Looking For Love on Facebook

Hola lovers! As you might remember, not too long ago I started joining several Facebook groups to try and meet new friends from all over the world and made a commitment to get married this year. Well, it’s time to document some of my interactions once again.

Round 1: TC

TC: Hello!
Jay: Well hey there little lady!
TC: LOL!
Jay: What’s so funny?
TC: You are!
Jay: Really? Thanks!
TC: You’re welcome. How are you today?
Jay: I’m wonderful, how are you?
TC: I’m okay.
Jay: Just okay?
TC: I’m kind of lonely.
Jay: Awww … I’m sorry.
TC: Are you lonely.
Jay: Sometimes I get lonely.
TC: Are you single?
Jay: Single forever.
TC: That’s sad.

Jay: Wait. Now I’m sad? I thought I was funny.
TC: Hee Hee … You are funny!
Jay: Thank you for appreciating my comedy skills.
TC: You’re a comedian?
Jay: Can’t you tell?
TC: Yes! You’re funny like a clown.
Jay: Nooooooooooooo
TC: No?
Jay: Clowns are creepy. I’m not creepy.
TC: No, you’re not creepy at all.
Jay: Well I am a little creepy. You just don’t know me well enough yet.
TC: I hope not.
Jay: I’ll try to tone it down.
TC: Okay. What are you looking for?
Jay: A good time?
TC: LOL … I’m looking for a life mate.
Jay: Okay.
TC: Someone for me and my four little kids.
Jay: WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
TC: Kids aren’t okay?
Jay: Well, I’m not good with kids.
TC: It’s okay. You will learn fast.
Jay: I was a terrible student in college.
TC: LOL!
Jay: I don’t want to be mean.
TC: You’re not mean!
Jay: I’m not looking for the same thing you are.
TC: It’s okay. We’ll just be friends.
Jay: Okay. And fuck buddies?
TC: *Defriends Jay*

Round 2: BW

BW: Hey there!
Jay: how YOU doin’?
BW: I’m fine.
Jay: Yes you are!
BW: How are you?
Jay: I’m GREAT!
BW: That’s good. You’re happy?
Jay: Very much so!
BW: Why?
Jay: Because I’m talking to you!
BW: That’s so sweet!
Jay: IKNOWRIGHT? I’m a sweet guy.
BW: I don’t know what that word means.
Jay: Sweet?
BW: LOL .. No, “iknowright” My English isn’t that good.
Jay: Oh that’s okay. No worries.
BW: Thank you.
Jay: No, THANK YOU!
BW: Why thank me?
Jay: Just for being you.
BW: hahahahahaha
Jay: So what’s up?
BW: Just looking.
Jay: Looking for?????
BW: A man.
Jay: Hell yeah!
BW: LOL
Jay: You’ve come to the right place babe.
BW: Can I get a full body pic of you?
Jay: NUDE?
BW: NO!! I don’t do that!
Jay: Oh. I would if you wanted me to though.
BW: No that’s okay.
Jay: Here’s a pic…
BW: You’re so big.
Jay: Yeah, all the girls say that.
BW: I like big.
Jay: Awwwwwww yeahhhhhhhhhh!

BW: What does that mean?
Jay: You’re looking for a big one?
BW: I’m happy with anyone.
Jay: Oh, okay. Girls say that all the time too.
BW: What do you do for a living?
Jay: I’m a writer.
BW: Really? What do you write?
Jay: Mostly Gay Erotica.
BW: I don’t read any of that.
Jay: Why not?
BW: I don’t know. Just haven’t.
Jay: Do you have a problem with bisexual men?
BW: Nope. That’s what I prefer.
Jay: Oh, that’s too bad.
BW: You aren’t bisexual?
Jay: Nope.
BW: But, that’s okay too.
Jay: Yeah, but I’ll obviously never be what you really want.
BW: That’s not true.
Jay: I’ll always fall short.
BW: How old are you?
Jay: I’m an old man.
BW: Good. I want a man over 55 or 65.
Jay: I’m only 46.
BW: That’s not bad though.
Jay: Sorry. Obviously I’ll never be what you’re looking for.
BW: You don’t know that.
Jay: Story of my life. Never quite good enough.
BW: Yes you are!
Jay: That’s nice of you to say. We can be friends right?
BW: Well I want more than friends.
Jay: Right. Fuck buddies it is.
BW: *Deactivates Account*

Well, that didn’t work out as well as I had hoped. Maybe next time.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
My Facebook
@Jayman_IWS

Jayman is Getting Married!

Holaaaaaaaaaa y’all! That’s right, in shocking out-of-nowhere news, the Jayman is getting married! I just finally decided that dammit, I’m 45 years old and it’s time to settle down and get married. Enough of this footloose and fancy-free lifestyle of mine! It’s time to start acting like a grown up! There’s only one problem with my plan right now…

I don’t know whom I will be marrying.

