IWS Radio was Featured on Howard Stern Show!

 Back in January Richard Christy from the Howard Stern Show ... YES THAT HOWARD STERN! THE KING OF ALL MEDIA HOWARD STERN! ... called into IWS Radio and prank called us. Of course we had no idea who it was. We figured it was just another BTR prankster. We had no idea it was a professional big-time prankster of such high esteem. Anyway, today they played the audio from that prank call and, well, Matt-Man and Jayman were on the Howard Stern Show!



HELL YEAH BITCHES! And, if you want to hear the show that that audio came from, and I know that you do, here it is! Check it out! The prank calls (we kept hanging up no him) come in the first half of the show. Very exciting, right?

Announcers are Ruining Football

Holaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa football fans! You know? I’m pretty much to the point where I have to mute NFL football games because of the announcers and “analysts.” The NFL guys annoy me because of the way they shower the QB and head coach with praise non-stop throughout the game.

No matter what is happening on the field the announcers heap praise on one or both of the starting quarterbacks throughout the game. A QB can take the snap, drop straight back heave the ball down field and the receiver can have to leap backward and catch the ball while standing on his head and the announcers will go bonkers over the “amazing” pass. If there happens to be a defensive player within ten feet of the QB when he throws the ball the announcers will praise him for showing so much courage in the face of a vicious pass rush.

The only time they stop praising the quarterback is when they want to blow sunshine up the head coach’s ass. Here’s a typical generic example …

Russell Wilson drops back to pass, the blitz gets through the line forcing the Wilson to scramble, he spins and runs to his right, but there are defenders there too, so, he reverses field, gives ground, cuts back to his left, sets his feet as best he can, heaves desperation pass wayyyyyyyyyy down the field, it gets tipped by a defensive back and the receiver makes a diving catch in the end zone.

What does the announcer say after that happens? WHAT A GUTSY PLAY CALL BY PETE CARROLL!!!”... This leaves the viewer saying WTF man?

I swear I can’t stand it anymore. According the people who announce NFL games a group of around eight white quarterbacks plus Russell Wilson are the GREATEST HUMAN BEINGS IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD! I’m not asking them to be honest and objective about the QB’s play each week, but if they could just tone it down a bit that would be nice.

College announcers tend to focus more on kissing the coach’s ass more than the player. They know the player will be gone soon enough, but the coach will be around for years and years. It’s pretty close to being as annoying as all the QB praise from the NFL guys, but college football is so much more fun to watch, it isn’t as annoying.

What does annoy me about college and NFL announcers equally is the stupid shit they say each week. I took some notes the last few weeks so I could share some real doozies with you.

- Lots of announcers say things like “The ‘young’ rookie” or “The ‘young’ freshman.” Really, a rookie in the NLF is “young?” A freshman in college is …. “YOUNG?” I never would have thought about that.  (Cris Collinsworth and Doug Flutie are the worst at this.)

- Guess what color the player who was described as having “cocky speed” was? Yeah, he was a “scrappy” white guy.

- “The last thing Coach Snyder needs from his team now is for them to force errors that are unnecessary.”  Wait. What?

- This was a great one …

Play-By-Play Guy: “Arkansas with their first meditative drive of the game.”

Analyst: *Long Pause* “Yeah, that was a very methodical drive.”

Play-By-Play Guy: “Right! That’s what I was going for! Methodical!”

I would love to see meditative offenses: “Okay you visualize yourself running a crossing route and running your defender into the umpire. YOU go to your happy place down the sideline. And you close your eyes, hold onto the ball tight and then manifest your dreams of yourself frolicking and running fast through a field into reality.”

- Another hilarious exchange…

Analyst: “The play was counterfeited at the point of attack.”

Play-By-Play Guy: “You mean compromised?”

Analyst: “Yeah, that too.”

- Out of bounds calls are complicated…

“The runner goes out of bounds, but for some reason they call him out of bounds.”

“It looks like they called him out of bounds when he stepped out of bounds.”

Great NLF analysis here…

“Joe Flacco needs to the throw the ball and the receivers need to catch the ball.”

And, some college QBs are very damn clever…

“You give this guy some options and he’ll take one!.”

Jayman3768@gmail.com

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The Name on the Field Is Being Reviewed...By The FCC

Cheeeeeeeers and Happy Throwback Thursday to you all.

Today, I’d like to take us all back to 1984. Nooooooooo not the year, but the book by George Orwell.  That’s right!!

Those crazy dystopians of Oceania formed a government that would have no part of allowing their success be thwarted by politically incorrect words and distracting historical facts allowed to be uttered, printed, or otherwise broadcast.

Well America 2014?  Meet Big Brother 1984 who by the way, goes by the name of, the Federal Communications Commission…I hope you enjoy the potential slippery slope of newspeak (or nospeak) on which the FCC may take us down.

Okay, okay…I am speaking in Big Brother-type hyperbole about the dangerous nature of what the FCC is about to consider, but I feel the need to discuss it.

Over the past couple of years, relatively small, yet vocal groups have been calling on Washington Redskins owner Dan “Crazy Horse” Snyder to change the name of his NFL Football team to something else, because well…they find the name Redskins to be offensive and a slur against Native Americans.

That’s fine, and really, my dissertation is not about whether one finds the name offensive or not, my concern is that George Washington University law professor John “Activist Wolf” Banzhaf has filed a complaint with the FCC to deem “Redskins” an offensive word and have it stricken from acceptable use on television.

And…the FCC is considering hearing said professor’s petition.  Really?

