GOP Convention 2016...Cleveland, Ohio!! Really?

Cheeeeeeeeeers Chuckleheads and it is good to be back writing upon the God-Graced pages of iwsradio.com…

As you know or may not know, Jayman and I took a few days off, and if you didn't know, that means you should follow us regularly and then you would know…ahem…Anyhoo…

Jayman wrote upon our award-winning website yesterday after our blog vacation of sorts, and I am doing so today.

I was going to cover what I did on my summer vacation, but when I heard that the RNC selected Cleveland, Ohio as the site for its 2016 GOP Presidential Convention, I along with Dr. Phil, was stupefied!!

My first thought, was that Republicans want to hold their Presidential candidate’s send-off within a city that has been shrinking in size for years and simply meanders and sprawls with no direction nor effectiveness.

However, I said to myself…“Self?…There has to be some type of mastery behind this choice.”  And I think I know what it is, and it is two words…

Silent Cal.

You see, recently the Republican Party, especially the tea party wing of the GOP, has become enamored with Calvin Coolidge.  He was a hands-off, free market kinda guy, who unwittingly lead America through some good times after Warren Harding had fucked a nation…And by fucked a nation?

I’m not talking about Harding’s role in the Teapot Dome Scandal; I am saying that Harding had sex with every damn woman in America.  Impressive…but not helpful.  Anyhoo…

Calvin Coolidge was the one who said, “the chief business of the American people is business.” Republicans admire him for that, and recently, a president who had been obscure for the most part, has become the idol and darling of the far right portion of the GOP.

Why do I mention Calvin Coolidge when after all, I began this post about the pick of Cleveland being the city to hold the 2016 GOP Republican Convention?

Because in 1924, the Republican party hosted their convention in Cleveland, Ohio.  Calvin Coolidge was its nominee.  And I’m telling you, the GOP in Cleveland in 2016 is going to be all over Calvin Coolidge like Warren Harding was all over Carrie Phillips.

I only hope that the GOP delegates take a grand tour of Cleveland while they are there…Perhaps Ted Cruz and John Cornyn could take a stroll down U.S. 42 West, and hear the colored girls go,"do-doo-doo do-dah do."

Maybe Lindsey Graham could get and give a big bear hug from and to Chief Wahoo.

And dammit….perhaps John McCain could sing “Keep On Rockin’ In The Free World” at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

The Tea Party wing of the GOP holds sway and I think that that is why the GOP picked Cleveland. They are going to harken back to the days of Calvin Coolidge.  But remember GOP, Ol’ Silent Cal also said this…

“Of course, the accumulation of wealth cannot be justified as the chief end of existence…But we are compelled to recognize it as a means to well-nigh every desirable achievement. So long as wealth is made the means and not the end, we need not greatly fear it…”

Money is good, but it should not be our existence, and it should be used to achieve greatness.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

@mattmaniws@ymail.com
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Eric Cantor's Wurst Nightmare...He Lost To A Brat

Cheers and a Happy Hump Day to you all, well, all of you aside from Eric Cantor.

It’s seems that Majority Leader Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA) was defeated in his bid to remain the representative of Virginia’s 7th House District during yesterday’s GOP primary.

Unfortunately for Cantor, his lifetime American Conservative Union rating of 96% was not enough to withstand the true conservatism of one tea party candidate and college professor, Dave Brat.

Hell…as recently as March, the uber conservative Concerned Women for America gave Mr. Cantor a 100% rating, but well…

If one can give a 100%, one should be able to give 110%…or something.

And well, perhaps Eric Cantor didn't do that, perhaps he should have stated at some point, that in addition to people being legally kept from having an abortion, they should be forced into government run procreation…If your are white…And Christian…Because well…

Mexican immigrants and browned-skinned folk are out-producing us white folk on the baby making front. Anyhoo…

Eric Cantor, that mad about, glad about, way wacky son of the House of Representatives has been tossed from office because he was a libertarian and liberal mouthpiece who hated abortion, tax increases, and the defense of Israel.

The former Majority Leader was nothing more than a wannabe Jew…who was, and is Jewish…and well, the tea party likes Israel, but they hate Jews.  And people with a 96% conservative voting record evidently.

Have you ever heard Cantor speak?  While I do not agree with him, he is cogent.  He is thoughtful.  He speaks as to what he sees for this country.  And Dave Brat?  Well?

He doesn't really speak at all.

He cancels appearances due to his rigorous academic schedule at Randolph-Macon, and well in the meantime bashes Cantor for trying to come up with some type of immigration reform.

