Jayman is so Damn Unpredictable

Holaaaaaaaaaaa y’all! You know, I bet you guys think you can predict what I’m doing just about every hour the day. You probably think you can predict what I’m eating for dinner or breakfast or what I’m drinking each night. Well, sometimes you can, but every once in a while I like to throw you guys a curveball. Heck, sometimes I’m down right unpredictable.

Just this morning Matt-Man  replied to my mentioning that I had a significant amount of sinus drainage by saying “Don’t get any on your Pop Tarts.” See? Matt thought he could confidently predict that I would be having Frosted Chocolate Pop Tarts for breakfast. Well, he was WRONNNNNNNG! I had cinnamon raisin toast! Take that!

So, I started thinking about other times people have gotten overconfident in trying to predict my actions. Like, whose music do you think I’m listening to while writing this? Go on … guess! Miley Cyrus? Nope. Taylor Swift? Noooooooooo. CCR? Queen? Elvis? The Ramones? Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Oh so very wrong! I’m cranking some Nicki Minaj! Didn’t see that coming at all, did you?

“And when I pop dat pussy, I pop it on his Suzuki
I pop it so crazy cookie
I’m rockin them daisy dukies (oh)

I be shakin it for daddy, He want more more more
Got that Bently, Got that Caddy, And theyre all 4 door
If I pull him by the collar, Boy he gonna holla
I be shakin it for daddy, He want more more more”

Awwwww yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Love that girl! What a sweetheart.  Even when she does use some unfortunate Nazi imagery in her videos.

So what else have we got? Oh here’s a good one. Everyone knows that Wednesday night is hamburger night at Chez Jay’s. Well, what I like to do is cruise along having a hamburger patty and mashed taters and lull everyone into a false sense of security and when they ask me how my patty and mashed taters where I’ll say “HA! Got ya! I had steak sandwich and fries!” BOO-YAAAAAAAAA!

And I bet you thought I would just love Steel Reserve Spiked Punch didn’t you? Welllllll…..

                                 

I bet you think that while I was out and about doing important things today I was yelling at Colin Cowherd who was on ESPN Radio saying stupid stuff. Once again, you are so very wrong. The radio in my car crapped out so I wasn’t listening to anything. TAKE THAT! You can’t figure me out! You should just quit trying. What song was I singing to myself since I didn’t have a radio? I bet you’ll NEVER get this one.

Give up? Of course you do! I was singing …

“I love you oh so madly

I need your love so badly

But I don't stand a

Ghost of a chance with you

I thought at last I had found you

But other arms surround you

And I don't stand a

Ghost of a chance with you”

Yeah, I’m one eclectic dude! You just never know what I’ll be up to. Heck you probably think that when I got my haircut today I just had the barber cut it exactly the same way I’ve been getting it done since I cut the mullet in high school, don’t you? Well … uh …. Okay, you got me on that one. I do have a fine head of hair though.

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Thanksgiving Fun Never Ends

Hola once again y’all! As our fun-filled week here in the sensible, yet wacky capital of the American Midwest comes to an end, I give you one last meme. Don’t worry about the numbering; it’s the questions and answers that are most important. I think.

2. Favorite Place to eat a romantic dinner? Western Sizzlin?

3. Last time you Puked from Drinking? I guess the night we had homebrew, whisky, tamales and fresh baked chocolate cookies.

4. When is the last time you got drunk and woke up in a strange place? Never, that I know of.

5. Name of your First Grade Teacher? Mrs. Langston. She wielded a mean yardstick too.

6. What do you really want to be doing right now? Travelling

7. What did you want to be when you were growing up? A lawyer.

8.How many colleges did you attend before you settled on the one you graduated from? One College, but I attended it twice (kinda)!

9. Why did you wear the shirt that you have on right now? It was clean.

10. Gas Prices! First Thought? Reagan eliminated most federal funding for researching alternative energy resources in the 80's.

11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you where would you go and who would you take? Somewhere in Europe, maybe Amsterdam and I'd take anybody that wanted to come along.

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning? No alarm, but when I woke up my first thought was, as usual, "I gotta pee".

