by it. I have “friends” who are pretty damn serious about their partisan beliefs so there’s no reason to try to talk to them or argue, but the racists shit has got to go. Gotta draw the line somewhere.

- Gotta pee!

- I bet that if my penis really could talk that bastard would rat me out for everything bad I’ve ever done. Penises seem to be pretty disloyal.

- I need to get a can of mandarin oranges and freeze them.

- Okay, starting tomorrow only one Pepsi per day. And I’m not talking about drinking a whole two liter bottle and calling it “one” either. One can. I can do this. I know I’ve tried many times but dammit, if China can keep to their “one child” policy, I can drink only one Pepsi a day.

- I wish I had a swimming pool. Well not really cause I know I wouldn’t keep it up, but it would still be nice for a while until I got tired of taking care of it.

- I better check Facebook. Oh yeah! How YOOOOO doin’? I bet the only reason she hasn’t defriended me is because there are a lot of guys even creepier than me following her. That’s pretty scary.

- I suck at blogging.

- Baseball is stupid.

- If you’re a moderately decent looking woman who is willing to show some cleavage in your avi and tell gross vagina jokes all the time, you will be a superstar on Twitter.

- I’m going to take up running. Hahahhaha … No I’m not.

- “Oh, a storm is threat'ning
My very life today
If I don't get some shelter
Oh yeah, I'm gonna fade away”

Okay Mick, if you say so.

- Hahaha … Karen Gillan is bald? Okay, I guess I’ll use her pic for this post. I gotta put a hot chick on here cause that’s the rules or something. Besides, I have a reputation to keep up.  

- I need to start taking naps or sleeping better at night.

- You know what would be awesome? If my penis did a blog post and some chick’s vagina responded either in comments or on her own blog. Okay, maybe not.

- Well I gotta do laundry and then make sure that Rooster Cogburn saves Mattie Ross again on “True Grit.” I actually prefer the remake with Jeff Bridges to the original with John Wayne.

- Bye

Jayman3768@gmail.com
Facebook.com/Jayman68
@Jayman_IWS

Also, it we celebrated the Summer of Love on IWS Radio yesterday. It was a laugh a minute (or so) as we talked about our lost loves of the past and some of our unrequited loves. Plus Bobby Kraft, Paul Piatt and Stubby Stonehenge chimed and we had a really great meditation session with Martin. Plus Jamie called! Okay, we got her on late, but still, she was there! We also yucked it up for a while over other stuff, so totally check it out!! 

Listen to internet radio with IWS Radio on BlogTalkRadio

Helen Thomas...IWS Person of the Week!!

Longtime, award winning, Capitol Hill journalist Helen Thomas passed away yesterday at the ripe old age of 92.  She was a trailblazer for women in the field of journalism, beginning her career in 1943...

Her 57 years career as a reporter spanned eleven Presidents including the lusty JFK, mainly with United Press International...

Known as tenacious and feisty, President Gerald Ford often turned his back on her...

But she was always at ease doing her best Bob Dole impersonation for President Barack Obama while celebrating their shared birthday as Major Garrett watched on...

Her last few years were not kind to her in the eye of the public, but that shouldn't erase her first five decades of speaking her mind and digging for answers.

So here's to the late Helen Thomas, the pride of Winchester, KY, and all of her years of service of keeping the denizens of D.C. on their toes...

And don't forget guys and dolls....Jayman and Matt-Man are celebrating the IWS Radio Summer of Love today LIVE from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio.

Scheduled to appear are Paul Piatt, Drew Peacock, Stubby Stonehenge, and more stars than the Zodiac can handle.

All that, plus your phones calls at 661.244.9852 LIVE TODAY from Noon-2 PM ET on the BTR Network...Just follow the link below!!

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/im-with-stupid/2013/07/21/summer-of-love

Matt Said, Jay Said 5318008

Matt blathers, Jay blathers, You are mildly amused.

Matt: Seriously?
Jay: Reaaaaaaly?
Matt: How the hell are ya?
Jay: Freaking awesome!
Matt: That’s great!
Jay: IKR?!
Matt: You’re lying aren’t you?
Jay: Kinda.
Matt: Awwwww … What’s wrong?
Jay: Oh nothing really. Life is just hard, that’s all.
Matt: Oh if that’s all it is then … Suck it up big boy!
Jay: *sigh* … Yeah.
Matt: Oh that’s just pathetic.
Jay: Let me open a Pepsi. That always picks me up a bit.
Matt: There you go. Do what makes you happy!
Jay: Good advice!
Matt: I’m full of great advice. For other people.
Jay: Ha! Me too. Actually, my advice usually sucks.
Matt: Oh God! Here we go …
Jay: Actually, people are bad at taking my advice.
Matt: There you go! Blame others.
Jay: That does make it all better.
Matt: That’s why I do it.

