Even More From Jay's Notebook

Hola y’all! It’s time again to see what all is in Jay’s Notebook. I know you’re excited so let’s get right to it!

- If money is your hope for independence, you will never have it.” – Henry Ford

Man, what a beautiful quote. Have you ever noticed that it’s really rich people like billionaire Henry Ford who make moronic statements like that? Or things like “Money can’t buy happiness?” Total bullshit.  Rich people love to lecture poor people and working class folks and tell them that “money isn’t everything.” I have no doubt that Paris Hilton is constantly wondering why people think having money is such a big deal.


- Have you ever been driving down the road like at about 80 mph and decide that you need to turn on the air or heat. And just before you push the button to turn it on you think “Man, I hope my car doesn’t blow up the instant I hit this button.”

And then you are actually hesitant to turn the air on because HOLY SHIT what if that really does happen? It happens in movies sometimes right? What if someone booby-trapped my car? Does my sexual deviant upstairs neighbor know how to do something like that? Shit, I’ll just roll the windows down. OH CRAP THEY’RE ELECTRIC TOO! Now you realize that you have to get home before it gets dark because if you turn on your lights: KA-BLOOEY!

Driving can be scary man.

- You know what sucks? Emptying the dishwasher. What a freaking hassle this is. It’s a pain because you never remember to until you’re holding something in your hand that you want to put in there. Like a big pot that you made chili in and you’ve washed it out and you open the dishwasher and realize the damn thing is full and you say “Aw shit! I gotta empty the motherfuckin’ dishwasher!”  And I don’t care if you’re fucking Mother Teresa, you will say “motherfuckin’ dishwasher” in that situation.

Filling the dishwasher is no big deal because that happens a little at a time. But, you have to empty it all at once. And it’s a detail oriented activity too! You have to focus and make sure you put things where they belong. You don’t want to put the serving spoons in the wrong drawer or mix the salad forks with the dinner forks. This shit has rules people!

- Do you guys watch “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo?” No, of course you don’t! What about “Swamp People?” No? It’s all so beneath us isn’t it. We’re superior intellectual beings to these people. Just look at our Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr feeds. Nothing there but smart, educated observations about the world from us.

Okay, I don’t watch Honey Boo Boo, but I do love Swamp People. Oh man, you gotta shoot them gators in the perfect spot right between the eyes cause they’re skin is tough and a bullet might not go through or go deep enough and that’ll just piss him off!

Anyway, I was watching people on social media deriding these folks and I started wondering about who’s happier in their lives and about who and what they are. We love to make fun of these people but you know they seem to have it all figured out. They’re not trying to be something or someone they’re not. They’re not worried about follower counts or about finding something impressive about their kids to post on Facebook or any of that shit.

They aren’t worried about looking smart, or dumb or silly. They are who they are they’re fine with that. I honestly think we could all learn a few things from them. Well, maybe some of you could. I totally keep it real all the time.

Most of the time.

Well, I try.

Okay, that’s another exciting edition of Jay’s Notebook! Nothing but fun times kids!

Jayman
Jayman@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS



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More From Jay's Notebook

Holaaaaaaaa! Since the first one was such a smashing success, it’s time again to dig through Jay’s Notebook and see what’s going on in there…

- A recent poll by Tufts University found that white people believe THEY are the primary victims of racial discrimination in America. So, things really haven’t changes since the Civil War, huh?

- For the first time in many years, I’m not playing fantasy football this season. It’s great not having to worry about a league or a team, but I did find myself doing something weird on Sunday. Every time they showed a highlight of a scoring play, I calculated the fantasy point the players got for that play. By Monday night I had stopped doing that though and was just laughing at people tweeting about desperately needing 3 more points from Antonio Gates or Darren McFadden.

- You know ladies I didn’t give ya’ll any shit about Magic Mike. I didn’t mock you for going to see the movie or for fawning all over Channing Tatum or whatever. So, just let me get the DVD of Spring Breakers and watch it in peace, okay? Fair enough?

- Yet another study found that extremely intelligent people stay up later than people with average intelligence. And all this time I just thought I was an insomniac!