I tell you what, I am on the side of Brat on this one, because, if we try to control immigration, all hell is going to break loose when our lawns don’t get mowed on a timely basis.  Seriously?

The tea party wing of the GOP has lost its mind….Just like the Ed Schultz, Rachel Maddow wing of the Democrat party has lost its mind.

Our nation needs a makeover, not a takeover, and our nation needs responsible leadership, not a revolution led by morons who feel that Eric Cantor is too liberal.

If you are a Conservative who feels that Eric Cantor is too liberal for your liking, well…

Never mind…you probably aren't reading this.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattmaniws
My Facebook Page 

IWS Person of the Week...Mike Huckabee !!

Greetings, Cheers, and Hola from IWS Radio...It's Sunday, so it's time for our IWS Person of the Week!!

This week, we honor a man who is true to his morals, his belief in GAWD, and his belief that if he can be a human chameleon, he can be elected in President of the United States in 2016.

Our Person of the Week is Arkansas' Second Favorite Son, behind Jayman of course, and just above that rapist and horrible President, Bill Clinton...

Former Arkansas Governor, and Human Libido Meter, Mike Huckabee!!

Everyone likes Mike, because he is a man of God, who has a rapier wit and a charm offensive that could melt the cold Teutonic heart of German Chancellor Angela Merkel...

But don't let his folksy charm fool you...He has an adorable aura about him that is quite sexy and intoxicating, even among both tea partiers and teetotalers!!  And yes ladies, his "sermon" is THIS long...

But don't get on his wrong side when it comes to issues of morality, such as women wanting unfettered access to birth control, because this hayseed is both the Starsky AND Hutch of Birth Control Police...

And let it be known, you freakish gay men and women out there, don't even think about getting married. The Huckster has the Lord's ear, and he will wipe you off the planet and wipe clean the supernatural tears of Jesus Christ from his holy face...

Mike Huckabee's tweet upon the SCOTUS ruling took extreme courage on his part, especially because his wife Janet, is a man..

.

Thank you for being you, Governor Huckabee...you put the unwanted pregnancy, two people in love crap aside, and say to all of America...

"Better to curse the sin that is Birth Control, than have a baby that you never intended, and give it up for adoption...unless it is to a gay couple, because, well...the kid will turn out gay."

Gov. Mike Huckabee..The IWS Person of the Week!!

And...Don't forget kids!!  Tonight LIVE from 8-10 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio...Jay and Matt are bidding a fond farewell to the Year 2014.

It's been a great year and we will review it thus far.

To listen LIVE Click HERE!!  

Sore Throats and Satire Do Not Mix

Cheeeeeeeeers and a Happy Thursday to you all, and you damn well better be happy. because for the next few days I shall be living vicariously through you!!

I have a sore throat.  A sore throat from Hell, and I mean it is literally a sore throat from Hell, because I hear that the Devil has Menorah-like hemorrhoids that burn for days upon end, and well…

I evidently have Satan’s, blood red ass cherries firmly lodged in my throat as they turn my uvula into what looks like a tiny, yet swollen red incandescent light bulb, and leaves my trachea feeling like the 4-Methylcyclohexane Methanol laced Kanawha River in West By God Virginia

Yep, that’s the state of my throat, and as many of us know, sore throats are among the most annoying non-life threatening afflictions with which we deal, because…

Sore throats while they last, are constant.  Sore throats are omnipresent.  An active sore throats mock us, because unlike having the flu when one just lies down and sleeps it away, the sore throat allows one to remain active.

I may be a bit tired, but I am still awake enough and able enough to go to work, and yet?  My throat is fucking killing me!!

And you know what I have discovered during this inflamed throat episode?

I never realized how often I swallow during the day, when not eating nor drinking.  Holy Cow, the average person evidently does a swallow reflex out of habit 10,000 times a day.  And?

And with each swallow, laugh, and/or cough, I cry…just a little…both inside and out.

And let me tell you.  It has affected my skills as a world-class satirist.  Oh Yeah.

See, because of the annoying and constant pain, I cannot focus on the humor at hand that our good God has given us the last couple of days, and let me tell ya…

There’s a Noah’s Ark full of funny out there that transpired just in the past 48 hours.

Justin Bieber for instance…He tried to pull a Richard Marx and act like a total 5’7” badass by driving drunk in a rented Lamborghini and got arrested for DUI and resisting arrest.  Resisting arrest?

How many resisting arrest jokes are there to be made involving Justin Bieber?  Thousands!!  And I cannot concentrate enough due to my sore throat in order to put them to pen.

