Another Round of Headlines Coming Right Up!

Hola y’all! Hey! I know what we can do! Let’s do some funny(ish) headlines. Okay? Okay!

Gay men in 16 states suddenly feeling societal pressure to get married and settle down.

KKK disavows any connection the GOP. “They’re ruining our image” says Grand Wizard.

INFp man sits quietly at homeowner’s association meeting and never brings up his list of grievances.

Special Investigative Report: Christians Be Mingling.

“Ellen Page Cute” added as new highest level of cuteness.

Equate’s new generic Sudafed to say “Compare to the name brand ingredients in Meth” on the box.

Israel puts hands in pockets, looks to sky and whistles innocently after report claims that Yasser Arafat was poisoned. 

Message board commenter convinces himself he could both coach and play QB for his favorite team, no problem.

Newly elected Governor of Virginia Terry McAuliffe guarantees he can make it to inaugural day without being indicted, maybe a few months longer.

To trip up the NSA Vice President Joe Biden speaks only in Pig Latin during phone calls.

Germaphobe horrified to discover that sex isn’t nearly as clean and easy as it is depicted on TV and in the movies.

Local Postmaster denies post office is responsible for mail deliveries.

Teenager shocked to realize she can make phone calls on iPhone that she’s had for a year.

CBS announces new sitcom set to debut in 2014 titled “How I Met Your Mother’s Two Broke Girls Theory”

Paris Hilton finds out that slavery existed and is now sad and angry...

Just watched #12YearsASlave. It made me so sad, angry & disgusted that people could ever treat others in such a horrible way. :( #SoWrong
— Paris Hilton (@ParisHilton) November 6, 2013

NFL kicker thinks “screw it, I’m trying an onside kick here” with little success.

Bored Circuit Court judge decides to replace “the witness is excused” with “get the fuck outta here.”

Elderly man just can’t figure out Netflix’s broadcast schedule.

It’s Official: There’s Nothing Left to Put Pumpkin In.

Man dismayed to discover that his Favestar stars and retweets don’t look that impressive on his resume.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
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In other funny news, you should totally check out “Games People Play” on IWS Radio! We talked about all our favorite games from board games to card games to mind games and even to flag football and pick-up basketball. Plus we heard from Bobby Kraft, the Rev Moneymaker (who went looooooooong on his sermon this week), Poetry ‘n Such w/ Paul Piatt and some blasts from the game playing past!

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Even More From Jay's Notebook

Hola y’all! It’s time again to see what all is in Jay’s Notebook. I know you’re excited so let’s get right to it!

- If money is your hope for independence, you will never have it.” – Henry Ford

Man, what a beautiful quote. Have you ever noticed that it’s really rich people like billionaire Henry Ford who make moronic statements like that? Or things like “Money can’t buy happiness?” Total bullshit.  Rich people love to lecture poor people and working class folks and tell them that “money isn’t everything.” I have no doubt that Paris Hilton is constantly wondering why people think having money is such a big deal.


- Have you ever been driving down the road like at about 80 mph and decide that you need to turn on the air or heat. And just before you push the button to turn it on you think “Man, I hope my car doesn’t blow up the instant I hit this button.”

And then you are actually hesitant to turn the air on because HOLY SHIT what if that really does happen? It happens in movies sometimes right? What if someone booby-trapped my car? Does my sexual deviant upstairs neighbor know how to do something like that? Shit, I’ll just roll the windows down. OH CRAP THEY’RE ELECTRIC TOO! Now you realize that you have to get home before it gets dark because if you turn on your lights: KA-BLOOEY!

Driving can be scary man.

- You know what sucks? Emptying the dishwasher. What a freaking hassle this is. It’s a pain because you never remember to until you’re holding something in your hand that you want to put in there. Like a big pot that you made chili in and you’ve washed it out and you open the dishwasher and realize the damn thing is full and you say “Aw shit! I gotta empty the motherfuckin’ dishwasher!”  And I don’t care if you’re fucking Mother Teresa, you will say “motherfuckin’ dishwasher” in that situation.

Filling the dishwasher is no big deal because that happens a little at a time. But, you have to empty it all at once. And it’s a detail oriented activity too! You have to focus and make sure you put things where they belong. You don’t want to put the serving spoons in the wrong drawer or mix the salad forks with the dinner forks. This shit has rules people!

- Do you guys watch “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo?” No, of course you don’t! What about “Swamp People?” No? It’s all so beneath us isn’t it. We’re superior intellectual beings to these people. Just look at our Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr feeds. Nothing there but smart, educated observations about the world from us.

Okay, I don’t watch Honey Boo Boo, but I do love Swamp People. Oh man, you gotta shoot them gators in the perfect spot right between the eyes cause they’re skin is tough and a bullet might not go through or go deep enough and that’ll just piss him off!

Anyway, I was watching people on social media deriding these folks and I started wondering about who’s happier in their lives and about who and what they are. We love to make fun of these people but you know they seem to have it all figured out. They’re not trying to be something or someone they’re not. They’re not worried about follower counts or about finding something impressive about their kids to post on Facebook or any of that shit.

They aren’t worried about looking smart, or dumb or silly. They are who they are they’re fine with that. I honestly think we could all learn a few things from them. Well, maybe some of you could. I totally keep it real all the time.

Most of the time.

Well, I try.

Okay, that’s another exciting edition of Jay’s Notebook! Nothing but fun times kids!

Jayman
Jayman@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS



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