C’mon man!!  The Redskins have been called the Redskins since like 1932...That’s 82 years…82 years and only now are the war drums of political correctness beginning to be drummed in cadence to profound governmental level.  Unbelievable.

Sure the trademark agency has taken away Crazy Dan’s trademark and what not, but now the government may consider taking away the right of broadcasters to call his privately owned team what they are called.

The FCC should not take up this issue. First of all…

It’s none of the FCC’s damn business, and the law weighs heavily on that no damn business side. Secondly…

The only people who give a fuck about the nickname are people who drive hybrids, coastal folks who on Sunday watch the Mahjong Channel rather than the NFL, and white Americans suffering from institutional guilt.

Lastly…The other week during a ’Skins game, announcer Phil Simms refused to utter the name, Redskins. If Phil Simms thinks dumping the name is a good idea, you know it’s not.

Stick to keeping free speech and communication alive FCC. Concentrate on preventing huge cable companies from merging, keep the internet open and free, and quit wasting your time on things that the free market will dictate by the hotness of a team's cheerleaders.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

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Screw The Bad News...It's National Cheeseburger Day!!

Greetings and a Happy Thursday to you all. Y’know?

I was going to write about the ongoing NFL saga involving Ray Rice, Adrian Peterson, and Greg Hardy among others, but those stories have been beat to death…well to near death…leaving the bastion of integrity that is the NFL looking all black and blue.

So, I thought…

Hey!!  I can write about today’s vote that is taking place in Scotland over whether the Scots would like to secede from the United Kingdom or not.  But then I thought…

Oh sure, it would be interesting to see Scotland gain its independence, but in the end no matter what the outcome, Scottish and British food will still suck, so I decided to write about something that is uplifting and of which I am passionate….Cheeseburgers…and as fate would have it…

Today is National Cheeseburger Day!!

I don’t know about you, but for me, I would rather indulge my palate in an incredibly well prepared cheeseburger than a well cooked steak.  I mean c’mon…Look at this!!

It’s a beautiful sight, albeit to me a bit dry looking, so how about this work of greasy, cheesy, bovine on a bun glory!!?

Cheeseburgers come in all shapes…

Sizes…

In pizza form…

In meatball form…

And even, that’s right!!  Straight from a can!!

So folks, at least for today, let’s forget about all of the turmoil and bad news in the world and enjoy National Cheeseburger Day.  It’s exactly what the Doctor has ordered…

Cheers!!
Matt-Man

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Adrian Peterson: "IWS Radio Is The One Thing You CAN'T Beat."

Hi all…Minnesota running back Adrian Peterson here for IWS Radio.

Ya know?  This Sunday I will be inactivated and will be sidelined by alleged child abuse charges of which I have more or less admitted to, and of which have been well-documented, however…

I am kinda happy about that because it will give me a Sunday off to do what I like to do in the off-season…listening to Jay and Matt on the IWS Radio Show with a bottle of Courvoisier and a bag of fallen tree leaves at the ready should somebody trouble me, and interrupt my down time and entertainment.

As a NFL All-Star Running Back I expect to be treated as such, and IWS Radio always brings me an All-Star performance.  Jay and Matt will be talking about many things this Sunday.  In addition to talking about the bullshit child abuse charges leveled against me, the IWS Radio PR Department says this…

There is so much going on this week that Jay and Matt and the IWS Radio team can’t break it all down themselves. Going to war with ISIS…Ray and Janay Rice…Roger Goodell and the NFL lying to and hiding from themselves…Wacky goings on in Redneckville, AR. and Bagwine, OH…IWS Radio’s Miss 4th of July’s boobies are out of control, and of course, IWS Radio is on the brink of celebrating its 1,000,000th listener!!

With so much going on we need your help to process all of these goings on, so…We NEED YOUR PHONE CALLS.  C’mon people dial us up, and let us know how you feel about all of the craziness that is going on in our wacky world.  From start to finish, this show is all about your thoughts.  Let’s make 661.244.9852 a Party Line.

Sounds like an awesome time.  You can’t beat that level of fun and frivolity with a stick, and trust me…I've tried. And those out of control boobies?  I’d love to show them some Adrian Peterson discipline, but…

I digress.

So, to make a long distraction away from my legal and moral problems short…Listen to Jay, Matt, and the IWS Radio Players LIVE this Sunday from Noon-2 PM ET on Blogtalk Radio, as they air their Open Phone Lines and Boobies episode.

Hell…I may even call in to apologize for the disgusting things that I may or may have not carried out upon a four year old.  But to find out if I do?

Listen to IWS Radio LIVE this Sunday from Noon-2 PM ET, by clicking HERE.

Observations, Epiphanies, and HUGE Heads

Over the past week or so I have noticed some things that disturb, confound, or just make me sit up and take notice.  I offer unto you a few observances that I haven’t spoken out about that have made me go Hmmmmm?

So if I may indulge myself upon your time on this gorgeous Tuesday, let me impart unto you those things that I have recently noticed.

I have always known that Brian Kilmeade…I mean, Brian “Women Can Get Pap Smears at Walgreen’s” Kilmeade is not a bright man, but I never knew he had an inane solution to end the problem of women such as Mrs. Janay Rice, getting beaten up in elevators…He said, “The Message is…next time take the stairs.”

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell said Monday that the latest Ray and Janay Rice video in the elevator that showed him punching her, was the first time the video had been seen in the NFL offices.  He then paused for a micro-second and added, “by all of us.”  Am I the only one who caught that odd addendum?

Chuck Woolery does a TV commercial for an arthritis/pain relief ointment called Australian Dream.  I have now seen that commercial numerable times and you know what I take away from that ad?