- Whoa hey! I almost missed 9/11 completely. I wouldn’t even have known what day it was if it weren’t for all the “I’m a better American than you” posts all over social media. And the obligatory “I can’t believe Barack Obama has never once acknowledged the 9/11 tragedy in four years” bullshit emails from my conservative friends.

- Why is there always a clock next to the scoreboard of tennis matches? The matches aren’t timed or anything like that. Maybe they’re there so a spectator will look at it and say “Whoa! It’s 3:21! Almost time for my 3:30 nachos and beer break!”

- If I were a chick, I would never wear a bra.

- I just want to explain this to a few people out there. God knows if you were searching online for dirty pics or not when you “accidentally” land on one. He also knows if you save that pic or stay on that page for an extended time. Just sayin’.

- Me: So there’s this chick, Fluffilicious, that I’ve known online for like four years, and I just found out she is allergic to lettuce. 
Mom: Really? That’s odd. 
Me: IKR? I’ve never heard of that. 
Mom: Well, I can’t eat lettuce on the salad bar at Western Sizzlin.
Me: Yeah, but that’s just because it gives you the runs! 

- It’s a myth that menstruating women attract bears. Of course it is. Why would fat, hairy gay men be attracted to menstruating women?

- Guy on ESPN Radio: “Every team in the NFL thinks they have a Top 10 quarterback, but how many REALLY do?"
Me yelling at my radio: “PROBABLY TEN OF THEM!” 

- Okay, enough. This has been another thrilling and hilarious edition of Jay’s Notebook. I’ll be here all week. Remember to tip your waitress.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS 

Jay's Random Notebook

Hola y’all! The other day I had to go to Walmart and when I walked in I saw they had all the Back to School shit on display up front. It immediately hit me that I needed to get a notebook and keep it with me at all times to write shit down in. I’ve talked about doing this before because I never remember anything I think of or something inspired by talking to friends or conversations or whatever, but have never actually done it. So, when I saw all the notebooks and pens on sale, I figured it was a sign from God.

The notebook only cost .97 cents. Regular price was $1.12, so not only did I get a notebook, but I now have the .15 cents to cover the ObamaCare increase in the price of a Papa John’s Pizza. I love it when everything works out perfectly like that.

Anyway, my plan is to keep the notebook with me and write shit down and hopefully generate a little more material for the blog and I’m With Stupid Podcast. In fact, I’ve already written down a few random thoughts to share with y’all here…

- A lot of people criticize the Olympics, but there are a lot of events where women compete while not wearing any pants.

- I think a lot of people are dismissive of Vienna Sausages just because they come in a can. But, caviar comes in a can to. Where’s the irrational canned caviar hate?

- I refilled the minutes on my old school Pay-As-You-Go cell phone. Now I can look forward to another 60 days of no calls or texts.

- Four years ago, General Wesley Clark was still thought of as a serious contender for the Vice Presidential slot if Hillary Clinton had won the democratic nomination. Now, he’s hosting another stupid reality show. Man, when you fall in America, you fall hard.

- Speaking of the show “Stars Earn Stripes” there’s no way I’m watching that show unless they promise me that some of the people on that show really will be killed. Otherwise it’s the same empty promises we get from soap operas.

-  If I could create magical spells I wouldn’t do anything else, EVER. That’s all I would do all day long. No blogging, podcasting, Twittering or anything else. I would just sit there and cast spells on people and things and especially on cats. Man, casting spells on cats would be so much fucking fun.

- One of the inspirational quotes I see posted on social media sites often is “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Every time I see that quote I want to add “But sometimes you have to beg.”

Okay, that’s enough of my randomness for today, we’ll do this again some other time. Maybe.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

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Speaking of random, we had THE Random Cool Chick, Stacy Swenson Johnson from the blog Stacy Uncorked on the IWS podcast Sunday and she was freaking AWESOME!

- Stacy told us about her miracle baby (no, she really IS a miracle baby) Princess Nagger, and about going through the process of adopting Little Dude.

- Then we talked about her attending BlogHer and while she didn’t really dish much dirt on anyone, she did tell us about the person who tried to force a pretty famous blogger who doesn’t drink to take a bottle of homemade wine.

- Speaking of homemade wine, Stacy talked about getting into that and even marketing her own Princess Nagger Wines.

- And so, so much more! It was 45 minutes of non-stop inspiring and fun action. Totally check this one out!

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