How does a 5’7” Pixie-Stix of a Canadian resist a burly Miami police officer?  By threatening to sing to him? See?  While probably true, it’s not very funny.  Thanks, Mr. Sore Throat.

And then late yesterday, former Gov. Mike Huckabee told the audience at the RNC Winter Meeting that women have been led to believe (by Democrats) that they need an Uncle Sugar and free birth control pills because woman cannot control their own libido.

The fact of the matter is that The Huckster doesn’t want women to have any birth control because GAWD wants them barefoot and pregnant, because well, that’s God’s plan.  Just ask the incestuous daughters of Lot and their alcoholic father!!

See?  This Huckabee crap is primetime joke-ready funny, and what do I have? Not a damn thing, because I am distracted by Satan’s Hemorrhoids inside my throat.

You would think that if Satan put his ass berries in my throat he would give me something funny to say about God’s Chosen One, Mike Huckabee, but no…Satan wants to merely torture me like the next guy.

However, I can get this out before I gargle once again with salt water and Wild Irish Rose…

Governor Huckabee, if your daughter Sarah was dating Justin Bieber, wouldn’t you want her on the strongest form of birth control that your Tea Party, Christian Coalition, and Super Pac money could buy?

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

Hump Day Hodgepodge

Cheeeeeeeers and Happy Hump Day Chuckleheads!!

A whole lotta nothing exciting going on around here, or is there?

Let’s find out, by just letting the personal headlines from my head ooze out onto the always artful pages of the IWS website.

Dateline…Commonwealth of Virginia…Headline reads…

Terry “I’m a Carpet Bagging Car Salesman” McAuliffe defeats Ken “Transvaginal Ultrasound” Cuccinelli to win the title of, Slightly Less Creepy of the Two Old Dominion Gubernatorial Candidates.

Dateline…Bagwine, Ohio Apartment 102...New Furnace Installed, Schmoop Gets Hot Just Looking at It.

The always cold IWS Radio bit player Schmoop, shone a rare smile today when she eyed a new Goodman furnace nestled snugly within the IWS Bagwine Studio.  Isn't it pretty?

Upon final installation of said furnace, she chirped…

“Sweet!!  Now I can quit using Matt-Man as a blanket, send him back to his couch, and get eight hours of quality, undisturbed sleep every night.  Praise Jeebus!!”

Sometimes when Schmoop speaks extemporaneously and I am within ear shot, it is quite hurtful, but…I sally forth, and hide my hurt and bitterness from her.  I only cry when she goes to work, or when I am at work, or…when she rests with a smile upon her face while I TYPE IN ANGER!!

Kidding, of course…sorta.

Anyhoo…

When I read my timeline on Twitter…I almost always say to myself, “America certainly does get the government she deserves.”

The tweets from the right and the left are enough to propel Hitler, Hindenburg, Stalin, and Trotsky to get along, and all the while asking each other…

“Let’s see if Roosevelt and Churchill would like to come over for drinks and a wicked game of charades.”

If America, any country, or the fragile sanity of the world is to survive, we all need to let go of this, “You’re either with me or against me” bullshit.

You know what’s funny?

Outraged TRUE conservatives like Sean Hannity and his tea bagging partiers want reform, and yet…

They cling like Socialists to the political meal ticket of the GOP.  They claim that they want reform, but don’t have the guts nor the electability to do it on their own, so?

They whine about their own party, which of course, they do “in no way belong”…

What?  Fucking pussies.

Left wing Democrats?  They are euphoric.  In spite of themselves and a President who couldn’t lead a baloney sandwich and a bag of pretzels from its paper bag into the mouth of a hungry, lunch-time sixth grader, celebrate the victory of last night’s elections.

What a joke.

Nobody cares about governing.  Nobody cares.  Left, Right, Conservative, or Liberal.  Nobody cares about you or I. Or about Peter, about Paul, about Shirley.  Ha!!

You thought I was going to say Mary, didn’t you?

Eh…Politicians just want to get re-elected, and folks like Hannity, Maddow, and others, just want to get ratings.

Many Americans want to be part of a winning team.  Whether it be a football team, a Baseball team, or sadly, a political party.

They want to win.  Unfortunately, while electioneering is a game of skill and chance, governing is not, and that is where Americans blow it.  A 51% to 49% vote total is not a win if the man or woman that we elected has no idea how to govern.

And lastly…

A shout-out to Jayman and his family, as oft time mentioned Nana Creta passed away yesterday afternoon at the age of 95.  I often made jokes about her longevity, and feel a missing of her already.

