IWS Person of The Week: Spring Breakers

If it's Sunday, it's the IWS Person(s) of the Week, and as it is the first Sunday of Spring 2015, it is only fitting that we honor those who seek to find some relief and well-earned relaxation from the pressures of life and name Spring Breakers our IWS Persons of the Week!!

Spring Breakers are primarily made up of over-pressured, debt-ridden college students who need to blow off some steam, and often do so, by getting drunk, and standing on a high hotel balcony...

Sometimes, the more shy and introverted breakers of the Spring simply want to relax and get a nice tan while napping peacefully on the beach...

Of course, with all of the pressure upon young college goers, pent up frustrations are released during the break through acts of spontaneous joy, frivolity, and playful indiscretion...

Of course, it's not only young nubile women who need to have a vernal vacation, men who have grown old and tired want to ignite a Spring spark in order to feel alive yet again...

Lastly...The joy of Spring is not lost upon those who are a bit more restrained in their pursuits of happiness, because let me tell ya...When nuns hit the beach during Spring Break, all hell breaks loose...

So here's to all of you Spring Breakers out there. Long may your freak flags fly!!

And speaking of Spring Break...Jay, Matt, and the IWS Radio gang are celebrating all things Spring NEXT WEEK March 29th from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio.

They will be discussing Spring Break, March Madness, Tornado Season, annnnnd celebrating National Goof Off Day. So join IWS Radio LIVE MARCH 29th from Noon-2 PM ET as IWS Radio presents: Goofing Off During Spring Break.

To listen LIVE click HERE!!

You've Never Been Touched Until You've Been Groped By a Left-Handed Person

Cheeeeeers and a Happy Tuesday to you all.

First of all, I want to thank those of you who listen to the IWS Radio Show on Sundays from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio or catch it later in the archives.  The last few shows have done really well and we appreciate your taking the time to listen.

Secondly, I’d like to talk about an affliction that curses some 11% percent of our nation’s population.  For those of us, such as yours truly who are cursed with it, it can be truly annoying.

This affliction makes life extremely more difficult…makes the simplest tasks unnerving…and is a condition that up until 30 years or so ago was so sinister, that Catholic nuns through tensile strength of a plastic ruler and the grace of God would try to beat it out of those who suffered from it.

I am of course, talking about the infirmity of being left-handed.

Tomorrow is World Lefthanders Day, and dammit, I want to raise awareness (whatever that means or does) about the trials and tribulations that we left-handed folks such as Demi Moore and myself face and have faced throughout life.

Remember the spiral notebooks we had to use in school back in the day?  The spiral is on the left God Damn side, and would cut an imprint like a bitch into a lefty’s arm during one 100 word or less 4th grade short story writing assignment.  Fuck Mrs. Parrish.  Bitch had it in for me from day one of 4th grade.

Did you have to endure the crying and humiliation of having a hard time learning to tie your shoes because your were a lefty being taught by a person from the right-handed world?  To this day, I remember bawling on the floor prior to Kindergarten starting because I couldn’t get the shoe tying thing RIGHT!!  Oh the Humanity!!

My late brother John?  He went to Catholic schools back in the 50’s and 60’s.  Catholics were still big into Latin back then, and a Latin derivative of sinister or evil, meant being left handed.

When the Sisters of Charity and Happiness saw that he wrote with is left hand, they beat the Hell out of it until his unholy hand was no longer able to pen the words of the Devil.

Ironically, as he then had to write with his right hand, his penmanship looked like claw marks and chicken scratches WRITTEN BY THE DEVIL!!

Why can’t we all just get along?  Can’t you right-handed people accept people like me and Lisa Kudrow for our left-handedness?

Why do there have to be impediments to our lifestyle and congenital disease that leave us sitting alone on the outside of a booth at a restaurant?

Anyhoo…Tomorrow August 13th…Find a left-handed person, go up to him or her and not only say, "I am with you", but give them a peck on the cheek as well, and…make sure to do so by approaching me…or him or her from the right so I …er him or her, can give you a big left-handed grope while you do so.

!!sreehC

Matt-Man

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