Jay: So how are things witchu?

Matt: Well I guess I have to say fine now!
Jay: Why?
Matt: You’re sympathy well is pretty dry right now.
Jay: Oh I don’t know. I’m a pretty sympathetic guy.
Matt: Well things are fine here.
Jay: THAT’S JUST FUCKING GREAT!
Matt: Yeah, it is.
Jay: I’M FUCKING GLAD TO HEAR IT.
Matt: Why thank you. I knew you cared.
Jay: I do actually.
Matt: I know you do.
Jay: I care TOO much actually.
Matt: Aaaaand here we go again.
Jay: No, no, no. I’m not gonna bum everyone out.
Matt: I appreciate that.

Jay: Got any topic ideas?
Matt: Well, I’ve got a few things to talk about.
Jay: That’s good. Me too.
Matt: We need a big topic though.
Jay: Something to bring it all together.
Matt: I’m in the mood for …
Jay: Pizza?
Matt: No.
Jay: Beer?
Matt: No.
Jay: Music?
Matt: No.
Jay: What’s left?
Matt: Looooooooooove!
Jay: Okay, I’ll hold.
Matt: Noooooooo! Let’s talk about love!
Jay: Ohhhhh people we love.
Matt: Loved and lost!
Jay: Unrequited love!
Matt: Lovers vs. Friends!
Jay: Men and Women as friends?
Matt: Yeah!
Jay: Oh hell yes! We can do this.
Matt: It’ll be kind of like Woodstock.
Jay: Summer of Love!
Matt: There we go!
Jay: Brilliant!
Matt: Let’s do this!
Jay: Hell yeah! 

So, be sure to tune into “Summer of Love” on IWS Radio this Sunday at 12 Noon ET! 

Dzhokar Tsarnaev and Rolling Stone...Sympathy For The Devil

Cheers Chuckleheads and Happy Friday to you all!

It seems that there is a firestorm brewing over a cup of stewing, and steeping American tea.

Rolling Stone magazine will soon be coming out with their August 1 issue which has Dzhokhar Tsarnaev's picture on it.

While I am a rabble rouser at heart, I must say….

It’s okayyyyyyyyyy.

It’s okay that Dzhokhar Tsarnaev’s picture is on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine, because unlike what right wing radio, and FOX News are telling you, it’s not a story about what a good guy that turned out not to be the well-developed American that he portrayed to be.

It’s a story about how he was a good guy, who received gladly, I might add, all of the blessings and frivolity that is America, and somehow, after his immigration from the Land of the Lost that is Russia and/or Whateverstan, enjoyed for years the freedom of America, and then, for whatever reason said through word and action…

“Innocent Americans Must Die.”

Why you gotta do that Dzhokhar?  I mean, c’mon?  You had it all you dumb fuck.

Look at yourself….Good looking kid.  Captain of the HS wrestling team.  I bet you had your choice of chicks…if you never had to bring them ‘round your brother’s house…

Dzhokhar Tsarnaev had it all, and he gave it up in order to kill innocent children and policemen and forever disrupt the lives of people whom he has never met, all the while…

Being one of the good kids down the street, as people who have never read Rolling Stone’s depiction of him illustrates.

Well folks, the Rolling Stone depiction of Tsarnaev in the article, if you take the time to read it, is less than glamorous.  It depicts him as he is, a terrorist.

The article talks about things like the face of terrorism dwells next door to us, in an American kid like us… within us.

It isn’t an article of glamorization of Tsarnaev, it is a warning that killers, terrorists, and those who do harm, come in all sizes, colors, shapes, and backgrounds.

And sometimes…they look, act, and pretend to feel just like “us.”

I hear a lot of complaints that “our” government won’t get off its collective ass…but do you ever see the ones posting such krill ever do that with informative ideas?  Or alternatives?

No, because they are scared...

And that is how it is with the Rolling Stone/ Dzhokhar Tsarnaev “incident.”

Many people are “outraged”, and while not knowing why, they say things like, “Boston Forever!!”

Y’know..?

Shut the Fuck Up.  Dzhokhar Tsarnaev lived in Beantown.  He was a Bostonian, and by all accounts, one helluva good guy.