13. Last thought before falling asleep last night? "Why do I have so much trouble falling asleep?"

14. Favorite style of underwear? Boxerbriefs unless I'm going commando!

15. Favorite style of underwear for the opposite sex? Any or none. Whatever you want is fine with me.

16. What errand/chore do you despise? Doing laundry. It's dangerous.

18. Sex or Sleep? Both, in that order.

19. Your Favorite Cartoon Character? The Tick “SPOOOOOOOOOOON!”

20. Favorite non sexual thing to do at night with a girl/boy? Play basketball?

22. What was your first car? '79 Cutlass, and it was a BEAST!

23. Your best your mama joke? "Yo momma so stupid, she sold her car for gas money"

24. Your favorite lunch meat? Smoked ham, I guess

26. Beach or Shore? What's the difference? Beach I guess

27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual that was invented by people who died at 20? For some people, but for others it’s great.

28. Who do you stalk? There are a lot of people I WANT to stalk, but I would get caught immediately.

29. Favorite guilty pleasure? Taco Bell? Celebrity gossip? Keeping up with Jennifer Lawrence?

30. Movie you watch whenever it’s on but wouldn't want anyone to find out about? Grease 2.

32. Cowboys or Indians? Indians

33. Cops or Robbers? Fuck da Police!

34. Do you cheer for the bad guys? In movies and on TV? We’re supposed to, right?

35. What Hollywood star do you think resembles you best? Oh, totally Brad Pitt hahahaha

37. What do you want when you are sick? To be left the fuck alone

38. Who from High School would you like to run into? I try to avoid all of them

39. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now? Some heavy metal station. When I'm hope it's usually on ESPN Arkansas.

42. Norm or Cliff? Norm, Cliff is a bore

43. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons? Simpsons.

44. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back? Me just being me usually ruins everything.

46. If you could get away with it who would you kill? Oh no, no no no no .... Do you guys with the NSA think I'm stupid or something?

47. What famous person would you like to have dinner with? Bill Clinton

49. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose? Yes

51. Do you have a teddy bear? No, I AM a Teddy Bear ..

52. Strangest place you have ever had sex? umm ..... uhhh ..... well ... that'll have to remain a secret since family members read this blog.

53. Strangest Place you have ever wanted to have sex? see #52

54. How many times a day do you text? Very few.


Okay, damn, that was fun, wasn’t it? Anyway, hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving.

Also, listen to IWS Radio!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Jayman Jayman3768
@gmail.com
@Jayman-IWS

Jayman is Fascinating

Hola Y’all! While I’m off enjoying Super Happy Margarita Night here in the Jewel of the Midwest, here’s another fun meme to keep you entertained.

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
Not a real cop.

2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters?
I don’t ride roller coasters.


3. When's the last time you've been sledding?
Years and years and years ago.


4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
Well, you know that I *AM* the world’s greatest cuddler.


5. Do you believe in ghosts?
Definitely.  I’ve seen lots of ‘em.

6. Do you consider yourself creative?
Sometimes, I guess.

7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
I have no doubt whatsoever.

8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
Team Aniston

9. Do you stay friends with your exes?
Kinda

10. Do you know how to play poker?
I know the basic rules and idea behind Texas Hold-Em, but I’m not very good at it.

11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
Cocaine is a hellova drug.

12. What's your favorite commercial?
It’s an old one but “I LIKE TACOS!”

13. What are you allergic to?
Mangos and success.

14. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around do you run red lights?
No, ‘cause you know there is a cop pretty close and he'll nail me.

15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?
More than one.

16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?
Niether. OH GOD I HATE THEM BOTH AND THEIR FAN BASES SO MUCH!

17. Have you ever been Ice Skating?
Yes, a long, loooooooooooooooooooooooong time ago.

18. How often do you remember your dreams?
About half the time.

19. When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?
During our Lesbian Celebration show.

20. Can you name 5 songs by The Beatles?
Hey Jude
Revolution
I Wanna Hold Your Hand
Dear Prudence
Get Back

21. What's the one thing on your mind now?
Holy crap those margaritas are good!

22. Do you know who Ghetto-ass barbie is?
No, but I've known a few Barbies who lived in the Ghetto

23. Do you always wear your seat belt?
Yes, always.

24. What cell service do you use?
Net 10 cause I’m fancy like that.

25. Do you like Sushi?
No, cause my sister tried to use it to kill me once.

26. Have you ever narrowly avoided a fatal accident?
Yes

27. What do you wear to bed?
Nothing. Sexy, right?

28. Been caught stealing?
Caught? No.

29. What shoe size do you have?
12.5 or 13.

30. Do you truly hate anyone?
Yes, but I'm trying to get past that. It’s bad to hate.

31. Classic Rock or Rap?
I love and hate both of them.

32. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be?
Sofia Vergara

Or, Zhang Ziyi

33. Favorite Song?
There’s no way to come up with ONE favorite song.

34. Have you ever sung in front of the mirror?
Haven’t we all?

35. What food do you find disgusting?
Mayonnaise

36. Do you sing in the shower?
Not usually.

37. Did you ever play, "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours"?
Many times, in fact I’d be willing to play with many of you right now.

38. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?
No more than you have.

39. Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew?
Yes.

40. Have you ever been punched in the face?
Yes.


Woo-Hoo! Another fascinating trip to Jaymanville!

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS 


Be sure to check out the I’m With Stupid podcast! The #1 Comedy Show on Blog Talk Radio!

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Eat to Live, Live to Eat

Hola y’all! Since I’m busy corrupting the simple and decent people of Omaha, NE this week, I will use old memes as fodder on the days that it's my turn to post. IKNOWRIGHT!? So very exciting!

How do you like your eggs? Scrambled or over-easy

How do you take your coffee/tea: When I do drink coffee I like cream and sugar. Or some Jameson’s Irish Whiskey or some Baily's Irish Cream

Favorite breakfast foods: Bacon, eggs and hash browns

Peanut butter: smooth or crunchy? Smooooooooooth

What kind of dressing on your salad? I prefer French, but I can live with Italian or a balsamic vinaigrette

Coke or Pepsi? Pepsi!

You're feeling lazy. What do you make? Maybe just a hamburger patty and some fries or one of those frozen breaded chicken patties on a bun and some fries. Or maybe a frozen pizza.


You're feeling really lazy. What kind of pizza do you order? Being a simple kind of guy, I normally just get a pepperoni pizza with extra sauce on thin crust from Pizza Hut

You feel like cooking. What do you make? Lots of different chicken meals, sometimes with pasta, sometimes with rice and maybe even meatloaf and sometimes pork.

Do any foods bring back good memories? Mostly stuff like prime rib or really good steaks we would have at “family” gatherings at my dad’s house on holidays. Or big holiday meals with my REAL family.


Do any foods remind you of someone? When I have red beans and rice I think of my sister cause she makes GREAT red beans and rice. Oh and an awesome pork stew.


Is there a food you refuse to eat? When I was a kid there were, but now, I think I'd try most things. Well, not rodents.

What was your favorite food as a child? Burgers

Is there a food that you hated as a child but now love? Probably green veggies. Although I will not eat that nasty green pile of sludge that comes out of a can that they try to pass off as spinach. I like my spinach fresh and in a salad, thank you.

Is there a food that you loved as a child but now hate? Can't think of any.

Favorite fruit or vegetable: Veggie: Actually I love mixed vegetables with the green beans, corn peas, carrots and little lima beans. Fruit: Grapes

Favorite junk food: Doritos Nacho Cheese Chips

Favorite between meal snack: I love those peanut butter crackers or just saltines

Do you have any weird food habits: You mean as in do I get freaky with food? I love strawberries and bananas and cereal, but I HATE strawberries or bananas IN my cereal. I love maple syrup over my sausage, but HATE maple sausage. And, as you probably know, I’m not a fan of handling foods so I wear food safe gloves.

You're on a diet. What food(s) do you fill up on? Veggies and Chicken

You're off your diet. Now what would you like? Great big old BBQ pork sandwich from Bodacious BBQ.

How spicy do you order Indian/Thai, etc? Spicy foods tend to cause me problems, but I do love Indian food. Normally if I’m at an Indian Restaurant and they give us the choice of how spicy we want our food, I go with “not too spicy” just to save myself the trouble.

Can I get you a drink? Scotch or Cabo Wabo Tequilla or Woodford Reserve Bourbon

Red wine or white? Yes please. I love wine and will drink both reds and whites at any time.

We only have beer: German or Belgian please. Or just good old Coors Light.

Favorite dessert? A big warm brownie with an even bigger scoop of vanilla ice cream and some chocolate syrup poured over it.

The perfect nightcap? In the winter time some hot chocolate is always good.


Okay, that was fascinating wasn’t it kids? Yeah, I thought so.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

Also, on Sunday we had a great time just shooting the breeze on the I’m With Stupid Podcast. Originally the idea was to give out advice to folks for dealing with the holidays, but we didn’t really get around to doing much of that. But, it was still a fun time of just talking about whatever came up. So, you should totally check it out!

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