That’s definitely a problem, right? Well, not to worry cause I think I’ve found just what I’m looking for. My friends, I have joined the “Finda Life Partner to get Married” group on Facebook! Oh hell yes! It even says “only for serious people” so I see no reason that I won’t be able to find a suitable bride, take her on a whirlwind romance and then get married within around six to nine months.

I think the key to this is to come up with a killer introduction of myself to the group. First impressions matter ya know? So, here are a few ideas I’m working on.

- “Hola y’all! International internet radio star here and I’m looking a co-host for life. Living in the spotlight is a lot lonelier than it seems and it’s time to find someone to enjoy life with. Plus, by marrying me you will automatically get to be featured on IWS Radio! You’ll record and edit audios for the show and write for the website two or three times a week! Other responsibilities will include posting to the Facebook fan page and Tumblr. Plus, there will be all the other wifey duties of cooking, cleaning and making sure that I’m happy, healthy, relaxed and focused. What do you say ladies?

- You: A scared, hot legal (barely) age girl living in abject poverty in some third world shithole that is about to explode in civil war.

Me: Your only real option.  Let’s do this!

- Howdy girls! My name is Jay. I’m 45, but have the emotional maturity of a 15 year old. I’m considerably overweight and broke as hell. But, I’m full of love and am the World’s Greatest Cuddler. You could do worse, right?

- Sad, lonely and reserved middle aged male seeks shy, quiet girl for disappointing evenings out and possibly a long boring marriage. Email me for details. No fatties.

- So, are all you chicks here just a bunch of mail order brides, or what?

- Semi-successful speculative comedian here to make you laugh and giggle through life! If you don’t take life too seriously, I’m your guy. Let’s not worry about money and looks and all that superficial crap, let’s get deep and talk about what’s on the inside then Let’s. Get. Bizzay!

- Me: Old, fat and broke.  … You: Young, wild and free.  …. Opposites attract, right?

- Hey y’all! Just want to introduce myself to all the lovely ladies here. I’m a pretty average guy who is full of laughs and love. Let’s get to know each other and who knows, maybe it will lead to marriage or something. I mean, I prefer to just shack up for a while, but I’m open to other ideas. I’m even willing to travel so you don’t have to leave your family if you’re hot enough.  

- Okay enough of the bullshit. I’m lonely and you’re desperate. Let’s work something out. I’ll help out with the housework and do some of the cooking. You promise not to nag at me and put out every once in a while. We’ll work out all the other details as we go along. Sound good? Seriously y'all come on! If this doesn't work I'll have to join Asexuals Anonymous group! 

Man, it’s just so hard to decide which of those to use cause they’re all GOLD! I see no reason why I won’t be filling out foreign bride visa applications for some lucky lady damn soon! Or even better, I might be the one doing the moving! I’ll keep you guys updated, so start thinking about what you’re going to get us for our wedding gift!

Jayman3768@gmail.com
My Facebook
@Jayman_IWS

Making Friends and Getting Feedback on Social Media

Holaaaaaaaaaaa! Well, I’m back to regular internet activities and it hasn’t taken long for things to get wild and crazy!

I will start by updating folks on my continuing experimentwith Facebook groups. I continue to join different “Let’s Be Friends” and “Add Me” groups and continue to have pretty much the same experience as I had before. I have added several new “friends” though, so that’s cool. There hasn’t been a lot of interaction with any of them, but a couple of them and I have exchanged “likes” on posts and even a couple of “pokes.” So, that’s progress, I guess.

There was one pretty funny situation in one of the groups. A lot of really hot chicks post in these groups because they want to build up thousands of “friends” and “followers” so they can then sell the account to some spammers. It’s always funny to watch lonely middle-aged men fall for this tactic. Well, one woman got tired of her man trying to get with the young babes in these groups and decided to post a warning …

She didn’t know why I found that funny. I told her I hope she could keep her man under control. She basically replied that it isn’t easy cause the women can’t resist him.

There was one other interaction with a lovely lady, or at least someone who set up an account claiming to be a very lovely lady and using someone’s pics. You can never really know, right? Anyway, she sent me a friend request and I accepted. We then had this exchange in chat …

Her: Thanks for accepting.
Me: You’re welcome! Thanks for adding me.
Her: No problem. What are you up to?
Me: Nothing much, just woke up.
Her: Oh really? Do you like to play in the mornings?
Me: Play?
Her: Yes, with me?
Me: Oh no, I gave up Facebook games. They’re a time suck.
Her: Well I was talking about sucking, but not Facebook games.
Me: Uh, okay. I think.
Her: Never mind!

And that’s when she defriended me.  

I had mixed results in another dark corner of the internet this week too. I posted a link to my review of the beautiful and vibrant cityof Omaha, Nebraska over on the r/Omaha board on Reddit. I was hoping that the good folks of Omaha would appreciate my glowing review of their wonderful city and see that I love it as much as they do. Hell, part of me hoped that they might even make me an honorary citizen.

