Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Donald Sterling Speaks On Magic Johnson and Race

Hello……………..Donald Sterling here………..For IWS Radio.

First of all………..I am not well.

Neither mentally, or………morally…………I think.

In spite of all the who-ha-ha that I suffered on behalf of the Viv Stiviano phone call, and the plantation attack I endured during my interview with that faggot Anderson Cooper; I am still alive, and still standing.

Well…at least sitting…and sitting with dignity and with more than a billion dollars in my New York skinny jeans.

So, even at the ripe old age of 80, the NBA wants to kick me out of their exclusive and outraged club now.  I don’t care.

I’m Donald Sterling and I am worth more than almost any of the other owners, other than that dickhead and raft-floating Havana boy, Mark Cuban. What?  Fidel didn’t allow basketball in Cuba, so you came here, Mark? Mark Cuban is a dick.

But I digress…I apologize once again, and trust me, I’ll be doing this for the rest of my short life, but anyhow…I apologize to Magic Johnson.  I said that you had AIDS, and that faggot Anderson Cooper corrected me by saying that you merely had, “HIV.”

Being an old Jewish man, I didn’t realize that if one contracted HIV from having more sex than I ever wanted to, would not necessarily result in AIDS.  I just figured, if the matzo was dipped in something unholy, it wasn’t kosher, and would never again walk the earth.

In other words, in reference to Magic…HE should be dying and I should be looking like a new man…but it’s the other way around.  Oy Vey!!

Another thing…When I saw Magic Johnson at a game with my girlfriend Viv, I said to myself, “She’s not gonna like it when he sings to her during sex, “It’s a peachy peachy peach in the Mississippi mud.””

Anyway…I’m out of the NBA I guess, but I want to find my redemption , and I have cash to burn before I explode set off more of my ignorance, so…

I am going to repair my inexplicable and unwarranted racist reputation by buying the Cleveland Browns of the NFL.  Do you think a man who was racist would buy a team named the Browns?  I didn’t think so.

And in fact, my first move will be to give the team and the fans a mascot for whom we can rally about, Sharecropper Shel.  He’d be a kindly negro with a friendly ho.

And while I’m at it, I may as well buy the Washington Redskins away from that racist heathen Dan Snyder, and re-invent that team.

I would rename the team the Washington D’oh’s and our mascot would be an Algonquin Indian with a piece of paper that meant nothing. But…he would wave it fiercely in the faces of the opposing team!!  Take That Philadelphia!!

Lastly, I would definitely like to thank IWS for allowing me this venue, and I want say something very important.  I apologize to black men everywhere for my words, but seriously?

It’s because you let your bitches run rampant that you are in such disarray.  You black boys really need to reign in your hoochie mamas.

I Am So Down With Your Negro and Indian Smoke Signal Sub-Culture,

Donald Sterling

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2 comments:

I'm With Stupid said...

I really don't see things getting much better for Sterling. I've seen a few people try to defend him, but it's obvious their hearts aren't in it.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Jay: Big Don is done trying as well. He's just gonna be himself from here on out. Cheers Jayman!!

Matt