MSJS LIV

Matt verbally defrocks, Jay verbally defrocks…You, listen and gawk in awe.

Matt:  Hiya Chuckles; what be the shakes?
Jay:  The shakes?
Matt:  Yeah, the shakes.  The haps?
Jay:  The shakes?  The haps?  Are you inarticulately trying to ask me what is going on?
Matt:  Yes.
Jay:  So…you’re a 47 year old man, stuck in the 70’s, who’s speaking like he’s 12.
Matt:  Whoa, dude…I never knew YOU were a numbers guy too!!
Jay:  Word.

Matt:  So what should we talk about on Sunday’s Sho---Oh hell, I forgot to tell you…
Jay:  What!!?  Tell me what!!?
Matt:  Schmoop is no longer interested in marrying you.
Jay:  What!?  Why the fuck not?

Matt:  She read on Twitter today that you find cottage cheese to be disgusting.
Jay:  It is…It’s gross, it’s worse than mayonnaise, and I fucking hate mayonnaise.
Matt:  She likes mayo and was willing to let you slide on that, but she can’t forgive your disdain for cottage cheese.
Jay:  So…Instead of moving here, marrying me, and forcing me into a lifetime of being told what to do, when to do it, and feeding me shit that involves mayo and cottage cheese, I am once again relegated to the lifestyle of a single man?
Matt:  That’s about the size of it.

Jay:  I…am…crushed.
Matt:  You’ll get over it.
Jay:  I think I just did.  So, Sunday…How about a Porn Show?

Matt:  Haven’t we done one already?
Jay:  You would have thought so, but I checked, and no we haven’t.
Matt:  Wow…that’s weird.
Jay:  I know, right!!

Matt:  Alrighty then, porn it is.
Jay:  We can talk about our favorite stars.
Matt:  What snacks go best with porn.
Jay:  Porn movies we’d like to see be made.
Matt:  Jewish porn.
Jay:  Is there such a thing?  I mean Gold Meir was pretty freaking hot, but did she ever get naked on camera?

(Matt coughed, dropped the phone, and was told by Schmoop to get her a beer)

Matt:  So the Porn Show it is…Ha!!
Jay:  What’s so funny?
Matt:  I can see you titling the show, “Porn Extravaganza”, and BTR censoring the title.
Jay:  Ha!!  They’re pretty fucked up, but they allowed a show to air titled, “Worst Head Ever”, how could they censor a show titled, Porn Extravaganza?
Matt:  Eh, we’ll see.  Oh and dig it…Even though the marriage is off, Schmoop will talk dirty to you on air.
Jay:  If that happens, I have one word for you my friend, “HOT!!”

Matt:  Alright.
Jay:  Aight…I think we are set.

So, join Jayman and Matt-Man Sunday at Noon ET on Blog Talk Radio as they talk porn, live porn, make porn, and talk about Matt-Man’s dirty little secret that was his foray into porn.

You can catch the action live Sunday at Noon ET on Blog Talk Radio by clicking HERE.

Mitt Romney at the Wailing Wall

Hola and Mah Nishmah y’all? Well, as you probably know by now Mitt Romney was in Israel over the weekend and he even visited the Wailing Wall! I know you guys are all curious as to what prayer Mitt might have written on that little piece of paper he placed into the wall. Well, I think I have a few ideas.

- “Dear God, please forgive me for all the impure thoughts I have had because of all these HAWT IDF babes. Beautiful women who can handle assault weapons? I can barely stand it!!”

- “Dear God, please don’t let any of my tax returns get leaked. I’m not kidding. This is a big one.”

- “Dear God, please watch over and protect all the whalers out there trying to navigate the treacherous ocean waters.”

- “Dear God, I’m getting ready to tell everyone that when I’m president the US will recognized an undivided Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. I don’t really mean it. I’m just pandering and hoping for another $100 million from Sheldon Adelson.”

- “Dear God, please tell my wife to shut up. She’s freaking killing me! I mean “YOU PEOPLE?” Really? C’mon!”

- “Dear God, did you know that a yarmulke is also known as a ‘Kippah?’ Ha! I like that … KIPPAHHHHHHHH! *sings* Hey big kippah! LOL!!111 *snort* hahaha”

- “Dear God, I think I would make a better President because I better understand the Anglo-Saxon relationship between the United States and Heaven than Obama does.”

- “Dear God, Blah, Blah, Blah, Whatever. Fake prayer time. Prankster Mitt strikes again!”

- “Dear God, did you know that the West Bank is the only foreign bank I don’t have money stashed in to avoid taxes? Hey-OOOOOOOOO!”

- “Dear God, isn’t it hilarious that all these Jews around me are going to be baptized and converted to Mormonism after they die?”

- “Dear God, don’t be mad that I staged a photo op at the Wailing Wall on Tisa B’av. I mean, EVERY day is a day of mourning for these people, amirite?”

- “Dear God, I would KILL for some pulled pork barbeque right now. Ever tried a matzo cracker? It’s even blander than me!”

- “Dear God, please give me the strength and the opportunity to do good things in this world. Help me make peoples’ lives better and lift the burden of poverty from them. Then help me rid the world of famine and disease and … aw screw it, make me President!!”

- “Dear God, I have flip-flopped on every single issue imaginable. I have pandered to these right-wing nutcases for four years. I have burned every moderate bridge I ever built. I have compromised every principle I have held. I have even walked away from my greatest political achievement and pretend things like RomneyCare and my signing an assault weapons ban never happened. I better fucking win dude.”

So there you have it. Mitt pretty much covered all of his bases, just as you would expect Mitt to do. Also, quick shout out to Sarah Palin. I’m sorry Sarah, but the Wailing Wall is NOT the one Reagan demanded Gorbachev tear down. Sheesh!

SHALOM!

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

Matt Said, Jay Said XLI

Matt השיחות, Jay השיחות, You להקשיב.

Matt: “For what possible reason could you be disturbing my evening?”
Jay: “I don’t need a reason. I just do what I want, WHEN I want.”
Matt: “Well, that doesn’t make it right.”
Jay: “And what important activity did you have planned?”
Matt: “I’m sitting here watching Schmoop eat dinner.”
Jay: “That’s hot. What is she eating?”
Matt: “Some beans, a mini burger and some potato salad.”
Jay: “Mmm .. Wait, is it REAL potato salad?”
Matt: “No, it’s store bought.”
Jay: “No, I mean does it actually have potatoes?”
Matt: “Oh yeah, it’s not broccoli and lima bean salad.”
Jay: “Thank God.”

Jay: “So how did your anniversary go?”
Matt: “Oh just wonderful.”
Jay: “Great!”
Matt: “Yeah, it was … just … great.”
Jay: “That’s good to hear.”
Matt: “Mm-Hmm”
Jay: “Yup”
Matt: “Special day.”
Jay: “Totally.”
*awkward silence*
Jay: “Well, alrighty then!”
Matt: “Oh yeah!”

Jay: “So … You won’t be available for next Wednesday’s show?”
Matt: “Nope, I’ll have to cover for Drive By Mikey.”
Jay: “Hmmm … Well, maybe we just won’t have a show that day.”
Matt: “You could do the show by yourself.”
Jay: “Ha! My bladder is getting nervous just at the suggestion!”
Matt: “Okay, TMI, but you could get a special guest host.”
Jay: “Maybe, we’ll see.”
Matt: “Whatever you want to do.”
Jay: “If I get a special guest host you could still call in from the Beer Mine.”
Matt: “Yeah, and I got a cell phone.”
Jay: “Cool. What’s the number?”
Matt: “I don’t know.”
Jay: “Might want to find that out.”
Matt: “I got it from Wild Bill today. I’ll have to learn all about and how it works.”
Jay: “Oh okay.”

*Lots of discussion about how is so fucking smoking hot. Some discussion about how is an asshole. Slight disagreement over the hotness level of .*

Jay: “Okay then that’s about all I’ve got.”
Matt: “Alright Jayman.”
Jay: “Enjoy your evening Mattcicle.”
Matt: I will and you …. OH HEY!”
Jay: “Yes?”
Matt: “What about Sunday’s show?”
Jay: “Oh right, show prep! Uh, I was thinking Joke Show Part 2 …”
Matt: “That’s not bad right there.”
Jay: “Or your idea of “What Women Want.”
Matt: “Oh that’s a better idea!”
Jay: “Yeah, What Women Want fits our area of expertise better.”
Matt: “Damn right!”
Jay: “Okay, we’re set!”
Matt: “Gonna be HUGE!”
Jay: “Hell yeah! Night-Night Pookie.”
Matt: “Okay, night Sassy Pants.”