I dig anyone who can transcend the averages like she did, and am saddend by her passing.  So…

Pass your heart felt sympathies on to Jayman and his family today, if you would.  I am sure he would appreciate it.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

Mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

Ted Cruz is a Canadian, but His Citizenship Can be Bought

Greetings my American friends, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper here for I’m With Stupid.

I am humbly honored to have been permitted by Jay and Matt to use their mildly popular and nearly worldwide forum so that I may pontificate calmly comment upon an almost serious matter that slightly concerns both of our above average nations.

As I, like my fellow Canadians, am a polite and mild-mannered person, I have ambivalent emotions about publicly writing on what I am about to say, but…

As this is an issue of tepid importance, I feel that I must.  I mean, if that’s okay with you guys.  If it is not, please turn away now and perhaps click onto the gentle and heartfelt reflections of IWS’ very own Paul Piatt.

It seems that U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) was born within the confines of our neatly, yet not at all ostentatious borders to a Cuban father and American mother.  While some in our country would consider him to be of, dare I say, rascally lineage, Sen. Cruz while an American, does have the official status of being a Canadian citizen as well.

Now as many of you Americans know, Sen. Cruz has his Cuban/Canadian eyes on running for President in 2016, so Mr. Cruz has stated gleefully (which is an adjective that Canadians are unaccustomed to) that in order to show his oneness of patriotism to America, he would renounce his Canadian citizenship.

While to us Canadians, that could be taken as a gentle slap to our collective cheek, we as Canadians, are all about and accepting of, individuality and the personal space and thoughts of others.

So, out of respect for Sen. Ted Cruz, his selfish ambitions, and his dislike for Canada, he is free to come to Canada, or any Canadian embassy, fill out the legal citizenship renunciation form, and pay the $100 fee.

However…

While we Canadians don’t like to rock the boat nor curry favors from others...in this case?  I am going to have to put some caveats on his renunciation prior to it going forward.

You see?

The Democrats in America know that Cruz has two, maybe three citizenships, and because of that, even the most tannin of tea partiers will not vote for him in the primaries.  However, Democrats would like nothing more than to see an unelectable Ted Cruz get the Republican nomination in 2016.

If the Democrats and the Obama administration want us to allow him to renounce his citizenship so that it bolsters his bona fides among Republican primary voters, we want a little sumpin sumpin in return before allowing him to step foot into our country or into one of our embassies in order to fill out the legal and requisite paperwork.

Here are but a few items that we are demanding, and they must be done by September 1…

In any and all official U.S. government documents we want to be referred to as, Exciting and Exotic Canada.

Just for Canadians, we want you to devalue your currency so that more Canadians are able to visit your strip clubs, steal your license plates, and pee on your front lawns.

We want an airtight dome installed over Detroit so that our citizens in Windsor don’t have to suffer from the stench and the heartache emanating from the Motorless City.

We will, by Parliamentary voice vote, revoke the Canadian citizenship of Justin Bieber, and grant him American citizenship, and you must honor it.

Your Congress will by proclamation in perpetuity, make September 1st, National When Canada Influenced the United States and Made Ted Cruz Its Bitch Day.

On American FM radio stations between 6 and 9 PM on Fridays, only songs by Rush and Triumph are allowed to be played.

That motherfuckin’ Ted Cruz is a crazy insane bastard, but to me and my fellow Canadians, he’s gold.

So let’s see some bling, America…The curling stone of renunciation is on your ice.

Sincerely,

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page 

President Barack Hussein Nixon

Hola y’all! As you probably know there is a big scandal brewing here in the good old U.S. of A. It turns out that the IRS was “targeting” Tea Party groups in 2011 and 2012 putting them under extra scrutiny than most 501(c)4 filings. Any group that files under that section of the tax code who wants to be a nonprofit may NOT engage in political campaigns. They can run “issue” ads and campaign for or against legislation, but they can’t endorse candidates or run ads for or against a particular candidate.

Anyhoodle, our crack staff of investigative reporters here at IWS World Media obtained some of the Tea Party filings and can reveal to the world the expenses they were claiming …

1. 150,000 hand-held American flags. (Made in China, showing their frugality.) 

2. 2,500 boxes of Liption tea bags. (Makes sense right? Can’t have a Tea Party w/o Tea Bags!)

3. 200 boxes of the 200 meter rolls of Aluminum Foil. (Tin Foil Hats for everyone!)

4. 25,000 copies of “Being George Washington: The Indispensable Man as you’ve Never Seen Him Before” by Glenn Beck (Reading material is important for any grassroots organization.)

5. 4 Copies of Pat Boone’s “Greatest Hits” CD.  (This one is a little fishy.)