Chuck Woolery has a HUGE head.  I mean his noggin is GINORMOUS.  That boy has got one Sphinx-Sized think melon!!  Holy Shit!!

In other commercial related news…during the morning shows that I watch, I am now seeing a government PSA by the Department of Energy or something that gives tips on how to save on energy and on energy bills.

One of the tips tells people to turn DOWN their A/C (and shows the thermostat going down) when leaving the house…really?  You should actually turn the thermostat UP in order to reduce the running of your A/C unit.

Last night, I saw a report published via Twitter by a fave of the IWS Radio Show one Ezra Klein, that says that 50% of women in America have been physically abused.  And what did I take away from his report?

While I don’t think that that is true, I do think that 100% of “news” organizations will jump on a headline bandwagon any chance they get.

Lastly?

This past Sunday’s IWS Radio Show about feminism ‘n’ such is doing really well.  We thank everyone for listening live, and if you have a moment, give the show a listen in archives.  It has some really funny moments and we would appreciate your support.

You can catch this past Sunday’s show by clicking HERE.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

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Wild Irish Rose and NFL Football...Score!!

Tonight is the kickoff to the 2014 NFL season, and I’ll be watching the titanic struggle between the Green Bay Packers and the Seattle Seahawks along with millions of other Americans, however…

Unlike most other Americans, I’ll be watching the game with my best friend, Wild Irish Rose.  Those who know me, know that I love my Rose, but most do not know of the other talents that Wild Irish Rose brings to the table in addition to being a top quality wine.

You see…

Not only does this elixir provide the palate with a tsunami of enjoyment during a football game, it has a myriad of uses around the house, and for your everyday life as well.  Allow to ‘splain…

Has Grandma’s good silverware, much like Grandma herself, grown dull and dirty from one too many Thanksgiving dinners? No problem, simply fill a bowl with Rose and start utensil dippin’. In just seconds the Rose turns the grime to shine. If you have enough WIR and a bathtub, you could even give Grandma a good Rose dippin’!!  She'll look and feel ten years younger in no time.

Painful itching and burning? Soak a wad of toilet paper with Rose and secure the mass inside of that private place and voila, Preparation R. The pain is gone and you don’t have to worry about the pimple faced kid at the check-out counter asking for a price check on hemorrhoid cream over the Walgreen’s intercom.

Are you strapped for cash and your credit card debt has become unmanageable? A big insurance claim can put you back on the road to financial freedom. Nothing says “payday” like your house going up in flames. Wild Irish Rose makes a great fire accelerant. Best of all, it evaporates without a trace.

You are getting older and are becoming self-conscious of unsightly liver spots. Have no fear. Apply Rose topically to the affected areas and within seconds the festering patches are gone. WIR also works well as a facial dermabrasion.

Warning: Unless you want your cheekbones to pop through the skin, do not leave on for more than four minutes.

Hey guys, is your partner whining about how “quick” you are in bed, and calling you names like “Premature Jack”?

A few glasses of Rose will numb your rascal lickity-split, allowing you to work it all night. And don’t worry about an accidental fertilization because although your boys may want to go for a swim, the Rose is cleaning the pool.

Lastly, a little something for the ladies. Gals are you longing for that all-day fresh feeling? A splash or two of Rose on the sweet spot will make you feel like you’re dancing in the Alps.

You will feel, smell, and yes, even taste great, long into the night.

So folks, there you have it…a few tips from the Matt-Man. As you can see, just like the Matt-Man, Rose is multi-faceted.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

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(Ed. Note:  Please be advised that the Matt-Man is NOT a medical doctor, a chemist, or an arsonist; he does, however, suffer from painful hemorrhoidal itch. None of his claims have been reviewed nor approved by the FDA, the FTC, or the Department of Homeland Security.)

Super Bowl Forty-Eight Extravaganza

Hola Sports Fans! We are only a few days away from one of the greatest sports spectacles in the world, Super Bowl XLVIII! At 6:30 (ish) pm ET on Sunday, the Seattle Seahawks and Denver Broncos will do battle in front of hundreds of millions of people all over the world. Only a handful of those people will actually give a damn who wins, but it will be fun anyway.

The NFL continues to be far more marketing style over actual football substance. The product on field rarely even comes close to the hype, although this match up does look like a great one. Despite the fact that NFL ratings continue to go up, up and away, the league is not without its problems. Chief among those problems is how much more dangerous the game is today and how much more we know about those dangers, especially to the brain. While the ratings go up, more and more parents are questioning whether they will allow their sons to play football.

There is also the problem of the game becoming increasingly too expensive for people to attend. Tickets aren’t cheap, parking is an outrage and if you want a hot dog or beer from the concession stand you’ll need to take out a small loan. Combine that with the fact that watching the game form home on your own large HDTV is soooooo much more comfortable and it’s easy to see a real attendance problem developing in the near future for the NFL. This is especially true as the phrase “in this economy” stretches into its sixth year of being a legitimate excuse not to spend money on “luxuries.” And of course, this is where the NFL’s idiotic blackout policy drives people to watch games via illegal online streaming.

And let’s not forget that every season we are subjected to the most moronic “analysis” from all the brilliant football pundits out there. The same pundits who marvel at the “athleticism and football instincts” of black players while extolling the “high work ethic and intellectual approach to football” of white players. According to them, this is still a game where black QBs like possible first round draft pick Teddy Bridgewater of Louisville is hilariously labeled as a “running QB” while so-called experts marvel at the fact that Indy’s white QB Andrew Luck “is so big and can run so well.”

