Thursday, May 15, 2014

Groups of People Who Annoy Jayman

Hola y’all! You know, there are certain kinds of people out there who just really annoy me for various reasons. Here’s some of them…

Two First Names: I’m sure there are good people out there who have two first names. Generally though, I’ve always found these people to be a little … off. The real problem they have is that they can never be cops. Cops MUST answer their phones by giving their last name only. It’s a rule. A cop with two first names will confuse a caller and might get someone killed. We can’t take that risk.

Pausers: You know what I’m talking about here. These people who pause between each sentence and drag everything out. I just can’t stand it. I don’t have a lot of patience nor do I have a long attention span so you pausers are going to frustrate me quickly. I realize this usually means they have some sort of speech impediment and I’m being mean, but I can’t help it.

People Who Eat Plain Burgers: WTH y’all? Why even bother with the bun if you’re gonna do that? Just have the hamburger patty, some A-1 sauce (or ketchup if must but NEVER catsup) some fries, tater-tots, hash browns, mashed potatoes or jo-jo’s (potato wedges for you Yankees) and a buttered roll (or possibly a Cheddar Bay Busquit). If you’re going with the bun there will need to be some condiments and cheese and stuff on it. (American cheese is okay, I guess, but you really should live a little.)

No Beans Chili: Absolutely not! I’ve mentioned this before and even had this discussion with Matt-Man and Shannon over on Twitter the other day. People who don’t put beans in chili are HISTORY’S GREATEST MONSTERS! They cannot be trusted. AAAAAAAAND! And … People who defend the “No Beans in Chili” crowd are basically modern day Neville Chamberlain’s appeasing the Nazis.

Three Named People: Yes, I know most people have three names. Mine is Donald Jason Adams. Most people don’t go by all three names though. I also admit that this one is kind of borderline, buuuuuttttttttt … John Wayne Gacy? Mark David Chapman? Lee Harvey Oswald? John Wilkes Booth? James Earl Ray? Kathy Lee Gifford? Lou Diamond Phillips? I rest my case.

People Who Quit Smoking/Drinking/Drugs: Yes, I know you used to do this bad habit. Yes, I know you are “healthier than you’ve ever been.” Yes, I know I should quit drinking or eating meat or whatever. Actually, I’m proud of you for doing this. I just wish you would quit relating EVERY SINGLE STORY anyone tells to “back when I drank/smoked/did drugs” … Enough!

Morning People: You know these people who pop out of bed in the morning like a piece of toast? Oh dear God they’re so annoying! You know why? Because morning people are Morning Talkers! They just yammer on and on and on while I’m trying to eat my pop tarts or frozen waffles and I have no idea what they’re talking about and it’s annoying the crap outta me. Can we not just sit here in silence for a bit in the morning while we wake up and get ourselves oriented and maybe get some coffee or orange juice and some food in us? Thanks.

Grammar Nazi Wannabes: These are the people who always correct “your” and “you’re” and feel sooooooo superior, but can’t handle “there,” “their” and “they’re” or anything else. Most people who love to correct other people’s grammar are terrible at grammar and usually only focus on the occasional typo. Enough of these a-holes and their inflated sense of worth to society!

List Makers: HACKS! ALL OF THEM ARE HACKS! They’re too lazy or lack the talent to come up with a decent topic to write about every day or even just a couple of days a week. They’re an embarrassment to the blogging world.


I'm With Stupid said...

No beans in chili? Really? No wonder the "chili purists" in Texas are fucked up. Cheers Jayman!!


Mike said...

Morning people are just too lazy to stay up at night.

Dana said...

Pausers - I work with one of these and avoid speaking to him in person - email is my friend - even though he sits 15' away from me
Morning People - GUILTY! But it's only one of many reasons people hate me
List Makers - Absolutely THE WORST!

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: There are so many scary people out there.


I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: Right? Night people are cool!


I'm With Stupid said...

Dana: I would prefer email even if that person wasn't a pauser.