Looking For Love on Facebook

Hola lovers! As you might remember, not too long ago I started joining several Facebook groups to try and meet new friends from all over the world and made a commitment to get married this year. Well, it’s time to document some of my interactions once again.

Round 1: TC

TC: Hello!
Jay: Well hey there little lady!
TC: LOL!
Jay: What’s so funny?
TC: You are!
Jay: Really? Thanks!
TC: You’re welcome. How are you today?
Jay: I’m wonderful, how are you?
TC: I’m okay.
Jay: Just okay?
TC: I’m kind of lonely.
Jay: Awww … I’m sorry.
TC: Are you lonely.
Jay: Sometimes I get lonely.
TC: Are you single?
Jay: Single forever.
TC: That’s sad.

Jay: Wait. Now I’m sad? I thought I was funny.
TC: Hee Hee … You are funny!
Jay: Thank you for appreciating my comedy skills.
TC: You’re a comedian?
Jay: Can’t you tell?
TC: Yes! You’re funny like a clown.
Jay: Nooooooooooooo
TC: No?
Jay: Clowns are creepy. I’m not creepy.
TC: No, you’re not creepy at all.
Jay: Well I am a little creepy. You just don’t know me well enough yet.
TC: I hope not.
Jay: I’ll try to tone it down.
TC: Okay. What are you looking for?
Jay: A good time?
TC: LOL … I’m looking for a life mate.
Jay: Okay.
TC: Someone for me and my four little kids.
Jay: WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
TC: Kids aren’t okay?
Jay: Well, I’m not good with kids.
TC: It’s okay. You will learn fast.
Jay: I was a terrible student in college.
TC: LOL!
Jay: I don’t want to be mean.
TC: You’re not mean!
Jay: I’m not looking for the same thing you are.
TC: It’s okay. We’ll just be friends.
Jay: Okay. And fuck buddies?
TC: *Defriends Jay*

Round 2: BW

BW: Hey there!
Jay: how YOU doin’?
BW: I’m fine.
Jay: Yes you are!
BW: How are you?
Jay: I’m GREAT!
BW: That’s good. You’re happy?
Jay: Very much so!
BW: Why?
Jay: Because I’m talking to you!
BW: That’s so sweet!
Jay: IKNOWRIGHT? I’m a sweet guy.
BW: I don’t know what that word means.
Jay: Sweet?
BW: LOL .. No, “iknowright” My English isn’t that good.
Jay: Oh that’s okay. No worries.
BW: Thank you.
Jay: No, THANK YOU!
BW: Why thank me?
Jay: Just for being you.
BW: hahahahahaha
Jay: So what’s up?
BW: Just looking.
Jay: Looking for?????
BW: A man.
Jay: Hell yeah!
BW: LOL
Jay: You’ve come to the right place babe.
BW: Can I get a full body pic of you?
Jay: NUDE?
BW: NO!! I don’t do that!
Jay: Oh. I would if you wanted me to though.
BW: No that’s okay.
Jay: Here’s a pic…
BW: You’re so big.
Jay: Yeah, all the girls say that.
BW: I like big.
Jay: Awwwwwww yeahhhhhhhhhh!

BW: What does that mean?
Jay: You’re looking for a big one?
BW: I’m happy with anyone.
Jay: Oh, okay. Girls say that all the time too.
BW: What do you do for a living?
Jay: I’m a writer.
BW: Really? What do you write?
Jay: Mostly Gay Erotica.
BW: I don’t read any of that.
Jay: Why not?
BW: I don’t know. Just haven’t.
Jay: Do you have a problem with bisexual men?
BW: Nope. That’s what I prefer.
Jay: Oh, that’s too bad.
BW: You aren’t bisexual?
Jay: Nope.
BW: But, that’s okay too.
Jay: Yeah, but I’ll obviously never be what you really want.
BW: That’s not true.
Jay: I’ll always fall short.
BW: How old are you?
Jay: I’m an old man.
BW: Good. I want a man over 55 or 65.
Jay: I’m only 46.
BW: That’s not bad though.
Jay: Sorry. Obviously I’ll never be what you’re looking for.
BW: You don’t know that.
Jay: Story of my life. Never quite good enough.
BW: Yes you are!
Jay: That’s nice of you to say. We can be friends right?
BW: Well I want more than friends.
Jay: Right. Fuck buddies it is.
BW: *Deactivates Account*

Well, that didn’t work out as well as I had hoped. Maybe next time.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
My Facebook
@Jayman_IWS

Facebook is Worried About My Social Life

Holaaaaaaaaaa friends and lovers and all the lonely people out there tonight. I’ve been noticing a trend on Facebook lately. No, not all the bitching, bragging, winning, cheap shots, lame jokes and angry status updates people are posting. Those are a given. No, I’ve noticed that Facebook is worried about me. It seems as though Facebook is worried that I’m lonely and wants to help me out.

