Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Fuck It

Yesterday, while seeping through the sewer system societal wonder that is the tubes of the internets, I came across something that I have seen before, and it set off a chain reaction of anger within me so great, that I ripped the hair from my head.

Okay, I rubbed my obviously bald think melon until it bled, but you get the point. Anyway…

My tirade was related to the use, and in some instances, the non-use, of the English language by some in this wacky world. And what set it off, you ask?

I was reading a blog and within the body of the article, the author typed, “f*ck.”

I am not sanitizing his words; he literally typed, “f*ck”, complete with asterisk.

I…HATE…that. Always have. Makes the Matt-Man irrationally hateful. Makes the Matt-Man think, speak, and type in annoying, third person sentence fragments.

Listen folks…If you feel the need to the use word “fuck”, use it.

Don’t type “f*ck”.

That is just plain silly and childish. Fuck is a great verb, and when morphed into “fucking” or better yet, “fuckin’”, acts as an awesome adjective, adverb, and/or intensifier.

So hear me now…Please refrain from taking a fantastic word such as “fuck” and bastardizing it. Oh excuse me, you sensitive types…please refrain from b*stardizing it. Anyway…

After my irrational upheaval involving the word fuck, it was announced that the Cincinnati Bengals traded Carson Palmer to the Oakland Raiders. 

I really didn’t give a shit about the news until I heard a sports clown say the following about whether Palmer was worth potentially two first round draft picks…

“It’s a good deal for the Bengals. Palmer is an adequate Quarterback, but he’s definitely not in the same league as your Peyton Mannings, your Tom Bradys, or your Aaron Rodgerses…”

What the hell is with the pluralization of these guys?

Last time I checked the list of NFL Quarterbacks, there was only ONE Peyton Manning, only ONE Tom Brady, and only ONE Aaron Rodgers!! Oh Dear Gawwwwd!!

I…HATE…That. Always have. Makes the Matt-Man irrationally hateful. Makes the Matt-Man think, speak, and type in annoying third person sentence fragments.

And then…The dam of bad English broke quicker than a N’awlins levee…I witnessed a chick say that she got a new purse, “FOR free.” 

Hey Blondie…one doesn’t get anything FOR free; one sometimes gets things, “free.”

I also saw the typical outrage by some over people using the words “gay” and “retarded” to describe things. Shut the hell up, whiners. Some things are gay. Some things are retarded.

Listen bitches, I took my son to school Tuesday, and he was wearing a pink polo shirt, beige shorts, blue/gray socks, and white tennis shoes that had a purple swoosh on them. Hell, he looked gay AND retarded, and I told him so.

I beg of you all…Could we please allow the beauty and clarity of the English language to be spoken and written as it was intended? Help me to keep political correctness and suburban sissiness out of a great language.

‘Cause if you don’t, not only will I revert once again to talking in third person sentence fragments, I will call you an a**hole, because as hateful Matt-Man knows…

Behind every asterisk, lies an asshole...or two.


P.S.  Listen to Jayman and me on I'm With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio at 11 AM EDT today as we talk Susan Sarandon, the World Series, and prep for our Saturday Show.


I'm With Stupid said...

I know some people don't want their pure and innocent blog or twitter stream sully with dirty words. You know, your fucks, your shits, or your goddammits, etc. But, if that's the case, just use a different fuck*ng word.


I'm With Stupid said...

Jay: E*actly...Wait...What? Cheers Jay!!


katherine. said...

On the weblog I don't use the asterisk as some sort of hangman version of fuck, I do use "ephn".

In real life I say fucking and ephn depending on my audience. I like the word, but in my world it offends others. Its a little bit of respect to refrain from saying the actual word.


Mike said...

WT* is going on here? You crazy *&%k. I'm ph*%king confused. As f*c*i*g always.

I'm With Stupid said...

Kat: Kaaaaaat!! I use effin as well as fuck too, and to not use it at all is fine with me. But the use of the asterisk version drives me fucking nuts. Always a pleasure to see YOU. Cheers Kat!!