6. 100 Hoverounds for top officers. (Well, they gotta be able to get around and keep people fired up at the big rallies.)

7. 100 cases of Depends. (Very unfortunate that this had to be made public. Getting older is natural and it happens to everyone.)

8. 150,000 square feet of high-end office space in midtown New York City. (Gotta have a home office)

9. Various amounts of office supplies, party supplies and sign making materials. (Well, somebody has to make those “Obama = Hitler” and “Obama’s Plan: White Slavery” signs!)

10. 1,000,000 “Guns, Guts and God: The Three That Set Us Free” bumper stickers. (Needed for obvious reasons.)

Ha! You know folks; it was just as recently as three weeks ago or so that we all were talking about what crazy, paranoid, conspiracy-theory spewing nutcases conservatives are. Since then we had a terrorist attack by a Muslim who the FBI actually interviewed a year ago but didn’t bother with any kind of follow up or monitoring, all kinds of new information that does seem to show that the White House, State Department and the C.I.A. haven’t been fully forthcoming on Benghazi, a guy was arrested in West, Texas where that fertilizer plant blew up for possession explosive devices, the DOJ secretly obtained phone numbers and information on Associated Press reporters and the IRS has admitted to “targeting” Tea Party groups!

Well, who’s laughing now, huh?

Look y’all. Benghazi has always been nothing more than political circus. It’s a side show with people like Lindsay “Please Don’t Put up an Opponent in the Republican Primary against Me” Graham acting as the carnival barker. I said a long time ago that Benghazi was about Hillary Clinton and 2016 and the republicans aren’t even denying that now.

But, this IRS targeting groups with “Tea Party” or “Patriot” in their name is some pretty sinister shit y’all. This real Banana Republic activities that America is supposed to be so far above. And I don’t want to hear any of that “both sides do things like this” crap. Nor do I want to hear about how badly we need to crack down on 510(c)4 organizations either. I know we do, but to start it by going after THE OPPOSITION just isn’t gonna end well.

The worst part is that once someone does something like using the IRS to target the opposition, it immediately becomes “just the way things are done.” This means that whenever the republicans take back the White House, they will do the same thing and it will be accepted as part of the political circus that our country has become. Everyone should be angry about that.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
Facebook.com/Jayman68
@Jayman_IWS

Is Karl Rove a Nazi?

Hola Comrades! By now you know that what started out as a smart-ass joke by a NY Daily News reporter, turned into a really moronic story on a right-wing website which then turned into a super embarrassing situation for Senator Rand Paul. The guy who ran the bullshit story that SecDef nominee Chuck Hagel had given a speech to the “Friends of Hamas” now claims that he had THREE separate sources for that story, but admits that he doesn’t know if they were being truthful or not. Well, since that’s how journalism is done, here is my report for IWS World Media for Thursday, February 21, 2013…

BREAKING NEWS! IWS World Media has learned from sources that the photograph of Karl Rove as a Nazi Officer distributed by the Tea Party, originally assumed to be a photoshop, is in fact REAL!

It turns out that Mr. Rove, AKA: Turd Blossom is a big fan of both Adolf Hitler and his Minister of Propaganda Joseph Goebbels! Rove has long admired Goebbels ability to put out all kinds of loony stories about his political enemies and make people believe it. In fact, he used Mr. Goebbels’ techniques when the Bush Administration convinced America to go to war with Iraq.

In addition to that, Rove has made many statements to friends and colleagues over the years about how much agrees with Hitler and Goebbels visions for the world. In fact, we have gathered some things that Mr. Rove has said over the years about different groups of people.

Blacks: “I just don’t see any use for black folks at all. I mean, I guess maybe some blues and jazz music, but nothing else. They freaking ruined basketball. It used to be a beautiful sport of men passing, screening and running backdoor plays then laying the ball off the backboard as softly as they touched their newborn baby’s cheek. Now? They run up and down the floor so fast and dunk the ball and jump so high and people think that’s exciting? Pathetic! Basically blacks are just lazy criminals who are just sitting around looking for a government handout. Not a single one of them ever worked hard for anything they have, and that includes Obama!” 

Latinos: “They do a good job mowing my lawn and keeping my flowers pretty, I’ll give them that. I’m also a big fan of Chicken Tortilla Soup which they seem to excel at making. And, they definitely can make Tacos and Burritos though. Honestly though? That’s it. If I never have to listen to another GOD-DAMN mariachi tune again it’ll be too soon. Seriously, all I think of them is how I’ll see 12 of them stuffed into a Toyota 4x4 on the highway or 27 of them living in a one bedroom apt. They live like animals!” 

