So Matt-Man Has Some Random Thoughts

So yesterday…

Jayman had some random thoughts, and I thought to myself, in a less than random manner, that maybe today, I would do the same.

So, heres goes…

I wonder if at some point while Trayvon Martin was on top of George Zimmerman allegedly wailing away upon Zimmerman, if he asked Mr. Zimmerman…

“Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

What?  Too soon? Anyhoo…

Prince William and the Duchess of Cambridge Kate Middleton, had a baby boy yesterday.  I hope that their son in honor of, and in solidarity with his grandfather Prince Charles, grows up to marry a man named Camilla.

I get off at 5 PM today, so you know what that means.  That’s right…I’ll be drunk by 7 PM.  Getting old does have its benefits.  Beer Buzzes come much more inexpensively.

I see that we are picking up a few more “likes” on our IWS Facebook page of late.  If you don’t like our Facebook page, you are a Communist and will spend the eternal afterlife in Hell being fondled by a bare-chested Vladimir Putin.  Uuch.

I had Johnsonville Cheddar Wurst last night.  They were delicious.  You know why?  Because what’s not delicious about cooked pig meat with cheese inside?  Nothing.  Yeah, it’s that simple.

Two of my favorite words are, “shenanigans” and “interloper.”  Is there a problem with that?  For your sake, I hope not.

In order to soothe racial tensions within this country, President Obama is spending a family vacation in Martha’s Vineyard.  The next stop along his, “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner Tour” will be spent hosting, “A Week of Skeet Shooting and Cocktails with Wayne LaPierre” in Roanoke, VA.

My right hamstring is killing me!!

My BFF Schmoop went to the Doctor for what appears to be the last time yesterday.  Her insides are fine, but looking at the rosy glow on her face, I think she may be pregnant…by HIM!!

If I was going be a fish of some sort, I would be a Killer Whale.  Even though they are menacing looking, they are friendly, and adorable…and no one messes with them, because they have “Killer” in their name.

If I wasn’t having brats last night, I would have had SPAM, but I wouldn’t have had it, because unfortunately, we have none on hand.  Mores the pity.

Yesterday, Jayman mentioned that he should have his penis post on here at some point.  When he mentioned that I thought I could do the same, however…

How’s my penis gonna do a sincere and articulate post when he can’t remember more than half of the places he has been?

I’ll just let my penis slumber in its old age and…Oh damn…I left a cigarette burning as I typed this.  Talk to you all later.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
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Kate Middleton Is Giving Birth and/or Something

Jay, Matt-Man, IWS Radio aficionados…

Guy Ahnyurdyck here, fresh out of the Hell Hole that is a Dutch prison, filing this report LIVE from outside of St. Mary’s Hospital in London where within minutes, and/or hours, and/or days…

One Kate Middleton, aka the wife of Prince William, aka the Duchess of Cambridge, aka Kate Mountbatten-Windsor, et cetera, et cetera, will pop out a regal looking son and/or daughter fit for a King…and/or Queen…and/or Defender of the Faith…and/or Lord over the Dominion and Commonwealth…et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

(Ed. Note:  Could we keep it simple and/or American, Guy?  This isn't the BBC and/or the CBC…Pretend that you are talking to the audience of Sky TV and/or FOX News.)

The lovely and nubile Duchess of Cambridge is past her due date of July 13th, but many in the know, are speculating that Kate’s prince and/or princess will soon be sliding down her tortured, yet regal uterine walls, and drop him and/or precious self  into the open arms of a private Doctor practicing and living well in a country of socialized medicine.

Following the royal and cute extraction of said heir, the baby will be slapped upon the bodkins by the very hand of a God’s centuries old divinity in the kingdom business.

Secretly…

Many are hoping that once the baby opens his and/or her eyes, his/or her initial vision will be that of the angelic faces of Kate and Prince William, and not that of Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles…For that might scare said infant into returning to the womb.

An incident like that, would not only threaten the life of the child, but forever damage a fine piece of Euro-Trash royalty and her maternal goods.  Europe, and the U.K specifically, have already suffered enough through the recent and unexpected death of Amy Winehouse…

Do we really need to re-visit, re-live, and sadly bathe ourselves ‘neath that waterfall of Euro-Tears again?

Guy says, No!!

Not only has the question of sex been raised about the soon to be child, and whether the child is really Prince Harry’s but there are questions as to what his and/or her name may be.

Many folks put their money on traditional names such as Anne, Diana, or Mary if the child be a girl.  If it is to be a male, excited Brits and Anglophiles have suggested, Edward, George, and/or Margaret Thatcher.

As one whose nose is always in the news always and frequently in the telling and tantalizing parts of a Belgian psychic and/or lady of the night named Stella Artois, I would ask her a couple of questions.

If it is foreseen that this child be she a girl, is to be but a Princess, I would name her Buttercup.  If the stars foretold her to one day be a Queen, I would name her Latifah.

If the royal heir turns out to be a boy, but only a Prince, I would of course name him, Fielder, but if the stars determined that in the future he would be King, I would name said heir…

Sized.

Because seriously, who doesn’t like anything that is King Sized?  His favorability ratings would go through the roof!!

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
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