Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Funny(ish) Headlines Never Get Old ... Right?

Holaaaaaaaaaaaa! We’re back! I know you missed us! What better way to ease back into the day-to-day grind of blogging than to do some Funny(ish) Onion-Like (not really) Headlines!


“Congressman indicted on federal criminal charges. Legal problems not expected to affect his re-election chances.”

“People shocked and appalled to find that an NBA owner who was exposed as a raging racist at least 30 years ago says something racist.”

“Vatican holds “make one guy a saint, make another free” sale.”

“From Genghis Khan to Napoleon to Francisco Franco to Vladimir Putin: A History of Short Assholes Screwing the World Up.”

“Avril Lavigne Flying High After Success of New Song ‘Hello Kitty’ off Her Latest CD, ‘Wet’s Get Cwazy!’”


“Area man with large penis wonders if social media will help him ‘get the word out.’”

“Fast Food and Snack Production Companies Prepare to Gear Up for Large Scale Marijuana Legalization.”

“Blogger Wonders How She Can Use Click Bait While Maintaining Her ‘I Write Only For Myself’ Integrity.”

“Ben Affleck: ‘I’m Going to Keep Acting in Movies and There’s Nothing You Can Do to Stop Me.’”

“Obama: ‘Did I Promise Net Neutrality? Oh Well, Sorry I’m Not Sorry.’”

“Area Republican Who Supported Cliven Bundy Offended That People Think He Supports Cliven Bundy.”

“Daniel Snyder on Donald Sterling: ‘Now THAT’S a Racist!’”

“High School Boy Apologizes to His Family in Advance for His Upcoming Career as a Ventriloquist.”

“Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Inquire About Adopting Lupita Nyong’o.”

“Area Man Apologizes to Other Men for Participating in ‘Meatless Mondays.’”

“Actress Shailene ‘Boner Killer’ Woodley Says She Likes to ‘Dance Around with Hairy Armpits.’”


“Illegal Aliens Relived to Discover They’re Exempt From Obamacare.”

“Nancy Grace Struggling to Find Things to Talk About on Her Show Blames Lack of Missing White Women.”

“Very Lonely, Average-Looking Woman Convinced Every Man She Meets Wants Her.”

“Doctors Declare Miley Cyrus’ Tongue Cured. Release Her From Hospital.”

“Legendary Playboy George Clooney Gets Engaged! ‘I’m Getting Old and Have Nothing Left to Live For Anyway’ Says Clooney.”


Aaaaaaaaaaaand that’s enough.



6 comments:

I'm With Stupid said...

Meatless Mondays? Really? What a Mary. Cheers Jayman!!

Matt

jAMiE said...

You're a clever man, Jay...so very clever!

Mike said...

Net neutrality and the TPP, destroying the Obama legacy.

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: It's all part of a balanced healthy lifestyle.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Jamie: Sometimes, I'm TOO clever. haha

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: Those two things plus not caring so much about unemployment and drones and other things.

Jay