It all started out innocently enough. Facebook thought maybe I would like to join a singles site called Zoosk. They just wanted to let me know that I don’t have to be alone. Very sweet of Facebook.

After I didn’t respond to Facebook’s offer, they decided to get a little more specific for me. Next came the Christian Singles …

I have nothing against Christians, hell I am one, but let’s just say my views are a little more moderate than what I suspect I would find at that site. Besides, I’m not a raging racist and don’t hate gay people so I think I would have a hard time finding a match.

So, Facebook gave up on that and things took a strange turn. The next item on the Love Menu was Young Women Looking for Older Men! Whoa! That escalated quickly!

While I found this to be funny, I was still not tempted to dive into the online personals world. Also, that was a little unseemly. Facebook was not to be deterred however because they clearly did their homework and hit me with something they knew I wouldn’t be able to resist ….

Okay, so they finally had my attention, but I still wasn’t sure if it would be a good idea. I would have to come up with a personal bio to post and then put together an action plan for what to do after meeting a girl online. Not to worry though, Facebook thought of that too …

Okay, flowers are always a good idea. Girls always love flowers and when you pick her up for a date giving her flowers gets things off to a nice start. Of course, I have another problem …

Right! Gotta look good for that date right! But, there’s still another problem. I’m not much on going out. I prefer a more laid back casual evening …

There we go! Dinner and a movie at home! Damn Facebook! You’ve got my whole social life all planned out! Way to go and thanks!

Jayman3768@gmail.com
My Facebook
@Jayman_IWS

Matt Said, Jay Said 5318008

Matt blathers, Jay blathers, You are mildly amused.

Matt: Seriously?
Jay: Reaaaaaaly?
Matt: How the hell are ya?
Jay: Freaking awesome!
Matt: That’s great!
Jay: IKR?!
Matt: You’re lying aren’t you?
Jay: Kinda.
Matt: Awwwww … What’s wrong?
Jay: Oh nothing really. Life is just hard, that’s all.
Matt: Oh if that’s all it is then … Suck it up big boy!
Jay: *sigh* … Yeah.
Matt: Oh that’s just pathetic.
Jay: Let me open a Pepsi. That always picks me up a bit.
Matt: There you go. Do what makes you happy!
Jay: Good advice!
Matt: I’m full of great advice. For other people.
Jay: Ha! Me too. Actually, my advice usually sucks.
Matt: Oh God! Here we go …
Jay: Actually, people are bad at taking my advice.
Matt: There you go! Blame others.
Jay: That does make it all better.
Matt: That’s why I do it.

Jay: So how are things witchu?

Matt: Well I guess I have to say fine now!
Jay: Why?
Matt: You’re sympathy well is pretty dry right now.
Jay: Oh I don’t know. I’m a pretty sympathetic guy.
Matt: Well things are fine here.
Jay: THAT’S JUST FUCKING GREAT!
Matt: Yeah, it is.
Jay: I’M FUCKING GLAD TO HEAR IT.
Matt: Why thank you. I knew you cared.
Jay: I do actually.
Matt: I know you do.
Jay: I care TOO much actually.
Matt: Aaaaand here we go again.
Jay: No, no, no. I’m not gonna bum everyone out.
Matt: I appreciate that.

Jay: Got any topic ideas?
Matt: Well, I’ve got a few things to talk about.
Jay: That’s good. Me too.
Matt: We need a big topic though.
Jay: Something to bring it all together.
Matt: I’m in the mood for …
Jay: Pizza?
Matt: No.
Jay: Beer?
Matt: No.
Jay: Music?
Matt: No.
Jay: What’s left?
Matt: Looooooooooove!
Jay: Okay, I’ll hold.
Matt: Noooooooo! Let’s talk about love!
Jay: Ohhhhh people we love.
Matt: Loved and lost!
Jay: Unrequited love!
Matt: Lovers vs. Friends!
Jay: Men and Women as friends?
Matt: Yeah!
Jay: Oh hell yes! We can do this.
Matt: It’ll be kind of like Woodstock.
Jay: Summer of Love!
Matt: There we go!
Jay: Brilliant!
Matt: Let’s do this!
Jay: Hell yeah! 

So, be sure to tune into “Summer of Love” on IWS Radio this Sunday at 12 Noon ET!