Oh and let’s not forget about HGH and the fact that the NFL is probably going to have to find a way to deal with it that allows players to use it when injured to help in their recovery. They do anyway, so why not make it so that it could be monitored and less dangerous? Same goes for medical marijuana. Come on, WE ALL KNOW IT’S GONNA HAPPEN!

Over the top marketing and commercialism, classism, racism, violence and ignoring problems until they’re almost too big to deal with them and the NFL truly is American’s Game. U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Anyhoodle, as usual I have not been invited to any Super Bowl parties so I went to Walmart today to get the stuff I needed for my own little party. I’m going to have nachos, taquitos baked in the oven and a burrito. Oh wait, I guess I won’t be having a burrito because NOBODY in town had what I wanted. I don’t need a package of 12 burritos, I just need one. So, I’ll have to live without the burrito and the disappointment is mad real y’all.

Believe it or not though, there are lots of people out there who don’t give a damn about the Super Bowl or football at all. We call these people America-hating, terrorist-loving, pinko-commie panty-wastes. No offense intended, of course. But, if you happen to be one of these people, I have you covered.

Maybe you could watch a movie? Perhaps, “Sleepless in Seattle” or “Things to do in Denver When You’re Dead?”

Or you could read. Possibly the “Undead Kama Sutra” by Mario Acevedo which is set in Denver, or go all out and read “Fifty Shades of Grey” by E.L. James which is set in Seattle?

Maybe some TV would be more fun? Well, you could watch a bunch of episodes of “South Park” created by Coloradans Trey Parker and Matt Stone or, if you prefer humans, you can binge watch “Community” starring Seattle native (kinda) Joel McHale.”

BONUS: Community’s Alison Brie…

Let’s see what the late, great Nipsey Russell thinks …

Super Bowl forty-eight is all set for the Meadowlands
Fans, celebrities and dignitaries will be on hand
But you should just stay home with a bunch of beer in your fridge
You never know when Chris Christie will close another bridge

Denver is a 2.5 point favorite, but I really have no idea who will win. I suspect that the Broncos just have a little too much offense for the Seahawks and will win something  like ….

Denver 27
Seattle  17

Enjoy the game everyone! Or don’t, what do I care?

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Four NFL Gladiators, Winners on the Gridiron and Now ...

IWS Person(s) of the Week!!!

This is it folks! It’s Championship Sunday! The NFL conference championships will be played on the frozen tundra of some corporate field in Denver and Seattle today. Doing battle will be four men who are not only amazing quarterbacks, but four of the greatest human beings on Earth!

In the AFC we have…

The dashing good looks of the New England Patriots’ Tom Brady

Vs

The folksy charm of the Denver Broncos’ Peyton Manning

In the NFC we have …

The fire and showmanship of the San Francisco 49ers’ Colin Kaepernick

Vs

The cool confidence of the Seattle Seahawks’ Russell Wilson

There are a lot of other players competing in the game, but nobody really cares who they are. Anyway, congrats to you SEXY BEASTS for being named the IWS Person(s) of the Week and enjoy the games everyone. Or don’t. Whatever. 

Matt Said, Jay Said 8002822882

Matt places the football.  Jay kicks the football.  You watch the football split the uprights.

Matt:  Helloooooooo?
Jay:  ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!!?
Matt:  Yes, and I won’t have to turn down the sound on the TV this season, because you just shattered my ear drums.
Jay:  Man, bummer.
Matt:  Okay…okay…the hearing is coming back now.
Jay:  Good thing.  Kinda hard to do a radio show if you can’t hear.  Just ask Rush Limbaugh.
Matt:  I know…and unlike gas bag Limbaugh, my temporary hearing loss wasn’t even oxycontin related.

Jay:  Speaking of gas…This Sunday, we should talk about what’s going on and may go on in Syria.
Matt:  Oh I guess so…I mean, since nobody else on Talk Radio, Cable TV, or blogs is covering it.
Jay:  Ha!!  Oh My God!!  Who knew that FOX News and MSNBC had so many damn experts on Syria?
Matt:  It’s as if Sean Hannity and Rachel Maddow grew up together in Damascus, Jayman.
Jay:  Okay, so we can talk about our predictions about where this Syria thing is going to go.

Matt:  Sounds good, and oh, by the way…What was for sup tonight?
Jay:  I went crazy and had McDonald’s tonight.
Matt:  Sweet.  Did you get the #6 meal?  The one with the Double Cheeseburger as usual?
Jay:  Nope.  I was feeling MANLY this evening so I upped my game, and got the Quarter Pounder meal.
Matt:  Holy Cow.  No wonder you are so worked up.
Jay:  I AM FEELING GREAT!!
Matt:  Ouch!! My ears again…Damn!!  Did they put Yelling Salts in your meal?

Jay:  Sorry, but c’mon…This is the perfect time of year to be MANLY.
Matt:  Damn right.  The NFL Season kicks off in earnest this Sunday.
Jay:  YEAH BA----Sorry.  Yeah Baby!!
Matt:  We have to talk some football.
Jay:  Damn straight. I mean, who doesn’t like football?
Matt:  Communists and Euro Trash bitches!!
Jay:  And fuckin’ Mao-Tse-Tounge-Lickers.

Matt:  We can make some predictions for the 2013-14 season, and who will wind up in the Super Bowl.
Jay:  We can talk about some of our favorite and least favorite announcers.
Matt:  Overrated and Underrated players.
Jay:  Things that women should make their men to eat while watching the game.
Matt:  Sweet!!

Jay:  Also, I know that Drew Peacock and Bobby Kraft have something to say, and perhaps Martin will have some meditations as well.

