Justin's Defense of Horse Racing

On Tuesday Jayman posted about horse racing's problems with abuse and corruption. Today, Justin in Lexington posts his defense of horse racing.

Office of @_JustinHenry_

123 Thoroughbred Ave

Lexington, Great Commonwealth of KY

Good Evening? Morning? I’m Not Sure,

Let me preface this by saying I am not a writer nor a blogger.  My name is Justin, I don’t know how to blog so I decided to write my rebuttal to Jay in a formal letter.  This is not important but I feel that I’m pseudo blogging so I can say that.  Also, I am in no way representative of anybody but myself.

I know Jay via Twitter.  If I remember correctly we both replied to the same re-tweet or something like that.  I’m not in love with Jay so it’s not really a milestone in my life, but I think that’s what happened.  Honestly I don’t read his blog regularly.  But I don’t do a lot of things regularly.  One thing I do like to do is argue.  Jay does too.

I knew in advance that he didn’t like the horse racing industry.  I myself am a Kentucky native.  So naturally I took exception to that.  But I always thought Jay just likes to find random shit to be outraged about like drones so I thought I’d take him up on the argument.  So here we are.

Also, I had no idea Jay was a “Libertarian” until today.   Seriously.  Anyways, on to the rebuttal.

I used to bet a lot.  Not on horses but on professional and collegiate sports.  It was a time when I worked second shift.  So when I got off work it was west coast basketball that was on due to the fact that it was late.  Next thing you know, I know everything about Washington and UCLA and how I feel they shoot too many jump shots.  This is also the time of Adam Morrison.

I hated him.  I hated his long hair, his emotion (he cried a lot), also hated Gonzaga in general.  So naturally I like to bet against him and Gonzaga because I hate the program.  Their games were always televised and they were a high profile program. 

I would bet against the spread, stupid Morrison would go crazy and Gonzaga would beat the spread.  I think Gonzaga will win and stupid hippy Morrison would miss a meaningless free throw.  I remember one night where I bet with him and he did miss a meaningless free throw and St. Mary’s (I believe) threw up a meaningless heave that went in at the buzzer to kill the spread.   I lost. 

That’s the nature of gambling, it’s a gamble.  Jay’s friend was kind of right, something wasn’t right.  He lost a bet, and something wasn’t right.  That feeling he felt was that he lost.  It’s easy to blame a “fix”.  Some people, including me and Jay’s friend, are just bad gamblers.

Except for poker, I challenge any of you people to join a table me at a poker table.

Moving on.

How is your Johnsonville Sausage made?  We all know it’s delicious.  But, what about poor Wilbur?  This guy is delicious.  How many of these guys go on to greener pastures?  Pretty sure none, unless they are your pet they end up in your Johnsonville Sausage or what the hell other pizza topping  Matt is eating at the time. 

Now don’t get me wrong.  I am a Kentucky guy so it’s natural for me to come off like this, I get that.  I will say that I don’t hunt.  I’m not a gun guy, which I’m now learning Jay must be because he is a “libertarian”.   I don’t have a problem with hunting, just personally don’t get it and would never do it.  I do love animals.

This is the point where I disappoint Jay because I really won’t debate him on how the ugly side of this industry can be at some times.  Reason being is that I feel if I’m going to take that leap then next thing you know I’m debating crazy PETA people about my love for taco’s and I have absolutely no interest in that.

I won’t provide specific studies about the industries economic impact on my fellow Kentuckians because I’m too lazy and numbers confuse me.  I do know that it is immense and generates a lot of money in a state that doesn’t have much.  How do I know?  I live in the Horse Capital of the World.

Again, I do love animals, notably horses.  But I like people more and feeding families is important.  Now if you happen to provide some numbers that the industry isn’t incredibly helpful to my fellow Kentuckians (which I doubt you can) then I probably still wouldn’t care.

I will finish by noting that Jay did not enjoy the track for the most part.  Which, is perfectly fine.  I don’t know what a race track in Arkansas is like.   I do, however, and invite Jay to Keeneland for one meet and I will show him around.  If the scenery, atmosphere and excitement doesn’t change his mind, than we will just have to agree to disagree.   We’ve done it before, no biggie.

