I Really Don't Care

Holaaaaaaaaaaaa! Every single day my Facebook feed is full of deep thoughts, angst, bitching, inspirational quotes and lots and lots of anger. People are so worked up over so many different things. This has made me realize that there are lots of issues out there that I really don’t give a shit about.

Politicians who cheat on their spouses:  Politicians do way worse things every single day of their lives than cheating on their spouses. Adultery is a private issue and we don’t really have a right to know if our elected official is cheating on his/her spouse. It doesn’t tell us anything about his/her abilities or effectiveness as administrators. Besides, just knowing someone “cheated” doesn’t tell us the whole story and without the whole story we don’t know squat.

Immigration: OMG THERE’S BROWN PEOPLE POURING OVER THE BOARDER EVERY SINGLE DAY COMING HERE TO MURDER AND RAPE AND PILLAGE!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!! The people who DEMAND that illegal immigrants assimilate are the same ones who want to keep them out of public school which is where they would learn to assimilate. The reason we have the disaster of an immigration problem we have now is because everyone is either “nobody” or “everybody” gets in and neither side will budge. So, whatever.

Women making .77 cents to every $1 a man makes (allegedly):  Well, they don’t really. I mean sure, on average that’s probably the case, but if you’re comparing women and men in the same job with same experience and same hours worked each year, it’s not that low. Do I think women should get paid the same for the same work? Of course I do. But, the real problem is women aren’t encouraged to go into science, computer and engineering fields where the best paying jobs are.

Affirmative Action: Am I on the losing end of AA? Yup. Do I care? Maybe I should, but I really don’t.

People getting gov’t “hand-outs” who don’t DESERVE them: Are there people gaming the system? Absolutely. Should we do something to stop this? Of course! Are we doing anything about it? Fuck no! Just cutting social programs doesn’t do anything to the people who are beating the system. They’ll beat the system as long as the system stays the same. Cutting funding just kicks the honest people out of the system. Also, if you’re just spittin’ mad over undeserving people getting gov’t handouts, but never mention rich corporations getting tax subsidies or rich people getting farm subsidies even though all they own is forty acres of dirt, then leave me the hell alone with your bitching.

Reality TV (other than “Swamp People” and “Mountain Men” of course): Oh look! Fake, scripted drama on TV! If it isn’t a show with real writers and real actors then I really don’t care. I’m all for lowbrow entertainment and have no problem with anyone who does enjoy these shows. The only thing I ask is that you not act as if this shit is real. Please?

The deficit:  The deficit isn’t the problem. The problem is there aren’t good-paying enough jobs. More jobs means more people paying taxes which means more revenue which means lower deficits. Ask Bill “4.2% Unemployment” Clinton what happens to deficits when people are working.

Spoilers: I get that some people don’t want plot twists in their favorite shows revealed before they get to watch the show, but it’s on you to avoid spoilers. I kind of agree with west coast people complaining about spoilers on Twitter when the show being spoiled won’t even air out there for another two hours. But, you could just stay off Twitter for a while on that night too. Just a thought. Generally though, if you record a show to watch at your leisure later in the week then you do so at your own risk.

That’s the abbreviated list. The actual list goes on and on and on. I think a lot of you people would be much happier if you cut back on the things that you get worked up over too.

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IWS Person of the Week...Luis Guerrero

Cheers and Hola Mi Amigos, it's time for the IWS Person of the Week...

"Hopping the fence or wading the Rio Grande River isn't part of America's immigration process."

--Ted Nugent (R-Draft Dodger Universe)

“We could also electrify this wire (on the border) with the kind of current that would not kill somebody, but it would simply be a discouragement for them to be fooling around with it. We do that with livestock all the time.”

Rep. Steve King (R-IA)

"Do you know the rate of military enlistment among Hispanics is higher than any demographic in this country?"

--Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX)

Than what the hell is your reason, Mr. Cruz and Mr. King, for stalling immigration of "livestock" type folks who want to help defend this country and contribute??

Our friend Luis has this week, proven that immigration, whether initially an illegal thing or not, is a good thing.

And Luis is now officially an American citizen.  Which means two things to us here at IWS Radio.

We are incredibly proud of him, and now we know that he will be around forever in order that we can secretly put signs on the back of his ice truck as he unknowingly pulls away!!  

And if that right there isn't funny enough for ya, tune into IWS Radio today from Noon-2 PM ET as Jay and Matt celebrate National Bad Poetry Day!!  