Matt:  Sounds awesome…Slyder Balzcock is going to add his insight, along with musings from Stubby Stonehenge and Paul Piatt, as well.

Jay:  This is gonna be a HUGE SHOW…Sorry.
Matt:  Ouch!! Damn that Quarter Pounder meal…but yes it is.
Jay:  The show is missing only one thing.
Matt:  What’s that?

Jay:  A football field sized chat room full of live listeners…
Matt:  And a Syrian refugee camp sized switchboard full of live callers.
Jay and Matt:  Let’s Doooo Iiiiiiiiit!!

Matt:  So, folks need to listen to IWS Radio LIVE tomorrow from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio.
Jay:  If they do, their children will be spared a gas attack.
Matt:  If they don’t, everyone on their Fantasy Football team will break his leg.
Jay:  Bombs Away and Hike!!

To catch us LIVE this Sunday for our IWS Radio Ground Game and Aerial Attacks show from Noon-2 PM ET, click HERE!! 

2013 NFL Team Previews

Holaaaaaaaaaaaaa football fans! As I write (okay, type) this the NFL Hall of Fame game is being played between Dallas and Miami. Yes, it is almost time for football again. We’ll get few preseason games, then opening weekend of college football where I watch football from 11 am until around 12 midnight and refuse to apologize for it and then it will be NFL season again. I know you’re probably wondering who is going to be good and who is going to suck this season. Well, wonder no more cause I’m here to expertly break down every single team in the league for you.

NFC South:

Atlanta Falcons: OVER-RATED *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* OVER-RATED

Carolina Panthers: Could either be much better or still sucky.

New Orleans Saints: WHO DAT?! My #1 Team. Great offense. Shitty Defense.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Probably shitty, but awesome cheerleaders…

AFC South:

Houston Texans: My #2 Team. Solid, but can’t quite get it done.

Indianapolis Colts: Insufferable.

Jacksonville Jaguars: They fucking suck.

Tennessee Titans: Not bad, but nobody cares much about them.

AFC North:

Baltimore Ravens: Very good but probably won’t repeat.

Cincinnati Bengals: Not too bad w/ Ginger Ninja at QB

Cleveland Browns: Poor Cleveland. They deserve so much better.

Pittsburgh Steelers: 8-8 team that gets enough weirdly great calls from refs to win 10.

NFC North:

Chicago Bears: OVER-RATED *CLAP-CLAP-CLAP-CLAP* OVER-RATED

Detroit Lions: You think the city is a disaster, get a load of these guys.

Green Bay Packers: Underachievers led by Aaron Rogers who is a shitty teammate.

Minnesota Vikings: As average, boring and predictable as the NFL itself.

NFC East:

Dallas Cowboys: They're actually pretty good, but ... Romo.

NY Football Giants: Who knows? Probably good.

Philadelphia Eagles: Might be exciting but probably suck.

Washington Racial Slurs: I will watch RG3 every week.

AFC East:

Buffalo: I’m so sorry y’all. Another city that deserves better. Or do they?

Miami Dolphis: Slightly better than averagely shitty.

New England Patriots: Trending downward.

New York Jets: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

AFC West:

Denver Broncos: Good but Manning will fuck it up again somehow.

Kansas City Chiefs: Fuck ‘em.

Oakland Raiders: Combined IQ of all players = 72

San Diego Chargers: Who cares when you have cheerleaders like these…

NFC West:

Arizona Cardinals: Are they still in the league?

San Francisco 49ers: Best team in the NFL. Crazy good.

Seattle Seahawks: Very good team. Fans are HUGE whiners though.

St. Louis Rams: The usual shit.

So there you go folks. You won’t get this level of NFL team analysis anywhere else. Time to head to Vegas cause you know everything you need about each team now. You’re welcome.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
Facebook.com/Jayman68
@Jayman_IWS

In other news, we threw a HUGE surprise Birthday Party for President Obama on IWS yesterday. It was a freaking blast too! Lots of people wishing Obama a happy birthday including Kanye West, Lady Ga Ga, John McCain, Thomas Jefferson, John Q Adams and a couple of dozen more! Plus we made many attempts to call important people. Listen to hear how those turned out…

Listen to internet radio with IWS Radio on BlogTalkRadio

Also, bonus smoking-hot Tamp Cheerleader ...

Overrated and Underrated

Hola y’all! The late, great Christopher Hitchens once declared that “the four most overrated things in life are champagne, lobsters, anal sex, and picnics.” Man, that dude was pretty observant wasn’t he? Anyway, I thought I would put together a little list of things that are overrated and underrated for you guys today.

Overrated: NFL’s obsession with a player’s 40-Time. So a guy can run 40 yards in 4.3 seconds. That’s great. How ‘bout making sure he can pick up a blitz? Or better yet, hold onto the football when someone hits him.

Underrated: Sour Cream and Onion Pringles. Oh sure, Nacho Cheese Doritos are the bomb, but Pringles provides us with a really quality product with great taste in a very convenient tennis ball tube. You can’t beat that.

Overrated: The 80’s. Sure, everyone remembers the 80’s so fondly, but three words. Acid. Wash. Denim.

Underrated: Chrissy Teigen. Everyone slobbers all over Kate Upton and her great big unnatural and somewhat scary boobs, but totally forgets about the super hawt, sweet Chrissy and her delightfully weird Twitter feed.

Overrated: Snow. Sure it’s pretty and all that, but it brings out a level of panic in people that just isn’t healthy. 90% of the people on the road become a huge threat to our wellbeing as soon as they see the first snowflake. Worse than that even is the nationwide panic that ensues anytime a major winter storm moves across the country.

