Cheers, and Good Day…
This is an introspective Matt-Man writing today about the end of a year gone bad, a year of hope and inspiration turned sour, and personal resolutions I am bound and determined to make over the upcoming Year of our Lord, 2013.
The year of 2012 started off well for me. In fact, the first nine and a half months were nothing but sunny skies, climbing ratings, and flowing wine…and then?
Tragedy struck when my best friend, soul mate, andbane of reason for my existence, Schmoop, took ill in late-October, thereby shattering our stained glass window of happiness and success, and kicking us to the curb of life just like the Gospels of Thomas and Mary Magdalene being kicked out of inclusion into the Bible, lo those many centuries ago…or something.
Anyhoo…
Some things that I do, and some character flaws that I have depress even me, so I am going to work on those and hopefully improve my karma, and thereby my life and luck, and hope that the fickle face of fate smiles down upon Schmoop and I in 2013.
I am going to eat healthier. We are big fans of frozen pizzas here in the Bagwine digs, but sometimes I devour a Totino’s Triple Meat Pizza. I think that perhaps this year, when I decide on a frozen Totino’s pizza, I will curb my carnivorous avarice and go with a mere pepperoni or sausage pizza. Why do I have to eat THREE meats when one will suffice?
I am going to discontinue being such a sarcastic prick, especially on Facebook. I mean, c’mon? Sure, I laugh out loud in the confines of my living room as I make fun of others, but seriously, where does it get me? Nowheresville, that’s where.
I have been drinking a lot of Wild Irish Rose lately. What does that do for me? Nothing…I mean, other than waking up with a hangover, and having remembrances of a dream that involved me in a three way with Anna Nicole Smith and Jayne Mansfield, and last I checked, they are both still dead. Sad.
So...I'll simply drink more Steel Reserve.
See what I mean? A lot of this stuff pisses me off about myself , and I need to change these habits and characteristics.
For instance, I am going to become an anti-procrastinator. Sometimes, like tonight, as I write this, I have waited until 10:30 PM to begin to write it, even though we have an unwritten deadline of 12 AM.
No more…No more I tell you!!
As God, you the IWS readers, and an unbelieving Jayman look upon me, I swear that in 2013 I will be a day ahead on my posts.
And lastly, with Schmoop lazying about with three tubes hanging out of her, I know not when I may have sex with her again, but read this now and comprehend it later…
I am done engaging in daily masturbatory experiences involving pictures of Michelle Keegan…
So there you have it…My New Year’s Resolutions, er…
You know what? I don’t think I can manage to accomplish all of those, so I think that instead of being depressed and disappointed in all of my flaws, my New Year’s Resolution will be but one very simple one…
I will not only accept all my flaws, but embrace them and expound upon them. Oh Yeah, this is gonna be a great year!!
Cheers!!
Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@MattMan_IWS
And don't forget to check out the I'm With Stupid Podcast!
This is an introspective Matt-Man writing today about the end of a year gone bad, a year of hope and inspiration turned sour, and personal resolutions I am bound and determined to make over the upcoming Year of our Lord, 2013.
The year of 2012 started off well for me. In fact, the first nine and a half months were nothing but sunny skies, climbing ratings, and flowing wine…and then?Tragedy struck when my best friend, soul mate, and
Anyhoo…
Some things that I do, and some character flaws that I have depress even me, so I am going to work on those and hopefully improve my karma, and thereby my life and luck, and hope that the fickle face of fate smiles down upon Schmoop and I in 2013.
I am going to eat healthier. We are big fans of frozen pizzas here in the Bagwine digs, but sometimes I devour a Totino’s Triple Meat Pizza. I think that perhaps this year, when I decide on a frozen Totino’s pizza, I will curb my carnivorous avarice and go with a mere pepperoni or sausage pizza. Why do I have to eat THREE meats when one will suffice?
I am going to discontinue being such a sarcastic prick, especially on Facebook. I mean, c’mon? Sure, I laugh out loud in the confines of my living room as I make fun of others, but seriously, where does it get me? Nowheresville, that’s where.
I have been drinking a lot of Wild Irish Rose lately. What does that do for me? Nothing…I mean, other than waking up with a hangover, and having remembrances of a dream that involved me in a three way with Anna Nicole Smith and Jayne Mansfield, and last I checked, they are both still dead. Sad.
So...I'll simply drink more Steel Reserve.
See what I mean? A lot of this stuff pisses me off about myself , and I need to change these habits and characteristics.
For instance, I am going to become an anti-procrastinator. Sometimes, like tonight, as I write this, I have waited until 10:30 PM to begin to write it, even though we have an unwritten deadline of 12 AM.No more…No more I tell you!!
As God, you the IWS readers, and an unbelieving Jayman look upon me, I swear that in 2013 I will be a day ahead on my posts.
And lastly, with Schmoop lazying about with three tubes hanging out of her, I know not when I may have sex with her again, but read this now and comprehend it later…
I am done engaging in daily masturbatory experiences involving pictures of Michelle Keegan…
So there you have it…My New Year’s Resolutions, er…
You know what? I don’t think I can manage to accomplish all of those, so I think that instead of being depressed and disappointed in all of my flaws, my New Year’s Resolution will be but one very simple one…
I will not only accept all my flaws, but embrace them and expound upon them. Oh Yeah, this is gonna be a great year!!
Cheers!!
Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@MattMan_IWS
And don't forget to check out the I'm With Stupid Podcast!
4 comments:
You know, you came very close to having chance to use "one-way ticket to Palookaville" for a second time on this blog. But, Nowheresville was the better choice. I admire your ability to show restraint on "Palookaville" and not use it in iffy situations.
Jay
Jay: Ha!! You know...I almost did use Palookaville, but said to myself, "Self, you have used that once before." Whether you like it or not, we do think alike. Cheers Jayman!!
Matt-Man
Does this mean 4 meats?
Happy New Year, Matt!
Jo: Happy New Year to you too, Your Jozahliciousness!! Cheers!!
Matt-Man
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