For the most part, they did seem pretty supportive. They appreciated my description of the northern parts of the city and a couple even chuckled, possibly even guffawed, at my description of Omaha drivers. As of the writing of this post, I currently have 41 upvotes and only 14 downvotes. That’s a 75% approval rating and you really can’t ask for much more than that.

Unfortunately, a couple of folks weren’t as enthralled with me and my review as the rest and they chose to let me know about it. Here is a sampling of the negative comments…

- “What a hilariously stupid pile of shit”

- “Whodafuq is this tool and has he ever been to Omaha?”

- “I hardly think Warren Buffett is a cheap skate. Also, the writing of this kept flip-flopping between tedious and too cutesy.”

- “Nice piece on Omaha, but c'mon man...No mention of Marlin Perkins!!?” ß What an asshole, amirite?

Okay, so some of those comments hurt just a little. Maybe even a lot. But, just like with the Facebook groups I’m not gonna focus on the mean, hate-filled trolls of the world. I’m gonna focus on the positive people who enjoyed my post and find me pleasant and funny and probably want to be my friend.  

Jayman3768@gmail.com
My Facebook
@Jayman_IWS

Exploring Facebook Groups ...

Hola friends and potential friends! I want to introduce a new series for the blog. I’ve been trying to find ways to make Facebook more useful and fun and I think I might have found one. I’ve been going through Groups to see what all topics are covered. Needless to say there are lots of groups for just about any topic. One that I found most interesting are the “Add Me” or “Add Lots of New Friends” groups.

The idea is that everyone who joins the group should add everyone as a friend and we all get big friend numbers and look really cool and popular. I thought this would be as good a place as any to start. I joined one of them and posted “Hey everyone! Add me please!” Five people added me. Only one is still a “friend.” Here’s what happened with the other four….

Babe 1:

Her: Hello
Me: Hello
Her: Do you like me?
Me: Well, I don’t know you.
Her: But, you think I’m cute?
Me: Yeah, you’re cute.
Her: So you like me?
Me: You seem nice.
Her: Just nice?
Me: I don’t really know you.
Her: You looking for wife?

I defriended her in a panic. I wish I hadn’t. That could have been comedy gold.

Dude 1:

Him: Hey!
Me: Hello
Him: How are you?
Me: Great. How are you?
Him: Good. Hey can I ask you a question?
Me: Okay
Him: Can you suggest friends for me?
Me: I guess.
Him: Well, just the girls really.
Me: Just the girls?
Him: Yeah, girls think I’m cute.
Me: Some guys might think you’re cute too.
Him: Oh man! That’s not funny!
Me: It’s a little funny.
Him: Only a little!
Me: Most of the girls I know would find it very funny.
Him: Okay, don’t suggest them then.
Me: Okay.

He then defriended me.

Dude 2:

Him: Hey man!
Me: Hola!
Him: You’re Spanish?
Me: Uh, no.
Him: LOL … Okay
Me: What’s up?
Him: Thanks for accepting my friend request.
Me: Thanks for adding me.
Him: No prob. So, what you looking for?
Me: Well, nothing really.
Him: So why did you join that group?
Me: Just seemed like a good idea.
Him: It’s pretty cool. I’ve met lots of dudes there.
Me: Cool. I just joined today.
Him: Cool. So, you into dudes?
Me: Uhhhh … No, sorry.
Him: Don’t be sorry. You’re the one missing out.
Me: Ha! Okay.
Him: You ever had a guy suck you off?
Me: No
Him: How do you know?
Me: I checked.
Him: You’d never really know if you didn’t check.
Me: That’s why I check.
Him: If she had sex change, you wouldn’t know.
Me: I guess that’s possible.
Him: Probable, I’d say.
Me: Ha! Unlikely.
Him: Anyway, you’re missing out.
Me: If you say so.
Him: I do. Bye dude.
Me: Bye

He then defriended me.

Babe 2:

Her: Hi there
Me: Howdy
Her: LOL
Me: Why was that funny?
Her: Americans say “Howdy” a lot.
Me: Oh, okay.
Her: You wanna be my friend?
Me: Sure.
Her: But not too friendly
Me: Okay.  What’s “too friendly”
Her: Like making passes at me.
Me: Okay. I won’t.
Her: Good cause I would get into trouble.

I’m thinking “Oh crap, she’s underage!”

Me: Why would you get into trouble?
Her: Being too friendly with a white man
Me: REALLY?
Her: Yes, not me, but my family.
Me: That’s sad.
Her: Yes cause I love white men.
Me: Well that’s a problem
Her: Only for me.
Me: Or a white man who falls for you.
Her: That makes me sad.
Me: It is pretty sad.
Her: Maybe I can convince them they’re wrong.
Me: I hope so.
Her: Me too.
Me: Good luck
Her: Thanks. Bye!
Me: Bye

That one kind of made me sad. Anyway, there are lots and lots of groups out there on Facebook. Most of the posts in them are just spam, but there are some real people there too. I’m going to keep joining them and will report back to you guys on them.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
Facebook
@Jayman_IWS