Underrated: PBS. Most Saturdays I leave my TV on PBS the entire afternoon. Home improvement, gardening and cooking shows beat virtually everything else on TV.

Overrated: College Basketball. These kids coming out of high school today can’t play the game. They can’t dribble, pass, shoot, rebound, play defense or hit their free throws. Other than that they’re a blast to watch.

Underrated: Silence. Just sitting there reading a book with no radio or TV on is one of life’s little pleasures that people forget to take advantage of.

Overrated: Smartphones. There is such a thing as being “too connected” guys. You can’t get away from people if you have a smartphone. No matter where you go or what you do they can contact you in some way. Also, you are paying a ridiculous amount each month to do things on your smartphone that would be much easier and more enjoyable on that laptop sitting right next to you.

Underrated: People watching. People are hilarious when they don’t realize someone is watching them. Just kicking back on a park bench or at the mall or airport or a casino and watching people as they wander aimlessly through life is just about as much fun as you can have with your clothes on.

Overrated:  Home ownership. While it does provide some pros, there are so many cons to owning a home and spending all your free time trying to keep it up tops the list of cons. All that yard work isn’t exactly fun either. But what sucks most about home ownership is that you’ll NEVER get back what you put into it. You add up the principal plus the interest plus all the expenses of fixing every little thing that needs it and you’ll spend 3 or 4 times what you finally get back on a house the day you sell it.

Underrated: Frozen Pizza: Frozen pizza gets a bad rap, but it can actually be pretty damn yummy. Of course, sometimes it needs a little help from you. The problem with most frozen pizzas is they need more toppings. Okay, put more topping son them! More pepperoni, maybe salami, slice up summer sausage or kielbasa and some shredded Colby and mozzarella cheese you can fancy up that .99 cent frozen pizza from Aldi nicely.

Overrated: Buffets: Badly prepared food that you probably don’t really want anyway that’s been sitting around for the last hour and is either super-hot or cold? I’ll pass. Not to mention the fact that kids have probably touched everything on the food bar with their snot covered fingers. Pizza buffets are actually the worst. The only thing they put out is cheese pizzas or something with green peppers or pineapple on it. Gross.

Underrated: Podcasting. Everyone should have a podcast. Wait, almost everyone does! Anyway, you can talk about anything you want. Do comedy bits. Interview interesting people and do it all without anyone trying to control your content.

Okay, that’s enough for now. We’ll revisit this from time to time in the future I’m sure. Maybe I’ll even change my mind about some of these things. Feel free to tell me what YOU think is overrated/underrated in comments.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

Speaking of Podcasting and people who are underrated, we have a wild and crazy time on IWS this weekend. Our very special guest was the wildly popular and somewhat infamous Debi Daly! We talked about haters, stalkers, elite troll teams and all kinds of other fun stuff. Definitely check it out! 

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

The NFL Might Drop Kickoffs

Hola y’all! The NFL is apparently looking at ways to phase out kickoffs. They want to do this because of all the very serious injuries that keep happening on the special teams units who cover and return kicks. The proposals right now are some combination of having each team start a new possession after the other team scores at their own 25 yard line. Another would give the team that would be the kick return team the ball at their 30 and a fourth-and-fifteen situation. They could either punt or go for it.

Well, the sports team here at IWS World Media decided we would come up with a few ideas to replace kickoffs too. Hopefully the NFL will give these very clever and exciting ideas a fair chance to be voted on by the Competition Committee.

- Put the ball on 50 yard line. Blindfold the kicker. Spin him around 5 times and then he kicks the ball. Wherever it lands is where the team starts their drive from.

- Have the ladies of the Lingerie Football League do the kicking and returns instead of the big, mean, fragile football players.

- Hold a kicking competition at local grade schools during the week and let the winner kickoff from the 50 and wherever he or she kicks it to is where the other team gets it.

- Have the punter punt the ball from his team’s own 35, but turn the football into a lawn dart. Wherever the ball sticks is where the other team starts from.

- Have the offensive team caption from the “return” team and the defensive team captain from the “kicking” team meat at midfield and draw cards. If the return team wins they get the ball at their own 30, but if they lose they get it at their own 10.

- Write the numbers 5 through 50 on small pieces of paper and put them all in a hat with the logo of an official NFL sponsor on it. Then have a “celebrity” like the Octomom draw before the kickoff. Whatever number she draws is where they start from.

- Fill special teams rosters filled with midgets for all kickoffs.

- Fill special teams rosters with the winners of the local Ultimate Frisbee Team.

- After a team scores, just flip a coin. The “kicking” team gets to call it. If they win, other team gets the ball at 5. If they lose, other team gets it at the 30.

- Just change the game to the National Flag Football League.


As you can see the NFL has lots and lots of options. Another that I didn’t mention would be to shut down the league completely. And honestly, that wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

Bored Like Me

Hola y’all! Well, I got nothing. Nada. Zilch. Not a damn thing. There’s just nothing going on. I mean, there’s stuff going on, but nothing fun or interesting to blog about. It’s the dog days of summer. Maybe we should have taken the month of August off like the ladies of The View do. Nawww.

Thank God there’s football on tonight cause Mondays are brutal on TV. Oh sure, it’s just preseason, but for an expert football analyst such as myself, that’s no problem at all. Not that I need to analyze the players anymore since I’ve given up playing fantasy football. FF is just too much of a hassle and takes away from the enjoyment of the game.

Speaking of football, some Yay-HOO over at the AP has picked Arkansas to go to the BCS Championship Game and play Southern California there. So, how to Arkansas fans on the message boards react to this? Do they celebrate having a team that at least one “expert” is picking to go to the big game? Do they celebrate having a team ranked in the Top 10 to start the season? No, they bitch that the guy picked USC to win the championship game. They’re delusional. Every last one of them.