And for what it’s worth,…Dzhokar Tsarnaev got sucked in by his loser brother, was sold a bill of Anti-American goods because his loser boxer brother couldn’t make it, and then?

Dzhokar said to himself…

“Just like the Doctor Hook song says…On the cover of the Rolling Stone…”

The thing is…Rolling Stone, unknown to the less than informed, is a great source of true journalism.  They write, print, and publish the facts, and have been for years.

They continue to do so in the Tsarnaev matter, and if you don’t like him being on their latest cover?

Fuck you…it’s journalism at its best.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

OMG! Even MORE Funny(ish) Headlines!

Holaaaaaaaa bitches! It’s time once again for a round of funny(ish) headlines! Try to hold down the excitement, will ya?

- Dept. of Justice investigation finds that the NSA violated George Zimmerman’s civil rights.

- Obama gives up and grows a Hitler mustache.

- Jenny McCarthy excited about new job as co-host on “The View.” “Think of all the kids I can kill with this

kind of exposure!!”

- Miley Cyrus apologizes for wearing bra under her tight shirt in public. Says it won’t happen again.

- Kim Kardashian freaks out over loss of popularity, renames her kid Trayvon Martin Kardashian-West.

- P.E.D scandal mars The ESPY’s as a reporter notices host Jon Hamm’s bottle of Viagra in locker backstage.

- Amanda Bynes seen buying “The Rhyming Dictionary” at local mall in preparation for her new rap career.

- “Vincent Sand Gogh” wins World Championship of Sand Sculpting in Atlantic City. “Sandy Vagina” fails to place for the 25^th consecutive year.

- OUTRAGEOUS McDonald’s “budget” for workers making minimum wage suggests just giving dancers a single at the stage and forgoing lap dances.

- ESPN lawyers up in preparation for firing Keith Olbermann soon after his new shows debuts on ESPN2 in August.

- Juror B37: “Okay, I admit it. I let George Zimmerman’s raw sexual magnetism cloud my judgment.”

- Emma Roberts tries out new way of promoting upcoming movie “We’re the Millers” by getting arrested for beating the shit out

of her boyfriend.

- Area man writes congressman demanding that the government dramatically increase funding for hemorrhoid research.

- MLB announces that former Egyptian President Mohammad Morsi will replace Bug Selig as Commissioner after Selig retires or, preferably, dies.

- City council realizes they have very few items on agenda, starts making shit up.

- Sad, lonely man starts friendship ring on Facebook.

- Area woman shocked to discover that people are still blogging.

- “Forbes Magazine” names Robert Downey Jr. as America’s highest paid ex-con.

And that’s all I’ve got.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
Facebook.com/Jayman68
@Jayman_IWS

Kate Middleton Is Giving Birth and/or Something

Jay, Matt-Man, IWS Radio aficionados…

Guy Ahnyurdyck here, fresh out of the Hell Hole that is a Dutch prison, filing this report LIVE from outside of St. Mary’s Hospital in London where within minutes, and/or hours, and/or days…

One Kate Middleton, aka the wife of Prince William, aka the Duchess of Cambridge, aka Kate Mountbatten-Windsor, et cetera, et cetera, will pop out a regal looking son and/or daughter fit for a King…and/or Queen…and/or Defender of the Faith…and/or Lord over the Dominion and Commonwealth…et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

(Ed. Note:  Could we keep it simple and/or American, Guy?  This isn't the BBC and/or the CBC…Pretend that you are talking to the audience of Sky TV and/or FOX News.)

The lovely and nubile Duchess of Cambridge is past her due date of July 13th, but many in the know, are speculating that Kate’s prince and/or princess will soon be sliding down her tortured, yet regal uterine walls, and drop him and/or precious self  into the open arms of a private Doctor practicing and living well in a country of socialized medicine.

Following the royal and cute extraction of said heir, the baby will be slapped upon the bodkins by the very hand of a God’s centuries old divinity in the kingdom business.

Secretly…

Many are hoping that once the baby opens his and/or her eyes, his/or her initial vision will be that of the angelic faces of Kate and Prince William, and not that of Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles…For that might scare said infant into returning to the womb.

An incident like that, would not only threaten the life of the child, but forever damage a fine piece of Euro-Trash royalty and her maternal goods.  Europe, and the U.K specifically, have already suffered enough through the recent and unexpected death of Amy Winehouse…

Do we really need to re-visit, re-live, and sadly bathe ourselves ‘neath that waterfall of Euro-Tears again?

