Holaaaaaaaaaaa! Well, now that Matt-Man is divorced his life
has changed more than you guys can ever imagine. I’ve been observing him over
the last 24 to 36 hours and I can tell you that the change has been astounding! Matt-Man has a whole new view on life. Just check out some of the changes that are happening to Matt-Man:
- He is now a Health Nut: I can see Matt-Man strolling down
the organic food isles at the grocery store refusing to eat anything that has
been treated with pesticides or pumped full of growth hormones. Our usual
“What’s for dinner” exchange on Twitter will go something like …
“@Jayman_IWS Oh, I’m having a hamburger patty, mashed taters
and some French cut green beans. Whatchu havin’??”
“@MattMan_IWS I think I’ll have baked organic free-range
chicken with some organic kale and squash covered in a spicy mango salsa with a
bottle of pure spring water.”
- Even worse he’s working on becoming a Vegan and
Marathon Runner!!! …
“@MattMan_IWS I’m having tofu and broccoli stir fry laid
over a bed of gluten-free brown pasta. I need to carb up to be ready to run a
10K this weekend for Enlarged Prostate (BPH) Awareness.”
- He’s turned into a bit of snob: Matt has given up drinking
Wild Irish Rose and Steel Reserve. Instead he will be drinking fancy French
wines! On the rare occasions that he does drink beer it will only be a very
highly regarded craft beer brewed and a small privately owned brewery that he
orders directly from on the internet.
- He has become weirdly and agreeable and complimentary of
everyone …
“. @SeanHannity I was watching you tonight and while I don’t
agree that gay people have a mental disorder and can be cured through shock
therapy, I respect your views and the high production value of your shows.”
“. @MHPShow Could I possibly get a copy of the syllabus a
little early so I can take extra time to prepare for the show. I find it helps
me to read it thoroughly twice before the show to keep up with your superior
intellect. Thanks gorgeous!”
- He’s talking serious about quitting smoking! Oh God!
Matt-Man is gonna be one of those “Back when I smoked” people. You know the
type! He’ll be one of those people who find a way to bring up the fact that he
used to smoke no matter is going on.
“I walked to work today and you know what? It’s amazing how
much easier that walk is now that I don’t smoke. I mean I walked here without
any real effort at all. I’m not even breathing heavily. I bet I could walk here
and then turn right around walk back home and still not break a sweat. You
people who smoke can’t do that. Sucks for you! Oh I see what got a new shipment
of Grippo’s BBQ Chips! You know what? This is gonna sound weird but I used to
hate these when I smoked. It’s just amazing what smoking does to the other
senses. I swear every single day I feel better about myself and the rest of my life.
Food tastes better, water tastes purer, flowers smell prettier and the list
goes on and on! I really hope I can inspire others to quit smoking too so they
can experience the world the same way I have.”
Maybe he should have just stayed married?
