Excuse Me; Could We Please Be Happy For A Second!?

Cheers!!  Greetings!!  And welcome to the IWS Radio website, and a happy Friday to you all.

This past week, Jay and I have been nothing but cynical, satirical, and sarcastic.

We have made fun of Ann Coulter, people with two first names, list makers, and Donald Sterling just to name a few…albeit Mr. Sterling has a last name that is not his actual last name, but it makes him happy, and we are all about the happy.

However, this week was a big downer, and not a very joyful week, so…

It’s time to shed the yoke of cynicism and sarcasm, have some fun, and delight in the joy that are the people who are good, and things that make me happy aside from Schmoop. Jayman, Jamie, my family, my IWS family, and what not…and by golly, I have a list.

Last night?  I had no clue as to what we should have for dinner, so?  I called up the Pizza King, Vic Cassano, and lo and behold, thirty minutes and $25.00 later, I had the best pizzas in the freaking world delivered to me.  I love Cassano’s Pizza.

And speaking of food, you know what else elicits a happy, happy joy, joy feeling into my digestive core being? SPAM.  Sure, people make fun of SPAM for being the non-meat, but let me tell ya, I LOVE it.  It is delicious, nutritious, and versatile.

Of course, when eating, one needs a beverage with which to wash all the deliciousness down, and what is my liquid of choice?  Steel Reserve.  The 211, Baby!!  I know, I know…that’s ghetto beer you say, but let me tell you…if hanging out with Malcolm in the projects at 2:15 PM and drinking a 211 is wrong?  I don’t want to be right.

I haven’t mentioned many people that I actually have love for, but here is a guy who is gold.  Nigel.

He lives with me, doesn't say much, and brought his own beer and smokes.  If someone shows up on your doorstep with those attributes, bring em’ on in.

As for other house guests?  I’m not a fan, however if I was to have one?  It would be Missalicious.

That chick has a whole lot of 5’3” hotness going on, and…She can always request to call me at 12:15 in AM demanding some venting time, and oh yeah, I listen.

Seriously though, just like all of the aforementioned things, I love the Miss and yeah, other than knowing her for 35 years, the reasons for my love for her are inexplicable, except for one…she makes me smile every time we talk.

And really?  That is all any of us needs.  Good food, good drink, and good people…Well…we all need one other thing, music...and that is where these guys come in.

Another group of people that I heart and always have is, The Cars.

Now that we have everything for a good time, I wish you a wonderful Friday, a wonderful weekend, and a wonderful life.  I hope to ‘see’ you on the radio Sunday as we continue this love fest, but until then…

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

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Donald Sterling Speaks On Magic Johnson and Race

Hello……………..Donald Sterling here………..For IWS Radio.

First of all………..I am not well.

Neither mentally, or………morally…………I think.

In spite of all the who-ha-ha that I suffered on behalf of the Viv Stiviano phone call, and the plantation attack I endured during my interview with that faggot Anderson Cooper; I am still alive, and still standing.

Well…at least sitting…and sitting with dignity and with more than a billion dollars in my New York skinny jeans.

So, even at the ripe old age of 80, the NBA wants to kick me out of their exclusive and outraged club now.  I don’t care.

I’m Donald Sterling and I am worth more than almost any of the other owners, other than that dickhead and raft-floating Havana boy, Mark Cuban. What?  Fidel didn’t allow basketball in Cuba, so you came here, Mark? Mark Cuban is a dick.

But I digress…I apologize once again, and trust me, I’ll be doing this for the rest of my short life, but anyhow…I apologize to Magic Johnson.  I said that you had AIDS, and that faggot Anderson Cooper corrected me by saying that you merely had, “HIV.”

Being an old Jewish man, I didn’t realize that if one contracted HIV from having more sex than I ever wanted to, would not necessarily result in AIDS.  I just figured, if the matzo was dipped in something unholy, it wasn’t kosher, and would never again walk the earth.

In other words, in reference to Magic…HE should be dying and I should be looking like a new man…but it’s the other way around.  Oy Vey!!

Another thing…When I saw Magic Johnson at a game with my girlfriend Viv, I said to myself, “She’s not gonna like it when he sings to her during sex, “It’s a peachy peachy peach in the Mississippi mud.””

Anyway…I’m out of the NBA I guess, but I want to find my redemption , and I have cash to burn before I explode set off more of my ignorance, so…

I am going to repair my inexplicable and unwarranted racist reputation by buying the Cleveland Browns of the NFL.  Do you think a man who was racist would buy a team named the Browns?  I didn’t think so.

And in fact, my first move will be to give the team and the fans a mascot for whom we can rally about, Sharecropper Shel.  He’d be a kindly negro with a friendly ho.

And while I’m at it, I may as well buy the Washington Redskins away from that racist heathen Dan Snyder, and re-invent that team.

I would rename the team the Washington D’oh’s and our mascot would be an Algonquin Indian with a piece of paper that meant nothing. But…he would wave it fiercely in the faces of the opposing team!!  Take That Philadelphia!!

Lastly, I would definitely like to thank IWS for allowing me this venue, and I want say something very important.  I apologize to black men everywhere for my words, but seriously?

It’s because you let your bitches run rampant that you are in such disarray.  You black boys really need to reign in your hoochie mamas.