Guy says, No!!

Not only has the question of sex been raised about the soon to be child, and whether the child is really Prince Harry’s but there are questions as to what his and/or her name may be.

Many folks put their money on traditional names such as Anne, Diana, or Mary if the child be a girl.  If it is to be a male, excited Brits and Anglophiles have suggested, Edward, George, and/or Margaret Thatcher.

As one whose nose is always in the news always and frequently in the telling and tantalizing parts of a Belgian psychic and/or lady of the night named Stella Artois, I would ask her a couple of questions.

If it is foreseen that this child be she a girl, is to be but a Princess, I would name her Buttercup.  If the stars foretold her to one day be a Queen, I would name her Latifah.

If the royal heir turns out to be a boy, but only a Prince, I would of course name him, Fielder, but if the stars determined that in the future he would be King, I would name said heir…

Sized.

Because seriously, who doesn’t like anything that is King Sized?  His favorability ratings would go through the roof!!

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

What's Next for George Zimmerman

Holaaaaaaaaaaa y’all! So, I know what you guys are all thinking. You’re worried that George Zimmerman will forever be known as the guy who chased and eventually killed an unarmed black teenager named Trayvon Martin and his life is going to be sad and miserable. Nonsense! This is America people and there are always opportunities out there. Here’s a list of the things George might be able to do with his new found fame.

- Host a comedy podcast on BlogTalkRadio

- A new reality show on Bravo about an all-gay male nude dance troupe called The ZimmerMEN’s Folles.

- Other reality show ideas …

“On Patrol with George”

“Who’s Out There with George”

“Wandering the Streets with George”

“Fuck the Police with George”

“George Follows Black People Around”

- “Stand Your Ground” show every weekend hosted by George Zimmerman on Fox News

- Run for Sheriff of Seminole County Florida

- Become a mentor for Big Brothers/Big Sisters

- Gigolo

- Spokesman for the NRA

- New show on The Food Network “Cooking with George and Paula”

- Do a series of porn movies:

“George Comes at Night”

“George the Dick Stalker” (bi)

“George Knows how to Finish”

“George Gets Off”

“The Neighborhood Likes to Watch”

- Write a book?

“Why I Did It”

“I Didn’t Get Life”

“A Field Guide to Effective Neighborhood Watch Programs”

“In My Self Defense”

- And of course a new line of “The Zimmer” Hoodies

So, as you can see, George Zimmerman’s life is full of all kinds of opportunities to be happy and successful!

Jayman3768@gmail.com
Facebook.com/Jayman68
@Jayman_IWS

The Beer Mine...Offering Folks a Respite From the Heat

Cheers Chuckleheads and welcome to Summer 2013.  A heat wave has finally hit the Greater Bagwine Metroplex as temps will be in the 90’s all week.

On top of that, the owner of the locally famous and world wide infamous Beer Mine is on vacation this week so that leaves yours truly in charge of operations through this Saturday.

I feel that I should make my mark in the drive through beverage business and enact some changes while Drive-By Mikey is away.

So, The Beer Mine will be celebrating a different theme every day this week…

Monday is Free Wing Day!!  If you so choose, I will, like a cannon, wing a 40 oz. bottle of King Cobra Malt Liquor at you and if you catch it, it’s yours FREE.  If it shatters and forever disfigures your face, you owe me a buck ninety-two.

Tuesday is Buy One Get One Free Day!!  Anything and everything we sell at The Beer Mine is two for one; of course, Tuesday is also Twice the Usual Price on All Products Day, so it’s a win-win for both myself and the patrons.

Wednesday is Hump Day!!  Sometimes, I just love to give of myself and go all out for the customers.

Thursday is Thirsty Thursday!!  With every purchase of $100 or more, you will receive a free dum dum sucker and a voucher for a free bottle of ice cold Ice Mountain water on your next visit.

Friday is Freaky Friday!!  I know that when you come through this Friday you are going to happily stupefied when you notice upon your leaving that I have given you back then entire amount of change you were due.  Sure, it’ll cut down on my “tips”, but I am willing to sacrifice for you, the customer.

Saturday is Fire Sale Day!!  Why a Fire Sale you ask?  Because, after working sixty-seven hours at The Beer Mine this week, I am going to torch the joint to the ground.

So there you have it…a week of good-natured celebration as we endure the week of heat that has come to visit the Bagwine, Ohio area.

