Learning More About Matt-Man

Cheeeeeers Bitches!!  

This is the Matt-Man coming to you live in a literary sense, from my living room…

A place that houses my control center, the exact place where I tell women how much I love them over the internet, and the exact spot where I know that nothing good can come of my internet trangressions, but do it anyway.

Yesterday, the one and only Jayman wrote about some of his idiosyncrasies, his foibles, his weird ass habits.

In keeping with the theme he set, and more importantly, because I could not think of anything else, I shall maintain blog continuity and do the same.

I will however, do this in an un-Jayman type style…I will talk about myself in FIRST person, because, well…c’mon…I’m Matt-Man, Bitch, and as we all I know, I am the Sun and I revolve around myself.  What, wait…what?

Anyhoo…a few things you may not know about me.

I have an amazing case of OCD.  It’s not awful or anything, at least to me, but it is quite noticeable.

I like things in order.

Look at this picture of tree that I mentioned on my Facebook page the other day.

See that tree topper sticking up?  I see that every day that I walk to work, AND IT BOTHERS ME!!

Look at our cabinets…Soup, soup, bean, bean, spice, spice…It has to be laid out that way.  If it’s not, I may end up eating a can of Cream of Peas…And seriously, who wants that?

Not I, says the Matt-Man, not I.

Although I am a smoker and share the Bagwine digs with an uber-hot smoker in her own right, I am compelled to empty ashtrays if I see more than two or three butts in one.

And the pacing!!  Oh Dear God, the pacing!!  I bet I walk four miles a day in the apartment, because I think better when I pace.

I pace as I smoke.  I pace as I drink.  I pace as I talk on the phone and usually…I am doing all four things at once, because once again, I am Matt-Man, bitch, and I can handle multi-debauchery.

But seriously…

I am one pacing Mother Fucker.  We used to receive complaints until the stupid, Norman Bates-type Nazi motherfucker who lived downstairs moved out, and then we got new carpet that could actually absorb the sound of my incessant plodding upon the carpet.

When I am typing out a post on Word,  as I am now, the red line often comes up indicating that what I typed, is not a word, and you know what I do..?

I look at it carefully, and then say to myself one of two things...

Either…

“Damn, I really fucked up the spelling on that word.”

Or…

“Motherfucking Word doesn't recognize a new word when I have just made it up.  It can kiss my ass.”

As you may or may not notice, I have a problem with rules, when it is attempted to be amateurishly applied to masters of the English language.

To be a true, eleoquent purveyor of one’s thoughts, one must write as one speaks, and if that includes made up words, and the hyper-pausitic beauty of the ellipse…

So fucking be it.

Cheers !!

Matt-Man

neshobadude@yahoo.com

@MattManIWS

Being Both OCD and ADD

Hola Bit … Uh, could you guys all get seated and settle down as I’m very easily distracted. And Matt-Man, could you stop pacing for a minute? It makes me nervous. Do you guys think a person can be both OCD and ADD? Or do those thing … Look, I gotta ask you stop fidgeting around and kind of pay attention here. Enough of this shuffling papers and looking over at the TV while reading my post. It really does throw me off. 

Okay, Knight may continue to adjust her lingerie, but the rest of you stop it. 

How do they get those sail boat models in bottles? I mean, I don’t see any hinges or place on the bottle where they snap together or anything. Shit, I stare at those things for hours trying to figure it out. Never have. 

Anyway, the point of this post is to ask why is that I’m so easily distracted, but also kind of focused on finishing the task at hand. Like I start on a blog post and feel like I should finish it real fast like, but then I see someone post a link on Twitter to a pic of Lindsay Lohan and her mother making out and, well I gotta go look at that pic and then I gotta tweet it and then post it on the official IWS Tumblr and answer fan mail over there and then all of the sudden I remember that I had a fucking blog post started somewhere. 

I think what I’m going to do is turn off the TV and close out all other programs on my laptop so I can finish this post. But first, I need a Pepsi. 

*Goes to the kitchen to get a Pepsi. Also grabs some tortilla chips and then realizes that the fridge is looking a little empty so decides to make a shopping list. Then empties the dishwasher cause he’s right there anyway. Finally returns to his computer 15 minutes later and then realizes he left the Pepsi and bowl of chips on the counter. Pepsi is warm now. *

You see what I mean? Hold on, I have a text I need to answer. 

*Answers text. Goes to Google to search for “Both ADD and OCD. Ends up on YouTube searching for New Orleans Jazz music and videos of kittens. Goes to get the Pepsi that is now cool again and realizes he never opened it and could have just gotten a different one and put the one that was getting warm back for another time. Comes back to finally finish this post. Bowl of tortilla chips are still sitting on the counter.*

Honestly, I don’t know why I never get anything done. I get a lot of things started, but finishing seems to be a problem. That grocery list I made? I’ll forget something, then I’ll go back the next day to get it, and instead I’ll get three other things and still forget to get the thing I originally wanted. 

Life is such a struggle. I have all these great ideas and plans and then things come up. Not important things, but things that demand my atten … hold on … time for Jeopardy! I’ll get back to this in a bit.

*Returns to finish blog post two days later* 

It’s not really that I have trouble focusing, it’s that I have trouble finishing. I get started reading blogs and I feel like I’ve got to finish reading each of them RIGHT FUCKING NOW. I check to see if it’s my turn in WWF and I have to sit there for God knows how long to play my turn in every single game. It doesn’t matter that I was only going to play my turn against one person and that I was in the middle of doing something else. Of course, I don’t play my turn in every game because I’ll see a tweet linking to an article I want to read or whatever. And then several minutes later I’ll get a message asking if I would like to play my turn in WWF sometime soon. What game? Oh yeah, that game! Sheesh. 

But, sometimes I do get things done. Like our Blogroll is up and running. It even has its own page! How fucking sweet is that? So, check it out and if you aren’t on there and think you should be, just let me know. I’ll update immediately. Or as soon as I get around to it. 

And, one other thing, I’m With Stupid now has a Google Voice Number that you can call and leave a voicemail message on. We can then download the messages and play them on the show and/or post them here and on the Tumblr page. It’ll be fun! Do it! 

Here’s the number: 937.387.8597

Admit it, you thought I would forget to post the number, didn’t you? 

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
www.twitter.com/jayman_iws