I could talk about Todd Akin, but why bother? By the end of the week he will have restored his lead in the polls and be on his way to making Missouri the laughingstock of the country. But, I will say to all you folks out there saying you want your politicians to “just be honest” I hope you’re happy. This is what we get when politicians are honest. People like Akin say things like women can’t get pregnant from “legitimate rape” because that is what he honestly believes. I guarantee you the GOP would like for Akin to quit being honest about what so many of them believe too.

Let’s see what else is happening. Jack shit, that’s what. So bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. I don’t really have anything to rant about. The newspaper is being delivered regularly again. Well, as regularly as it gets printed. The local paper doesn’t run on Sundays or Mondays. But, even though it doesn’t run every day anymore, they still have the audacity to call that paper the “Harrison DAILY Times.” What’s up with that? Shouldn’t it be the “Harrison NOT DAILY Times?” Or the “Harrison Most Days Times?” I maybe have to bring this up with them.

Nothing happening with the noisy neighbors either. The guy upstairs has been doing his partying somewhere else lately. Of course, I might be jinxing that by writing this. I’ll be pissed off if this post goes up at midnight and an hour later a bunch of people show up at his apartment and they crank up that God-awful music. Maybe I should delete it? But, there’s nothing else going on! I guess I’ll just roll the dice and leave it in. Living on the edge is a pretty wild experience.

Well, I guess I’ll wrap this steaming pile of excrement up since it’s doubtful anyone is still reading. I would be. Hell, I’m not reading while I’m typing. My fingers are just doing whatever the hell they want. My brain has stopped and my fingers are doing all the thinking and typing. Hell, I could do this all week. Don’t you think we’ve seen enough of Zach Galifianikis lately? I do. He needs to take some time off. Like the rest of the year or something. That fudgesicle I had for dessert was exceptionally good tonight. I wonder why Word says fudgesicle isn’t a real word? That’s some bullshit right there. Nobody who works for Microsoft has ever known the simple pleasure of sucking on a long, luscious fudgesicle? What a bunch of fucking losers. Whoa! All of the sudden, I’m up to 630 words in this post. Now I KNOW it’s time to wrap it up cause nobody likes a long wordy blog post, especially one as boring as this one. So anyway, that’s all I’ve got.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS 

Is it Time to Ban Football?

Hola football fans! After the tragic suicide of former San Diego Chargers linebacker Junior Seau, and the Bears’ Dave Duerson and former Falcon Ray Easterling, there is now a debate going on about whether or not football is just too violent and too dangerous. Even sure fire Hall of Famer Kurt Warner has said that he wouldn’t want his kids to play football because of the dangers. Well, I wouldn’t let my kids play either, but that doesn’t mean I think we should ban the sport.

Football is a very dangerous game to play. But, everyone who signs an NFL contract, a Letter of Intent to play in college or just puts the helmet on and walks onto the field is accepting the risks of the game. Now, you’re gonna say “Yeah, but can teenagers understand the risks involved in playing?” Maybe not, but that’s why God invented parents. And it’s up to parents to BE parents. If you send your kid out to do ANYTHING without understanding the risks involved then you are a shitty parent.

Parents worry about how much sex and violence their kids are subjected to on TV, so they block certain channels or don’t subscribe to Skinemax Cinemax or HBO. They worry about what their kids are viewing on the internet, so they install filters. They worry about what they are reading, so they read the book first, or don’t let them read it. (Okay, actually many of them ask the government to raise their kids for them by banning certain TV shows, movies, dirty websites and books, but that’s a discussion for another time.) So, if parents do all those things, why would they send their kid off to play football without researching the risks?

Life is full of risks that we readily assume all the time. We know that cigarettes can and will destroy our lungs. When we buy that bottle of tequila, we know there’s a good chance we’ll wake up the next morning in a drainage ditch wearing nothing but a sombrero while also ruining your liver. If you start betting on sports you very well could end up selling all your shit at a pawn shop to pay off your gambling debts or get your legs broken by Guido. If you eat fast food every day you’re gonna get fat and have lots of health issues resulting from that decision too. Hell, just getting into our cars each morning means that we are accepting a certain amount of risk in our daily life.

A person could get injured engaging in any physical activity. You can sprain an ankle playing pick-up basketball. You can pull a hamstring running the bases on the softball or kickball field. You can blow out your knee playing Frisbee Golf if you’re a hipster who only plays cool sports that aren’t super popular. And you can do as I did and seriously injure your back picking up a laundry basket.

Is it possible, and even probable that the NFL and maybe the NFLPA covered up the long term effects of head injuries and concussions for many years? Absolutely! I think the NFL is in danger of being the next Big Tobacco. But, that’s their problem and will be the result of their actions from the 60’s, 70’s and probably 80’s. But, anyone who is playing the game today who claims he doesn’t know anything about the long term effects of playing just isn’t trying to find out about them. Nothing is being hidden today and it’s up to the individual or the parents of the kids to make the decision about whether or not those risks are acceptable.

And, what about the fans you ask? Well, it’s up to us decide our level of support for college and pro football on our own too. We know how violent the game is. We know how corrupt it is. And we know that the people who choose play these games are willingly accepting the risks. 

Jayman
jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

Slyder Balzcock: The Bridges of Madison Square Garden

Hey there, sports fans…

IWS Sports Director Slyder Balzcock with your, “Welcome to the Weekend Sports Update.”