While you are deciding which day or days are best for you to through, you can listen to yesterday’s IWS Radio Show.  Jayman and I bought on the Heatwave of Hilarity.  We along with Chris Matthews, Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton talked about the George Zimmerman verdict.  Ed from Detroit chimed in as well.

Dusty Sandman had the traffic report, Dixie Ozark interviewed Bobby Kraft about his motion picture debut, and we capped things by talking with Mrs. Luis who is married to one of America’s newest citizen, Luis the Beer Mine Iceman.  We also announced the debut of the Paul Piatt Facebook page.

If you missed it live you can listen to all of the hot hilarity right here:

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page 

Lee Yoon-hye IWS Person of the Week!

Welcome to the first ever edition of our newest feature here on IWS the “Person of the Week.” That’s right y’all, we finally retired the Babe of the Week. We didn’t come to this decision lightly either. Okay, yes we did. It was totally on a whim during the Matt and Jay LIVE episode of IWS Radio that Jay just up and said “Hey, we could drop the ‘Babe of the Week’ and change it to ‘Person of the Week’!” And Matt said “Okay.”  See how easy it is to make decisions guys?

So, for our inaugural Person of the Week we looked for someone who has done something amazing this week that we could celebrate. It didn’t take long to realize that Lee Yoon-hye, the flight attendant who was the HERO of Asiana Flight 214 should be given the honor.

Despite her small stature, Mz Yoon-hye acted fast and decisively right after the crash and began helping passengers to safety without regard to her own safety. She was even seen by some passenger carrying people out of the plane. Time and again she went back into the plane that was engulfed in flames to make sure that everyone got off.

Probably the most inspiring moment was when Lee put a frightened child on her back and took him down the emergency slide because he was paralyzed with fear. Once on the ground and out of danger, Lee continued to take charge and kept everyone organized and safe.

What was already a horrifying crash could have been so much worse in terms of loss of life had it not been for Lee Yoon-hye and for that she is the inaugural IWS Radio Person of the Week!  

Also, don't forget to listen to "Heat Wave of Hilarity" on IWS Radio Sunday at 12 Noon ET!!!! 

Matt Said, Jay Said...The Heat is On!!

Matt has a seizure…Jayman is paralyzed…You are stricken dumbfounded by their hotness and humidity.

Matt:  What the hell?  How the hell did you get this number?
Jay:  You gave it to me like three years ago.
Matt:  Oh…Jayman?
Jay:  Yes?
Matt:  Oh wow.  I thought you were a bill collector.
Jay:  I am in a way…I want a return on my suffering with you.
Matt:  Ha.. That’s funny…Anyhoo…What should we do this week?
Jay:  No, seriously…I figure that you owe me, Six Thousand, Nine-Hun--
Matt:  Ha. Funny Man…

Jay:  Okay let’s talk about the show and I’ll talk reparations later.
Matt:  Sweeeeeeet!!

Jay:  I hear Luis took his Citizenship test today.
Matt:  Yep.  And he passed!!
Jay:  Ole!!
Matt:  He may have to work on Sunday, but his wife can talk to us.
Jay:  That would be awesome!!
Matt:  IKR?  We could ask her about how now that Luis is an American, he cares about nothing.
Jay:  I know that I don’t.
Matt:  Me neither.

Jay:  I was thinking that perhaps we could just wing it again this week.
Matt:  Last week’s winging it show wasn’t too hateful!!
Jay:  IKR?
Matt:  We can talk about the George Zimmerman trial.
Jay:  We can and will, and dig this…
Matt:  Oh Dear God, what?

Jay:  They are going to be filming a movie here in Redneckville and Bobby Kraft is going to be in it.
Matt:  Really!!?
Jay:  Yes!!  I mean, probably…and Dixie Ozark is going to interview Bobby about it.
Matt:  That’s HOT!!
Jay:  IKR?

Matt:  Well let me tell ya…Drive-By Mikey is leaving for a week, and I’ll be in charge of the Beer Mine!!
Jay:  Are you gonna make some wacky changes?
Matt:  He won’t recognize the place nor his customers when he gets back.
Jay:  Good to see that you are building the business and we should talk about that.
Matt:  I am a team player, and we will.

Jay: So…we hit the week’s news HAM and then be our charming selves?
Matt:  Is there a better plan?
Jay:  No fucking way!!

Matt:  So there you go…People should join us tomorrow, Sunday July 14th LIVE from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio as IWS Radio once again hits the mark and supplies the funny.

If you’d like to listen LIVE this Sunday at Noon ET click HERE.