Asians: “They do a good job of cleaning my suits and Asian Women are HAWT! That’s it though. They pretend to not understand what I’m saying when I know they speak better English than I do. They’re scheming, back-stabbing, lying, product-and-intellectual-property-stealing little bastards! They cut in front of you in line at the market too.” 

Jews: “Gass ‘em all! There will finally be jobs available to good Christians in the financial, media and entertainment world. Best of all, I won’t have to hear about that bullshit Holocaust story they made up for sympathy anymore. MY GOD I’m sick of that!” 

As you can see folks, Mr. Rove has a long history of saying very unfortunate and hurtful things about a number of minority groups. I know you are probably having a hard time believing that he actually said those quotes that I found on the internet. I can understand that, but let me assure you I have confirmed each of those statements with at least three separate people whom I interact with on a regular basis online and know for a fact to be quite reliable arbiters of the truth. Most of the time anyway.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS 

Editor’s Note: The body of this article has 666 words, which we here at IWS World Media consider to be confirmation from God that we believe everything written here that came from our trustworthy sources to be true. God wouldn’t lie to us.


In other news you should totally listen to Matt and Jay Uncrossed on Wednesday's I'm With Stupid. We talked about Mindy McCready shooting her dog, Tim Tebow being a raging bigot and Mississippi joining the 19th Century among other hilarious topics. Check it out!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Doc Thompson on 700 WLW...A Limp Morning Guy for a Once Great Station

Happy Friday everyone.

700 WLW midday radio host, Doc Thompson here for I’m With Stupid.  And let me tell you, if it wasn’t for Matt-Man’s utter graciousness, I wouldn’t be here right now.

See..?

I replaced 700 WLW midday host Mike McConnell last year, and frankly, I have sucked.

Mike, while conservative like me politically, could talk in complete sentences and construct an argument which often led to good radio dialogue no matter one’s political and ideological bent.

I however, am the right wing version of Liberal putz, Alan Colmes.

I couldn’t win an argument with my kid, let alone, even in losing, make it interesting to the vast audience of WLW’s 50,000 watt universe.  I hate to say it, but I am boring not only in Ohio, but the 38 other states we reach during the daytime as well.

When I talk to the every day folks, I am good, kinda sweet, and homespun even, but…When I talk to smarter people like Aaron Katersky from ABC News or the Obama book writer Jodi Kantor, I come off as sounding as stupid as I truly am.

Like earlier this week…

In all my Tea Bagger glory, I seriously mentioned to Aaron Katersky of ABC News, that if elected, perhaps Mitt Romney would put Ron Paul in as his Secretary of Treasury.  Katersky said to me, “Are you serious, why would he do that?”

He didn’t need to be so rude.  I just assumed, that well…all us Republicans at some level get along, so maybe he would give Ron Paul a job.

And hold on one second…I am NOT a Republican.  I may be a talk show host with an agenda, but I am a straight shooter.  The only side that I support in the wacky world of politics, is America’s side.

And if you want me to prove it, go to my Facebook Page, and you’ll see that I “Like” a varied and diverse group of people with a myriad of political ideologies…

From not only the Northern Kentucky Tea Party, but to the Cleveland Tea Party as well….to Glenn Beck…to ultra-conservative writer Jedediah Bila, to Virginia U.S. Senate Candidate and talker in tongues, Jamie Radtke, and of course…

Clear Channel and 700 WLW, without whose complete disregard for talent, I would be unemployed, and penniless.  Socialism isn’t for me, but if it happens spontaneously within the airtight sound booths of the private media sector, and not within the loud and Stalinistic chambers of the U.S. Congress, I’m all for it.

Matt-Man and I have exchanged several e-mails over the last month.  It all began when I was complaining on air about the Minimum Wage in Ohio going from $7.40/hr. to $7.70/hr.  He said that he didn’t think that an additional $2.40 a day per employee was too much to ask from the barely getting by, job creators.

I said…Wait a minute…that’s like $600.00/yr.  You and I will pay for that, and so will the folks who just got a raise.  And he’s like, giving me the business, calling me an asshole and the like. And I said…

“Why not make it $50.00/hr?”  He told me that that was a hyperbolic argument, to which I said to him, “Yeah, so?”  He had no answer to that other than to say to me like Aaron Katersky from ABC News did, “Are you serious?”

As I always say, “When in doubt, go hyperbolic on a person.”  And as soon as I look that word up, I’ll find out if I did or not.

Matt-Man eventually got me to admit that I, in no way, think there that should be a Federal Minimum wage, and I told him that Michelle Obama shouldn’t be setting policy because we didn’t elect her.