Mike: Ha. Well snap out of your confusion and listen to the f*cking show today. Cheers Mike!!


Phfrankie Bondo said...

Fuck Yeah!!!

I'm With Stupid said...

Phfrankie: Damn Right P-Maaannnnnn. Cheers!!


Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

Hmmmm.....I think it's a tad bit worse when people swear and then say Pardon my French. I HATE THAT.
That isn't fuckin' french. And if you need to ask forgivines don't say it.
Whew I feel better.

Desert Rat said...

Well, F*ck! I'm going to miss the show, because I'm working over the hill - no internet... H*ll, no bathroom, really (just trees and those awful port-o-potty things with the blue water). This S*CKS!

I'm With Stupid said...

Peg: I agree with you, and I also hate it when people say, "Not to change the subject...", and then go right on doing so. Cheers Peg!!


I'm With Stupid said...

Rat: This is just wrong. We miss the Rat. To the point where Jayman and I both miss you every night before we got to sleep. Cheers Hot Stuff, and hope all is well.


katherine. said...

@Margaret etcetera...I hate when people say that too.."pardon my french" yuck. I ALWAYS respond directly, "I speak French" with a slight disdain in my voice. A line I stole from an episode of the TV show "Deadwood."

jack mehoff said...

fuckin a man!

i do feel the same as you about effin/ephn - its sanitizing it - if you dont have the motherfucking balls to say the godamn word then for christs sake, dont fuckin type it! its truly that simple.

just my two fuckin scents.

p.s. ill take your carson palmer because my fucktard of a qb had to go and get his fuckin collar bone broken. and since we have no one else to right the ship cept marques tuuiuiuiuiuiuasasaasasassasopo were pretty much hopeless. we needed somebody, anybody! fuck!

I'm With Stupid said...

Jack Ha...Here's to your love for expletives and you're right...Oakland had nothing behind Campbell as far as QB...Kinda like the Colts discovered. Cheers Jack!!


MysteryChick said...

There's a new vodka named "Effen Vodka" maybe they couldn't put "f*ckin vodka" on the label.

BTW - I think I could use your help with my kids principal. Lookee here

Surely this would make excellent blog talk radio fodder!

I'm With Stupid said...

Chick: Thanks for the tip Chick. Excellent topic and timely as well. We can surely talk about the principal and her PC ways. Cheers Hot Stuff!!


Knight said...

Well FUCK you very much you fucking asshole! My father always told me that cursing makes you sound like a derelict and if he is reading my fucking blog I'll type f&*#@$ing if it makes him feel like a better dad. I may be a fucking derelict in person but I'll write whatever I fucking want on my GODDAMN blog it if makes my fucking dad happy.


I'm With Stupid said...

Knight: Goddamn! That was probably the hottest fucking comment ever! I'm kind of aroused by it.


jack mehoff said...

"fuck fuckity fuck fuck"

Dana said...

And yet, the chat room of your very own "I'm With Stupid" radio show sanitizes SHIT for FUCKS sake!

Which is why everyone should call in because you can say "FUCK" on the radio show, you just can't type it in the chat room!

Hasidic Plumber said...

I sure wish they were mine. I would enslave them and would be partying like it was 1999.
Regarding english, well i can't promise shit. It's not my mother language and i do the best i can hahaha even if i sound like a freaking indian from time to time.

I'm With Stupid said...

Knight: I think fuck is an awesome word and not derelictical at all. Speak your mind and keep on fuckin' all over the place. Cheers Hot Stuff!!

Jack: Here's to ya and your fuckness. Cheers Jack!!


I'm With Stupid said...

Dana: BTR sanitizing the chat room, is yet another one of their annoying habits. So you are correct. Everyone call in and Fuck Us Up!! Cheers Dana!!

HP: Well, you get your point across so, you're doing just fine with the language in my book. Cheers HP!!

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