Monday, March 12, 2012

Headaches: Sinuses, Allergies or VooDoo?


Hola Beaches! Summer is coming at us fast and as usual I can’t believe I don’t live anywhere near the ocean. I think it’s a shame because three of my favorite things are in abundance when you live near the beach. Laid back atmosphere, seafood and women in bikinis. What more could a person ask for?

You know what I could ask for? Some relief from this fucking allergy/sinus pain. At least I guess that’s where it’s coming from. I’m about tired of it though. The headache is definitely sinuses. Or allergies. I know they’re not the same thing, but close enough for me to use them interchangeably.

This ear pain might be something else though. Or part of it. It could be that I have multiple ailments at once. That happens when you get older, ya know. Anyway, every few minutes it feels like someone is jamming a long needle into my right ear. I was trying to think of any practitioners of VooDoo that I might have upset lately who might be sticking needles in a Jayman Doll. I couldn’t think of any and then I suddenly remembered my “Saints Bounties” post. But, that wasn’t critical of the Saints, so it couldn’t be the problem.

But, what if it’s a VooDoo Priest or Priestess (more likely a Priestess since women are so much more vindictive than men) who hates the Saints? Or thought my making light of the bounties was unseemly? Or someone who is just angry that the Saints ran a bounty program rather than asking him/her to just put some kind of hex on the other teams. Damn, WHY DIDN’T they think of that? That would be brilliant! Dumbasses.

I wonder if there are any VooDoo Priests or Priestesses who specialize in defending people from other VooDoo Priests and Priestesses. I’m sure there are. Hell, I bet you can even find them on the net. I’m sure Mike is already Googling them and checking their address on Google Maps. Then going to street view to make sure it all matches up.

Actually, that’s what I do. I love Google Street View. If I have your address, then I’ve checked your place out via Google Street View. I’ve even zoomed in trying look in your windows. Is that weird? You can do the same to me if you want. Of course, my apt is on the opposite side of the building from the street so it won’t do you any good. It’s like I planned that, huh?

Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh yeah. Pain. Almost as bad as the pain is the ringing in my ear. I looked all this up on WebMD, but according to them my symptoms mean I’ll be dead by the weekend. Hey, at least I’ll get some sleep, right? Unless dying isn’t as peaceful as they make it out to be. I don’t think I want to find out. I’m not really afraid of dying; I’m just opposed to it.

Well, I guess it’s time to take another handful of Ibuprofen and sinus meds with a tequila chaser. And pee. I have to pee all the time too. I think it’s the Ibuprofen. Or all the water I’m drinking with it. I’ll worry about that another time. At least my sciatica hasn’t been acting up, knock on wood.

Speaking of wood. … No let’s not.


11 comments:

I'm With Stupid said...

Sounds to me that you have high levels of uric acid...I hate to tell you this, but I think you have Gout Ear. It's very rare, but you are a rare human being. Cheers and Good Luck Jayman!!

Matt-Man

Gnetch said...

It could just be otitis media.

Or maybe you're right, a voodoo priest probably hates you.

I used WebMD to find out why I've been having back pains and it says I have bone cancer. I'll probably be dead this weekend too.

Mike said...

You can find all those VooDoo P&P's on Voodoo Avenue in Gwinn MI. There's some apartments for rent there if you want to be close to the source.

DWei said...

Yeah, not looking forward to springtime over here either. Looks like I'll need to break out the Reactine....

Dana said...

One of the nice things about seasonal allergies and living "up north" is that your allergies take a break over the winter ... unless you don't have a winter ... grrrrr ...

And I'll quit poking the VooDoo doll in the ear. You should be feeling better soon!

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: Thank you for that diagnosis Dr. Matt. I'll go on WebMD to see what the natural remedies for this are.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Gnetch: Look at you! Using fancy medical terms. Show off! ;-p

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: I knew you were a VooDoo expert.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

DWei: Gonna be a rough one!

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Dan: A VooDoo Doll is the most passive-aggressive thing ever! haha

No winter definitely means a really nasty spring.

Jay

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

feel better

do not need google earth to look in your windows, the mini-cameras i had set up do quite fine