He more or less called me a crazy man.  Well Mr. Funny Man…

When you folks are working for $2.58 an hour and Michelle Obama is back living in the Chi-Town projects with her one term husband, we’ll see who the hyperbolic one is.

This is Doc Thompson saying…

I love America.  I love the Constitution, and…

I love my fiancée’ of Korean descent, because seriously…If her family could understand what I was saying, they’d never let her marry me.

Ahnyoung, now go home…

Doc

If you have any questions or lawsuits, please contact our law firm...

Matt-Man

Email:  neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter:  @mattmaniws

Matt Said, Jay Said XII

Matt Said, Jay Said, You Read…

Matt: “Uhhhh …. Yes?”
Jay: “Howdy HO! Matty-O!”
Matt: “You’re in way too good a mood.”
Jay: “Just happy to be alive.”
Matt: “Well, maybe you should tone it down a bit.”
Jay: “No can do. I’m high on life and spreading the happiness.”
Matt: “I’m immune to it.”
Jay: “Very sad.”

Jay: “Alessandra Torresani tweeted a link to IWS Blog.”
Matt: “I don’t know who she is, but that was very sweet of her.”
Jay: “She was in the show Caprica.”
Matt: “Oh, of course.”
Jay: “You still don’t know who she is, do you?”
Matt: “Nope.”
Jay: “Se was part of our Halloween Celebrity Costume post. She was Barbarella.”
Matt: “Mmm … she’s HAWT!”
Jay: “And, apparently loves us cause she sent hundreds and hundreds of people our way.”
Matt: “Of course she does. What’s not to love?”

Matt: “What was for dinner?”
Jay: “Tuna fish sandwiches.”
Matt: “What bread?”
Jay: “Honey Wheat.”
Matt: “Oh, we’re so done!”
Jay: “What do you use?”
Matt: “White. Toasted. You DO toast your bread at least, don’t you?”
Jay: “Of course! I’m not some uncultured hick, ya know.”
Matt: “Sometimes, I wonder.”

Jay: “Local Tea Party held a rally here and didn’t invite me.”
Matt: “Now that’s just downright rude.”
Jay: “And stupid. They forgot to invite a world-famous broadcaster.”
Matt: “They’re just not the marketing and publicity gurus we are.”
Jay: “Very true. They’re just jealous and afraid I’ll dominate media coverage and their wives will hit on me.”
Matt: “Or they’re protecting their daughters.”
Jay: “Ha! Hey!! Anyway, band move on their part.”
Matt: “They will be left to steep in their own mediocrity with their snubbing of you.”
Jay: “My guess is they’re already sorry.”

Jay: “So, since it’s been all Herman Cain this week, we should have a Pizza Party for Saturday’s show.”
Matt: “Brilliant idea!”
Jay: “National chains, local joints, frozen pizza etc”
Matt: “We are pretty much experts on this one.”
Jay: “And who doesn’t love pizza?”
Matt: “Absolutely”
Jay: “Okay then. We’re set!”
Matt: “Hell yes!”

So, be sure to join us at 6:30 pm on Saturday (or in archives if you happen to miss it) for a HUGE virtual Pizza Party on I’m With Stupid! It’s goona be a blast. But, it would be more fun if YOU were there.

The Progressive Tea Party ...

President Obama has nominated Richard Cordray to be the head of the new Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. And, as you might have expected there is a certain politically active group of people out there who are all kinds of pissed off. Yup, once again the Tea Par… oh wait. Sorry, about that. Once again the people on the left who call themselves “progressives” have their panties in a knot.

It always happens the same way. Obama recognizes the reality of a situation and decides that rather than going through a long, drawn-out and ultimately futile fight, makes the smart move. In this case, it’s his decision not to nominate Elizabeth Warren who faces not just opposition from republicans, but doesn’t have a single democrat who matters* in the senate willing to fight for her. 

The reaction is also always the same. Progressives stare in complete disbelief that they didn’t get the toy they wanted. Then the lower lip starts trembling and then the tears start flowing. Then they throw themselves down on the floor of the toy section and scream, kick, punch and make absolute fools of themselves. 

Then, when they run out of energy, mommy picks them up and holds them.  She reassures them that their feelings are valid too, and that they will be allowed to blog about them when they get home. When they’re ready, they let mommy know that it’s okay to move on to the grocery section and check out the organic produce. 

The democrats have their own version of the Tea Party, and they are every bit as demanding that things be done their way and their way only. And, no matter how often they get what they want, when they don’t, they not only throw a fit, they start the name calling. 