I Am So Down With Your Negro and Indian Smoke Signal Sub-Culture,

Donald Sterling

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Donald Sterling: Perhaps You Didn't Think This Through Very Well

Happy Hump Day to you all and let’s get right to the stupid of things.  There are many people in this country,
the greatest country on earth mind, who are stupid as hell, and?

They should be saying to themselves…

“Maybe I didn't think this through very well.”

First up, and of course…

Donald Sterling…

The longtime owner of the Los Angeles Clippers got into a race debate with his black/Mexican mistress and told her that she shouldn’t parade herself about in the company of loser and incredibly disliked black guys like Magic Johnson at…basketball games.

Unbeknownst to him, his former mistress, V. Stiviano, who looks like a 25 year old Joan Rivers with darker skin, recorded his remarks, and has now set him down a path that will not include owning a NBA Basketball team, a condo that he gave he gave her, nor the more than a few cars that he gifted to her, but…

Does she realize that if she keeps the condo, she’ll have to pay tax on it?  She’ll have to sell the two Bentleys to pay for the condo taxes.

These two dullards didn’t think this through very well.

Cliven Bundy…

Cliven was riding high on the free grazing grass of the government teat, and then?  He bit the teat that fed him.

Oh sure, anti-government feeling is at an all-time high, however, when one pivots from state’s rights, don’t tread on me hysteria, and anti-Obama rhetoric, and then goes full blown anti-negro, one tends to lose their standing, and even loses support from Sean Hannity…at least publicly.

Good ol’ Cliven didn’t think this through very well.

Rush Limbaugh…

In reference to the aforementioned Donald Sterling/LA Clippers fiasco…Rush Limbaugh smells a rat and a rat that smells similar to what the Obama birthers smelled.

Back in 2009...Magic Johnson intentionally had a picture of him taken at a LA Dodgers game with Stiviano, knowing that in five years, that the picture of he and V. Stiviano would make Donald Sterling erupt, and therefore, ignite his racist comments, and gain Mr. Johnson access to buy the LA Clippers at a ground floor price.

Rush didn’t think this through very well.  Mainly, because he was high on Oxycontin and Viagra when he came up with this theory, but nonetheless…

Finally…

Former Knicks player and whatever with the whatever team, Larry Johnson has chimed in on the Donald Sterling brouhaha…

“Black people your (sic) focusing on the wrong thing. We should be focusing on having our own, own team, own League! To For Self!!”

Meaning of course, Larry Johnson, a black man, would prefer to go back to the year 1896 and Plessy v. Ferguson, rather than 1954 and Brown v. Board of Education.

Perhaps Larry Johnson didn't think this through very well.

Anyway, here’s the point.  People are stupid, and do stupid things, but also, when we see people do stupid things, we, as in the case of Rush Limbaugh and Larry Johnson, react stupidly.

I have many flaws, but if you ask those who know me, thinking things through and lacking patience are not among my flaws.

If those are my only two gifts, I will be happy, because those are two of the most important when it comes to getting things done and being an acceptable human being.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

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Funny(ish) Headlines Never Get Old ... Right?

Holaaaaaaaaaaaa! We’re back! I know you missed us! What better way to ease back into the day-to-day grind of blogging than to do some Funny(ish) Onion-Like (not really) Headlines!

“Congressman indicted on federal criminal charges. Legal problems not expected to affect his re-election chances.”

“People shocked and appalled to find that an NBA owner who was exposed as a raging racist at least 30 years ago says something racist.”

“Vatican holds “make one guy a saint, make another free” sale.”

“From Genghis Khan to Napoleon to Francisco Franco to Vladimir Putin: A History of Short Assholes Screwing the World Up.”

“Avril Lavigne Flying High After Success of New Song ‘Hello Kitty’ off Her Latest CD, ‘Wet’s Get Cwazy!’”

“Area man with large penis wonders if social media will help him ‘get the word out.’”

“Fast Food and Snack Production Companies Prepare to Gear Up for Large Scale Marijuana Legalization.”

“Blogger Wonders How She Can Use Click Bait While Maintaining Her ‘I Write Only For Myself’ Integrity.”

“Ben Affleck: ‘I’m Going to Keep Acting in Movies and There’s Nothing You Can Do to Stop Me.’”

“Obama: ‘Did I Promise Net Neutrality? Oh Well, Sorry I’m Not Sorry.’”

“Area Republican Who Supported Cliven Bundy Offended That People Think He Supports Cliven Bundy.”

“Daniel Snyder on Donald Sterling: ‘Now THAT’S a Racist!’”

“High School Boy Apologizes to His Family in Advance for His Upcoming Career as a Ventriloquist.”

“Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Inquire About Adopting Lupita Nyong’o.”

“Area Man Apologizes to Other Men for Participating in ‘Meatless Mondays.’”

“Actress Shailene ‘Boner Killer’ Woodley Says She Likes to ‘Dance Around with Hairy Armpits.’”

“Illegal Aliens Relived to Discover They’re Exempt From Obamacare.”

“Nancy Grace Struggling to Find Things to Talk About on Her Show Blames Lack of Missing White Women.”

“Very Lonely, Average-Looking Woman Convinced Every Man She Meets Wants Her.”

“Doctors Declare Miley Cyrus’ Tongue Cured. Release Her From Hospital.”

“Legendary Playboy George Clooney Gets Engaged! ‘I’m Getting Old and Have Nothing Left to Live For Anyway’ Says Clooney.”

Aaaaaaaaaaaand that’s enough.

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