This past week has been mocked, marred, and made interestingly enough by a whole lotta stuff, so let’s dust off home plate and kick off the pigskin.

Seems that the Indyapolis Colts have ridden Payton Manning as far as his ball talent will carry them, as they released Manning to ride another type of horse to the Denver Broncos.

In my opinion, Manning will be lobbying six point STDs to WRs, Eric Dicker, and newly and recently acquired former Cleveland Bengal, Anthony Caldwell, from the first kickoff to the last at bat in no time.

If only the Broncos still had their great RB from the 70’s, Floyd Patterson, they could probably make a Super Bowl rung this year.

I guess the best news of this entire deal, is that Archie Manning said that the trade, move, and amount of money offered to Payton was, “adequate.”

Arch is always on the look out for his little boy, God Bless him.

In a relative story…

Newly former Denver Bronco QB Tim Tebow is now a New York Jet.

And as Big Apple West Siders, Action, A-Rab, and Big John say on Broadway…

“When you’re a Jet, you stay a Jet.”

So I guess Tebow is there until he throws a Touchdown pass or until the Trinity Broadcasting Network offers him more money with fewer bruises, than the NFL, whichever comes first.  Here he comes God-Lovin’ TBN fans!!

Speaking of bruises, former Seattle Supersonics basketball defensive stand out and now currently former News Orlean Saints football coach Gary Payton, has been bruised by a suspension and huge fine by the NFL.

Apparently Payton and the Saints organization were paying blood money to their employees if they tackled opposing players meanly and left them with soiled uniforms.

Trust me, I have seen the Saints play outside the domed environment on real turf and have never witnessed them leaving a player soiled, but so be it...If Gary Payton is gone, and they need a new coach?

Dust off former Saints head coach Hank Stram, and viola,  "Lazay-Lay Bon-Tom Roulay."

Sure, Hank may be a little rusty, but in the immortal words of Canadian Rock and Roller, and former British Labour Party leader Neil Kinnock…

“Rust Never Sleeps.”

And there you have it folks…Your week in sports from IWS, and yours truly.

For now, this is Sports Director Slyder Balzcock, leavin’ it all on the field, and headin’ to the showers…

Slyder can be reached through Matt-Man at the following addresses:

E-Mail:  neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter:  @mattmaniws

Roger Goodell's Authoritarian Life

Hola Thugs and Cheap Shot Artists! By now you probably know that His Excellency Most Beloved and Feared Supreme Leader and Grand Poobah of the NFL, Roger Goodell has dished out the discipline in the Saints Bounty Program matter. Rockin’ Roger suspended Gregg Williams indefinitely and rescinded Williams’ superfluous “G” from his first name. Goodell then gave Sean Peyton a one year suspension and docked the Saints some draft choices. Afterwards, sportswriters all over the country dropped to their knees, licked their lips and stared longingly at Goodell’s raging authoritarian manhood.

What a lot of people don’t know though, is that Roger Goodell has a long history of laying down the law. He has had a no tolerance policy since he was a little kid. And, our crack staff here at IWS World Media has uncovered some of the times his authoritarian streak has appeared in the past.

Summer of 1964: A five year old Roger Goodell informed his mother that, since it was Tuesday, he would be having peanut butter and jelly for lunch. But, it turned out that Mother Goodell didn’t have any peanut butter in the house, so she attempted to serve Roger a baloney sandwich. While being a fan of baloney, Roger simply couldn’t allow his mother to deviate from the weekly schedule. So Roger suspended his mother from watching General Hospital for the rest of the week, and fined her one extra Twinkie for him to eat at a later date when he was craving one.

Summer of 1968: After watching the CBS Evening News and becoming enraged at all the “DIRTY FUCKING HIPPIES” protesting against the war in Vietnam and the government, Goodell ordered Walter Cronkite suspended from appearing on the family TV for two full weeks and ordered the family to instead watch the Hunt-Brinkley report.

Summer of 1976: Roger’s brother Tim accidentally scratched and ruined Roger’s Barry White “Can’t Get Enough” album. Roger wasn’t understanding at all. He suspended Tim from borrowing any albums indefinitely. A suspension he didn’t lift until 2002. He also fined Tim his Roberto Clemente and Lou Brock rookie cards. Harsh!

Winter of 1980: Roger had always allowed his roommate at Washington and Jefferson College permission to wear one of his sweaters when going on a date, but one time the roomie wore it without asking. Incensed at this breach of protocol, Roger was forced to deny his roommate use of any of his sweaters AND forbid him from getting any condoms out of Roger’s stash for the remainder of the semester.

Spring of 1990: After his dog Rufus chewed up his copy of The Road to Power by Josef Stalin, Roger was exasperated. He had already given Rufus his one warning three years earlier when Rufus peed on the Persian Rug in the basement. So, Goodell suspended Rufus from going to the dog park for three months and took one of Rufus’ squeaky toys away. He then went on to warn Rufus that if there were any other indiscretions he would be sent to live with Mitt Romney.

So, as you can see, Roger Goodell has been preparing his whole life to be the Supreme Leader of the NFL or some other organization in desperate need of a daddy to keep everyone in line. There have been many other examples of Goodell’s authoritarian training, but honestly, they’re just too disturbing to report on. Yes, even more disturbing than sending his dog to live with Mitt Romney.

Jayman
jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

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In other news, we had a really Wild Wednesday on I’m With Stupid this week. We talked about the Illinois primary, Peyton Manning and Tim Tebow. After that we discussed the Tayvon Martin situation and then launched a few more Molotov Mocktails in what is fast becoming our best all-around segment. So, totally check it out!!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio