Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Bill O'Reilly: Lincoln Had it Coming

Hola Bitches! Bill O’Reilly here!

As you probably know I have written a book about the Lincoln Assassination and as always, the Liberal Elite are right there to nitpick. They’re all up in my grill over these ridiculous things that they call “facts” that they claim I got wrong. So typical of these people! They love to scream and yell about stupid, useless stuff like getting names, dates and events factually correct. Like anyone gives a shit!

The liberal elites ask me if I did any research for my book. Who has time for that? Research means going to libraries and interviewing people and reading, right? I’m not into that kind of stuff. I’m more of a gut feeling kind of coach than an X’s and O’s guy. And, I take that same successful approach to my books.

Also, I’ve found that the liberal media isn’t a big fan of facts that don’t fit their ideological world view. This is something that conservatives don’t do. We know the facts intuitively and don’t need some pinheads telling us we’re wrong just because they can’t handle the truth.

The liberal intelligentsia are coming after me just like they did Lincoln. Trying to assassinate my character and hard work by creating an atmosphere of hate so bad, that they’re hoping someone will put a bullet my head just like Hollywood Leftist and Al Qaida member John Wilkes Booth did to Lincoln with his high powered rifle from the 6th floor of Henry Ford’s Theater as the president was arriving on the red carpet at the premiere of My Cousin Vinny.

But you know what? I have far superior security than Lincoln had. Hell, his Cadillac limo wasn’t even armored. And, I’m more careful than he was. Is it really any surprise that he was killed not long after pissing off the Black Panthers by signing the Missouri Compromise? And good grief, his attempts at nationalizing healthcare simply destroyed job growth. And, since he was president during peacetime, there was really no excuse for having a poor economy.

And let’s not forget about Lincoln’s strong support for gay rights and his vow to repeal Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and the Defense of Marriage Act. It’s that kind of casual dismissal of states' rights that put his name high on the ACLU’s hit list. Not to mention his fighting the War on Christmas and not allowing America hating atheists to ruin our celebration of the birth of America’s savior Jesus Christ down in Birmingham, Alabama. Boy did that piss off the communists who control the Democrat party!

Finally, the manner in which Mr. Lincoln went about putting together the “Coalition of the Willing,” the group of countries that teamed up with the Northern States to launch an unprovoked attack on the peace-loving and human rights respecting Confederacy which posed no threat whatsoever to the North was completely unnecessary. No wonder Move On was running those ads attacking Lincoln and that ruthless bastard General George McClellan!

Look, I’m not saying President Lincoln deserved to be shot. Just that he had it coming. Look, if you spend all your time antagonizing liberals, eventually something bad is going to happen. Just look at JFK! Not to mention all the people Bill Clinton had whacked. This is why I have to spend tens of millions of dollars to pay to have former Mossad agents to head up my security. It’s a dangerous world out there and getting on the wrong side of lefties is by far the most dangerous thing you can do.

If you would like to opine on this further, just hit up my man Jay.



I'm With Stupid said...

Bill-O is THE MAN, and here's another thing. Had Lincoln chosen to hang out with the Occupy Pennsylvania Dutch Country crowd rather than go to an elitist play with the 1 Percenters, he'd be alive today AND be in the Guinness Book of World Record as the oldest living person on earth in 2011.

Cheers Jayman!!


Steve Bailey said...

Many an elf died in the War on Christmas!!!

Mike said...

And then to go along with this fact making theme.

They can make up facts faster than I can refute them.
You make up facts faster than you talk.
Sometimes I make up facts faster than FOX News.
You win, you can make up facts faster than I can.
You ALL here, make up facts, faster than you speak.
Look at all the freepers who can make up facts faster than you can say Jim Robinson.

Beth said...

You gotta admit, Billo sure knows his stuff;)

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

In my next life I am coming back dumb like a Kardashian so I wouldn't be able to understand any of this. It will mean nothing to me and the Bill O's and Fox 'news' will not anger or upset me.

So much less stressful to only think about posing my ass and fame whoring.

Leigh Anne said...

Never let the facts get in the way of a good story!

P.S. "Hollywood Leftist and Al Qaida member John Wilkes Booth" made me snort!

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: Oh yeah, Lincoln was definitely a one percenter. Another reason the liberals hated him.

I'm With Stupid said...

Steve: "They Were Expendedable" was written about Christmas Elves, right?


I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: Exactly! What? Anyway, Bill-O can make up facts faster than anyone.


I'm With Stupid said...

Beth: Credit where credit is due!


I'm With Stupid said...

Margaret: Kim K is a woman of substance and intelligence. Yeah, okay, nobody is buying that one. ha


I'm With Stupid said...

Leigh Anne: If you ignore facts, it always sounds so much better.


Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

Wait? Let me get this straight...people thing Bill O'Reilly is wrong about anything?

What is this world coming to?

Anonymous said...

Malaysia & Singapore & brunei finest on-line blogshop
for wholesale & supply korean accessories, earrings, earstuds, choker,
rings, trinket, hair & bracelet accessories.
Promotion 35 % wholesale markdown. Ship Worldwide
Take a look at my web site :: brain fitness iPad

Anonymous said...

Malaysia & Singapore & brunei best internet blogshop for wholesale &
supply korean accessories, earrings, earstuds, necklace, rings, bracelet, bracelet & hair accessories.
Offer 35 % wholesale rebate. Ship Worldwide
My blog post - Orthostatic Intolerance

Anonymous said...

Hi! This post could not be written any better! Reading this post reminds me of my old room mate!

He always kept chatting about this. I will forward this post to him.
Pretty sure he will have a good read. Thank you for
Also see my webpage - Full Content

Anonymous said...

Your way of explaining all in this piece of writing is in fact fastidious, every one be able
to without difficulty be aware of it, Thanks a lot.
My web-site - web hosting delhi

Anonymous said...

If you are going for best contents like myself, only pay a
visit this site all the time because it offers quality contents, thanks
Here is my homepage ; grow taller

Anonymous said...

I read this piece of writing fully concerning the difference of most recent
and preceding technologies, it's awesome article.
Also visit my blog post casino cruises

Anonymous said...

Right away I am ready to do my breakfast, once having my breakfast coming yet again to read further news.
Here is my page royal caribbean

Anonymous said...

Hello, this weekend is pleasant in favor of me, since this occasion i am reading this wonderful informative piece of writing here at my home.

Feel free to visit my webpage ... escort amsterdam

Anonymous said...

When someone writes an paragraph he/she maintains the idea of a user in his/her mind that how a user can know it.
Therefore that's why this paragraph is amazing. Thanks!

Also visit my web blog ... live party hardcore

Anonymous said...

Hi! Someone in my Myspace group shared this site with us so
I came to check it out. I'm definitely loving the information. I'm bookmarking and will
be tweeting this to my followers! Terrific blog and great style and design.

Here is my web page: sexy girls videos

Anonymous said...

I'm really enjoying the theme/design of your blog. Do you ever run into any internet browser compatibility problems? A small number of my blog visitors have complained about my blog not operating correctly in Explorer but looks great in Safari. Do you have any solutions to help fix this problem?

Here is my web page - www.babesflick.com

Anonymous said...

Howdy! This is kind of off topic but I need some advice from
an established blog. Is it tough to set up your own blog?
I'm not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty quick. I'm thinking about setting up my own but
I'm not sure where to start. Do you have any tips or suggestions? Thank you

My blog post; http://sexvideovoyeur.com