Regards,

@_JustinHenry_

P.S. Enjoy the Derby, get drunk and have fun.  I know I will. If you really like it keep up with rest of the Triple Crown.

Gambling Expert Johnny Vegas on the NFL Playoffs

Hola Bitches! I’m With Stupid’s gambling expert Johnny Vegas here to breakdown this weekend’s big NFL Playoffs action. There’s lots of money to be made out there, but you gotta know where to look and pay attention to the details. If you don’t do that, the wise guys will take all your money and leave you standing alone in casino sports book and the haggard middle-aged cocktail waitress who’s been banged more times than Ringo Starr’s drum kit won’t even talk to you.

So, here’s my pick’s for this weekend’s games with the favorite in all-caps…

NEW ORLEANS -3.5 @ San Francisco (Sat 4:30 ET Fox): The 49ers defense is harder to score on in that shit hole of a stadium they call Candlestick Park than Viki Malicki back in high school. We used to call her “Viki NoDicki” you know what I’m sayin’? Her vagina had icicles hanging from it. Anyway, the Saints aren’t as good outdoors as they are in the dome and the perfect weather means the Niners field goal game should be in great shape. Niners get 8 field goals and one touchdown and not only cover the three and half points but win outright.

Denver +13.5 @ New England (Sat 8:00 ET CBS): So a lot was made about Tebow throwing for 316 yards last week and his favorite Bible verse being John 3:16, right? Well dig this, if he throws for 233 yards this week, Ezekiel 23:3 says “They became prostitutes in Egypt, engaging in prostitution from their youth. In that land their breasts were fondled and their virgin bosoms caressed.” OH YEHHHH BABY that’s some hot stuff right there! Look for the Broncos to play hard right to the finish and lose, but still cover the thirteen and half points.

Houston +7.5 @ Baltimore (Sun. 1:00 ET CBS): Dam, I gotta tell you the truth, I almost forgot this game was being played. These two teams are almost as interesting as reading about Mommy Blogger’s precious little fucking snowflakes. But, I’ve got the stat of the week to help keep you interested. In games played outdoors at 1 pm when the temperature at kickoff is between 29.7̊ F and 33.2̊ F, the Houston Texans are 3-11-2 against the spread and 2-14 overall. Since the game is outdoors and kickoff temps should be right about 30.9̊ F, that makes this an easy pick, take the Ravens to cover the seven and half points and don’t fucking bother watching this snoozefest.

New York Football Giants +8.5 @ Green Bay (Sun. 4:30 ET CBS): By far the most intriguing matchup of the weekend. The Packers are the defending champs and are at home, but their defense has been getting rolled almost as bad as the French Army in WWII. Look for Giants WR Victor Cruz to be doing some sexy salsa dancin’ in the end zone on Sunday. Hey, I’m secure in my manhood enough to admit when I think another man is good looking and has some sexy moves in the hip area. So, I’m expecting the Giants magical run to continue and for them to pull off the HUGE upset here and not only cover the eight and half points, but actually win the game outright. Then, after the game is over you can lean back, close your eyes and visualize Victor Cruz salsa dancing the night away in celebration of the big win. And remember Tebow fans, in Psalms 16:11 it says “In your right hand there are pleasures forever.” I’m just sayin’!

So there you go America, the kind of expert analysis* you just won’t find anywhere else. Hope everyone wins big this weekend!

*If you’re such a pathetic degenerate that you would actually take gambling advice from a fake handicapper on a website called “I’m With Stupid” then you deserve all the bad things that will happen to you.

Jayman
Email: Jayman3768@gmail.com
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS

And, on Wednesday we broke down the New Hampshire Primary as only we can on I’m With Stupid Podcast. Plus, we introduced the newest presidential candidate running for the republican nomination Mississippi Mike who isn’t from Mississippi! It was pretty much 45 minutes of nonstop hilarity, so check it out!

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