Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Stay At Home Moms...The Diaries

In keeping with the tradition of I’m With Stupid being an open and honest forum upon which our vast and diverse worldwide audience is free to share their opinions, views, and life stories, we are introducing a new feature here today.  It’s called:

Stay At Home Mom Diaries


Today sharing her thoughts with us, our inaugural SAHM, Bethany Woodcock from Worthington, Ohio…

Dear Stay At Home Mom Diary,

Today was hectic and nerve wracking.  I had, as always, so much to do and so little time in which to accomplish everything that my family expects of me.  However…today was a bit odd as well.

There were brief moments nestled within my busy schedule that contained lulls…moments of hushed mental and emotional whispers that swirled about me like gentle whirlpools of uneasy introspection and frank personal reflections of self.

As typical, I awoke at 5:30, brewed Peter’s coffee, and picked out a tie that would accent and compliment the new tinted contacts I bought him for his big presentation in front of the corporate big shots who flew in today.

After I corrected Peter on which pair of socks and cuff links to wear for the big day, I nearly scurried back downstairs to cook breakfast for him and our kids, Caitlin and Brice.

Six pieces of toast, three soy milk stained bowls of half eaten Kashi cereal, and two pulp stained juice glasses later, I had an enormous mess on my hands.  But, the mess had to wait.  Peter had to get going.

After I ran a fabric softener sheet over his briefcase to give it a shine, I walked him to the door and gave him a kiss.  His lips tasted of Green Mountain Breakfast Blend Decaf and lack of appreciation.

As Peter left for work and the kids dressed for school in the clothes I had painstakingly laid out for them the night before, I thought to myself…

“Does Peter not appreciate me, or was it merely that he would have preferred the French Roast to the Breakfast Blend?”

I could only ponder that query for a second as I had to make lunches for the kids by gently placing their Oscar Meyer Lunchables into their lunch boxes, as I sealed them both with a kiss, before I taxied them to school.

I pulled into the drop off circle at Thomas Worthington Elementary, and remained parked as I always do, until I saw my two darlings safely enter the school. And then, as I began to pull away, I found myself blocked.

Suzy Phillips and Tina Bedwell were just chatting it up and blocking the drive.  Finally they saw me, moved aside, and I maneuvered my GMC Acadia around them.  But I noticed something as I pulled away.

In my well-heated rear view mirrors I could see those two trollops pointing and laughing. I thought to myself…

“Were they laughing at my expensive, yet casual, well-appointed morning leisure ensemble I had purchased at Macy’s only days ago?”

I didn’t have to much time to dwell on that, as I had mess waiting on me back home at my breakfast table.  I returned home to my kitchen, and after saying to myself, “Where are the cereal bowl fairies to clean this up?”  I washed every one of those dishes.

After that, I watched The View…took care of next week’s Thanksgiving dinner by calling Kroger’s, fed the cat, and rewarded myself with lunch at the club with Sofia and Renee.

As I had one too many Vodka and Tonics, I called Peter’s sister Kathy and asked if she would pick up the kids from school.  She did, and we met at my house almost at the same time, which generated one gigantic group hug between my children and me.  

Kathy didn’t participate as while walking back to her car, she said that she had a cold.

After that, I had the kids clean their rooms and put away the clothes I had washed the other day.  While they were doing that, I was busy on the phone ordering pizza from Donato’s.


Peter came home and seemed pretty confident about his meeting and in the fact that he may get bumped up to the corporate offices in San Antonio because of it.

Peter then put the kids to bed, and as he was worn out, I gave him a good night kiss, and his lips tasted of pepperoni and regret.  So, I thought to myself…

“Does Peter regret marrying me, or was it merely that he would have preferred sausage on his pizza rather than pepperoni?”

Anyway, I pondered only briefly as I knew that if Peter was to get his promotion, it was time for me to start looking for a nanny to help out around here.

Goodnight Dear Diary, 

Bethany

If you’d like to apply for said nanny position, contact Matt-Man at:
neshobadude@yahoo.com
www.twitter.com/#!/MattManIWS


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12 comments:

Mike said...

You really need to start writing romance novels. You could make money at it.

Bethany Woodcock - 6 on facebook.

Beth said...

This is awesome. You hit the nail on the head. Have you been reading Tru Mom Confessions?

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: Ha...How do you know I am not already writing romance novels under an assumed name? Cheers Mike!!

Matt-Man

I'm With Stupid said...

Beth: I haven't been reading TMC but as someone who would make somebody a good wife, I feel a kinship with SAHMs. Cheers Schmoop!!

Matt-Man

I'm With Stupid said...

Man, what a wild and hectic day that poor girl has. And it's like that every single day? I don't know how she does it.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Jay: I spent part of a day with her, I could tell immediately that she draws upon a deep well of inner strength. Cheers Jayman!!

Matt-Man

Leigh Anne said...

I keep demanding that my husband allow me to quit work and become a SAHM, but apparently you have to have actual children to qualify. Who knew?

jack mehoff said...

details details....the gmc acadia, the expensive casual morning outfit, all the name brands....i see these women each and every day as i drop off my oldest. are you sure you dont stalk the school? dead on matt dead on.

I'm With Stupid said...

Leigh Anne: Allow me to be your Rent-a-Kid. You can quit your job, and take care of me. It's a win-win. Cheers Leigh Anne!!

Matt-Man

I'm With Stupid said...

Jack: Ha I see them every day as well Jack. I don't stalk the schools, but I see them on blogs, Facebook, and at all my son's basketball games. Cheers Jack!!

Matt-Man

Knight said...

Oh Dear God. Until I got to the part about vodka tonics at the club I was going to cut my wrists. I would be the kind of stay at home mom that would set the house on fire while everyone was nestled in their beds. Nighty night family!

I'm With Stupid said...

Knight: I didn't think it was possible but thinking of you setting beds on fire makes you hotter than normal. Cheers Knight!!

Matt-Man