Hola y’all! Bonnie Boner and Clyde S. Dale are here for IWS
with the only Oscars Fashion Report you’ll need. They’re gonna talk about who
looked great and not so great on Hollywood’s biggest night.
Bonnie: Thanks so much to the guys at IWS for asking us to
do the Fashion Report! We’re soooo excited, right Clyde?
Clyde: OHHH ….. MYGOD! This is the most exciting thing that has happened to me
since I saw Lance Bass doing the walk of shame outside of my West Village
apartment at 7 am one Sunday morning!
Bonnie: Okay, we should get started. I’M SO EXCIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITED!
Clyde: Honey, you need to calm down! Although, it is nice to see you living up
to your last name.
First up: Anne Hathaway…
Bonnie: I really do love Anne. I mean, she’s a truly gifted
actress and a really great human being. I know that because she’s told me that
she’s both of those things over and over and over. And, judging by this picture
she’s happy to see me! It’s okay though I’ve seen her boobs more times than I’ve
seen my own. We get it Anne, you’ve got great boobs. Thanks.
Clyde: Girl, we need to head up to San Quentin and find some
guys who are in prison for a gang rape and have them hold her down and force
feed her a cheeseburger. And what’s with the hair? Seriously Anne, even Daniel
Day Lewis didn’t stay in character all the way to the Oscars. Let the hair grow
out again and stop barfing up your dinner.
Next we have Jennifer Aniston…
Bonnie: Well, it certainly was a surprise to see Jen there.
I mean, we know she isn’t there because she was nominated for anything. I guess
they just took pity on her and offered to let her present. Hollywood is so full
of caring people like that.
Clyde: It is, Bonnie and you’d think she would pay her
friends who got her into this back by actually dressing up and at least
pretending to enjoy the event. I get that she’s depressed that she’s about that
age where in a few years she will have to buy a ticket, but that’s no reason to
be such a sourpuss.
Okay, now we’ve got Octavia Spencer…
Bonnie: Oh dear. Well, look, Octavia is a very nice person,
I met her once when I accidentally thought she was clearing tables and washing
dishes at Chateau Marmot one night. It was an honest mistake.
Clyde: Yeah, and we know who was eating all of Anne Hathaway’s
leftovers too! And the desserts! Hey-OOOOOOOOO!
And real quick, last one in this segment is Heidi Klum…
Bonnie: Wow! You know, I’m not saying that Heidi doesn’t
look good for someone so … well, someone her age, but is it really necessary to
be hanging out all over the place? God, we’ve seen those things enough anyway.
And, quit pretending that they’re still naturally that firm and perky!
Clyde: IKNOWRITE? Girl, if you took those implants out and
burned them that silicone would create so much white smoke they would see it
all the way in Rome and think they found a new Pope already. Besides, it’s not
like Heidi is actually an actress or anything like that. There’s just no reason
to show up at a party to celebrate a group you’re not a part of dressed like
you’re ready to sample some sausages in the back after the show Fräulein.
Okay, that’s it for the first segment of today’s Fashion
Report on IWS. Be sure to stay with us through the break because when we come
back we’re gonna answer the question “Which will Kristen Stewart do first?
Sober up, or shower?” Also, later in the show we’ll have female bloggers from
various feminist sites on to dish more fashion AND talk about what a mean,
hateful, sexist, racist and misogynist jerk Seth MacFarlane is. You don’t want
to miss that!
Also, be sure to join us for I Love My Khuntry on I'm With Stupid as we talk about all the hoopla and over the top fake outrage and anger over this year's Oscars as well as other big news of the week at 11 AM ET!
