Lesbian vs Straight Couples

Hola y’all! Well, the apartment manager was upstairs yesterday with a clip board inspecting the empty apartment. I guess that means someone has rented it and will be moving in soon. I’ve been expecting someone to move in over the long Memorial Day Weekend anyway. Needless to say I’m very concerned that it might be another loud asshole. I’m hoping for lesbians though. I think lesbians would make great neighbors. In fact, I decided to break it all down scientifically to see if my assumption that lesbians would be superior neighbors to a straight couple.

Straight Couple: Loud rap or (even worse) country music.

Lesbian Couple: Indigo Girls, K.D. Lang and Meshell Ndegeocello.

Adv: Lesbians

Straight Couple: Bed squeaking, man grunting, woman moaning.

Lesbian Couple: Bed squeaking, TWO WOMEN MOANING!

Adv: Lesbians

Straight Couple: Man cussing, woman shrieking during fight.

Lesbian Couple: Two women shrieking during fight.

Adv: Straights

Straight Party: Couples & singles, loud rap or country music, eventually a fight breaks out.

Lesbian Party: A nice get-together with snacks, indie music and wine for several women they’re trying to convert.

Adv: Lesbians

Straight Couple: Walk around in high heels and cowboy boots.

Lesbian Couple: Walk around in Birkenstocks and work/combat boots.

Adv: Push

Straight Couples: Steak and potato people.

Lesbian Couples: Tofu and vegan people.

Adv: Straights

Straight Couple: Confederate Flags hanging from the window.

Lesbian Couple: Rainbow Flags hanging from the window.

Adv: Lesbians

Straight Couples: Watch shows like Real Housewives or Honey Boo Boo.

Lesbian Couples: Watch “The L-Word”

Adv: Lesbians

Straight Couples: Play loud video games while jumping around and yelling.

Lesbians: Go bowling.

Adv: Lesbians

Straight Couple: Fox and Friends

Lesbian Couple: The Daily Show

Adv: Lesbians

So you see folks, when you break it all down scientifically, it’s not so hard to figure it all out. By a score of 7 – 2 with one push Lesbian Couples are the far preferable neighbors.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
Facebook.com/Jayman68
@Jayman_IWS 

I Just Want to Feel Human Again

Cheers Guys…a very under the weather Matt-Man coming to you here on the pages of the IWS website today.

Of course…there was no need for me to tell you that this is the IWS website; you already knew that.  See?

I am not well at all, and perhaps a bit of delirium is beginning to set in along with my other maladies.

I have a wicked sore throat, I am certain that the pain resembles what chicks experienced when making porn flicks with Ron Jeremy.

I am hot and then cold…sweating, and then freezing…and sometimes, both at the same time.  My body temperature is vacillating nearly as much as Mitt Romney’s stances on critical policy issues.

And My Body Itself?  Oh Dear God My Body!!

From what’s left of my hair, down to my toes it all hurts.  My body feels like it just spent thirty-six straight hours of having sex with Rosie O’Donnell, and she was on top the entire time.

I am broken, tired, and in pain, but alas, I shall try to carry on, but seriously?  This shit is tagging my ass and wiping me out with the same speed and effectiveness of an Amish barn raising.

And if it doesn’t rain today, I will be unable to call off sick, because the Beer Mine owner also farms.  It’s a no-win situation.

The only silver lining in all of this?

It’s nice to know that my BFF/OSP, Schmoop, is there when I need her, and I didn’t even have to ask.

She called to see if I needed anything while working Monday, and ended up bringing me more clothes and more flu/sore throat drugs.

I think she was more than happy to do that because when she asked me if I needed anything…Rather than my typical reply of, “No, I’ll be fine.”, I said, “Yes.”

She gets worried when I actually admit to not feeling well, and in an odd way, I find that to be quite endearing, so, Thanks Schmooooop!!

That’s all I have; my ass is ready for another round of pills, a big glug glug of cold water, and more sleep.

Yours in Christ, and pass the Ny-Quil…

Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@MattMan_IWS

IWS Babe of the Week: Monica Lewinsky

An awesome chick who once dutifully, and with zeal served within the confines of the Oval Office, is back in the news.

A woman who at one point, would give President Bill Clinton his Presidential Daily "Briefing" like no other, the raven haired, heirloom daughter of King David, Monica Lewinsky...

It is being reported that the curvaceous knish, Monica Lewinsky, has a new book coming out about her affair with President Clinton.  It will allegedly reveal more scantily clad sexual deliciousness than that which is overheard at a run down, west-end, Bagwine laundromat....

However...How can you not take this busty, Hebrew Hottie at her word?  She has suffered more than Job, albeit, much more well-compensated for her suffering than Job was.

Sadly, her beauty suffers, as there are drawbacks to her infamous and scandalous fame, such as being photographed looking like Rosie O'Donnell...

I don't know what more Monica Lewinsky's new book can reveal...I mean...We all knew what drew President Clinton to her...

She sure does have a pretty mouth, and Holy Moses!!  That Hebrew Ho, has gots is going on!!  Oy Vey!!

Annnnnnd...If you want to hear a couple of other pretty mouths today...You can listen to Jay and I on Blog Talk Radio LIVE at Noon ET.

IWS Radio will be live as always and we are talking the Lighter Side of Religion, in fact, you can say that we will be yukking it up with the Lord.

That's LIVE today at Noon ET, and you can catch it all by clicking HERE.

Cheers!!

IWS Babe of the Week...Everyone's Favorite Babe-a-Licious Father, Rosie O'Donnell!!

Sunday is Babe of the Week Day here on IWS, and it's Father's Day, so we were in a bit of a conundrum.  How does one cellebrate Father's Day and still celebrate babes?

Easy...find a babe who is one helluva father and to that end, there is no equal, to the lovable, sexy, yet, stern father, that is Rosie O'Donnell!!

Rosie is, or was, a wonderful husband to this chick...

And she has been much the same or will be to this chick...is that the same chick?  Or...does she move from one chick who looks like the last one to an identical one, or what?

Whatever the circumstances...Rosie O'Donnell is a fantastic father to the Fantastic Four.  She can adopt like Angelina Jolie on steroids, and make her current wife mind better with more humor and panache than Steven Seagal putting a smackdown on Kelly LeBrock...

But on top of all of that...Rosie O'Donnell is a great father and one sexy paternalistic lesbian...

Yeah.....That's what I'm talkin' about.

From IWS...

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY

And catch us live on Blog Talk Radio today at Noon ET as Jayman and Matt-Man talk about living in da hood with noisy, cranky, and completely idiotic neighbors.

You can catch the show live at Noon ET today, by clicking HERE.