IWS Person of the Week...Mike Huckabee !!

Greetings, Cheers, and Hola from IWS Radio...It's Sunday, so it's time for our IWS Person of the Week!!

This week, we honor a man who is true to his morals, his belief in GAWD, and his belief that if he can be a human chameleon, he can be elected in President of the United States in 2016.

Our Person of the Week is Arkansas' Second Favorite Son, behind Jayman of course, and just above that rapist and horrible President, Bill Clinton...

Former Arkansas Governor, and Human Libido Meter, Mike Huckabee!!

Everyone likes Mike, because he is a man of God, who has a rapier wit and a charm offensive that could melt the cold Teutonic heart of German Chancellor Angela Merkel...

But don't let his folksy charm fool you...He has an adorable aura about him that is quite sexy and intoxicating, even among both tea partiers and teetotalers!!  And yes ladies, his "sermon" is THIS long...

But don't get on his wrong side when it comes to issues of morality, such as women wanting unfettered access to birth control, because this hayseed is both the Starsky AND Hutch of Birth Control Police...

And let it be known, you freakish gay men and women out there, don't even think about getting married. The Huckster has the Lord's ear, and he will wipe you off the planet and wipe clean the supernatural tears of Jesus Christ from his holy face...

Mike Huckabee's tweet upon the SCOTUS ruling took extreme courage on his part, especially because his wife Janet, is a man..

.

Thank you for being you, Governor Huckabee...you put the unwanted pregnancy, two people in love crap aside, and say to all of America...

"Better to curse the sin that is Birth Control, than have a baby that you never intended, and give it up for adoption...unless it is to a gay couple, because, well...the kid will turn out gay."

Gov. Mike Huckabee..The IWS Person of the Week!!

And...Don't forget kids!!  Tonight LIVE from 8-10 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio...Jay and Matt are bidding a fond farewell to the Year 2014.

It's been a great year and we will review it thus far.

To listen LIVE Click HERE!!  

Sore Throats and Satire Do Not Mix

Cheeeeeeeeers and a Happy Thursday to you all, and you damn well better be happy. because for the next few days I shall be living vicariously through you!!

I have a sore throat.  A sore throat from Hell, and I mean it is literally a sore throat from Hell, because I hear that the Devil has Menorah-like hemorrhoids that burn for days upon end, and well…

I evidently have Satan’s, blood red ass cherries firmly lodged in my throat as they turn my uvula into what looks like a tiny, yet swollen red incandescent light bulb, and leaves my trachea feeling like the 4-Methylcyclohexane Methanol laced Kanawha River in West By God Virginia

Yep, that’s the state of my throat, and as many of us know, sore throats are among the most annoying non-life threatening afflictions with which we deal, because…

Sore throats while they last, are constant.  Sore throats are omnipresent.  An active sore throats mock us, because unlike having the flu when one just lies down and sleeps it away, the sore throat allows one to remain active.

I may be a bit tired, but I am still awake enough and able enough to go to work, and yet?  My throat is fucking killing me!!

And you know what I have discovered during this inflamed throat episode?

I never realized how often I swallow during the day, when not eating nor drinking.  Holy Cow, the average person evidently does a swallow reflex out of habit 10,000 times a day.  And?

And with each swallow, laugh, and/or cough, I cry…just a little…both inside and out.

And let me tell you.  It has affected my skills as a world-class satirist.  Oh Yeah.

See, because of the annoying and constant pain, I cannot focus on the humor at hand that our good God has given us the last couple of days, and let me tell ya…

There’s a Noah’s Ark full of funny out there that transpired just in the past 48 hours.

Justin Bieber for instance…He tried to pull a Richard Marx and act like a total 5’7” badass by driving drunk in a rented Lamborghini and got arrested for DUI and resisting arrest.  Resisting arrest?

How many resisting arrest jokes are there to be made involving Justin Bieber?  Thousands!!  And I cannot concentrate enough due to my sore throat in order to put them to pen.

How does a 5’7” Pixie-Stix of a Canadian resist a burly Miami police officer?  By threatening to sing to him? See?  While probably true, it’s not very funny.  Thanks, Mr. Sore Throat.

And then late yesterday, former Gov. Mike Huckabee told the audience at the RNC Winter Meeting that women have been led to believe (by Democrats) that they need an Uncle Sugar and free birth control pills because woman cannot control their own libido.

The fact of the matter is that The Huckster doesn’t want women to have any birth control because GAWD wants them barefoot and pregnant, because well, that’s God’s plan.  Just ask the incestuous daughters of Lot and their alcoholic father!!

See?  This Huckabee crap is primetime joke-ready funny, and what do I have? Not a damn thing, because I am distracted by Satan’s Hemorrhoids inside my throat.

You would think that if Satan put his ass berries in my throat he would give me something funny to say about God’s Chosen One, Mike Huckabee, but no…Satan wants to merely torture me like the next guy.

However, I can get this out before I gargle once again with salt water and Wild Irish Rose…

Governor Huckabee, if your daughter Sarah was dating Justin Bieber, wouldn’t you want her on the strongest form of birth control that your Tea Party, Christian Coalition, and Super Pac money could buy?

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page