Fuck It

Yesterday, while seeping through the sewer system societal wonder that is the tubes of the internets, I came across something that I have seen before, and it set off a chain reaction of anger within me so great, that I ripped the hair from my head.

Okay, I rubbed my obviously bald think melon until it bled, but you get the point. Anyway…

My tirade was related to the use, and in some instances, the non-use, of the English language by some in this wacky world. And what set it off, you ask?

I was reading a blog and within the body of the article, the author typed, “f*ck.”

I am not sanitizing his words; he literally typed, “f*ck”, complete with asterisk.

I…HATE…that. Always have. Makes the Matt-Man irrationally hateful. Makes the Matt-Man think, speak, and type in annoying, third person sentence fragments.

Listen folks…If you feel the need to the use word “fuck”, use it.

Don’t type “f*ck”.

That is just plain silly and childish. Fuck is a great verb, and when morphed into “fucking” or better yet, “fuckin’”, acts as an awesome adjective, adverb, and/or intensifier.

So hear me now…Please refrain from taking a fantastic word such as “fuck” and bastardizing it. Oh excuse me, you sensitive types…please refrain from b*stardizing it. Anyway…

After my irrational upheaval involving the word fuck, it was announced that the Cincinnati Bengals traded Carson Palmer to the Oakland Raiders. 

I really didn’t give a shit about the news until I heard a sports clown say the following about whether Palmer was worth potentially two first round draft picks…

“It’s a good deal for the Bengals. Palmer is an adequate Quarterback, but he’s definitely not in the same league as your Peyton Mannings, your Tom Bradys, or your Aaron Rodgerses…”

What the hell is with the pluralization of these guys?

Last time I checked the list of NFL Quarterbacks, there was only ONE Peyton Manning, only ONE Tom Brady, and only ONE Aaron Rodgers!! Oh Dear Gawwwwd!!

I…HATE…That. Always have. Makes the Matt-Man irrationally hateful. Makes the Matt-Man think, speak, and type in annoying third person sentence fragments.

And then…The dam of bad English broke quicker than a N’awlins levee…I witnessed a chick say that she got a new purse, “FOR free.” 

Hey Blondie…one doesn’t get anything FOR free; one sometimes gets things, “free.”

I also saw the typical outrage by some over people using the words “gay” and “retarded” to describe things. Shut the hell up, whiners. Some things are gay. Some things are retarded.

Listen bitches, I took my son to school Tuesday, and he was wearing a pink polo shirt, beige shorts, blue/gray socks, and white tennis shoes that had a purple swoosh on them. Hell, he looked gay AND retarded, and I told him so.

I beg of you all…Could we please allow the beauty and clarity of the English language to be spoken and written as it was intended? Help me to keep political correctness and suburban sissiness out of a great language.

‘Cause if you don’t, not only will I revert once again to talking in third person sentence fragments, I will call you an a**hole, because as hateful Matt-Man knows…

Behind every asterisk, lies an asshole...or two.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

neshobadude@yahoo.com

http://twitter.com/#!/MattManIWS

P.S.  Listen to Jayman and me on I'm With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio at 11 AM EDT today as we talk Susan Sarandon, the World Series, and prep for our Saturday Show.