Hola to all the true believers, nonbelievers and everyone in
between! Jesus People have really stepped up their game here in Redneckville
over the last couple of weeks. I’ve been getting lots of church flyers on my
door and even a few on my car which really annoys me. It’s supposed to be
against the rules here at the Palatial Estates for people to go door-to-door or
put fliers on cars but if anyone tries to run them off they’ll be accused of
supporting El Diablo, Al Qaeda and/or Barack Obama. Of course most people here
think Obama IS an Al Qaeda supporting Anti-Christ anyway.
Lately though, the Jesus People have gotten much more
aggressive than just leaving flyers. A
couple of weeks ago a man and woman showed up at my door on a Saturday at 11 am
hoping to talk to me about Jesus. They were from the Baptist Church which is
the Big Dog of churches here in town. They pretty much dominate everything.
Anyhoodle, these two banged on my door and when I answered
immediately handed me this little Jesus booklet talking about not just the
history of Jesus, but the entire 6,000 year history of Earth. The highlight was
the Eternal Life Birth Certificate…
Just fill it out and keep it with you at all times because
that’s your ticket to Heaven! Just show St. Peter that and he will step aside
and let you right in. Hell … er … Heck, you won’t even have to stand in line OR
watch the orientation and safety video if you have one of those with ya.
After they handed me the booklet they attempted to invite
themselves in so they could sit down, have a glass of lemon iced tea and talk
Jesus with me. I politely yet firmly stood my ground and told them to have a
nice day. The nerve of those people! Trying to come into my home and talk Jesus
shit when there was college football on!
There was another Jesus related incident today. I had just
finished my weekly shopping trip to Aldi and was returning my cart like a good
member of society would when a woman walked right up to me and handed me yet
another Jesus booklet while saying “Hello! You should read this.” Then she
turns and walks off.
So this is how people are spreading the good word now?
Harassing people in their own homes and accosting them in grocery store parking
lots? Really? REALLY?!
I’m all for freedom of religion and I consider myself a
Christian, but I’m also for freedom FROM religion. I shouldn’t be harassed both
in public and at home by people who seem to believe that not only am I in need
of saving but arrogantly believe that THEY have been chosen by God to do so.
I’ve never been a big fan of organized religion and don’t
believe that you have to go to church every week or even ever to be a good
Christian. In fact, I’ve found lots of churches that are full of really bad,
fake Christians. So many people feel that just showing up for an hour or so
every Sunday plus on Christmas Eve and hating gays is all it takes to get into
Heaven.
I do know lots of people who have found great churches to
attend and become involved in. They find lots of comfort in going to church and
their church is like a family. That’s awesome! I’m very happy for them and
honestly sometimes would like to find that too. Unfortunately that just doesn’t
exist here in Redneckville.
Seriously though Jesus people, let me watch college football
and do my grocery shopping in peace.