While progressives are busy saying that the Tea Party is inflexible and should accept “political realities” they are proving to be exactly the same. After Obama didn’t nominate Elizabeth Warren, instead of accepting political realities, the progressives called Obama a “coward.” 

No matter how much they get, and progressives have actually gotten quite a bit, SCHIP, DADT repealed, DOMA all but dead, hate crimes bill that included gays and lesbians, HCR**, financial reform, new emphasis by govt agencies on equal pay, Sotomayor and Kagen on the bench, student loan reform, the ending of hostilities and draw down in Iraq, the beginning of the draw down in Afghanistan, and a whole lot more, it’s never enough. In fact, it’s like none of it ever happened.  Because in progressives’ minds none of those things mattered. The only thing that matters to progressives is the shiny toy they wanted RIGHT NOW. And they didn’t get it. So, it’s fit throwing and name calling time again. 

This has been the case since day one.  Almost immediately after being sworn in, the demands from progressives started and then haven’t let up or even paused to reflect on all the toys that they did get that they wanted. The only thing progressives can see is the one thing they didn’t get today. So at the same time that they are mocking the republicans for holding “symbolic” votes in the house, progressives are demanding a completely symbolic fight over Elizabeth Warren. 

With “supporters” like progressives, President Obama doesn’t need the Tea Party.

*Democrats who can persuade other democrats to act and have some influence in the senate.
**Don’t start bitching about the lack of a public option in HCR. The blame for that lies solely at the feet of Harry Reid. 

Tea Party To The Rescue...

Well folks, the slow, steady creep of socialism, fascism and all kinds of other bad isms has finally made it's way to Redneckville, Arkansas. Luckily for us though, we have a very strong local chapter of the Tea Party to protect us. Even if it kills us.

Our county commission struggled for months to come up with a new insurance plan for the areas of the county that are in a flood plain. Well, each time they met, the Tea Party folks were out in force to make sure no Socialism happened. The end results of course, is that they never passed a new plan.

So now, thanks to the Tea Party, there are lots of folks living in the flood plain who can't afford or even get flood insurance. Yes, they are required to carry flood insurance, but the Tea Party believes that these people are better off without any insurance at all than being in some filthy govt plan. No, none of the Tea Party people who forced this on everyone live in said flood plain. Why do you ask?

Anyway, after the flood insurance debacle the leader of the local Tea Party, who I'll just call Mr. Napoleon because he pretty much declared himself Tea Party Emperor, sent out a warning to both the county and city governments that “We'll be watching you.”

I immediately offered to help him out with that. What with my expert stalking skills and all, but he insists that he didn't mean it “that way.” Obviously a guy with his kind of political talent would be perfect for Michele Bachmann's campaign.

Well, our European loving socialist-like mayor is at it again. This is the man who brought the devil's juice to Boone County Arkansas in the last election. That being the approval by voters of the manufacture and sale of alcoholic beverages. So, as you can imagine, Mayor Mussolini isn't exactly the Tea Party's favorite guy.

Anyway, our mayor isn't happy with the state of our garbage collection in town. He's unhappy because the company contracted to do it is inefficient and charges residents too much. So, he is proposing that the city take over trash collection instead of contracting it out. *insert ominous Imperial March music here*

Not only does this crazy dude want to provide a service to the residents of Redneckville more efficiently and cheaper, he has a really radical idea of how to do it. He wants to use …. get this …. federal grants to pay for the equipment and get the whole thing started!! GASP!

But wait! It gets worse! He says that the city's trash collection system will include .. wait for it …. RECYCLING!!!! Just like them Nazi's did!

Well, needless to say the local Tea Party is having none of this. It's bad enough that he's making govt work for the people, but he's using federal money to do it. AND we all know that ALL federal money comes from the stimulus.

Folks, this is a town full of decent people. We do all our stimulating indoors, at night and with the blinds closed like good, decent, God-fearin' Americans!! What will the children think if we go along with this crazy-ass plan?

Hell, the next thing you know, Mayor Mussolini will propose that we allow beer sales at public events like Crawdad Days. Or even allow for the sale of liquor by the drink in town. DURING THE DAY! And, he might even propose allowing beer and wine sales on Sunday AKA: God's Day.

Oh wait. He already has proposed those things. God help us. I better get out of town before we all get turned to into pillars of salt. What does everyone think that flooding this spring was? It was obviously a warning from God that he isn't happy with our quaint, pure and innocent little town being turned into Sin City by this atheist mayor.

Only the Tea Party can save us now.

Jayman

jayman3768@gmail.com

www.twitter.com/jayman_iws