And that’s how the magic is made kids. Be sure to join us for “What Women Want” on I’m With Stupid Sunday at 12 Noon ET!

HBO Go Dominates My Life

Hola People of the Internet! I’ll make this quick cause I’ve got important stuff to do. No, not anything productive or anything like that. I’ve got to watch shit on HBO GO. That’s it. Just watch movies, original programing or comedy shows or whatever.

Wonder what I’ve done this weekend? I’ve sat around and watched The Wire. That’s freaking it. Oh and I took some time to do some show prep and then we had another awesome episode of I’m With Stupid on Saturday. And then right after that I watched Arkansas deliver a beat down to Auburn. But, after that? Just sitting here watching The Wire.

Seriously people. All Sunday I just sat here, drank Pepsi, ate Always Save Nacho Cheese Tortilla Chips and watched The Wire. I didn’t even bother with any NFL action. Hell, last I checked my fantasy team was losing 46-36 to Sunshine State Shirley’s team. How did it turn out? Fuck if I know.

Are they still Occupying Wall Street? Still got wars going in Iraq and Afghanistan? Bunch of guys and one gal still running for the GOP nomination? I wouldn’t know. I don’t have time for that unimportant shit anymore.

I want to watch an action movie? I’ll just go to HBO Go and watch The A-Team. Or maybe the whole damn Beverly Hills Cop Trilogy. Can’t beat that!

Looking for something a little more gory? Machete baby!

Maybe I wanna watch bubbly and sweet Katie Morgan run around nekkid. She’s available 24/7.

Mobsters? Every single episode of The Sopranos is on there.

Maybe I want to laugh. How ‘bout Lewis Black? Bill Maher? Dave Attel?

It goes on and on and on people. The internet is already like crack and now HBO GO is like super-duper mojo-dula crack. I start doing something else and it only takes a couple of minutes until I’m thinking that I need to check in on McNulty and everyone. Or maybe watch some comedy shows. Or nekkid chicks. I just can’t freaking take it.

And when the streaming messes up and the video isn’t perfect High Definition? Oh man! It’s a shit-storm of #FirstWorldProblems. When that happens, I’m sitting here yelling at the computer. “GAWDDAMMIT! This is bullshit! I’m being deprived of my Sunday afternoon entertainment! Fix this shit!”

Then, at approximately 7:24 pm CDT on Sunday night disaster struck.  HBO GO’s website went down. What the hell am I supposed to do now? This is a disaster. I don’t think I can handle it. I’m shaking and can’t stop crying.

Okay, it’s back. Whew! That was a terrifying seven minutes. But now the “Press Escape to Exit Full Screen Mode” thing won’t go away. OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!! You’re killing me guys. You know what? That’s it. I’m not gonna put up with this. I’m heading to the Google Machine to find a number for HBO and then it’ll be time to chew some ass.

*UPDATE* Turns out it was all Cox Cable’s fault. Well, so much for that. It doesn’t do any good to talk to them. They don’t care. *sigh*

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In other news, Saturday’s “Jews, Booze and a Caribbean Cruise” episode of I’m With Stupid was just what you’ve come to expect from us. It was irreverent, unpredictable, fast moving and down right, uh, different. You just don’t get this kind of fun jocularity anywhere else people.

We talked Yom Kippur. And don’t think we’re not experts on that, cause we are. We hit all the highlights of the Highest of all High Holy Days. Then, we dished out some amazing, little known trivia about Columbus and how he discovered Rihanna.  In between we shared some fascinating stories about Turkey Trot Festivals and celebrating Yom Kippur with Mel Gibson. Finally, Mrs. Mike called and we just hung out with her and chilled.

All of together? Radio gold my friends, radio gold. So, check it out and tell all your friends and enemies all about the show. Hell, you can even Stumble, Digg, Reddit, Facebook or Tweet the show. Among other things.

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio