Wednesday, September 12, 2012

More From Jay's Notebook

Holaaaaaaaa! Since the first one was such a smashing success, it’s time again to dig through Jay’s Notebook and see what’s going on in there…

- A recent poll by Tufts University found that white people believe THEY are the primary victims of racial discrimination in America. So, things really haven’t changes since the Civil War, huh?

- For the first time in many years, I’m not playing fantasy football this season. It’s great not having to worry about a league or a team, but I did find myself doing something weird on Sunday. Every time they showed a highlight of a scoring play, I calculated the fantasy point the players got for that play. By Monday night I had stopped doing that though and was just laughing at people tweeting about desperately needing 3 more points from Antonio Gates or Darren McFadden.

- You know ladies I didn’t give ya’ll any shit about Magic Mike. I didn’t mock you for going to see the movie or for fawning all over Channing Tatum or whatever. So, just let me get the DVD of Spring Breakers and watch it in peace, okay? Fair enough?

- Yet another study found that extremely intelligent people stay up later than people with average intelligence. And all this time I just thought I was an insomniac!

- Whoa hey! I almost missed 9/11 completely. I wouldn’t even have known what day it was if it weren’t for all the “I’m a better American than you” posts all over social media. And the obligatory “I can’t believe Barack Obama has never once acknowledged the 9/11 tragedy in four years” bullshit emails from my conservative friends.

- Why is there always a clock next to the scoreboard of tennis matches? The matches aren’t timed or anything like that. Maybe they’re there so a spectator will look at it and say “Whoa! It’s 3:21! Almost time for my 3:30 nachos and beer break!”

- If I were a chick, I would never wear a bra.

- I just want to explain this to a few people out there. God knows if you were searching online for dirty pics or not when you “accidentally” land on one. He also knows if you save that pic or stay on that page for an extended time. Just sayin’.

- Me: So there’s this chick, Fluffilicious, that I’ve known online for like four years, and I just found out she is allergic to lettuce. 
Mom: Really? That’s odd. 
Me: IKR? I’ve never heard of that. 
Mom: Well, I can’t eat lettuce on the salad bar at Western Sizzlin.
Me: Yeah, but that’s just because it gives you the runs! 

- It’s a myth that menstruating women attract bears. Of course it is. Why would fat, hairy gay men be attracted to menstruating women?

- Guy on ESPN Radio: “Every team in the NFL thinks they have a Top 10 quarterback, but how many REALLY do?"
Me yelling at my radio: “PROBABLY TEN OF THEM!” 

- Okay, enough. This has been another thrilling and hilarious edition of Jay’s Notebook. I’ll be here all week. Remember to tip your waitress.



I'm With Stupid said...

Ha...You are so funny, and dare I say, eclectic, when you talk in snippets. Cheers Jayman!!


Mike said...

'..searching online for dirty pics..'

Don't you beleive in Gods' will?

Dana said...

If you were a chick with C cup or larger boobs, I bet you *would* wear a bra at least sometimes. Otherwise you'd discover the wrath of boobies after 40!

Knight said...

You need a bra on certain occasions because sometimes they hurt hanging and sometimes your shirt gives you nipple chafing.

Allergic to lettuce? That's a thing?

Jo said...

People can't handle pokey nipples, Jay. I love your Notebook!

Did anyone really see Magic Mike? Male strippers freak me out. One of them did a handstand in front of me while wearing a g-string, legs splayed, and I'm still traumatized over the view.

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: I should always speak in snippets.


I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: Sometimes. ha!


I'm With Stupid said...

Dana: But, if I were a chick I would have small, perky, firm hand-sized boobs. ;-)


I'm With Stupid said...

Knight: Hey! Nipple chaffing isn't just for women. And, it's very uncomfortable.


I'm With Stupid said...

Jo: I'm traumatized just thinking about that.