Tuesday, April 23, 2013

IWS Radio Exclusive!! We Have the Hand-Written Testimony of Dzhokar Tsarnaev !!

Good Morning IWS readers.

I am the singular and sub-rosa Clandestine Reporter, Troubleshooter, and Black Ops Man of Mystery for IWS Radio.

I am unable to reveal neither my name nor my identity, but you can refer to me by my code name…Monkey Wrench.

Some of you may know that yesterday, at 0945 hours at Beth Israel Deaconess Hospital, members of the FBI and the U.S. Department of Justice interrogated alleged Boston Marathon Bomber, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev.

As Tsarnaev is yet unable to speak, the FBI and DOJ communicated back and forth with him using simple pen and paper.

I masqueraded myself as an Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor, and weaseled my way into the top secret interview. What I found out was incredible and incredulous.

What follows are pictures of the actual back and forth written questioning of 19 year old Dzhokar Tsarnaev…

The first question, why did he and his brother choose to attack the Boston Marathon?


Some prudish looking DOJ chick sporting a wool skirt and a hair bun, wanted to know if others were involved in their deadly attack...


Turning the tables on the U.S. law enforcement officers, Dzhokar fired back with a question of his own...


Upon knowing that his food would be sent for, the agents shrewdly continued to calm Dzhokar down...


Many want to know why a recently Naturalized U.S. citizen such as dead, older brother Tamerlan Tsarnaev had come to hate America.  Neither the FBI nor Dzhokar disappointed...


The FBI as many others have wondered, did the apparently sweet and well-adapted Dzhokar get roped into this heinous act by his non-sexually satisfied brother Tamerlan Tsaraev..?


And that was enough for authorities as they, at approximately 1450 Hours while Dzhokar was devouring a Wendy's double with cheese, pickles, and mayo, officially charged him with multiple capital offenses.

And I?

I disappeared into the tumultuous haze of the Boston skyline, hopped aboard a classified plane, and headed for an undisclosed hotbed of activity in an unnamed Sub-Saharan African country.

That is my report for now, but fear not...I will report once again should you realize it or not.

With justice on my mind, and a kevlar vest upon my chest,

Monkey Wrench

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws

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7 comments:

I'm With Stupid said...

Man that's some pretty hardcore questioning. He's a tough S.O.B. to withstand that!

Brilliant work by the IWS Special Forces!

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Jayman: MW is ruthless in his pursuit of truth, justice, and the American Way. Cheers Jayman!!

Matt-Man

Mike said...

I had to look up 'sub-rosa'. It's Latin. Are you a Roman Catholic?

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: I was raised Catholic. Today? I am nothing. Cheers Mike and Pax Vobiscum!!

Matt-Man

Knight said...

What? No Frosty? I call bullshit.

I'm With Stupid said...

Knight: Ha!! I was gonna add that but didn't have room. Cheers Knight!!

Matt-Man

jAMiE said...

He gets Wendy's and I don't.

Life is so unfair.

Great post Monkey Wrench.