Many of our correspondents have their poems ready for you and we will talk to, Party Marty Live from Chicago, Nurse Sherri with a polemics offering, and of course, the Man of the Hour, or in this case, the Week...Luis!!

You can catch us LIVE today from Noon-PM by clicking HERE!!

Luis Guerrero is the Statue of Liberty!!

Hola…I mean...Hello.

Luis Guerrero here, and I want to say something.

Thank you America for welcoming me into your somewhat warm and embracing, yet sometimes cold and snowy country, which I hate.

The snow and the cold that is, not the country.

After several years of working hard, paying taxes, receiving no benefits, and living on a prayer and a Green Card, I took my citizenship test in July, had my citizen induction ceremony yesterday, and am now proud ‘Merican.

I know right?

You thought I simply tried to escape the hunger and empty dinner table of Mexico, by traversing hundreds of mile of desert, and all the while evading Border Patrol Agents and ne’er do wells, in order to simply come here to rape your pearly white daughters, illegally siphon off of your unending stream of goodwill, and raise the political capital of one Canadian-Born Cuban, U.S. Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX).

But no…This is not the case.

You see?

I came to ‘Merica to escape the poverty of my land…to realize that I can work and gain reward…to know that I don’t have to look over my back to see if a pissed off drug cartel guy, with gun in hand, is looking at me “funny.”

I came to marry a lady and have a happy, not so worried and not so hungry life with kids, cookouts, and parties once in awhile.

I came here as a hard worker who just wanted an opportunity.  ‘Merica is all about that, and she has given me my opportunity, and I will not let her down, because I won’t let myself or my family down, but let me tell you…

Now that I am ‘Merican, I have put in for a two weeks vacation.  As an ice delivery guy, I may or may not get to your place of business on time, and…

There will be a ten minute break between every ten ice bags I put into your cooler.  The new helper, with far less seniority, demands it.  And really? Who am I to judge?

Drive-By Mikey and Matt-Man may make fun of my new, slower process to filling their Ice Machine, but that’s because they we’re born with silver Ice Machines in their mouths, and I?

I was born with the deadly taste of the Chupacabra within my thirsty and hungry mouth.

I had to cross a desert twice and put up with INS for ten years in order to fill the Beer Mine's goddamn ice machine.

If either of those bastards had to walk a mile in my shoes, you know what they would say?

“Ewwwww, ouch, ouch, the hot desert sands of death are too much for my fragile feet.  I guess I’ll just live here in a life of squalor and crime.”

Coños!!  Er sorry…Pussies!!

Sorry…Sorry…I get off course.  Here’s the deal.

After ten years of paying my dues, and paying my taxes, I am ‘Merican.  I am not stealing your job or your hope.  I am living the life of a guy who loves his wife, his kids, and the chance of a better life here in ‘Merica.

And…Now that I am a true ‘Merican and have official seniority, it would be sweet if my route was changed, and I would no longer have to deliver ice to Mike and Matt again.

¡Adiós!  And God Bless 'Merica!!

Luis Guerrero…’Merican

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Immigration, PEDs and Sex Scandals: I Don't Care

Holaaaaaaaa y’all! You know, there’s been a lot going on this week that has been covered pretty heavily in the news and on social media and this afternoon something suddenly hit me. I don’t really give a shit about most of it. I know some of this stuff is pretty important and shit, and maybe I should care on some level, but I just can’t.

PED Use in Sports: Don’t really care. I know, I know, “Kids look up to these pro athletes and want to be like them and will use PED’s if their favorite player does!” Don’t care. I know it’s always “Think of the cheeeeeeeeldren!” but, I just can’t get worked up over it.

I know that steroids are dangerous (probably) but it’s not like people are forcing Ryan Braun or A-Rod or anyone else to take HGH or steroids. They’re doing it on their own. If steroids cause their nuts to shrink or mess their minds up or make them shoot blanks then so what? It’s just like smoking, drinking and eating too much, we all know the risks.

The only thing the PED discussion does is give sanctimonious sportswriters the opportunity to wag the finger of indignation at everyone which is their favorite activity, of course.

Immigration: Come one, come all I say! Well, maybe not but pretty close. I know people who start talking about immigration and their faces turn red and I think they’re gonna have a heart attack within like five minutes. And while they’re doing that I’m sitting there shrugging my shoulders and saying “Yeah, I guess. Whatever.”

Want to build a fence? Go ahead. I don’t give a shit. Want to pass a “path to citizenship?” Okay, that’s probably a good idea. Want to round up all 11 million illegal immigrants up, stick them in the Astrodome and then “process them” and send “back where they came from?” Get real.

Basically the immigration debate is just a way for people to just go off on rants about brown people using all kinds of racist code words.

Political Sex Scandal: Oh sure these always start out fun. Anthony Weiner sent pics of his wee-wee to some chick? Hilarious! He used the online moniker “Carlos Danger?” Lacks creativity, but still pretty funny. Mark Sanford simply walks off the job as governor and goes to Argentina to spend a week with his mistress? Way cool!

The problem is that it never takes long before the discussion about these sex and sexting scandals become nothing more than partisan politics. All the conservatives who are “disgusted” by Anthony Weiner never had a word to say about Mark Sanford, David Vitter or even Larry Craig. And, everyone who was up in arms about Sanford think Weiner is getting the shaft. (Hey-OOOO)

The worst are the people out there who say “It’s just not right to make fun of Anthony Weiner because he has an addiction and addiction isn’t funny.” Oh bullshit! Addiction is hilarious. These are just people who basically support Weiner, but are embarrassed to admit so they come up with silly shit like that. Kind of like all the people who claim to be a Libertarian who are really just too embarrassed by the idiocy of the Republican Party to admit they’re a member.

Basically, the only thing the Weiner Sexting Scandal serves it to give sanctimonious political writers the chance to wag the finger of indignation at Weiner and anyone who might try to defend him, which is THEIR favorite activity, of course.

So now you’re probably wondering what I do give a shit about. Well, I tell ya, this story about NBA player and former Dukie J.J. Redick having an “Abortion and Relationship Contract” with some chick? Now THAT’S freaking awesome! I guess you have to sprinkle a little schadenfreude on my Scandal Burger to make it interesting to  me.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
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Jayman_IWS

Weight Loss Surgery and Sneaking Into the Country

Hola y’all! Man, what a day! I tell you what guys, there are two things I’ll never do. Well, other than the obvious “follow a strange man into a dark alley” thing. I’ll only fall for that once. Anyway, I’m never gonna have weight loss surgery nor will I ever try to sneak into the country. Both of those things terrify me.

We had our good friend Dana Lu (who you can fine here, here, here and here) on IWS to tell us all about her Sleeve Gastrectomy (or Gastric Sleeve)
today and there’s really nothing about it that sounds like fun to me. Basically, they take up to 85% of your stomach and leave you with about a 4 oz stomach and a sleeve to connect it somewhere to the small intestine. They didn’t even let her keep the stomach that they cut out!!

Now, she’s going through the process of getting back on solid foods. She did the liquids only thing and is now only allowed pureed foods. And not a lot at a time either. Basically, a tiny bit of chicken, one broccoli and two lima beans tossed into a blender and mixed all up into a liquid and that’s dinner! Bon Appetite!

And you know the worst part? As if it could get worse than no more double cheeseburgers for life? How ‘bout NO MORE SOFT DRINKS OR BEER FOR LIFE??!! Yup, looks like I’m never doing anything as crazy as this. I don’t drink anything other than beer and Pepsi! Well okay, I have some 2% milk on my Frosted Flakes.

Seriously though, this weight loss surgery thing is no joke and my hats off to Dana for having the courage and determination to do it. She clearly made up her mind to totally commit herself to not just have the surgery but the lifestyle change necessary to make it work and seems to be off to a great start in a new, healthier chapter of her life.

Then, it was time for The Ice Man Louis to come on the show. You know what this crazy guy did? He walked across the desert and sneaked into the US! … TWICE!!!! IKNOWRITE??!

The first time their “guide” got them lost and he just wandered up the main road and waited for the Border Patrol to pick his ass up and take him back to Mexico. The second time he made it to Phoenix, but was basically held prisoner there until he could buy his freedom.

Eventually he made his way to Bagwine, Ohio, became a LEGAL resident and by next year will be an American Citizen.

Seriously y’all, we’re all a bunch of pussies compared to some people. I mean, I guess we’re all capable of doing what Dana and Louis have done to make their lives better, but not all of us are willing to make the sacrifices necessary to do it. We had a great time with both Dana and Louis (and Louis’ wife Michelle who is a hoot!) today, but underneath the laughter and jocularity two really great stories were told on IWS today.

We have done 231 shows on I’m With Stupid, and while I’ve loved every second of doing each and every one of them, Losing it with Dana (and Louis) is, if not my absolute favorite and best show we’ve ever done, it’s at least in the top three. I highly recommend you check it out.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
Facebook.com/Jayman68
@Jayman_IWS

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